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Mar. 23 - Mar. 29, 2012 fictions FREE! ANNUAL CREATIVE 144-23 SHOWCASE, PG 10 Cover by Jonathan Rotsztain, Angela Gzowski & Halloway Jones print ad Rob Schneider 10.5x1.625 HR.pdf 1 3/13/12 3:50 PM NOW ! ON SALE ROB SCHNEIDER MARCH 30 Tickets available through Ticket Atlantic or Casino Nova Scotia Guest Services.
March 23 - March 29, 2012 • DSU WEEKLY DISPATCH The Grawood Presents The Mellotones Saturday, March 24 We are pleased to present a Halifax favourite, The Mellotones!!!! Dylan Matthias, Editor-in-Chief staff This is a wet/dry event and tickets are only $5.00. editor@dalgazette.com Erica Eades, Copy/Arts Editor The show is open to all Dal students, staff, faculty, alumni and their guests. copy@dalgazette.com Katrina Pyne, News Editor The Grawood Presents DJ STICKS Torey Ellis, Assistant News Editor Thursday, March 29 news@dalgazette.com Be sure to come out to the Grawood on March 29, to see DJ Sticks! Matthew Ritchie, Opinions Editor opinions@dalgazette.com This is a wet/dry event and tickets are only $5.00! Ian Froese, Sports Editor sports@dalgazette.com This event is open to all Dal students, faculty, staff, alumni and guests! Angela Gzowski, Photo Editor photo@dalgazette.com Doors open at 9:00 pm Leilani Graham-Laidlaw, Online Editor Rob Sangster-Poole, Assistant Online Editor Last Class Bash at the Grawood online@dalgazette.com Thursday, April 5 Jenna Harvie, Creative Editor Last Class Bash featuring SIGNAL HILL, need we say more...... creative@dalgazette.com Jonathan Rotsztain, Art Director This event is 19+ and open to all Dal students, faculty, staff, alumni and their guests. design@dalgazette.com Ben McDade, Business Manager The DSU launched a voter registration drive on business@dalgazette.com Feb 14th that will run through to May 1st We know that Students love this city and we want to make sure that they get to have their contact us say in how it treated and how it is run! www.dalgazette.com The SUB, Room 312 Our goal is to get students and members of the greater Dalhousie Community to register now 6136 University Avenue Halifax NS, B3H 4J2 to ensure they are eligible to vote in the municipal election next October. We want to help ensure that student issues are election issues. Advertising Inquiries Aaron Merchant, Ad Manager How we will help ensure that you are registered: 902 449 7281 advertising@dalgazette.com 1) Anyone can pick up registration forms at the information desk or campus copy in the SUB. You can also find them online at ElectionsNovaScotia.ca/VoterInfo.asp 2) Anyone can have the required identification photocopied FREE at campus copy. the fine print The Gazette is the official written record of Dalhousie This publication is intended for readers 18 years of age 3) Completed forms can be dropped off at the information desk or campus copy. University since 1868. It is published weekly during the or older. The views of our writers are not the explicit 4) We will ensure that Elections Nova Scotia receives your completed form! academic year by the Dalhouse Gazette Publishing Society. The Gazette is a student-run publication. Its views of Dalhousie University. All students of Dalhousie University, as well as any interested parties on or primary purpose is to report fairly and objectively on off-campus, are invited to contribute to any section of The DSU is looking for their next Vice President issues of importance and interest to the students of Dalhousie University, to provide an open forum for the the newspaper. Please contact the appropriate editor for submission guidelines, or drop by for our weekly of Finance and Operations! Could it be you? free expression and exchange of ideas, and to stimulate volunteer meetings every Monday at 5:30 p.m. in room meaningful debate on issues that affect or would 312 of the Dal SUB. The Gazette reserves the right to edit otherwise be of interest to the student body and/or society and reprint all submissions, and will not publish material in general. Views expressed in the letters to the editor, deemed by its editorial board to be discriminatory, racist, Overheard at Dal, and opinions section are solely those of sexist, homophobic or libellous. Opinions expressed in the contributing writers, and do not necessarily represent submitted letters are solely those of the authors. Editorials the views of The Gazette or its staff. Views expressed in in The Gazette are signed and represent the opinions of the Streeter feature are solely those of the person being the writer(s), not necessarily those of The Gazette staff, quoted, and not The Gazette’s writers or staff. Editorial Board, publisher, or Dalhousie University. 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news news news covers Dalhousie and the greater Halifax community. Contributions are welcome! E-mail Katrina and Torey at news@dalgazette.com Katrina Pyne News Editor Students dissatisfied by university leadership CONSULTATION IS NOT ENOUGH Calum Agnew student issues such as health and Staff Contributor well-being and student experience.” Griffin says that composition of the On March 14 Dalhousie University Board is largely due to forces outside held the first student consultation the university’s control. session on tuition fee increases. The “If the government fully funded administration says the session is the university, you’d see a different meant to give students a way of com- approach.” He says the university municating their thoughts with the is suffering from limited resources university’s Board of Governors. and the Board’s expertise reflects the The administration will now con- fact that financial constraints affect sult students on their proposals for policy. fee changes before recommending But Griffin says that does not mean those changes to the Board. The new the Board thinks of the university as a consultation policy was proposed business. by outgoing DSU President Chris Saulnier. The Board approved it in February. “Students are Dustin Griffin is a third-year law student and one of three student not seen as an appointees on the Board. He says the Board was enthusiastic, and that the consultation process was a great suc- essential part cess its the student members. The administration’s recommenda- of the puzzle of tion contains a three per cent general tuition fee increase, and up to a 10 governance.” per cent increase for students in pro- fessional programs. “Students are why the doors open But Reclaim Education and every day. They care about how stu- Democracy (READ) says there are dents feel,” he says. The Board mem- no solid provisions for the feedback bers are “going to make sure the given by students in the consultation university stays healthy for years to process. The administration has to come,” says Griffin. “The Board would use the feedback as they deem appro- rather not raise fees.” priate. But when it comes to the Board’s “This could mean anything, and operation, students are in the dark. really doesn't mean anything at all,” The Board hasn’t posted the min- says Jacqueline Vincent, a fourth- utes for their meetings for over a year. year student at King’s Although students can attend meet- “Students don’t really have that ings, Lum says they can’t really do much say in the running of the uni- anything. versity,” says Vincent. “Students are “Their hands are tied,” he says. not seen as an essential part of the “Besides, many decisions are made in puzzle of governance.” camera or at the committee level.” The Board consists of 27 voting Griffin says his expectations joining and five non-voting members. The the Board of Governors did not match majority are appointed or recom- his experience there. Being a member mended by the Board. Students have is a “unique situation for a student,” three appointments, two of which he says. As with any other member of are elected. The DSU president is a the Board, student appointees have a member by convention. fiduciary duty to the university. Many of the Board’s appointees Prior to his election last March, also serve on the boards of private Griffin told the Gazette “he would give and public companies, and there are the Board back to students.” numerous CEOs and CFOs repre- “You can’t be a student represen- sented. tative,” says Griffin. Board members The composition of the board are responsible for the university as a “illustrates how the university is more legal entity and Griffin says this does of a business model than anything not line up with what people think else,” says Anna Bishop, a member of of the university generally. Lum says READ. READ believes university governance READ is “against the corporatiza- is about more than financial issues, tion of university, six figure mana- and the Board’s composition should gerial positions, inflated fees and reflect that. tuition, and curriculums that empha- “Money as the issue needs to be size careers rather than education,” thought beyond,” says Lum. “Because says Ryan Lum, one of the groups if that's the be-all and end-all of our organizers. These are all “symptoms issues, then yeah, of course different of a structure that does not foster interests will oppose each other. But participation by its members.” I hope we can find some sort of com- Although Board members “give monality, beyond the stuff we use to free expert advice, it is expert advice buy things.” in a very narrow sense,” says Lum. “It would be nice to hear from some- Is Dal run too much like a business? one who is not so concerned with • • • Photo by bsabarnowl via flickr financial issues, but concerned with HAVE YOUR SAY: The Economist: A Story About Our Backwards Little World Part 8 by Dylan Matthias—The door opened with a whoosh. It did not make a “plop” sound as Laurel had thought it would. It also closed
4 news March 23 - March 29, 2012 • news briefs Ecolympics at Dal Honorary degrees For Dalhousie’s residence students, The University of King’s College has the next few weeks will be a little announced the recipients of three more competitive than usual. The honorary degrees this year, which Ecolympics, two weeks of resi- will be awarded at the Encaenia dence-based activities and events graduation ceremony in May. to try to get students to reduce con- Elizabeth Fountain, one of the sumption and waste are coming. founders of the Alex Fountain The events will go from March Memorial Lecture at King’s and 20-31, and culminate on Earth a well-known philanthropist, will Hour Day with different celebra- be receiving an honorary doctor of tions in Howe Hall, Sheriff Hall canon law. and Gerard Hall. Lewis Lapham, journalist, for- Other activities include campus mer editor of Harper’s Magazine flashlight tag on March 28 and a and current editor of Lapham’s group trip to the Halifax Seaport Quarterly, will be receiving an hon- Market on March 31. orary doctor of civil law. The Right This is the fourth year the Eco- Reverend Ron Cutler, an Anglican lympics have been running. Howe bishop, will receive an honorary Hall, last year’s winners, and doctor of divinity. Gerard Hall, who won in 2010, will The Encaenia ceremony will be fighting to win back the title. take place May 17 at the Cathedral Church of All Saints in Halifax. —Torey Ellis Assistant News Editor Serving free, locally-sourced, and communally- cooked vegetarian meals every Tuesday in the SUB OPT OUT Celebrating seniors March 26th – 30th Dal student hosts seniors’ summer camp 10am-2pm in the SUB Katrina Pyne running magic trick classes by popu- atricians, Ken Rockwood and Laurie News Editor lar demand. Mallery, began to advocate that phys- The Loaded Ladle is funded through a student levy, She figured if seniors were inter- ical activity could prevent many phys- where each full time student pays $1 per semester as When Jesse Robson thinks of seniors, ested in magic tricks and everything ical and cognitive ailments associated she doesn’t just think of crossword from ballet to hula dancing, why not with aging. part of their regular tuition. puzzles, Sudoku or Jeopardy. She initiate a summer camp with a variety “It’s very important to us to include thinks of dancing, magic tricks, art of art-oriented activities? as much beneficial activity as possible If you would like to withdraw your support for and, most importantly, an opportu- “We are trying all different kinds and not just to get people moving a nity to teach others. of activities, from action painting to bit, but really to make sure they are the Loaded Ladle and have your levy contribution This was the basis for her award- juggling to break dancing and other getting particularly beneficial exer- refunded, you are free to opt out. Bring student ID. winning vision, the Centre for Arts similar traditional arts like sculpture, cise that is going to help them build Exchange, in Halifax. Her idea won song-writing, and poetry. We’ll just the muscle of their lower limbs to her $5,000 from the Start Something have to see what works.” prevent falls,” Robson says. For more information: theloadedladle.blogspot.com with Alesse contest to get her project Robson hopes the camp will be She says the camp will also seek to off the ground. a way to re-introduce creativity, provide meaningful cognitive stim- Or contact us at: LoadedLadle@gmail.com Robson, a Dalhousie neuroscience camaraderie and physical activity to ulation through discussing works graduate, was already volunteering seniors living in isolation, poverty or of art and putting together perfor- at the Geriatric Day Hospital at the with an illness. mances and art projects. QEII Health Sciences Centre. The camp will be fully funded by The camp will run on Mondays for Advertise with us! “When I first started, I asked peo- ple what their hobbies were—what they would do when they went home. the Start Something With Alesse contest and will be free to any elderly adults wishing to participate. Care- the entire summer from April 16 until August 31 at the Lutheran Church of the Resurrection, which is accessible IN PRINT OR ONLINE And then they’d just look at me and say ‘nothing.’ And I think they really givers or family members are wel- come to participate as well. by Metro Transit. meant it,” says Robson. Robson says there are few oppor- Jesse Robson (left) and Kayla Mallery “It wasn't because they didn't want tunities for seniors to engage with (right) are putting together the Heart to be doing things. It was because the community in a creative way. The and Soul Summer Arts Camp for seniors they didn't have the transportation YMCA offers elderly aerobics classes in Halifax. • • • Photo by Katrina Pyne necessary to get places,” she says. but Robson says those tend to cater “They didn't have the financial more to seniors who are already means to sign up for certain activities, active, as opposed to someone who For more information or they didn't feel comfortable par- has been sedentary for a long time or or to register visit: Contact Aaron Merchant ticipating because of chronic health conditions.” someone recovering from surgery. The idea of the Heart and Soul www.Happily advertising @dalgazette.com So Robson decided to ask seniors what kinds of activities they were Summer Arts Camp is to inspire these people while simultaneously offering interested in. She started teaching programming with physical, cogni- EverActiveHalifax 902 449 7281 dance classes for seniors at the QEII once a week. Soon after, they started tive and social benefits. It all started when two Dal professors and geri- .blogspot.com with a whoosh. “We call this place the Reading Room,” said the officer. “It's an ideal place for one to spend some quiet time apart from everything, reading. Many people become very intelligent while
