Resources - Families in Grief
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4
Part 5
Resources
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5. Resources
Helpful organisations
Families in Grief (FiG)
Families in Grief supports children, young people and their families
living in the North Devon and Torridge areas, who are coming to terms
with the death of someone close to them. We support families through
phone calls, home and school visits as well as run
a series of support groups throughout the year for children, young
people and their parents, across North Devon and the Torridge area.
Call us: 01237 479027
Email us: info@familiesingrief.org
Download resources (such as this one) from our website
www.familiesingrief.org
Winston's Wish
Support for children and young people after the death of a parent or
sibling.
Helpline: 08088 020021
Visit the site at: Bereavement Support for children, families and
professionals (www.winstonswish.org)
Child Bereavement UK
CBUK helps children and young people (up to age 25), parents, and
families, to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child
dies. Their website has lots of helpful videos on it.
Helpline: 0800 02 888 40
Visit the site at: Child Bereavement UK
Cruse Bereavement Care
Cruse Bereavement Care offers support for those who are grieving,
including bereavement support for adults, young people and children.
Helpline: 0808 808 1677
Visit the site at: How can Cruse support me? | Cruse Bereavement Care
Helpful organisations 20
Practical resources There are many websites providing practical resources to help parents support their bereaved children. Winston's Wish Winston’s Wish have a wonderful website with downloadable leaflets, reading lists and some wonderful practical activities which could be done at home to help a child process their grief. Find them here: Supporting A Bereaved Child – Winston's Wish Child Bereavement UK Child Bereavement UK have some excellent resources on their website, including short films which give clear, concise advice about different topics such as: ‘Children’s understanding of death at different ages’, ‘Explaining to a child that someone has died’, and ‘Should I be worried about my bereaved teenager?’ Find them here: Short guidance films | Child Bereavement UK Remember Me Always: A Handbook to Help Bereaved Families Care for Grieving Children By Alice Allsworth and Wendy Ball Published by Penhaligon’s Friends ISBN: 978-0955075735 A Child's Grief and You Just Don't Understand A Child’s Grief, and You Just Don’t Understand are just a few of the titles in Winston’s Wish’s range of guides to supporting children and teenagers in their grief. Find the full range here: Books – Winston's Wish Practical resources 21
Activity Books Activity books for bereaved primary school aged children Someone I Know Has Died – By Trish Phillips Published by Child Bereavement Charity – ISBN: 978-0-9521661-3-9 Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine – By Diana Crossley Published buy Hawthorn Press – ISBN 1-86989058-2 Good Grief: Exploring feelings, Loss and Death with Under 11s By Barbara Ward and Associates ISBN - 978-1853023248 Activity books for bereaved teenagers Out of the Blue - Julie Stoke and Paul Oxley Published by Winston’s Wish The Tough Stuff Journal: Someone has died – by Pete English Published by Listening People – ISBN 978-1-9998653-2-0 Good grief: Exploring feelings, Loss and Death with over 11s and adults By Barbara Ward and Associates ISBN - 978-1853023408 For supporting families who have experienced suicide Beyond the Rough Rock - Winston’s Wish Including scripts and step by step guidance for families who have experienced a suicide: https://shop.winstonswish.org/products/beyond-the-rough-rock Help is at Hand – Support after someone may have died by suicide Available to download for free from: https://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/resource/help-is-at-hand/ For supporting families who have experienced a sudden death Someone has died suddenly – By Mary Williams Published by www.sudden.org - ISBN: 978-1-906409-09-8 Activity Books 22
8. Fiction
Fiction and
and non-fictional
non-fictional books
books for
for children
children (primary)
(primary)
Books about bereavement
Mum’s Jumper – By Jayde Perkin
Published by Book Island ISBN: 978-1-911496-13-7
