BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

BISHOP’S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE
         JANUARY 2021

 A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY
    IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET
                    LIMITED EDITION

 A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OUR READERS
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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021
              EDITOR                   POST VACANT - TREASURER &
       Bob Coombs                          ADVERTISING MANAGER
       2 Waterfield Close                 Please contact John Chidgey
       Bishop’s Hull                           26 Shutewater Close,
       Taunton,                                Bishop’s Hull
       TA1 5HB                                 Taunton.
       01823-253697                            01823-972908
Email: robertcoombs@talktalk.net         E-mail: jcchidgey@hotmail.com
                     MAGAZINE SUPPORT TEAM
Regular Helpers:    (Clem & Val Pryer have now retired)
                      but Margaret Coombs continues to help.
Magazine Cover:       Photographs by Bob Coombs & Bob Winn
                    Magazine Distributors in inwaiting
                                     :

Margaret Baker             274542        Christine Chidgey         972908
Margaret Coombs            253697        Jane Gurr                 272415
Pam Lloyd                  251599        Kath Mogford              461735
Rosemary Lockley           275867        Jo Yeandle
John Prinsep               253740         Janet Reed
Mary Trevelyan             256406         Roger Farthing (Reserve)
Articles relating to all aspects of our village and community are welcome.
  Final date for acceptance: Mid-day on 12th of the month.
Please help to make the magazine interesting by contributing material.
Magazines are delivered monthly to subscribers at a cost of £6.00 per annum.
    (Please note: Individual copies are now priced at 60p)
    Copies posted will attract a stamp fee (2nd class large) per copy .
Our magazine year starts on (TO BE DECIDED). Annual subscriptions
are due on this date or may be prepaid following delivery of the next
magazine. Complimentary copies are sent to the LMG, Hospices and the
local nursing and residential homes.
ADVERTISERS: Without the support of our advertisers this magazine
 would not be financially viable. Please try to support them whenever
         possible, and mention this magazine when doing so.
It is emphasised that the views expressed in this magazine are not
necessarily those of the the magazine editorial team,unless attributable,
               or those sent in by identifiable contributors.
   COVER PICTURE: A FROSTY COVID-19 MORNING BESIDE THE
              RIVER TONE BELOW NETHERCLAY
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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                The Frank Bond Centre
                  84 Mountway Road, Bishop’s Hull
All activities at The Frank Bond Centre, both inside
and outside, have been suspended, except croquet
where booking is essential, until greater clarification.
        Over 50? Come and join us for fun, friendship & activities
          Annual membership £22 (£20 if paid before 31st Jan)
                   Contact Carolyn 01823 283941
                  Find on on facebook (& ‘Like’ us)
                 Activities to be resumed in due course
Every Monday The Painting Group 10.00-12.00
              Whist Club 1.30-4.00pm
              Bridge Club 2.00-4.00pm (except first Monday in the month)
Every Tuesday Croquet 10.00-12.00 Games 2.00-4.00pm
Every Thursday Bridge Club 10.00-12.00
               German conversation 10.00-12.00
               Croquet 2.00-4.00pm
Every Friday   Frank’s Café 10-00-12.00 Non members warmly welcomed
                          Monthly Activities
1st Monday in month     Family History 2.00-4.00pm
2nd & 4th Tuesday.     Parchment club for members 1.30-4.30pm
1st Wednesday          Just for Singles social club 2.00-4.00pm
4th Wednesday          Music Circle 2.00-4.00pm
3rd Thursday           Monthly lunch

    The Frank Bond Centre still remains closed to the public
                following Government guidelines.
 The Trustees will continue to review the situation on a monthly
                               basis.
 A date cannot be set for the AGM but the accounts will be filed,
      in-accordance with the correct legislation. This will be
        communicated to members in the FBC newsletter.
Please keep safe and well and we hope we can all enjoy Christmas.
                        The FBC Trustees

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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BISHOP'S HULL PARISH MAGAZINE JANUARY 2021 - A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITY IN THE HEART OF SOMERSET - Bishops Hull JANUARY 2021 magazine and adverts
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

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                               11
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

 Vicar:
 Reverend Philip Hughes ,
 The Vicarage, Bishop's Hull Hill,
 Bishop's Hull, TA1 5EB
 01823-336102
 Church Wardens:
 Mr Will Osmond, 01823-461820
 Mrs Jo George,  01823-331432

A     s we enter another new year, and reflect upon the last nine months, we must
      all be thankful that the advances in science will eventually allow us to return
to something like a normal life. Many lessons have been learnt and many
questions asked, especially about the way we live. Have we let our standards slip?
Have we forgotten how to live a more simple life? Have we been living a life
selfishly based upon me, me, me? Do we rely too much on a world full of
electronic communication and shun the face to face contact most of us need?
Who are the most important amongst us when things go wrong? Is it the elderly;
is it the children; is it the poor; is it the sick; is it the people who have lost their
job or those who have never had one?
No doubt we all have our own personal answers but one thing is common to all
these questions and that is money. Who could have imagined, as we began 2020
with high hopes and a smile on our faces, the unbelievable amount of money that
would have to be spent to overcome most of these problems.
Running alongside the vast amounts of money is the often unsettling way our
leaders have tried to tackle the effects of the pandemic. Within living memory
(and in the history books) we have had to face these problems before, and often
on a more serious scale.
In 1918 there was the Spanish Flu - the avian-borne flu resulted in 50 million
deaths worldwide. The flu was first observed in Europe, the United States and
parts of Asia before swiftly spreading around the world. At the time, there were no
effective drugs or vaccines to treat this killer flu strain.
1957: Asian flu started in Hong Kong and spread throughout China and then into
the United States. The Asian flu became widespread in England where, over six
months, 14,000 people died. A second wave followed in early 1958, causing an
estimated total of about 1.1 million deaths globally, with 116,000 deaths in the
United States alone. A vaccine was eventually developed, effectively containing
the pandemic.
History has shown that, as the world becomes more and more culturally
integrated and scientifically advanced, thankfully mankind has learnt much and is
more able to combat these pandemics.
As we slowly come out of this latest pandemic and, hopefully within a year, are fit
and well again we must turn our thoughts to the ever pressing problems of
society. We must not forget all the good that has come to the fore during the
pandemic; helping one another; speaking to our neighbours; and recognising the
sick and lonely who live close by us every day.
Just being alive is a challenge and we should remember that we all sometimes
need a helping hand along the way. Please do not forget.
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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

