IndanceSPRING 2022 DISCOURSE + DIALOGUE TO UNIFY, STRENGTHEN + AMPLIFY - P.08 we done/come home - Dancers' Group
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indance
SPRING 2022
DISCOURSE + DIALOGUE TO UNIFY, STRENGTHEN + AMPLIFY
P.08 we done/come home P.46 Baby Baby, Come on Home P.52 Love letter for the heart
CONTENTS
MEMBERSHIP
WELCOME
Dancers’ Group – publisher of
In Dance – provides resources to
artists, the dance community, and
audiences through programs and
services that are as collaborative and by BHUMI PATEL, Guest Editor
innovative as the creative process.
Dancers’ Group has evolved
the paid tiered membership program
to a fee-free model. RECENTLY, I’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH HOME. The obses-
If you’re interested in becoming a
new member, consider joining at
sion runs deep through my veins. In thinking about why
our free Community level. I’ve come to this, I think about temporarily living in a new
Visit dancersgroup.org for more place away from my home of seven years; about the ways
information and resources. in which many of us are tentatively making our way back
into the world after being home for two years; about my
long standing interest in digging into the ongoing practice
JOIN of making my body the home I have always looked for,
dancersgroup.org connecting both with ancestors and futures. Finding and
re-finding home in our disoriented states comes through in the articles for this issue.
In the “before times,” physical home was my soft landing place after a day of
SUBMIT driving from gig to gig. It was the place where I made dinner and had tea parties
Performances to the with friends. It was somewhere that I spent little, but meaningful, time. This small,
Community Calendar second-floor apartment in Oakland is the place I’ve lived the longest since child-
Dancers’ Group promotes hood, and soon, it’ll be a place that I lived longer than the house in which I grew up.
performance listings in our online As a queer person, I feel how fraught our relationships to home can be. For many
performance calendar and our emails
of us, coming out led to questions about where home might be after that moment
to over 1,700 members.
of potential rupture. Which is not to equate queerness to suffering, but rather to un-
Resources and Opportunities derstand how challenging the dominant narrative can leave us with many questions.
Dancers’ Group sends its members a variety As a person who didn’t grow up in the Bay, I feel the deep connection that some of
of emails that include recent community the writers in this issue express in their works about the Bay Area as home. As a per- 8/ we done/come home: 36/ In Conversation Dancers’ Group gratefully acknowledges
notices, artistic opportunities, grant the support of Bernard Osher Foundation,
deadlines, local news, and more.
son of color, I am deeply invested in the home-space necessary for BIPOC that many a ritual prayer for belonging Andréa Spearman chats with California Arts Council, Fleishhacker
touch on. As someone who exists at many intersections, I often think about how to by amara tabor-smith Melecio Estrella Foundation, Grants for the Arts, JB
do “the work” from what bell hooks refers to as homeplace: “the one site where one Berland Foundation, Kenneth Rainin
16/ Family in Site 38/ A Love Letter to Foundation, Koret Foundation, National
can freely confront the issue of humanization, where one can resist.” by Melecio Estrella San Francisco Endowment for the Arts, Phyllis C.
In developing my own pedagogy and style of teaching improvisation, I keep A dancer’s understanding of home Wattis Foundation, San Francisco Arts
DANCERS’ GROUP 22/ root my body grew Commission, Wallace Alexander Gerbode
coming back to queer improv and wondering what it means to queer (as a verb) by Jesse Escalante Foundation, Walter & Elise Haas Fund,
Artist Administrator by Jasmine Hearn
and make home in the practice of improvisation. The lines between my teaching, 42/ given, found, finding, making, William & Flora Hewlett Foundation,
Wayne Hazzard
writing, dancing, and choreographing overlap and intersect in a queer, decolonial 24/ Being a Body Zellerbach Family Foundation and
re-making, finding again generous individuals.