• March 16 - March 22, 2012 news 5 Senate shares seats with NSAC Dal prepares for agricultural merger Daniel Boltinsky must be three elected faculty mem- Staff Contributor bers for every appointed one. The resolution for a merger still has There’s a new seat on Senate: on to pass through the Nova Scotia legis- March 12 the Dalhousie Senate, in lature. anticipation of the Nova Scotia Agri- “There is no doubt in anybody’s cultural College (NSAC)-Dal merger, mind that that will occur,” says Fraser. passed a motion that would add a “Everything will be in place for the seventh student seat representing the merger to take place the first of July. new agricultural faculty. That is the anticipated date for the formal merger.” Adding another student seat “We’re trying to required a constitutional amend- ment, but Fraser says this will play an make sure there important role in providing input to the administration. are a lot of strong “Our student members are very active members of Senate,” he says. ties between “We have them represented on all our key committees, as well as on Senate itself.” what goes on at The Dalhousie Student Union (DSU) has taken a similar step to this campus and incorporate the Truro campus. An agricultural faculty seat has been what goes on at added to the governing council, to be filled next year if the merger takes the agricultural place. Chris Saulnier, outgoing presi- college.” dent of the DSU, says the move will hopefully help students in Truro yet involved with the decision-making process at Dal’s main campus. The measure, as well as other ini- “We’re trying to make sure there tiatives that have been discussed are a lot of strong ties between what between the Dal and NSAC student goes on at this campus and what goes unions, highlights recent efforts on at the agricultural college,” he says. aimed at giving students of the newly A strong relationship between the integrated college in Truro represen- two can benefit students at both, tation at Dal. says Saulnier. Those in the agricul- “The issues that affect students tural college will get DalCards, and at the agricultural campus may be the services that those entail. He also somewhat different than the issues mentions the idea of joint program- that affect the students at the main ming during orientation week and campus in Halifax, and so we want the possibility of bringing students that representation,” says Lloyd Fra- from Truro to Halifax for concerts ser, chair of the Senate. and other events. The Senate also passed a motion NSAC on the other hand has a to establish a faculty of agriculture, woodsman team and hosts woods- which automatically created four man competitions. “It would be great new non-student seats. According to bring some of our students down to the Senate constitution, one seat to the agricultural college to experi- is appointed to the dean, and there ence that,” says Saulnier. The DSU is hoping to bring some of NSAC’s activities to Dal, and vice versa. • • • Photo by emiliokuffer via flickr 1. DSU election appeals rejected Daniel Boltinsky, News 2. Hann solo Matt Ritchie, Arts 3. Go with the flow CarolAnne Black, Opinions 4. Trojans win on record- breaking night for IWK charity Tim Vanderweide, Sports 5. Will the DSU opt for a self-op food model? Kat Pyne, News they're here. We have an excellent selection of books and magazines, even daily newspapers for your perusal. “There's just one rule you need to know: never tell anybody—or the illusion will be broken. And
opinions opinions gazette opinions welcomes any opinion backed up with facts; but we don’t publish rants. E-mail Matthew at opinions@dalgazette.com to contribute Matthew Ritchie Opinions Editor OVAL WOES Outdoor skating rink needs some work Matthew Ritchie But on March 9 of this year, the permanent thing; it became one by In December 2011, local journal- direction and I urge the citizens of Opinions Editor HRM announced that the newly the urging of citizens towards city ist John Wesley Chisholm broke the Halifax to vote and share their com- named Emera Oval would be closed council. On Feb. 24, 2011, The Coast finances down even further. On his ments on how to improve the Oval Two years ago I sat next to a few for the rest of the year due to “weather reported that to keep the Oval run- Tumblr account, Chisholm stated as it progresses toward a permanent friends the week before the Van- fluctuations” that made it impossible ning for another season would cost that with roughly 44.5 days of skat- structure. couver 2010 Winter Olympics. We to “sustain good ice for skating.” It $1.25 million - $1.75 million. ing a year on the Oval—with 100,000 But that being said, it’s still slightly watched news reports highlight- had only been open since Dec. 23. skaters hitting the Oval in 2011 (at alarming to see the amount of city ing the ongoing hill maintenance, Now, I can understand the reason about 2,247 skaters on the Oval per money already spent on a project wondering why they chose to have the winter games in a city notorious for wanting an outdoor rink in Can- ada. Canadians love the winter, and “Canadians love day)--the actual cost equaled $15 per skater per usage, as opposed to the that still has a ways to go before it becomes a permanent fixture. for its warm and rainy climate. We watched as reporters spoke in fear of we like ice-skating. But usually that means ice hockey, not speed skating the winter, and we previously estimated less than $1 a visit. Hopefully by this time next year we’ll all be gearing up for some spring the hills not having enough snow and the possibility of slush on the slopes, in one of the wettest cities in Canada. So I find it a little hard to stomach like ice-skating. That all being said, the city of Hali- fax is doing its part to get some of us and summer fun on the Emera Oval, as opposed to waiting another nine causing inaccurate times in races and unfavorable conditions for landing that a chunk of our city dollars goes toward a project a large portion of the But usually that curmudgeons on board with the Oval. The city is currently hosting an online months to get a few skates in. aerials on the hills. “Who would spend all that money population has apparently yet to use and is only open a few months of the means ice survey to gain information about the Oval’s current use and asks for ways The Oval looks better than last year, but there is still room for improvement. to have winter sports in a place that is entirely unsuitable for winter year. When the Oval began production hockey, not