The Vicar Writes ……
Dear Brother and Sister in Christ,
Happy New Year!
I’ve heard many people express this greeting and
adding a new phrase – it can’t be as bad as the last one,
surely! Well, none of us know what today will bring
never mind what tomorrow or the rest of the year, but
we hope that 2021 will be a much much better year for
so many people – including you and me! While we do
not know about today or tomorrow, we do know God –
and He knows the beginning from the end. We are assured in Scripture
that He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. And He is faithful to
His promises.
So, I offer this prayer to you and for you as we begin this new year. It is a
prayer written by Susan Climie and I came across it in a magazine I was
browsing through the other day…
“Dearest Lord, you said that you were always with us; thank you that you
know our soul’s thoughts, feelings and future.
As a celebration of our new year, again thank you that you know all of our
unique destinies and our journey with you.
Thank you that we can pray with you; what an opportunity to share the
most precious conversation that could ever happen.
In our demanding world Lord, we pray for your presence: as we wait, to
listen and to hear, please help us to make you our priority.
Forgive us Lord when our lives seem rushed in this ever-demanding world.
Please help us to rest Lord as we learn to strengthen ourselves in you.
Lord, you know that this world can be overwhelming and exhausting.
Please help us to find the time to connect with you in prayer.
We pray for the sick, the lonely, the confused and those who are working in
your church.
For those who have had a difficult past year we prayed that the coming year
will be easier and more fruitful.
We ask for greater power, for more of your Holy Spirit, as we seek your
Kingdom.
Help us to remember to share more with you- it is such a privilege!”
A simple message of hope, of love, of encouragement and of discipleship to
you and to all we know. May this year be one where we build strong
foundations on God’s promises and learn to walk with Him afresh, anew
and again.
                                God bless,
                             Rev Phil Hughes
                           Vicar and Chaplain

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                       BISHOP’S HULL IN TIMES PAST
                                        1797

            T     he mansion house known as Upcott House was advertised to let.
                  The accommodation consisted on the ground floor a kitchen,
             housekeeper’s room, servants’ hall, breakfast parlour, eating room
             and dining room and a hall. On the first floor there were eight
             elegant and spacious bedrooms with light closets and on the attic
             storey eight good and convenient bed chambers. There was a large
             underground cellar, a cider cellar, a pound house, coach house and
stables capable of taking 14 horses, all other convenient outhouses, a lawn and
three walled gardens well stocked with fruit trees remarkable for their early and
plentiful productions. With the house was to be let 13 acres of the richest
meadow, orchard and pasture land. Those wishing to view the premises were to
apply to Mr Samuel Hine at Barr near the said mansion house and for
particulars to him or at the office of Messrs Thomas and Beadon of Taunton.
                                        1847

A    n advertisement was placed in local newspapers by the Rev W Routledge to
     say that he would receive into his house at Milligan Hall a limited number
of pupils to be instructed, from the commencement of their school career, in all
the essential branches of a sound classical and useful education. The system of
tuition, founded on a strict attention to moral and religious principles, was
equally adapted to prepare pupils for the public schools and military or naval
colleges and to form the basis for subsequent progress in the professions usually
pursued by the sons of gentlemen.
The death was announced of Frederick William Chapman, Lieutenant in Her
Majesty’s 84th Regiment, aged 27, eldest son of Frederick John Chapman, of
Hillmore House. He accidentally drowned, by the ship the Robert Small
lurching in a gale of wind off the Cape of Good Hope, whilst on his passage
home from Madras.
                                        1897

A     presentation was made to Mr WHC Richards upon the occasion of his
     relinquishing the headmastership of Bishop’s Hull Board Schools. A
number of parishioners met together in the Board school to bid him farewell
with a gift of Bishop Charles Ellicott’s Commentary on the Bible for English
Readers. The Vicar, the Rev CG Box, presided and short speeches were also
made by Mr R Easton, Mr Alms and Mr Lythall, all testifying to their
appreciation of Mr Richards’ worth. In addition to these tokens of esteem, Mr
Richards also received from the members of his Bible class a beautiful copy of a
Teachers’ Bible and from his colleagues in the Board Schools a handsome set of
carvers. The good wishes of a wide circle of local friends would follow Mr
Richards to his new post at the Voluntary Schools of Widcombe, Bath.
A sad accident occurred near Wincanton, when the Rev CH Bousfield , Rector of
Bratton St Maur, was thrown from a tricycle when the brakes failed and it ran
away with him. He unfortunately died from his injuries. He was formerly curate
of Bishop’s Hull and Wanstrow.

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                            BELFRY NEWS.                        January 2021

                           2020 is over, gone, never to be seen again, and
                            good riddance to it !!

                           Let us hope that the new year brings us some joy
                        and happiness. We bellringers, apart from myself,
                        have not rung a bell since March when lockdown
                        began, so when ringing re-commences, hopefully in
                        April / May, a spell of rehabilitation and re-learning
                        will have to take place to hone skills un-used for a
                        year or more. Muscles will ache, not used to the
                        rigours of ringing; fingers and hands will develop
                        blisters on skin not calloused by frequent contact
                        with bellropes, and brains will have to wake up to
                        the hand / eye / brain co-ordination needed for
                        easy-on-the-ear ringing.

 We did, however, manage to ring four bells on Christmas Eve to celebrate
the arrival of Christmas, and to get the church flag flying for the twelve days
of the festive season!

 My personal mission during the second lockdown period of cleaning and
painting the metalwork of the bellframe is now approaching its end, with
just the final coat of paint to be applied. After that I am going to attempt to
clean up the bells themselves, which over very many decades have become
spattered with dirt, bird droppings, and drops of paint.

 Everyone has very patient over the year, but I sense that patience is now
wearing a bit thin ! Let us hope that the amazing work on vaccine
production proves successful and leads to an easing of restrictions in the
near future.