Artist Resource Manager praxis, and so it felt fitting to ask a wonderful group of queer writers to contribute by KJ Dahlaw
Andréa Spearman
by Nina Wu
to this issue. In the rebirth of Spring, I am reminded of the myriad ways we can 26/ dancing close to home 46/ Baby Baby, Come on Home
Administrative Assistants consider home, how we find our way there, and why it matters. by Emma Tome
Shellie Jew by Zoe Huey
I make this offering of an issue considering home so that we all might think about
Anna Gichan 32/ Learning to Dance 52/ to remain empty at all times,
Danielle Vigil what home means, so that queer voices are highlighted not just in June of each year, Or When Lessons on Transformation
and so that we all might begin considering our bodies, our practices, and our spac- an effervescent palimpsest
are Lessons on Belonging
Bookkeeper
es as our homes. (or love letter) for the heart
Michele Simon by Hannah Meleokaiao Ayasse
by Estrellx Supernova
Theresa Harlan writes “Our ancestors, the beloveds, are calling to us, and we
Design 36/ 10 in 10 64/ In Community
call back, ‘We are coming home.’”
Sharon Anderson with Sir JoQ
Let us listen to that call to come home. Highlights and resources,
by Andréa Spearman
activities and celebrations for our
PHOTO BY LARA KAUR
community—find more on
With love and gratitude,
Cover photo by Jessica Swanson dancersgroup.org
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we done/come home: by amara tabor-smith
a ritual prayer for
belonging dear reader,
throughout this writing i offer invitations and suggestions for how you might
experience this offering beyond the page. it is intended to call the spirit of home
close to you as you read. take the time to decide how you will read it, and
i encourage you to stick to it. make space to move where you are invited to do so,
and have a notebook/journal nearby to write when invited to do so or whenever
you feel like it.
also, throughout this writing,
i will be using the word family
both as family in our broader
understanding of the word, and
family as a replacement for the
word “community” which has
been so heavily commodified that
it has lost its meaning.
lastly, if you are able, play the
suggested music track at the start
of each section. if it ends before
you finish the section, i encourage
you to play it again or to choose
any other music that feels right.
PHOTOS BY: (OPPOSITE PAGE) ROBBIE SWEENY, (RIGHT) BETHANY HINES
(shout out to Bhumi for support-
ing this offering).
ready?
here we go.
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what is it bringing up for you
1 | home(land) right now?
TRACK: “Celestial Dance” take a moment and move your body
Kahil El’Zabar’s Ritual Trio to the music in any kind of way that
SOUND DESCRIPTION: The instrumental is available to you.
music is warm and gentle, as if a stringed
instrument and a steel drum are being played
go ahead now. stop reading for a
in a damp, lush rainforest
moment and just move to the music.
get comfortable. if it is available to did you move? if so, take a moment
you, have something warm to drink. to write anything that came up. no
go get it now. you have time. more than a page.
then set it aside and take a few
breaths. if the music is over, keep
“...any land loss is a cultural loss. reading.
Our lands hold our memories, our histories,
our identities. When we visit our lands, our
if not, don’t continue reading until
elders walk us through them, and they share
oral stories that have been passed down to
the song is over. just sip your warm
them. So when we’re experiencing land loss, drink.
we’re also experiencing the loss of stories,
connections, and historical accounts...”
—DR. JESSICA HERNANDEZ, transnational
“It is no accident that this homeplace, as
Indigenous scholar, scientist, and community
advocate fragile and as transitional as it may be, a
makeshift shed, a small bit of earth where
one rests, is always subject to violation and
destruction. For when a people no longer
take a moment to remember/acknowl- have the space to construct homeplace, we
edge the ancestors of the land that you cannot build a meaningful community of
call home in this moment, understand- resistance.”
ing that land acknowledgments can
— BELL HOOKS
be problematic. they must be thought
of as a means and not an end in our
support of indigenous land rematria- in public and private sites and spaces sitting around that table in the house genocide, and forced migration are
tion. i invite you to treat this moment throughout oakland that have been of one of the women in this proj- reopened for us everytime we are 2 | home body
as your pledge to figure out what your We laid side by side propelled by the need to address the ect, we shared stories of how we are displaced out of our homes, every-
role is in supporting the rematriation Staring into the dark night displacement, well being, and sex-traf- continuing to call oakland/bay area time a beloved is displaced away TRACK: “Les Fleurs”
of colonized/stolen land back to indig- We had bundles ficking of black women and girls in home through our exhaustion, anx- from our family, and this has devas- Minnie Ripperton
enous people. perhaps start by donat- We had seeds oakland through collective rituals iety, laughter, rage, hope, doubt and tated our families throughout oak- SOUND DESCRIPTION: a 1970 r&b song whose lyrics
ing to one of these indigenous orgs. We had nothing masking as performance. creativity. processing the ancestral land and the bay area, destroying and instruments encompass the openness and
“free love” mantra of the time period. One could
When we left home long ago wounds of our historical experi- the cultural eco-system that has
imagine resting or dancing in a field of flowers
take a moment to acknowledge the director ellen sebastian chang and ence of displacement as black/african drawn many to live here in the while listening.