to improve it. Citizens are able to vote on a variety of possible summer uses • • • Photo by Angela Gzowski sports?” we wondered. for the 2011 Canada Winter Games, for the Oval, including road hockey, Well, apparently the people of Hal- the whole city seemed to be excited. speed skating.” bicycling, ultimate Frisbee and inline Correction ifax. In late 2010 the city began con- In a 2010 article in The Coast, it was skating. They also have a section In last week's opinions piece “Don't struction of the Oval, a large speed reported that the cost of the Oval where you can vote on architectural block my views” by Ben Wedge, skating track located in the Hali- would be under the original $1.2 mil- By March 30, 2011, The Coast styles for the permanent facilities Dale Godsoe was inaccurately fax Commons. Originally chosen as lion dollar budget, equaling out to reported that the entire cost for the that will occupy the space around the labeled as “he” instead of “she.” The a temporary location for the skating less than $1 per visit a year. Oval in 2011 would be $3.75 million, Oval, which will be a welcome change Gazette apologizes for this error. track, the city voted in favour of the A few months later, the HRM was with costs being around $1.4 million from the white trailers that currently The online version of the article Oval and chose to make it a permanent telling an entirely different story. in 2012 to transfer the Oval from a rest on the Commons. has since been corrected. fixture. The Oval was never meant to be a temporary rink to a permanent one. These are all steps in the right You can vote on the Emera Oval’s future usage at www.Halifax.ca/Surveys/index.html you'll forget everything. Remember that.” “Where am I?” said Laurel. He tied a blindfold around her face. She twitched a bit and moved her neck around as if expecting to see something. “Sit,” said the of-
• March 23 - March 29, 2012 opinions 7 BRAUN OVER BRAIN The first overturned doping case in MLB history raises some eyebrows Justin Hartling mentioned 33 times in the MLB drug Opinions Contributor policy.” A friend of Braun’s, Green Bay Do you remember the times when, Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, if someone was proven innocent in tweeted: “MLB and cable sports tried court, they didn’t have to deal with to sully the reputation of an innocent constant accusations and people man, Picked the wrong guy to mess doubting their credibility? with. Truth will set u free.” No? Me neither. Now apparently there is even a But that whole cynical nature gets “Ryan Braun Defence” for other ath- multiplied when you are talking letes being charged with doping. about celebrities and professional DJ Williams, a linebacker for the Final fantasy athletes. Denver Broncos, was suspended six Milwaukee Brewer Ryan Braun games in to the 2012 season for his made history recently when he urine coming back “non-human.” His became the first MLB player to test legal council is now blaming the spec- positive for drug use and have the imen collector. ruling overturned, on what many are Here is the thing about all this Why fantasy sports are kind of stupid calling a technicality. drama and hatred over Braun becom- See, when Braun gave his sample, ing the first person in baseball history Matthew Ritchie But that doesn’t mean it isn’t The League, is a series centered on it wasn’t sent to the lab for two days to overturn a doping case: the MLB Opinions Editor stupid. a workplace fantasy football league. because testing took place before the has a loophole in their agreement. Take for instance my current Then there is the Academy Award- weekend—even though the MLB’s Is that Braun’s fault? No. That rests As I write these words, I’m pretty 12-person league: nine out of the 12 nominated film Moneyball, and the drug agreement says “the specimens solely on the shoulders of the MLB. psyched. Seven days from now I will people have played baseball most of book by Michael Lewis on which it's should be sent by FedEx to the labo- Should the MLB tighten up the legal participate in my annual Yahoo Fan- their lives, with a few of them even based. Moneyball is based on the sta- ratory on the same day they are col- jargon in the drug policy? Yes. But tasy Baseball draft. What will fol- coaching professionally. Then there tistical analysis of the sport by base- lected.” everybody needs to put it behind low will be seven months of ram- are three other fans of the sport in our ball hobbyists (which actually led to Would two days of a sample sit- them; Braun was proven innocent. pant smack talking, bogus trades that league (including myself ) who don’t the creation of fantasy baseball in the ting in the wrong location change the People should just leave Braun would never occur in the real MLB, actually play the game. first place) and how the Oakland Ath- result of the test? I have no idea, but alone and let him play baseball. Let’s and a little bit of gambling. You would think that the people letics used that information to their this was a rule the testers clearly did face it: the Brewers are probably My girlfriend is also going to get who actually understand the game benefit. not follow. going to win the AL central with- angry with me way more often than of baseball from personal experi- But that was a professional baseball Though Braun, last year’s National out much competition—especially usual, as I'll be spending every free ence would play the best in a fantasy team. Me, my 11 league members, and League MVP, escaped a 50-game sus- since the St. Louis Cardinals just lost moment checking baseball stats, league, but that’s not the case. Last the hundreds of thousands of baseball pension, the decision has been met Albert Pujols—and almost everybody hunting for unknown ball players and year I got second place in my league, fans who join fantasy leagues every with mixed reactions. will forget this ever happened. checking the scores of games between winning $140, and to be honest, I year are not professional managers, Sports columnist Paola Boivin said It just really upsets me that court- baseball teams I’ve never really cared knew barely anything about baseball and we're pretty unlikely to win very in an article published in the Arizona room decisions mean nothing. At about before. going into it. In fact, I drafted most much money by playing these fan- Republic that, “We're losers, every one time it would be innocent until I can’t say I really blame her. Fan- of my players based on name recogni- tasy teams. (In fact, for the amount one of us” because of Braun’s acquit- proven guilty, but now it seems you're tasy baseball (and fantasy sports in tion from N64’s Ken Griffey Jr. Slug- of hours we spend piling through all tal and what that says for future considered guilty regardless of the general) is probably one of the stu- fest, a game that came out 13 years these stats, we probably make less dopers. outcome. Everybody just keeps spec- pidest activities you can take part in. ago (which is why I drafted Vladamir than 50 cents an hour every time we The worst comment by far was pub- ulating and pointing the finger at But for some reason, it seems all of Guerrerro, even though he is awful). win in one of our leagues). lished anonymously in the Bleacher Braun, but at the end of the day he my friends in university are into it. Yet, for whatever reason, I came For the amount of time and effort Report