 Very best wishes to all for a happier and healthier New Year.

                                                       Giles Morley.

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

            YET AGAIN AN APPEAL FROM THE EDITOR
                  The future of the Parish Magazine

S   ubscribers will recall that the last magazine to be printed was April
    2020 (copy 11 of 12) and since then only an electronic (free) copy has
been available on the Web for you to read. To date, there have been no
instructions from the Diocese indicating that churches can restart putting
hard copy information into the public domain. Therefore, as a large
proportion of subscribers either have their magazine delivered or pick it
up from the church, we are still unable to have it printed for you. I wish
there were more positive news.
I will continue to produce an electronic copy and hope it will not be too
long before we once again return to normal.                  Bob Coombs

              VACANCY NOTICE FOR PARISH MAGAZINE
              TREASURER AND ADVERTISING MANAGER

O   ur current Treasurer/Advertising Manager retired at the end of 2020.
    We are therefore looking for volunteers to take on one, or both, of
these vital tasks at the beginning of 2021.
If you wish to volunteer, or find out more about the requirements/skills
required, then please contact our current manager, John Chidgey, who has
offered to give every assistance to the newcomer(s) to these posts.
Contact details can be found inside the front page of the magazine which,
currently, is available to view either on www.stpeterandstpaul.org.uk or
wwwbishopshull.org.uk web sites.
It is important that these two positions are filled as quickly as possible
before publication resumes in 2021.

                           Frank Bond Centre

T    he Frank Bond Centre still remains closed to the public following
     Government guidelines. The Trustees will continue to review the
situation on a monthly basis. A date cannot be set for the AGM but the
accounts will be filed, in-accordance with the correct legislation. This
will be communicated to members in the FBC newsletter. Please keep
safe and well and we hope we can all enjoy Christmas –
The FBC Trustees

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                              Parish Council News

A    t the Parish Council meeting held online on 5th November Members
     resolved to:
• To continue pushing SW&T to pursue Persimmon in ensuring they are
delivering in their areas of responsibility within the Kinglake Estate and
ensuring there are plans in place to transfer the responsibility of the site to the
local authority.
• A draft budget was viewed. The Clerk will provide additional financial
information at the December meeting to assist Members in making a decision
on any future increase required in the Precept request.
• Members fully supported the request from a local resident to install, at his own
expense, a notice board at the junction of Desmond Rochford Way & Kennel
Field Drive.
At the December meeting Members will decide on the precept request from
SW&T Council. This is the amount of funding the Parish Council requests every
year to cover services provided to the Community by the Parish Council.
Residents will see on the Council Tax bill that you make a contribution to this.
Any rise in Precept request will be communicated to residents. As a guide for
every extra £1,000 the Parish Council requests that will increase the residents
Council tax bill by 81p per £1000 per year (based on band D property).
                          Parish Council Vacancies

T   he Parish Council currently has two vacancies; to be eligible you must be
    over 18, on the electoral role and live or work within 3 miles of the Parish.
You should have an interest in helping make decisions about how Parish
Council finances are spent and supporting the local area. Anyone interested
please contact the Clerk and you will be invited to join an informal ZOOM
meeting to find out more about the role and ask any question

       Bishop’s Hull Short Mat Bowls Club – BHSMBC (Proposed)

W       ith the new Hub build well under way, many villagers will no doubt be
        thinking about all the great things we will be able to do once it finally
opens. One of the things we are hoping to do is form a village Short Mat Bowls
Club and would like to hear from anyone who might be interested in taking part.
It is proposed that the club would be open to all, regardless of whether they are
already seasoned bowlers or complete novices. There will also be an opportunity
for the younger members of the village to learn the game. Naturally, starting a
new club from scratch would involve a significant outlay to purchase the
necessary equipment, but there should be sufficient time to raise the funds and
seek grants before the Hub completion date. To enable these first steps to be
taken we need to have an idea of the interest from the village. Once we have
sufficient numbers we can then arrange to meet up, COVID regulations
permitting of course, to discuss creating a club and fundraising committee to
drive things forward. We have already had a small number indicate their
interest so, if you would like to register yours, please drop an email to
thelawns22@googlemail.com
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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                 Bishop’s Hull HUB - early December

D     espite the second lockdown the building works at the Hub remain
      on schedule. However, due to delays nationally in the supply of
roof tiles, the roof has been temporarily protected by tarpaulin until the
tiles are available to complete the construction. We do not envisage
any delay to the completion date of 1st April as work will continue to
progress internally on programme.
Please watch this space in January 2021 when we hope to announce a
new, remote and much needed fundraising scheme. As always, we
continue to welcome donations via the collection boxes in the shop; via
your online Amazon purchases through their charitable website Smile
where you can allocate Bishops Hull Hub as your chosen charity. We
are also still selling Personalised Bricks which could make a lovely
Christmas present!
               Contact us for more details: 07500 748609
                     BishopsHullHub@gmail.co

                        Neighbourhood Beat Team
       PCSO Lyndsay Smith 07802 874297
       lyndsay.smith@avonandsomerset.police.uk
       PCSO Marshall Bernhard 07849 305815
       marshall.bernhard@avonandsomerset.police.uk
       PCSO Catharine Richards 07710 026192
       catherine.richards@avonandsomerset.police.uk

                                    18
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                                                  ONLINE SECURITY &
                                                     PASSWORDS

                                           W      ith the increase in online scams
                                                  and cyber crime it is a good time
                                           to review your passwords and on-line
   News from across Taunton                security.

