For Transgender People and Their Fa milies

For Transgender People
              and Their Fa milies
                            FIRST STEPS: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
                     ON SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND GENDER IDENTITY

First Edition/2012

Y ou may be a young person questioning your
   gender identity or the fa mily member of a gender
  non-conforming child. Either way, you probably have
       lots of questions. This brochure will help answer
              some of them and put you on the road to
        understanding and acceptance. It’s important
     to remember that you are not alone. As many as
   one in 1,000 people are born feeling that their body
     does not conform to their internal sense of being
       male, female, or something beyond the binary.
What is gender identity a nd gender expression? Gender identity
refers to a person’s internal sense of being male, female, or something else. Gender expression refers
to the way in which a person communicates their gender identity to others through clothing,
hair style, makeup, and mannerisms.

What does transgender mean? Transgender is a broad term describing many
different people who express gender in many different, sometimes non-traditional, ways. People who
are transgender feel a deep, consistent, persistent sense of gender (maleness, femaleness, both or
neither) that doesn’t match their physical anatomy. In everyday terms, what a person’s brain tells them
about their gender (male, female, both or neither) doesn’t necessarily match their body parts or sex
assigned at birth.

What does gender variance or gender non-conformity mean?
Gender variant people express their gender in ways that are non-traditional according to societal
norms. Society establishes expectations for how people of all ages should act in terms of expressing
their gender. Children in particular can be very creative in expressing themselves, and may ignore or
override social expectations. Youth who are gender non-conforming (or gender variant) are not
necessarily transgender.

What does gender queer mean? While gender is traditionally presented to us as
either male or female–mutually exclusive and unchangeable opposites–the truth is that gender is a rich,
broad spectrum that comes in as many forms as there are people. The term gender queer refers to
people who challenge society’s more rigid definitions of what it means to be male, or even more often,
female, often mixing various attributes of all genders and sexualities.

Ca n being tra nsgender be just a phase of childhood? Most youth
experience varying degrees of gender variance, meaning they experiment with behavior that doesn’t
conform to society’s gender stereotypes. For example, young boys may dress up or play with dolls, or
young girls may refuse to wear dresses and like to play with trucks. A transgender youth, in contrast,
experiences a constant, long-term incongruence with their birth gender. Forcing such a child to
conform to gender norms frequently causes extreme anguish.

Who are transgender youth?                           Transgender youth can be found in every culture,
ethnicity and religion. There is evidence of transgender behavior throughout recorded history.

Transgender youth come from all kinds of families–two parent households, single parent households,
and foster families. There is no evidence that family structure or parenting causes a person to be
transgender. It is a natural, human variation.

At what age do people know if they’re tra nsgender? People have
a strong, solid sense of their gender between the ages of three and five (according to the American
Academy of Pediatrics). Some accept this as a young child; others not until years or decades later.
External messages received by parents, school, peers and society regarding gender roles and
expectations often delay a person’s readiness to accept their own gender differences.

Can a parent change a child’s feeling of being transgender?
Knowing that life may be harder for transgender children, parents sometimes try to change a child’s
gender identity by punishment, name calling, or making them change clothes or behavior. Nothing
you can do can change your child’s internal sense of gender. Acceptance and support helps fortify a
child for any difficulties that lie ahead.

What obstacles do transgender youth and their fa milies face?
The stigma attached to gender non-conformity can make it difficult for youth to safely express and
communicate what they are internally feeling. This stigma also makes it difficult for families to accept
and support a transgender child’s felt gender identity. Messages by family, teachers, and/or friends
that suggest a transgender child is “sick,” “crazy,” or “evil” may cause youth to repress their gender
identity and have feelings of shame, guilt, and self-hatred that persist into adulthood. These feelings
can cause depression, anxiety, chemical dependency, self-harming behavior, and suicide attempts,
which are much greater in transgender youth than the general population.

How can parents, fa mily members, friends, teachers, and other
concerned adults help? First they can educate themselves by using some of the resources
suggested at the end of this pamphlet. They can find support groups to help deal with their own feelings
at organizations like PFLAG Los Angeles, Transforming Family, and TransYouth Family Allies.

These organizations can also suggest strategies for dealing with issues arising at school and in the
process of transitioning to the young person’s internal sense of gender.

What does transitioning mean? Transitioning is the process by which a person
changes from living in one gender to living in another. Transitions are frequently characterized by the
vector of the change: male to female or MtF, female to male or FtM. Transitioning does not always
involve medical treatment. Changing their dress, using exercise to change their bodies, and adjusting
mannerisms and speech patterns can be ways some people transition without medical intervention.
Others may pursue medical treatment such as hormone therapy and surgery to align their bodies
with the gender they know themselves to be.

At what age can a child transition? Young children can make a social transition,
dressing, grooming, playing and living in their felt gender identity. If a youth makes this transition before
puberty, hormone blockers can be used to delay the onset of puberty, until the child is sufficiently mature
to make decisions about more permanent measures such as hormone treatments and surgery at age
eighteen or above. Hormone blockers are completely reversible. In Los Angeles, the Transgender Clinic
of Children’s Hospital Los Angeles can explain options to parents and guardians.

Can transgender people have happy lives?                                  Yes! Transgender people are
university professors, doctors, lawyers, models and many other careers. If they choose they can have
loving partners and be parents. The most important factor in a transgender person’s well-being is
support. If you are the family member of a transgender person, learn to use the appropriate language,
respect their choice of name or pronoun, and make your home a welcoming place. Finding support for
yourself at PFLAG and similar organizations can help you be an advocate for your loved one. If you are
a transgender person, look for welcoming communities like PFLAG, TransYouth Family Allies, and the Los
Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, which provides transgender healthcare, economic empowerment,
conversation groups, counseling and legal services. These groups can provide the additional support you
need whether you have an understanding family or not. Everyday transgender people and their allies
are making progress in ending discrimination and securing happy lives for all.

RESOURCES

                                       Books
           The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals
                       by Stephanie A. Brill and Rachel Pepper

                    Helping Your Transgender Teen by Irwin Krieger

           Transgender Voices: Beyond Men and Women by Lori B.Girshuck

                                 Organizations
                            PFLAG National: pflag.org
 Text taken from Welcoming Our Trans Family and Friends, published by PFLAG National

                             Children’s Hospital: chla.org
                Division of Adolescent Medicine, Transgender Services

                             LifeWorks: lifeworksla.org

                   Transforming Family: transformingfamily.org

                Transgender Law Center: transgenderlawcenter.org

                        TransYouth Family Allies: imatyfa.org

       Visit the PFLAG Los Angeles website for more information: pflagLA.org

PFLAG Los Angeles      P.O. Box 24565 Los Angeles, CA 90024 888.735.2488
                  Design: York Knowlton / 213.387.2489 / imagine -Y.com