Samantha Jane’s Missing Smile- By Julie Kaplow and Donna Pincus
Published by Magination Press – ISBN: 13:978-1-59147-809-6
10:1-59147-809-x
Missing Mummy – by Rebecca Cobb
Macmillan Children's Books – ISBN: 978-0230749511
I Miss my Sister – By Sarah Courtauld
Published by Child Bereavement Charity – ISBN: 978-0-9521661-1-5
Remembering Mum – By Ginny Perkins and Leon Morris
Published by A & C Black – ISBN: 0-7136-4432-X
Sad Book – by Michael Rosen
Published by Walker Books – ISBN: 978-1406317848
Why do things die? - By Katie Daynes
Published by Usborne ISBN:9781474979887
Milly’s Bug Nut – by Jill Janney
Published by Winston’s Wish
Grandpa - By John Burningham
Published by Red Fox – ISBN: 978-099-43408-5
Badger’s Parting Gifts – By Susan Varley
Published by Andersen Press – ISBN 0-86264-062-8
Books about Worries and Emotions
Silly Billy – By Anthony Brown
Published by Walker Books – ISBN: 0-7445-7017-4
The Invisible String – By Patrice Karst
Published by DeVorss Publications – ISBN: 978-0-87516-734-3
Fictional and non-fictional books for children (primary) 23
Fictional and non-fictional books for children (primary) Ruby’s Worry – By Tom Percival Published by Bloomsbury Children’s Books – ISBN:978-1-4088-9215-2 How are you feeling today? - By Molly Potter Published by Featherstone ISBN-13 : 978-1472906090 The Monster Handbook - by Marneta Viegas Published by Relax Kids – ISBN: 978-1-905076-58-1 The Colour Monster – by Anna Llenas Published by Templar books - ISBN: 978-1-78370-423-1 The Huge Bag of Worries – By Virginia Ironside Published by Hodder Wayland – ISBN: 0-7500-2124-1 Activity Books 24
Books and 0nline support for teenagers Books for teenagers The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and their Friends – Helen Fitzgerald Published by Simon and Schuster New York ISBN: 978-0-684-86804-2 Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love – Early A Grollman Published by Beacon Press Boston ISBN: 0-8070-2501-1 Healing your Grieving Heart – for teens – Alan D. Wolfelt Published by Companion Press – ISBN: 978-1-879651-23-4 Sad Book – by Michael Rosen Published by Walker Books – ISBN: 978-1406317848 Websites, blogs and online support for teenagers and parents Mind - www.mind.org.uk Young Minds: Have their own YouTube channel with helpful videos www.youngminds.org.uk Happy Maps - www.happymaps.co.uk and Kooth - www.kooth.com Mood Juice - www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk NHS - www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/bereavement-and-young- people/ You Tube ‘Grief in the Family’ - Concord Media For young people – The Good Grief Trust Support for young people | Child Bereavement UK Help 2 Make Sense | Support for grieving young people App: Mindshift For parents: Parents Guide To Support - Grief and Loss (youngminds.org.uk) Books and online support for teenagers 25
Emotional First-Aid Kit
We know how useful it can be to have a first aid kit nearby. Perhaps
you use a plaster to cover a cut, some Calpol to sooth a headache, or
maybe you need a bandage to support a sore knee? A first aid kit
contains what’s most needed to help in an ‘emergency’ until things are
calm again, or until more help arrives.
When you are grieving you experience lots of different emotions like
anger, guilt, confusion, sadness, fear. This can create ‘noise’ in your
head, which can sometimes feel so loud and overwhelming it makes
you lash out, or say something hurtful.
An emotional first aid kit is like a medical first aid kit. It provides you
with ideas of how you can look after yourself when you experience big
overwhelming feelings. Imagine this kit is like a kind wise friend who is
beside you. What would they suggest you do to help yourself?
Emergencies include:
‘I can’t sleep’
‘I’m falling behind with my school work’
‘I’m so envious of other people who have their
parent still’
‘I will never have a happy life again’
‘I feel alone’
•‘No-one understands what I’m going through’
‘It was my fault they died’
‘I don’t want to see my friends; I’d rather stay in my
bedroom'
‘I don’t care about anything anymore’
Emotional First Aid 26Emotional First Aid
How to create your own Emotional First Aid Kit:
Start thinking about the things that help you when you feel
overwhelmed with big emotions. Maybe going out for a bike ride helps
you when you are feeling angry?