H    ello! This is the first copy of the
     Taunton Police Newsletter. Here,
you will find lots of useful information
                                           Advice from the National Cyber
                                           Security Centre and the Police Digital
                                           Security Centre is simple and easy:
including: crime statistics for your
area, the PCSOs that look after your       1. Use different passwords for your
area, how to get in contact with us,       email and online accounts
news from across Taunton, news from        2. Use 3 random words passwords
your area and where we’re currently
focusing our patrols. The team will        Examples: owlpigfox , (or better; owl-
also provide you with dates for beat       pig-fox), (or better still; Owl-Pig-Fox)
surgeries and special events, where        Why 3 random words? Simple - these
you can come and meet us and have a        'created' words are not in any
socially distanced chat. We’ve also        dictionary
included some social media links for       3. Use two-factor authentication
those who are on Facebook and              (2FA)
Twitter - follow us and keep up-to-
date with what Taunton                     This is a second level of security that's
Neighbourhood Policing team are up         being used increasingly. It uses your
to daily. We hope you find this of         mobile phone number to send you an
interest and all feedback is welcome -     text message with a 'one-time' code to
please send to the email address           enter.
above. Remember, please report crime       Some online services now have 2FA
to us via 101 or 999 and not via social    automatically turned on - for others it
media or email as these are not            may be a security option that you can
monitored 24/7.                            turn on yourself, such as Gmail,
                                           Facebook etc. All that will be
          Crime Statistics                 requested is your mobile number, so
74 crimes recorded over the last 28        that the one-time authentication code
days, in Taunton West;                     can be exchanged.
Some of which included;                    For more information;
Violence against a person - 25
Public Order - 14                          https://www.policedsc.com/security-
Theft - 12                                 advice/advice-hub/password-policy
Arson and Criminal Damage - 6              https://www.ncsc.gov.uk/guidance/se
Burglary - 6                               tting-two-factor-authentication-2fa
Sexual Offences - 5
Vehicle Offences - 2                       https://www.ourwatch.org.uk/passwo
Drug Offences - 1                          rds

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

     02/12/20 9788 Somerset: Telephone Fraud Alert (Important)

T   wo elderly residents in the Clevedon area have been the subject of serious
    fraud. Both received telephone calls today, 2nd December, stating they
were police officers - one from Luton and the other allegedly from Bristol. The
supposed officers were very persistent and even asked one of the victims to call
191 to check their identity with a colleague. This was a clever ploy, as the line
had not been disconnected and the phone was merely handed to an
accomplice.
In both instances they were asked to attend their banks, and were advised by
the fake police that they could get around the security measures / questions.
On arrival the victims withdrew thousands of pounds between them, which
was later collected from their homes by a courier. A password was given by the
fraudster to use when handing the money over to the courier to make it even
more convincing.
This type of fraud can occur anywhere, so always be wary of unexpected calls.
Never give out any personal details, especially financial account numbers or
passwords. If you have any concerns, hang up immediately. Contact the bank
or organisation they claim to represent using a mobile or different phone in
case the offenders are still on the line. Never use any telephone numbers
provided by the fraudster. Police will never ask you to attend you bank or
withdraw cash.

         04/12/20 9788 Somerset: Ongoing Amazon Scam Calls.

I   have been advised this morning that unfortunately one of our members has
   fallen foul to this scam. They received a call claiming to be from Amazon and
that a payment request had been made on their account from a company in
London and were they aware of any such transaction?. Clearly not aware, the
caller stated they must have been hacked and went through a lengthy
procedure at the end of which the member checked their online bank account
to find a substantial amount of money had been removed.
Please NEVER give out any personal details to anyone claiming to be from
Amazon or any other company that calls you out of the blue. Terminate the call
and call back on a number you trust and preferably from a different phone, if
this is not possible then wait at least 5 minutes for the line to disconnect.

                                  A Real Pain

    A    clergyman was standing in for a vicar who was ill. The parish was in a
         very rough part, most of the church windows had been broken and
    were boarded up with cardboard. On his last Sunday he said to the
    congregation "l have enjoyed being with you but of course I am not your
    vicar; rather like those pieces of cardboard in your windows they're not
    real panes they are a substitute, and I have been a substitute".
    At the end of the service the church warden thanked him for helping and
    said, "We want you to know sir that to us you have not been a substitute,
    you have been a real pain".
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            The first man to get stopped for speeding…

I   t was 125 years ago,
    on 28th January
1896, that Walter
Arnold of Kent became
the first person in the
world to be convicted
of speeding. The speed
limit was 2 mph at the
time, and a man
carrying a red flag had
to walk in front of the
vehicle. But one day Mr
Arnold took off at 8 mph, without a flag bearer. He was chased by a
policeman on a bicycle for five miles, arrested, and fined one shilling.

Mr Arnold was four times over the rather modest 2mph limit in the
streets of Paddock Wood, near Tunbridge Wells in Kent. To achieve
this feat today, a driver in most towns or cities would have to be
travelling at over 100 mph, which is probably a bit excessive.

The speed limit was changed later that same year to 14 mph, but
there is no record of Mr Arnold getting his money back. Nor is there
any evidence that he was endangering life and limb, which used to be
the criterion: the 1832 Stage Carriage Act introduced the offence of
endangering someone’s safety by "furious driving”.

Just over 100 years later, the road safety charity Brake reports that
male motorists are more than three times more likely than women to
having driven at more than 100 mph, because ‘boy racers’ believe they
have more talent than the average driver. Police have caught one
driver doing 120 mph in a 20 mph zone, another doing 152 mph in a 30
mph zone, and one doing an astonishing 180 mph on a motorway. As
Edmund King, AA president, points out: “Generally men have riskier
attitudes towards driving than their female counterparts.”

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                          BOOK REVIEWS
                                             consolation in rescuing lost objects—
                                             the things others have dropped,
                                             misplaced, or accidentally left
                                             behind—and writing stories about
                                             them. Now, in the twilight of his life,
                                             Anthony worries that he has not
                                             fully discharged his duty to reconcile
                                             all the lost things with their owners.
                                             As the end nears, he bequeaths his
                                             secret life’s mission to his
                                             unsuspecting assistant, Laura,
                                             leaving her his house and and all its
                                             lost treasures, including an irritable
                                             ghost.
                                             Recovering from a bad divorce,
                                             Laura, in some ways, is one of
                                             Anthony’s lost things. But when the
   The Keeper of Lost Things                 lonely woman moves into his
         by Ruth Hogan                       mansion, her life begins to change.