by a member of the New York was found innocent. He is still last For those who don’t know what second in my league against a bunch we put into this game, you’d think we Mets, who said: "Ryan Braun is out year’s NL MVP and one of the best fantasy baseball is, let me explain. of dudes who teach kids how to field must love the sport. But as I pour over there saying this shows he is inno- players in all of baseball. People are so Fantasy baseball essentially answers for a living. statistics of players I’ve never even cent. Does that mean O.J. Simpson is quick to discredit all of these accom- the question: “What would you do if The reason is simple: fantasy sports seen play before (Zack Cozart?) and innocent, too?" plishments because he was accused you were a baseball manager?” Who somehow make spectator sports team reports of teams I really don’t Are we really going to compare of something that was discredited would you draft if every major league more interesting by breaking events care about (the Royals), I have to ask Ryan Braun going to a court hear- in court, and I think that it’s ridicu- player were available to you? Would down mathematically. It’s basically myself: do I really like this sport, or ing and pleading his case as being lous. He earned his accomplishments your team be pitching dominant like the nerds the jocks bullied in am I just doing random mathemati- remotely comparable to O.J. Simpson on the field and that is where people or batting heavy? Would you name high school are now enacting their cal equations to win a bit of money? being accused and acquitted of mur- should judge him. your team something derogatory, or revenge by somehow knowing more The answer is probably the money. dering his wife? Is that honestly what And just an update on Braun: his would you name them after a baseball about a sport than the athletes who If that’s the case, why am I not just the best comparison is? first at bat during spring training player, or both (my brother’s team is play them. playing the stock market? But that’s not to say everyone in the was a two-run home run. Keep that called Hamels’ Toes after Phillies You no longer have to understand sports world was against Braun for up and we will all forget this doping pitcher Cole Hamels and, well, you how to play the game; you just have Ahh, the days when baseball had fat guys his case being dismissed. drama soon enough. know)? Fantasy baseball gives you to be OK at statistical analysis. and nerds kept their noses out of MLB. Gabe Feldman, the director of the the sense of control in what is other- But for whatever reason, fantasy • • • Illustration via vintagevectors.com Tulane Sports Law program tweeted, YERRRRRR OUT! wise a spectator sport, which is prob- sports leagues have become a com- “Chain of custody a technicality? • • • Photo via ably why everyone seems to like it so mon part of our society. U.S. televi- It’s critical to fair drug policy, and is pictures-of-men.blogspot.ca much. sion channel FX's premier comedy, ficer she was with. “Now.” A sense of danger overwhelmed her, as if a crisis was brewing only she didn't know what it was. She didn't know anything anymore. There were only details that didn't make much
arts&culture arts&culture arts covers cultural happenings in Halifax. E-mail Erica and Leslie at arts@dalgazette.com to contribute. Erica Eades Arts Editor Dystopian satire in a brave new medium MARGARET ATWOOD EMBRACES THE DIGITAL SINGLE Andrew Mills appearance might just front a crea- Arts Contributor ture of darker impulses. Atwood sug- gests that institutional repression Margaret Atwood’s latest story I’m and self-destructive desire are inter- Starved For You—a 44-page short twined in a series of fatal reactions, story, published electronically on sometimes contained inside the same Byliner.com—begins with the discov- skull. ery of a love note. The note is punc- Atwood’s brush can be thick, tuated by a purple lipstick kiss, the smearing the post-apocalyptic world gaudy imprint of everything missing outside Concilience as one “crawling from Stan’s life. with black mold…in a stench-filled Stan is a part of the machinery of trailer dumped in a nothingland Consilience, a rapidly expanding pro- where you’d spend the nights beating gram in the prison industrial com- off feral dead-eyed teenagers armed plex where citizens escape the crum- with crowbars and broken bottles bling outside world to volunteer for who were ready to murder you for a rotating shifts as labourers, guards handful of cigarette butts.” Atwood and inmates in exchange for “gainful wants to be anathema to the language employment, three wholesome meals of public relations, to religious, politi- a day, a lawn to tend…A Meaningful cal or economic gloss; and, in weird Life.” It’s a world where Bing Crosby ways throughout her career, she’s is allowed, but heavy metal is not, a kept the voice of vital outsider. Now, pre-colour Pleasantville of middle her mid-life adoption of social media class benefits that mute the spectrum comes with the older, wiser perspec- of primal and spiritual colour. tive of a digital immigrant. This satirical setting might be The story starts with a note, the Harper government’s alarming because in a binary age, real paper prison expansion policy taken to its is dangerous, erotic. I think Atwood dystopian conclusion. It makes me might view her story similarly—a wonder if Atwood has glimpsed the shot in the arm to younger writers recent graph online illustrating how and a contribution to what, in an the $200,000 plus it costs taxpayers interview for Byliner.com, she calls to keep an inmate locked up for two “the short fiction revival that’s tak- years could pay for a child’s primary ing place online.” Since I don’t have through post-secondary education. an e-reader, I read it off my laptop I’m Starved For You plays out screen, a decidedly non-sexy experi- like the dark punchline to a joke ence, but I won’t complain. that disturbs more than entertains. Atwood has been productive lately, There’s great humour in the dialec- writing against the clock—whether tic between penal comfort and Dio- of her own mortality or of social col- nysian destruction, and like the best lapse doesn’t matter. She has ensured speculative-fiction writers, Atwood that neither her work, nor the short allows the hubris of both to play out story itself, become mere museum in her characters. Especially clever is pieces. the cheerful contradiction of Char- maine, Stan’s “perky, bland” house- Atwood embraces the wife with “safe teeth” (like Orwell’s digital format for short story. Julia, member of the Junior anti- • • • Photo by Jim Allen sex league yet self-proclaimed “rebel from the waist down”), whose 2012 CHEVROLET CRUZE 2012 CHEVROLET ORLANDO $ 1890% 2790% $ * * /mo /mo OR FINANCE FROM OR FINANCE FROM 52 41 Power Windows and Door Locks - Remote Keyless Entry Auto Transmission - Air Conditioning - Power Group CD Player w/ MP3 - 10 AirBags and much more mpg Keyless Entry - Stability Control System - CD/MP3 Player mpg *60 month lease with $1,180 downpayment. 20,000 kms per year. *60 month lease with $1510 downpayment, plus fees and taxes. YOUR HALIFAX GM CHEVROLET | BUICK 2477 ROBIE STREET • HALIFAX • 422-8551 HEADQUARTERS GMC | CADILLAC WWW.OREGANSONROBIE.COM sense. Nobody said a word. The room was small, smaller than the other room she'd been in so far. She knew the grey steel had eyes.