ancestors and living BIPOC relatives i’ve been engaged in a deep inquiry i along with a group of black women americans and continental africans first place. prioritizing our collective
whose unseen and unacknowledged with the notion of “home” and place artists and abolitionists started this became part of our ritual process. well being as fundamental to our
love, labor, and stewardship of the making since ellen sebastian chang project in 2015 sitting around a we came to understand that without creative process in this project over INVITATION: when you finish reading
land you are on made/makes it possi- and i embarked on a creative jour- table, guided by the question, regular attention to these wounds, the production of art, has been a this section, do a free write or poem
ble for you to be where you are right ney almost 7 years ago with a group “How do we as black women, we cannot holistically address the radical refusal of what bell hooks on memories of growing up. it might
PHOTO BY ROBBIE SWEENY
now. if this invitation feels any kind of black women in what became girls, and gender fluid folks find present struggles that we navigate termed, “imperialist, white suprema- bring up difficult feelings or fond mem-
of ways complicated, uncomfortable “House/Full of Blackwomen”. this space to breathe, rest and be well in to keep calling oakland home. the cist, capitalist patriarchy”. and ories. stay with it for at least one page.
or annoying, just stay with it for a project has been an episodic jour- a stable home?” wounds of our historic experiences this is how we chart our way for- play this track on repeat or choose
moment. ney. a series of performance rituals with displacement, violence, exodus, ward home. one that reminds you of your adoles-
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cence. if it feels right, call the name no shortage of house parties, festivals, you are encouraged to moan and/or housed folks born and raised in oak- is nothing new. what i know is we
of an ancestor (blood or chosen) who and underground spaces. almost every cry if needed. stay with these feelings land. those figures may be even higher 4 know place like must keep doing the collective work
helped make your memory of home night there were djs spinning in clubs if you can. due to the covid. this has weighed of repairing our relationship to each
joyous or helped you survive it. whis- throughout the town where we were heavy on our hearts, especially during
home other and this earth called home. we
per their name and thank them. welcome. oakland is where i found my take a few deep breaths before read- this never-ending pandemic, and we must do this work not because we
spiritual family and came into my spir- ing on. find ourselves even in this moment TRACK: “Black Folk” Tank and know we will survive displacement/
i was born and raised in san fran- itual practice in the Yoruba Lukumí continuing to navigate tremendous the Bangas climate catastrophe/race and gender
cisco. the home i grew up in was tradition. many of us felt like oakland breathe…breathe…breathe loss: jobs, housing, and the deaths of SOUND DESCRIPTION: a jazzy neo-soul mid-tempo violence/covid/the tyrannies of man’s
complex. throughout my teen years, would always be ours, that what hap- family and family members. song that illustrates the Black experience, joy and war but because if we don’t, we
following my parent’s divorce, i lived pened to san francisco could not hap- Suspend we notions of time pain, through lyrics and spoken word. surely will not survive.