A     charming, clever, and quietly
     moving debut novel of of
endless possibilities and joyful
                                             She finds a new friend in the
                                             neighbour’s quirky daughter,
                                             Sunshine, and a welcome distraction
discoveries that explores the                in Freddy, the rugged gardener. As
promises we make and break, losing           the dark cloud engulfing her lifts,
and finding ourselves, the objects           Laura, accompanied by her new
that hold magic and meaning for our          companions, sets out to realize
lives, and the surprising connections        Anthony’s last wish: reuniting his
that bind us.                                cherished lost objects with their
Lime green plastic flower-shaped             owners.
hair bobbles—Found, on the playing           Long ago, Eunice found a trinket on
field, Derrywood Park, 2nd                   the London pavement and kept it
September.                                   through the years. Now, with her
Bone china cup and saucer—Found,             own end drawing near, she has lost
on a bench in Riveria Public                 something precious—a tragic twist of
Gardens, 31st October.                       fate that forces her to break a
                                             promise she once made.
Anthony Peardew is the keeper of
lost things. Forty years ago, he             As the Keeper of Lost Objects, Laura
carelessly lost a keepsake from his          holds the key to Anthony and
beloved fiancée, Therese. That very          Eunice’s redemption. But can she
same day, she died unexpectedly.             unlock the past and make the
Brokenhearted, Anthony sought                connections that will lay their spirits
                                             to rest? ##

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                          EAT WELL FOR LESS
  CREAM OF LETTUCE SOUP                             UNCOOKED ORANGE
             Ingredients                                PUDDING

  3 heads of lettuce                                        Ingredients
  2 oz butter                                 1 dessertspoon gelatine
  salt 8 pepper                               ¼ cup sugar
  2/3 cup washed rice                         2 cups cold milk
  1% pints boiling milk                       1 cup water
  2'/2 pints white stock                      1 cup orange juice
  2-3 tablespoons cream
  Parsley
               Method                                         Method
Finely chop the washed lettuce. Melt          Soak the gelatine in a little cold water
the butter in a saucepan, add the             then fill up the cup with boiling water
lettuce and fry for 2-3 minutes.              and dissolve the gelatine.
Add salt, pepper, the rice and stock          Stir in the sugar and orange juice.
and bring quickly to the boil.                Allow the mixture to half set and beat
Simmer for 45 minutes.                        in the milk.
Sieve into another saucepan and add           Leave to set.
the milk, cream and parsley.                          June Simpson, Bridge.
        Mrs. Leaney, Bridge.                                  *****
               *****

  PORK & APPLE CASSEROLE                                HONEY CREAM
           Serves 2                                         Ingredients
             Ingredients                        1 pint double cream
   2 pork chops                                 4 tablespoons honey, clear is easier
   1 cooking or eating apple                    to work
   1 oz raisins, or more if liked               4 tablespoons whisky, brandy, rum
   1 small tin oxtail soup                      or liqueur or a drop or two of
                                                flavoured essence (optional)
               Method                                         Method
Wipe the chops and place in a                 Whisk the cream until stiff.
casserole.                                    Add the softened honey and the
Cover with the sliced apple and               flavouring and whisk again.
raisins.                                      Spoon into wine glasses and serve
Pour the tin of soup over this - cover        chilled.
the casserole and cook in the oven at         Sprinkle with toasted oatmeal or
375°F for 1¼ hours.                           almonds.

       Mrs. B. Crook, Bridge.                         June Simpson, Bridge.

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

         A further extract from E W Hendy’s book (1943)
               Somerset Birds and some other folk.
                       CONSIDER THE CHAFFINCH

O    ne-morning in April, while I was dressing, a hen chaffinch pitched on the
     apex of an annexe just outside my window and sang five or six sharp,
quick notes in a slightly ascending scale. These resembled the first phrase of
the cock chaffinch’s normal song but did not quite reach its brilliance. The
episode suggested to me that some such string of notes may have been the
original theme from which the typical male chaffinch song has, in the course
of ages, evolved. The insistent ‘spink-spink-spink’ of a hungry or excited cock
chaffinch forms, at any rate in rhythm, the basis of the first phrase of his
song. Most authorities agree that song began with call notes: this female’s
phrase consisted of simple sounds resembling call notes strung together, in
fact much the same song as that described by Lord Grey.
(In Palaeozoic days, when the Earth Was still in travail with the birth throes
of elemental life, there was no bird song, for there were no birds. We do not
know what noises, if any, the primitive amphibians made, but they Were
probably unpleasant. It was perhaps as well that there were no men on the
earth then to hear them.)
Chaffinch song has its dialects: it varies in different districts. Witchell, in The
Evolution of Bird Song, mentions that Normandy chaffinches’ songs differed
by several notes from those of Scotland. On the West coast of Scotland in May
I found the song shorter than in west Somerset. In Huntingdonshire some
cocks shortened their strains: others extended the earlier phrase to even eight
notes, While the rest of the ditty was of the usual length. In a district of West
Sussex some sang longer and others shorter solos than is customary. In
Regent’s Park I noticed some chaffinches lengthening the first and
contracting the second parts of their melodies. Bechstein quotes several
variations of chaffinch songs in Thuringia, but these were presumably caged
birds, used in singing contests. No doubt individuals have their own vocal
idiosyncrasies.
Though I have heard the song in every month of the year, by mid-June the
chaffinch chorus is beginning to wane. Sometimes there is a recrudescence of
minstrelsy at the end of that month, possibly due to a revival in virility when
the cares of nesting and feeding young are over. In July and August the music
is fragmentary; the complete song is rarely heard, and it is rendered softly,
almost a sub-song. Some of the birds which I have heard and seen in song at
the end of the latter month, and also in September and October, are from
their plumage birds of the year. These youngsters must obviously have heard
the song-themes of their parents and may have learned the notes by
imitation: if so, then their first songs are imitative and not instinctive. These
strains, and those rarely heard, and only on mild days in November and
December, are always shortened versions of the cock’s spring carol. N0 doubt
the shortening hours of daylight decrease the stimulus to song.