Or, if you are feeling anxious perhaps you have a bath? Maybe
messaging a friend, hugging someone, or asking for help, helps you to
feel less alone? Perhaps curling up with a hot chocolate in your onesie
and watching a film helps you when you’re feeling sad?
Using the drawing of a first aid kit, write down some of these things
that help you, so that you have it to hand when you experience these
‘emergencies’.
with thanks to Winston's Wish
Emotional First Aid 27How to celebrate special days and anniversaries
Make a calendar to write special dates in so you remember them.
Decorate it and make it look beautiful!
4th APRIL 12th JUNE
Mum's
The day Mum died
birthday!
On these days you might like to:
Go to a place that the person liked
Look at some photos
Go to the grave
Have the person’s favourite food for tea
Wear the person’s favourite colour
Do you have some other ideas?
How to celebrate special days and anniversaries 28A child's understanding of death at different ages
AGE CONCEPTS LIKELY FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOUR
Up to Experiences: Abandonment
5 months Withdrawal of care and Insecurity
nourishment from a familiar Anger
person Cries in protest
Emotional withdrawal of carer Disrupted sleep and
feeding routines
6 months ‘Object constancy awareness’ is Protest and distress
to developing Withdrawal
2 years Begins to have mental image of Separation anxiety
person when absent and can ‘miss’ No interest in food or toys
them Searching behaviour
2 to Establishing that he/she is a Expectations of return and
5 years separate person consequent sadness and
Interested in the idea of death in disappointment
birds, animals etc. Constant questions
Understands that death is a Anxiety about provisions of
part of a natural order, physical needs by other adults
however lacks ability to appreciate Fear of the dark when going to
the finality and sleep
irreversibility Toilet regression
‘Heaven is a physical place’: Clinging and marked increase in
concrete thinking separation anxiety, even when left
for short periods
5 to 8 Age of magical thinking Can fear death of others
years Believes he/she can influence Be especially ‘good’ to
events with thought and compensate for sense of
behaviour badness, which apparently
Developing ‘conscience’ so can contributed to the death
feel quilt about what their Be compulsively caring towards
supposed power brings about surviving adult or siblings
May think independent events (especially girls)
at time of death ‘caused’ it Behave badly and therefore
Develops fuller understanding draw the punishment they
of concept of death deserve
Cover up sadness by behaving
as if nothing has happened
'Is big now’ and fears behaving in
an infantile way
A child's understanding of death at different ages 29A child's understanding of death at different ages
A child's understanding of death at different ages
AGE CONCEPTS LIKELY FEELINGS AND BEHAVIOUR
8 to 12 Begins to have an adult Will display many symptoms
years concept of death as of adult grief
permanent separation Expresses adult grief in
Develops fear of and childish ways
understanding of own May develop anxiety about
mortality, especially in case of their own health for fear they
sibling death may die too
Can imagine how the death Preoccupied and difficulty in
will alter his/her future concentration may lead to
failure at school and social
withdrawal
12 Puberty – time of great Feelings may be similar to those
years + change of adults but have strong
Feelings of ambivalence – inhibitions about expressing
separation/dependency them, partly to be ‘grown up’ and
Moving from familial ties to partly to avoid being different in
increased involvement with the peer group
peers May lead to apathy, withdrawal,
Becoming aware of issues depression
of life, death and meaning May display ‘risk-taking’
of life behaviour or self-harm
May express anger in anti-social
ways e.g. stealing
May take grief outside family
A child's understanding of death at different ages 30B E S O C I A L C O N T A C T
The Old School House,
13 Bridgeland Street
Bideford
EX39 2QE
Look for Families in Grief Tel: 01237 479027
#FiGFam Email: info@familiesingrief.org
Charity no: 1116474You can also read