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creative creative Dal’s got talent and imagination Submit micro-fiction, poetry and feedback to creative@dalgazette.com Jenna Harvie Creative Editor ours by not beings ours Saturday mornings with the guys he’d tell bed-sheet war stories. I’d ask something like how’d she taste anyway and we’d crack all into fits like brunch comrades or brothers. Picking her up, he’d take me -- all pithy chest and split knees -- and she’d wonder Queerness of the Whole Damn Thing who’s side I was on, I’m sure. I’d tell racist jokes and he’d snort hard at me with his eyes on her like something wild. T oo easy. It was too easy. A ladder lead us to the roof; a quick kick sent it down and hid it in the bushes. No lights on the south side. Jay used the crowbar to unclasp I grabbed a few paintings off the wall and threw them to the floor as the museum guard started to die. Grabbed my small can of kerosene and drenched the paintings with it Later crowded in a drunken doorway: he’d find one of the skylights while I prepared and suited up in the and then threw a match, igniting them. Thousands of dol- the crook of my belly hiding harness. Alarm wasn’t armed, our luck and the museum lars burned away in minutes. We didn’t need it. under my breasts and slip his fingers over the trigger guard’s stupidity. Saturday night. Everyone was out but When the cop came, I was out of kerosene and prepar- like he’d known all along nobody saw. ing a blast charge to exit the building. The cop grabbed me that I too was an enemy. Down we went, rope cutting into the flesh of our soft roughly by the arm and pointed his gun at Jay, who was hands. Moonlight shone on our faces. No gloves, no prepared to make a run for it. —Kelly Larkin Conway • • • Photo by dbking via flickr masks, didn’t need them. Our harnesses hit the ceramic “Hey, wait a minute!” the officer said as he let go of my floor with a clang. Left them and moved out of the atrium, arm almost instantly. “You’re the CEO for that bank. And past tall fossilized dinosaurs and down a dark narrow hall- you, you’re that millionaire that ran that Ponzi Scheme! way. We signed the guestbook; a signature we had used so You know what? Forget this. You gentlemen didn’t mean much. to do any harm. Get outta here. I never saw you.” The guard rounded the corner with his light. Jay came out of the shadows with the crowbar and hit the old man —Chad Durling • • • Illustration by Jonathan Rotsztain on the head and he fell back and landed on a glass display glass, smashing it. I shot him with my honestly bought pistol. Chest wound, missed the heart. Hurt more dignity than anything. Something Shameless To write a bad poem and mean It, in love, is something shameless That tells a laughing at, a proverbial Fit, that to reject is not to redress: That to me is, no less than eating Good food and liking it for its shape, The mood that wanderers, bless’d and singular, Take when they tell you frankly: UNTITLED What’s good of leaving is coming home. She could never quite figure it out: So let me be frank, did the link descend to the left or the right? You still my love, how big was the loop? This still a poem. and an ear—just like that? At the time, of course, she wasn’t familiar —Shane Bryson • • • via istock with typography and its terminology. She was writing poetry— a limerick or an epic, maybe— for the sake of writing, pressing pencil to paper, carefully tracing the shape in every case. She moved slowly, deliberately across the lines, letter by letter, lending character to each. Yes, she thought, just like that. —Gaeby Abrahams • • • Jonathan Rotsztain
• March 23 - March 29, 2012 creative 11 FEBRUARY AFTERNOON, NEAR TAMPA unsteady – but not quite anxious – from the limp of this deck furniture’s scuff-addled vantage, this small, prefab balcony’s whitewashed aluminum rails: strobe-frames the inflatable beach slide’s flaccid blue end-of-day posturing – captures everything here, uneasy; collapsing; folding in, on itself. and there is near nothing as far as wave action goes; the water sleepily-dimpled, the gulf a sun-soaked newsprint facsimile of overworked levi’s. afternoon’s now a breezy, disinterested sigh; nameless near palms struggle to grab the air’s pay. checked, the view’s a strip-mall waffle house, segmented and greasy; you can’t un-stick your eyes’ thick lids for all the air’s syrup. the beer’s not quite warm. this, it would seem, is america. you sit here. you lounge in a favourite shirt worn and washed once too often – the seams ready to give, but no one’s willing to wager, just now, on quite how. —Matt Robinson • • • Photo by Jonathan Rotsztain I cannot think of anything worse than being born into this world as a slug. It’s because of this that I kill any slug I see. Life didn’t give them a chance. Slugs crawl Lying there on the ground, with my face in the grass and specks of dirt lodged in my nose, I spot a slug. A stupid, insignificant, mucus coated slug. I slowly get up, brush around on their bellies, trailing goop and constantly slosh- myself off, and lift my foot over the goopy slug. ing around in their own mucus. Who wants to live like “Caroline?” that? Plus, they’ll probably get reincarnated as something The sound of Tommy’s voice catches me by surprise, better anyway. freezing me with one foot poised above the slug. He’s Hi, my name is Caroline. I’m nine. I’m fat. These are standing there, soft faced and with his wide blue eyes. I’m just facts. Don’t think I’m self-loathing or something. I so caught up in those deep lakes that I don’t even notice think more people should follow my lead and put those what he’s holding in his hands. poor slugs out of their misery. Gripped by the stems as if he’s afraid they might float Mrs. Friedrich (that’s my teacher’s name) seemed to away, he holds two dandelions. Their yellow heads seem think my concern for the slugs was concerning. All I did overly vibrant, as if coated with paint. Tommy thrusts the was grab all the saltshakers from the tables in the cafete- dandelions towards me. ria and empty them into the tub of slugs my fourth grade I take the flowers from his hand and for the briefest class had collected for science class. What I overheard moment our fingers brush each other’s. He suddenly Vince Levine planning to do with them, during science lights up red like a traffic light and thrusts his hands in his class, would only be adding insult to injury. pockets. But I’m not crazy. Most days, if I’m not gazing out the “Those guys should leave you alone. They’re…” Tommy window, waiting for the recess or lunch bell, I’m gazing struggles to find the word. at Tommy Dietrich, waiting for the recess or lunch bell. I’m right there to save the day. “Jerks.” There’s just something about the ruffled black hair on the “Yeah,” Tommy nodded. “Jerks.” back of Tommy’s head that just helps the hours go faster. Then Tommy starts walking again, leaving me there Finally, the end of day bell rings. I pick up my Hello with legs that feel like jelly. I’m still clutching the dan- Slugs Kitty backpack (I hate it) and slip on my Power Rangers delions. My mom will tell me they’re weeds and that I boots (I love them). As I’m walking down the sidewalk shouldn’t keep them in my room. But she’s wrong. They’re towards my house Vince Levine comes up behind me with the most beautiful flowers in the world. his group of friends. They do this almost every day now. I look down to where the slug has left a gooey trail of Vince shoves me down into the grass, laughing, and slime across the grass, sliding its way along. I consider reminds me not to jump off of anything too high. I’m so lifting my foot again and putting it out of its misery. fat I might cause an earthquake when I hit the ground. But somehow, today, I don’t really feel like it. I’m fat. It’s just a fact. It can’t hurt me. Soon their laugh- ing ends and they keep walking, leaving me alone. —Ross Chiasson • • • Photo by jalbum via mindhive