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Verbal renderings of bird-song are rarely satisfactory: our larynx
is not a syrinx. In The Lure of Birdwatching I mentioned the Artois peasant
who rendered the chaffinch’s song to a friend of mine as ‘J’avais ung tout
p’tit, p’tit, p’tit catiaou’ (chateau). Swainsons’s The Folk Lore and Provincial
Names of British Birds gives other French versions. In Orleans it is ‘Je suis le
fils d’une riche prieur’: this is evidently not the full song. In Saintonge the
chaffinch asks for ‘Un pllein, pllein, pllein p’tit plat de rofitie, ’ i.e. a piece of
bread soaked in wine. About Paris we have ‘Oui, Oui, Oui, je suis un bon
citoyen’. These suggest longer song-phrases. Perhaps the best
paraphrase in English of the complete song is W. Garstang’s _‘chip chip chip
tell tell tell cherry-erry-erry tissi cheweeo’.
As will appear later in this book chaffinches are not early risers. Listening to
the dawn chorus in summer, I have often noticed that no chaffinch pipes up
until ten minutes or a quarter of an hour after early songsters such as song-
thrush, blackbird and robin have wakened with their aubades. The eyes of a
chaffinch, small compared with those of crepuscular birds, suggest that he’s
rather a slug-abed.
Bird language is inevitably a matter of inflection. Where there are no words,
modulations of tone and pitch are the only way of conveying meaning.
Chaffinches have, besides their song, a large variety of ‘call-notes’ expressing
diverse emotions. Some of these sounds I have described in Here and There
with Birds. The metallic ‘spink' or ‘pink’ (rendered ‘chwink’ in Mr. Witherby’s
new edition of his Handbook) certainly begins with a sound which is partly
sibilant and partly guttural. It betokens excitement, anger, pugnacity, alarm,
eagerness. The appearance of food on my bird table is welcomed both with
‘spink’ and a shorter, less metallic note, resembling ‘Wit’ : it betokens
pleasurable anticipation of food. Satisfaction at the end of the repast is
expressed by a sound more like ‘chip’. My tame chaffinches when asking for
pine-kernels utter a note which closely resembles the peevish food-cry of a
fledgling, or when doubtful about coming to my hand for food, a sound which
is less confident than either ‘spink’ or ‘wit’: it betokens indecision.
The greatest variety appears in call-notes associated with courtship, display
and breeding activities. There is the cock’s long drawn out ‘weet', repeated at
intervals, which is heard only in the mating and nesting season. I always
welcome it as a token that spring is, as a matter of fact, here, whatever the
temperature may hint to the contrary. The hen, when sitting and on other
occasions, utters the same note when flitting back to her nest. Besides this,
there is the ‘oo-ee’ call, the ‘ee’ being lengthened, also employed by the cock
when courting. Pursuing the hen before mating, his emotion is expressed by a
guttural crooning, a harsh, reiterated call. She replies in a hoarse chatter: its
timbre and pitch vary; it may resemble clucking, churring or chittering. A
high-pitched piping is her own summons to a mate for coition. After
consummation the cock’s song serves as an epithalamium.

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                        WORK IN THE GARDEN

                                 JANUARY

W       ORK in the garden during
        the opening month of the
year is entirely dependent on the
weather, and it is futile to enter on
a vain conflict with Nature. When
heavy rains prevail keep off the
ground, but immediately it will
bear traffic without poaching be
prepared to take advantage of
every favourable hour. Much may
be done in January to make ready
for the busy spring, and every
moment usefully employed will
relieve the pressure later on. Survey the stock of pea-sticks, haul out all the
rubbish from the yard, and make a ‘smother’ of waste prunings and heaps
of twitch and other stuff for which there is no decided use. If properly done,
the result will be a black ash of the most fertilising nature, such as a mere
fire will not produce. Should the soil be frost-bound wheel out manure and
lay it in heaps ready to be spread and dug in where seed-beds are to be
made. If the weather is open and dry, trench spare ground and make ready
well-manured plots for sowing Peas and Beans. So far as may be
convenient, all preparatory work should be pushed on with vigour, and
every effort must be made to lay up as much land in the rough as possible;
for the more it is frozen through the greater will be its fertility, and the
more delectable, as well as more abundant, the crops.

It is a matter of the most ordinary prudence to be prepared to resist the
shock of a severe frost. When this event occurs, many suffer loss because
they are not prepared for it. Good brick walls and substantial roofs are
needed for the safe keeping of fruits and the more valuable kinds of roots;
but when rough methods are resorted to, such as clamping and pitting,
there should be a large body of stuff employed, for a prolonged frost will
find its way through any thin covering, no matter what the material may
be. As there is not much to do now out of doors, it is a good time to look
over the notes which were made concerning various crops in the past
season, and to attend to the seed list.

SEED Sowing should be practised with exceeding caution; but great things
may be done where there are warm sheltered, dry borders, and suitable
appliances for screening and forwarding early crops. Under these

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

favourable conditions, we advise the sowing of small breadths of a few
choice subjects towards the end of the month ; and, this being done, every
care should be taken to nurse the seed through the trying times that are
before them. Such things as tender young Radishes, Onions, small Salads,
Spinach, Cabbage, and Carrots never come in too early; the trouble often is
that they are seen in the market while as yet they are invisible in the
garden.
Hedges of Hornbeam, Laurel, or Holly, to break the force of the wind, are
valuable for sheltering early borders, and walls are great aids to earliness
by the warmth they reflect and the dryness they promote.
The soil for these early crops should be light and rich, and the position
extra well drained, to prevent the slightest accumulation of water during
heavy rains. Supposing you have such a border, sow upon it, as early as
weather will permit, any of the smaller sorts of Cabbage Lettuce, Onion,
Radish, Round Spinach, Cabbage, and Carrot. All these crops may be
grown in frames with greater safety, and in many exposed places the warm
border is almost an impossibility. Reed hurdles and loose dry litter should
be always ready when early cropping is in hand; and old lights, and even
old doors, and any and every kind of screen may be made use of at times to
protect the early seed-beds from snow, severe frost, and the dry blast of an
east wind.
Forcing is one of the fine arts in the English
garden. It is an art easily acquired up to a
certain point, but beyond that point full of
difficulty. Every step in this business is a
conflict with Nature, and in such a conflict
the devices of man must occasionally fail. A
golden rule is to be found in the proverb
‘The more haste the less speed.’ Whatever
the source of heat, it should be moderate at
first, and should be augmented slowly. The
earlier the forced articles are required the
more careful should be the preparation for
them, and the more moderate the
temperature in the first instance. There
must be at command a constant as well as
sufficient temperature: when a forced crop
has made some progress a check will be fatal
to success. The beginner should acquire
experience with Rhubarb and Sea Kale, then with Asparagus and
Mushrooms and Dwarf French Beans, and so on to ‘higher heights’ of this
branch of practical gardening.

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David Pickup, a solicitor, considers what happens when your children do
damage.
                            Keep it in the family!

                       S   uppose you bought your child a
                           football for Christmas. You all go
                       outside to the garden, and in front of
                       the family you show them how to
                       score a goal. Then they have a go, but
                       accidentally kick the new ball straight
                       at your neighbour’s greenhouse, which
                       breaks some glass. Are you legally
                       responsible for the damage?
Or supposing you buy them a bicycle, and they then try it on
the road, and cause an accident. Will you have pay for any loss?
A parent is not generally legally responsible for a child who causes an accident.
There are some exceptions and some of them are these:
    If the child was doing something at your request for you (acting as your
agent),
    The parent was in charge of the child at the time,
    The parent is negligent in allowing the child something which is risky
    Where the parent is not in proper control of the child.
If you were showing your loved ones how you used to score a goal, you may be
legally responsible for the greenhouse, if you are not a good coach. But if the
child is just playing and accidentally breaks a window, the position may be
different. If you give your child something that is dangerous, like an air rifle or
a firework with which they then do damage, you may well be legally
responsible.
Law and morality are different. As a good neighbour, you would want to pay
for any damage, even if the law says you do not have to. Children should be
brought up to admit mistakes and be responsible. Sometimes the risks
increase, especially if a youngster is on the road. Any parent would want to be
especially careful near a main road.
If someone else’s child does you or your property significant damage, what can
you do? If you cannot sue the parent, you could claim against the child, but
that is unlikely to be worth it unless the child has money of their own.
If things go wrong, check if you have legal insurance. Many home contents
insurance policies have legal cover. Some policies have an optional legal cover
so you have to add it on. Some legal expenses insurance have an advice line or
cover the whole family if they live with you.
As always this is a light-hearted guide to a complicated subject and always get
proper legal advice. ##

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

       POINTS TO PONDER                          can cut the risk of Covid transmission
         Food, glorious food!                    by more than 70 per cent.
                                                 So, either leave a window open a

D     id you eat too much over
      Christmas? Or is that your
lifestyle choice, year-round?
                                                 small amount continuously, or open
                                                 it fully on a regular basis throughout
                                                 the day, especially if anyone has come
Almost half of the world’s population            to visit you in your home.
will be overweight by 2050, if current           Coronavirus is spread through the air
eating trends continue, according to             by droplets and smaller particles
recent research. That means that                 known as aerosols. They can hang in
more than four billion people could              the air for hours and they build up
be overweight in just 30 years’ time,            over time.
with 1.5 billion of them obese.                  **
The research was done by the                               Smokers stubbing out
Germany-based Potsdam Institute for
Climate Impact Research. The
authors warn of a looming health and             S   moking is on the decline. The
                                                     number of people who
                                                 successfully quit smoking last year
also environmental crisis, due to the
surge in global food demand, which               was the highest in a decade,
would push the environment past                  Action on Smoking and Health (Ash)
sustainable levels. Food production              reckons that more than a million
already takes up three quarters of the           people in the UK stopped smoking
world’s fresh water, a third of its land,        during the lockdown period. By the
and it accounts for up to a third of             end of last year, smoking prevalence
greenhouse gas emissions.                        in England was at an all-time low:
**                                               13.9 per cent.
           Open that window                      That made it the most popular
                                                 lifestyle change of the year, according
                                                 to Public Health England. There was
                                                 also a significant surge in smokers
                                                 who are trying to quit.
                                                 **
                                                        Plants in your front garden

                                                 W      hat’s in your front garden? If it
                                                        is sparse, why not consider
                                                 adding some plants this year?
                                                 Apparently, the presence of greenery
                                                 can lower your stress levels as much
H     ere is an easy resolution for the
      New Year: open your windows
at home for ‘short sharp bursts’ of 10
                                                 as two months of mindfulness
                                                 sessions. Plants can also help you to
to 15 minutes at a time, several times           feel happier.
a day.                                           A recent trial study by the Royal
The government’s public information              Horticultural Society found that
campaign says that regular fresh air             people who introduced
                                                 ornamental plants such as juniper,
                                                 azalea, clematis, lavender, daffodil

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

bulbs and petunias had a significant            It is not your fault. Modern cars have
lowering of the stress hormone,                 grown so big that many drivers now
cortisol, and many reported that they           have as little as 21cm of room to spare
felt ‘happier’.                                 in a parking space.
**                                              A recent study has found that the
   Doing housework can help you live            country’s most popular cars are as
                 longer                         much as 55 per cent larger than they
                                                were in the Seventies, while the
                                                standard parking space has not grown
                                                at all. No surprise, then, that millions
                                                of drivers scrape their cars each year
                                                trying to park in cramped spaces.
                                                The biggest grower is the Mini Hatch,
                                                which is now 55 per cent bigger and
                                                takes up to 22 per cent more of a
                                                parking space that the original did,
                                                back in 1959. The Honda Civic of today
I  f you spend half an hour a day
   tidying the house, going up and
down your stairs, and doing household
                                                is 1.8m wide, an increase of 44 per
                                                cent. It now takes up nearly three
chores, you are reducing the risk of an         quarters of a standard parking bay.
early death.                                    CarGurus, who carried out the
So says recent guidance from the                research, has urged the authorities to
World Health Organisation, as it urges          update the guidelines for parking bays.
people to maintain regular moderate             The current size of a parking bay is
exercise on a daily basis, of up to at          2.4m by 4.8m, and has not changed in
least 150 minutes a week. It also               50 years.
recommends vigorous exercise of at              **
least 75 minutes a week.                             Who does the allotment in your
The WHO recommendation was                                        family?
published in the British Journal of
Sports Medicine, and is part of the new
global guidelines on physical activity.
                                                A     s men take on more domestic
                                                      household chores, here may be a
                                                surprise result: more women are
WHO also warned that those who stay             tackling the family allotment, and
sedentary for 10 or more hours on a             often taking the children along to help
regular basis will have a “significantly        out.
heightened risk of death.”                      Nationally, half of all allotment holders
**                                              are now women. This is up from two
 Why parking your car is getting more           per cent in 1973, and 20 per cent in
                 difficult                      2003. It is thought that the example of
                                                celebrity gardeners, especially Charlie
H    ave you noticed that it is getting
     harder to park your car? And that
when you finally do get parked, you
                                                Dimmock, may have helped.
                                                The average age of holders is 57, with
can barely get the door open enough to          men typically older than women.
squeeze out?                                    Demand for allotments has quadrupled
                                                since 2006, with the average waiting
                                                list in London now five years. ##
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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                    Typos in this magazine - never.