12 creative March 23 - March 29, 2012 • The Welsford Apartments Bachelor, 1 ,and 2 bedrooms from $770 2 bedrooms feature 11/2 washrooms Walking distance to Dalhousie & SMU Across from The Commons Transit at door Call now 800-1947 Raging Waters T he windows shook and rattled as the over-powering winds off the Atlantic Ocean blew inwards towards Shaking her mind free of the past, she reached for the sheepskin quilt buried beneath towels and wash where the sounds of the footsteps and laughter of her and Harold’s children filled every nook and cranny of her the rickety old cabin she had since clothes that had long since been used. house—their house. long called home. The storm had Wrapping her frail figure tightly She knew that one day her children worsened greatly since the previous morning. It seemed as though, ever beneath it, she wandered over to the window – the glass blurred with fat would grow older and leave her and Harold. Onto new chapters and new The New York God so suddenly, the distilled calm it had taken her nearly over a year to reach had been snatched away with the and heavy raindrops. Raising a palm to the glass, her frail fingers began to wipe against the adventures. But she would never be alone as long as they were together. Gazing out the window for one M ary was walking as quickly as she could down the sidewalk. Her boss had kept her later than covered that Lisa too, took the long route home from work to see the man each afternoon. “He’s not a man,” she mere pulsing of the thunder and the condensation, hoping she’d be able to final moment, quiet tears began to usual. Even with the late dismissal, explained, “he’s a God”. rage of the ocean waves. squint through the rain and grey fog roll down her wrinkled and weath- Mary had still been sent home with After that night they began meet- She could feel the cool air seep- to better see the ocean. ered face. The distilled calm it had a pile of papers. She checked her ing up together to watch for the ing in underneath the doorway. With The waves that have been so invit- taken her nearly over a year to reach phone: 5:03. She was late. Picking up man. They’d stand on the sidewalk each catch of chill, she could feel her ing merely a day before had seemed had been snatched away with the her pace, she began moving as fast as and chat until they saw him. Mary bones grow more and more frigid. to undergone a true metamorphosis mere pulsing of the thunder and the her heels would allow. She could still decided to bring coffee’s one day, and The cold had never been a friend to all of their own. They crushed against rage of the ocean waves. make it. after seeing their man, they found a her. the shoreline, one after the other. The The waters were breathing a life of *** nearby bench to sip them. This too, As she rummaged through the once tranquil waters now seemed to their very own. An angry and venge- It started six months ago. Leaving became ritual. linen closet in search of a blanket, her be breathing as though they had a ful life. One that would take anything early from work, Mary had decided *** mind couldn’t help but wander back life of their very own. An angry and and anyone who stood in their way. to take the nicer route home. It was Mary had reached Wall St. Where to the earlier days. The days where vengeful life. One that took anything Just as they had nearly a year ago. within the first few minutes, she was Lisa? Had she missed her? the sounds of footsteps and laugh- and anyone who stood in their way. Loneliness and silence were not found herself at the top of Wall St. “Mary!” She heard through the ter filled every nook and cranny of For several minutes, she peered out supposed to be the only source of There, Mary had stopped in her crowd. Lisa was standing across the her house and of her mind. The days the window, staring at this scene. It company. tracks and witnessed the movement road, waving. But then she looked where finding a moment of peace and was one that nearly a year ago, she She was supposed to have Harold. of the most beautiful man she had different. Her eyes were wider, she quiet solitude for even 5 minutes was had grown all too familiar with. As ever seen. She felt the breath leave her looked like she wanted to point but a blessing all in itself. she continued to gaze out upon this —Kendall Erickson body. The man was an ad already air- couldn’t. Mary could have recognized The days where loneliness and natural war, of water and of wind, • • • Photo by Jon Sullivan brushed for a magazine. He couldn’t that look anywhere; it must mean silence weren’t the only source of once again she couldn’t help but wan- via public-domain-image.com be human; he was supernatural—a that somewhere nearby, the man company. der back to the earlier days. The days God. Seconds stretched to hours as was— he glided past. And then he was gone. Mary’s papers went flying every- Suddenly everyone around her was where. Betty The respirator hummed and clicked away ugly. Who could compare with that “I’m so sorry!” came a heavenly a percussion ensemble, beating the rhythm of life man? voice. Mary froze. She had collided A few days later, Mary left work with a God. She wanted to say some- Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click early again. Upon reaching Wall St, thing, but she couldn’t. “Here,” he she saw him once more: the most bent down and began scraping the She lay wrapped in her favorite linens beautiful man in the world. It wasn’t papers together. “I think that’s every- The warm embrace of her memories long before Mary found herself leav- thing, sorry again,” he said, handing Filled the room ing work early as much as she could. the papers back to her. Swirling and dancing with the somber music Waiting for this man every day at “That’s okay,” Mary managed 5:03 had become ritual. squeak. The man grinned and walked Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click One day, about two months later, away. Mary turned to face Lisa, still Mary found herself dawdling around standing across the street, dumb- My mothers hand on her arm Wall St when she noticed someone founded. Mary crossed to the other She lets out a soft murmur else: she was a smaller woman, with side. With no words, she speaks the love of a lifetime short, pixie-cut hair. As the most “Oh. My. God. You talked to him. Lyrics to the swelling composition beautiful man in the world swept You touched him! Oh my God!” Lisa past, she and this tiny woman made exclaimed. Mary was still in shock. Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click eye-contact. The woman put her That was the last time that she ever hand to her heart and sighed. From saw the man. The nurse hands us pictures that day forward, Mary began notic- The next day, Mary found her- Flooded in from relatives in Scotland ing that everyday at about 5:03, this self leaving late from work again. In Trembling hands sift softly through the photos woman made an appearance in her light of what had happened yester- Distant performers in her life’s orchestra life as well. day, Mary wasn’t paying much atten- It wasn’t until a month later that tion as she crossed the road, for she Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click they spoke to one another. Mary was too busy hoping that she and the was at a gala of sorts when there, man would make eye-contact. It was Her body is frail, in a bright red gown, she saw her: on that day that Claus, a cab-driver, A baby bird in its nest the man’s other follower. Mary was decided to take a call while driving. Her spirit chirps the melodies unsure of what to do at first: She It was on that day that Mary got hit Learned in the morning of her life didn’t even know the woman’s name, by Claus, and it was also on that day but she couldn’t pass up meeting her. that Mary met Joel, the man lying Hurooooom-click Hurooooom-click So she tapped her on the shoulder. next to her in the hospital. He wasn’t The woman spun around and let out New York’s God, but he was soon to Later that day she would pass a laugh. become Mary’s. Leaving an echo of her kindness “I’m Lisa!” A sweet song of sorrow “Mary.” —Dana Hall Playing eternally in our hearts It took all of three minutes for • • • Photo by zoonabar via flickr the two women to bond. Mary dis- —Brodie Robbins • • • Lisa via vector.net
• March 23 - March 29, 2012 creative 13 The Gentle Bird Weeps The gentle bird flies the earth In search of what is right It glides among the most beautiful things But never stays the night Paris, 1968 Everyone knows this gentle bird But no one as much as me J ean-Pierre ran down the hot streets, his boots clack- ing on cobblestone beneath him. People were shout- ing all around him, attracting more and more people as and Max grinned widely. “Es tu prêt pour le revolution?” Jean-Pierre asked him what revolution. Max simply hit The bird; so nice, so naïve Is trying just to be the roar of the crowd grew larger and louder. Panicked, his brick against the ground in a big flamboyant gesture. Except one day a man came by he slipped down an alleyway and kept running. The brick Jean-Pierre looked at him in confusion, waiting for an Killed the bird and had it stuffed walls of Paris folded in around him and isolated him from explanation. Max just kept staring up at the sky. Max said Because that poor little bird the chaos out on the streets. that he had found it too cold that morning and he was Was just never quite enough He stumbled to a stop and tried to catch his fleeting glad the sun was finally coming out. He shut his eyes and breath. His legs felt like jelly and his whole body shook as turned his face up expectantly. After a while he opened So until this very day he stood with his hands on his knees and panted, sucking one eye and looked around the courtyard. Noticing that While every man earns his keep in muggy air polluted with the anger of a whole nation. a sunbeam had falled on the ground a few feet away from If you try hard enough He looked around the tiny courtyard he’d wound up in. It him, he laughed to himself. Then, in a quiet voice that sent You hear one little bird start to weep was a cool, secluded corner of Paris, full of shade but not a shiver down Jean-Pierre’s spine, he said emersed in shadow. Jean-Pierre was just thinking to him- “France sera le centre du monde encore.” —Seth Earle • • • Illustration by iamyung via freevector.com self that it would be a nice place to come and read when he When Jean-Pierre asked what he meant, Max explained was interrupted by a loud clang. that nobody wasn’t thinking about France during the Rev- A young man, to whom Jean-Pierre was probably a few olution. They had reinvented politics and changed the way years junior, stumbled out into the courtyard through a people saw thier leaders and they’d do it all again right group of garbage cans carrying a brick in his hand. He here. swore as he flailed about, trying to balance himself. When “Nous, comme, les français?” he noticed Jean-Pierre, looking as startled as an atheist at “Non.” Said Max as he rose to his feet and looked at the pearly gates, the young man hurriedly gathered him- Jean-Pierre with a look so jubulant and frightening it was self. With a great smile spread over his face, the young as if the very birth place of chaos was behind his eyes, “Tu man caught his breath and stood up straight. et moi.” “Je m’appelle Max!” He declared boldly. “Comment With that, Max tossed the brick at Jean-Pierre. It flew t’appelle?” across the courtyard, headed straight for Jean-Pierre’s “Je…Jean-Pierre!” Jean-Pierre sputtered. Max scru- chest. He caught it and stummbled back, lost his bal- nched up his face, as if he were thinking very hard about ance and fell on his behind. He sqeezed his eyes shut and something, until he cheerfully said that he liked the name. winced until he became aware of something looming over He then let himself fall to the ground, his legs spread out him. He opened his eyes and looked up into Max’s grin- in front of him and a look of content on his face. Jean- ning face, his smile seemingly no longer fitting in his head. Pierre glanced at the brick, still in Max’s hand. The corner “Ici est ton billet de vote.” was chipped off, a clean break. Jean-Pierre thought for a moment that maybe it had been broken smasing a police —Michael Wohlfahrt barricade. Or perhaps a policeman. • • • Liberty leading the People by Eugène Delacroix A loud crash echoed down the alleyway from the street GL ASSON BAR St. Sunday becomes the bloom of my eye; we follow on highs and smoky nights, in bars, the sidewalk, the silver rain. The Lover in the Mirror That Lover in the mirror— Then again, I help myself to the vanities, the proof— If he is my second-half I wonder. I've wasted my time trailing coffee rings I talk to you and you talk to me; and muddled bassoons. I wave my hand and you wave your hand; We visit us in our rooms alike. Three blockades present themselves, the golden three: Oh both of our worlds are just the same! the taken, the departed, and the not-yet-arrived. …I kiss you, touch you, but coldness prevails… Faceless, I encourage the red stains further. Or are both of our worlds just different? She whispers: That place beyond your room I’ll never know; "Incomplete hours. Another." I wave my right and you wave your left; I breathe out my words, but can’t hear yours. —Brett Bell Am I his second-half would he wonder— • • • via stainexpert.blogspot.ca That Lover in the mirror? —Adrian Lacson • • • Photo by dherrera_96 via flickr
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