M     aybe some of you have noticed a few typos in this magazine now and
      then. To improve this for the New Year I am now using a new set of
rules for editing:

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly
    superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

                  Some thoughts for the year ahead...
                                It is what we do with our solitude that makes
                                us fit for company. - CS Lewis
                                Friendship flourishes at the fountain of
                                forgiveness. - William A Ward
                                There is nothing stronger than gentleness. –
                                Ralph W Sockman
                                Love your neighbour, yet pull not down your
                                hedge. - George Herbert
                                Our days are happier when we give people a
                                bit of our heart rather than a piece of our
                                mind. – has been attributed to Ritu
                                Ghatourney
Speak your kind words soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. -
Anon
I know where I am. I've been lost here before. - Anon
We tolerate shapes in human beings that would horrify us if we saw them in a
horse. - W R Inge, a former Dean of St Paul’s.

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

One more step
A new year message from Bishop Peter
January takes its name from the Roman god, Janus, who is usually
depicted as having two faces, looking to the future and the past. At the
start of a New Year it is good to do the same.
  2020 will sadly be remembered as the year disrupted by COVID-19.
Cracks in our care for each other have been revealed and it has had a
disproportionate effect on those already vulnerable or deprived. It
showed us that those who are most essential to our needs, those who
clean and serve and care, are often those valued least in our economy.
However, we also saw extraordinary acts of kindness and compas-
sion, as churches and communities worked together to provide com-
fort, support, and practical care.
  So, what of 2021? The temptation may be to forget what we have
learnt, to paper over the cracks, ignore what has been uncomfortable
and to seek comfort in the familiar. I hope we don’t. 2020 opened our
eyes to the harm caused when people are excluded on the basis of race,
ability, gender, sexual orientation or wealth. Jesus calls us to a better
way. Jesus broke the bounds of exclusion, refusing to accept the social
norms and speaking to Samaritans, women, Gentiles, tax collectors
and sinners. He teaches that the first shall be last and the last first. He
reconciles humanity to God through his death and resurrection.
As we look forward to 2021, we need to think again what it means to
follow Christ and to build our lives and communities based on mutual
love, respect and service. ‘For the Son of Man did not come to be
served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.’
May we all know the Lord’s leading and guiding as we step out into a
New Year, with my warmest greetings,

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021

                          37
Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/08 January 2021
                                               *****
           SMILE LINES

A   n adorable little girl walked into
    my pet shop and asked, “Excuse
                                               M      y boyfriend and I went to
                                                      pick up his 19-year-old niece
                                               to take her to a weekend music
me, do you sell rabbits?”
“Yes,” I answered, and leaning down            festival.
to her eye level I asked,                      When we arrived at her house, she
“Would you like a white rabbit or              appeared in tasteful, but very cropped,
would you prefer to have a soft, fluffy        shorts and a little top with
black rabbit?”                                 spaghetti straps. A debate then ensued
She shrugged. “I don't think my                about whether she was
python really cares.                           appropriately dressed or not. I took
*****                                          the girl’s side, recalling that when I

E   ach morning at 5:30, I take my
    Lhasa Apso, Maxwell, for a walk
He has the bad habit of picking up bits
                                               first started to see my boyfriend, I
                                               wore the same sort of clothes.
                                               “Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and
of paper or other rubbish along the            I said something about it, didn’t I?”
way. When he does, I command him               Everyone looked at me. “You certainly
to “drop it” and he usually complies.          did,” I replied. “You asked
One morning, though, he absolutely             me for my phone number.”
refused to drop a piece of litter. So I         *****
told him to “sit” and then approached
him to see what his treasure was. It
was a £10 note.
                                               O     ne day a dog walked into a
                                                     butcher's shop just before closing
                                               with an envelope in its mouth. The
*****
                                               butcher took the envelope and found
A    French poodle and a collie were
     walking down the street. The
poodle turned to the collie and
                                               that it contained a request for a leg of
                                               ham, along with the proper amount of
complained, “My life is such a mess.           money. The butcher was more than a
My owner is mean, my girlfriend is             little surprised and confused but got
having an affair with a German                 the dog his order. The dog took the leg
shepherd and I’m as nervous as a cat.”         in its mouth and headed out the door.
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”         The butcher decided to follow the dog
asked the collie.                              since it was almost closing time and he
“I can’t,” replied the poodle. “I’m not        was unlikely to get any more
allowed on the couch.”                         customers. The dog headed down the
*****
                                               street for a bit before stopping at a bus
O    ne morning when a locksmith
     arrived to change the locks in my
house, I realised I had to go and run a
                                               stop, he seemed to look at the time
                                               table for a moment and then sat down
                                               next to a bench. Several buses came
few errands. I told the worker, a kindly       and went and the dog did not move.
older man, that I was heading out.             Eventually a bus came to the stop and
When I got to the front door, I noticed        the dog looked at it number and got
my sad—faced dog staring at me from            on. The butcher, now thoroughly
the living room. “I love you, sweet            perplexed, followed the dog onto the
boy,” I said. “Now you be good. OK?”           bus and noticed that the dog had a bus
From the other                                 pass on his collar. The dog put the leg
room I heard a voice answer, “OK.”

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