with my mother in a flat on castro pen here. and then i noticed realtors We can’t keep track of that here when house/full member and Boom
street. it was a dysfunctional place of starting to buy up property in the lower In this place Shake co-founder monica hast- INVITATION: ok, now we need to shift i have been rethinking home as not
love, addiction, black feminist par- bottoms (west oakland) and advertis- Dis’place ings-smith passed from cancer last this energy. please do not read on necessarily connected to a particular
enting, depression, support, economic ing it as “east san francisco.” i watched There is only the breath of the middle year, after being diagnosed a year ear- without taking a moment to dance physical structure or place (though
struggle as well as being a gather- friends, my own sister and many oak- In lier, we all went into survival mode. to this track. maybe you dance to the that too is important) but home as a
ing point for family and family. it land family members lose their homes, Out taking pause and struggling to find whole thing before reading on. no spirit of belonging that holds us wher-
was a place of refuge, and also a victims of predatory lending in the In each other during pandemic isola- matter if you are black or not, dance ever we are. a state of being and being
place where i experienced emotional early and mid 2000s. the writitng was Out tion. trying to move through grief in to this track as a ritual for black and well. an interdependent web of family
neglect, where my mother in regular always on the wall, many of us (myself Motion our own ways. trying to take pause to BIPOC homefullness, for our collec- connections. connections like under-
fits of rage and despair would scream included) were just too naive to see it, And stillness grieve while the grief continued roll- tive recovery from imperialist, white ground tree root systems, connected
that at any point we could end up were in denial or didn’t believe we had Should we fight? ing like a river. supremacist, capitalist patriarchy. systems that we can lean into, love in
homeless and that she didn’t know the power to do anything about it. Or should we go? afterward drink water and stretch to, heal with, and transmute this hell
please stop reading and take a your body a little before reading on. of imperialist, white supremacist, cap-
if she wanted to live anymore. it House/Full of Blackwomen as a project moment to close your eyes and take italist patriarchy and beckon a black
was also a place where i knew my will come to a close with a final episode a few deep breaths before continuing indigenous queer eco feminist NOW.
budding identity as an artist, as a 3 | when it hits home titled, “this too shall pass” in febru- on. this would be a good time to rock “There’s no place like home”
queer teenager was accepted lovingly ary 2023. when we gathered around and/or hum while you breathe. again, — DOROTHY AFTER WYTCH GLENDA and how do we co-create communal
and without hesitation. TRACK: “Grow” FaceSoul that table in 2015, all of us either lived take your sweet sweet time with this REMINDED SHE/THEM THAT SHE/THEM safe spaces so our families have places
SOUND DESCRIPTION: an acapella song in oakland or in the surrounding bay before you continue reading. DIDN’T NEED NO FUCKIN’ WHITE MALE to land on our nomadic journey?
our home was shared at various composed of multiple layers of a male voice both area. since that time, some of us no lon- PATRIARCHY TO GET HER/THEM HOME.
times with cousins, relatives, friends humming and singing with a deep timber and pas- ger live here. some of us were displaced. House/full of Blackwomen table gath- to do so we must engage in the emo-
sionate spirit. THE POWER WAS ALWAYS WITHIN HER/
of siblings, and where even my some got weary from the never-ending erings over zoom THEM. THAT YOUNG WYTCH JUST HAD TO BE tional and ancestral healing work so
mother’s hairdresser and his boy- survival hustle that it takes to stay here trying to see each other REMINDED TO CLICK THEM HEELS. that the untended wounds of inter-
friend lived with us for a time. our INVITATION: before reading on, put and moved out of state. through the blur of screen-weary eyes nalized racial superiority and racial
house was always full of music, loud the music track on repeat or have our connection unstable inferiority that we all carry don’t
conversations, arguments and pot- another track of your choosing that ellen, my collaborator and mentor, no one to offer you water or sit next create unnecessary drama and chaos
luck meals. this experience taught moves you to follow while reading was the first to go. priced out of the to you and hold your hand when you “Dominator culture has tried to keep that would undermine our efforts
me how to live collectively with this section. west oakland home she shared with are sobbing us all afraid, to make us choose safety to steward home spaces together in
others. it shaped my value for fam- her husband and daughter, and then instead of risk, sameness instead of ways that are collectively healing.
ily interdependence. it also taught go to a place in your mind that felt displaced from the west oakland there is only the breath of the middle diversity. Moving through that fear,
me about the harm of codependency like home but no longer exists, no space where they had a family restau- in finding out what connects us, reveling we need each other. we have always
and codependent relationships but longer available to you or no longer rant that they created called, FuseBox out in our differences; this is the process needed each other. and we need each
that is a story for another article. feels like home. close your eyes and which was a home joint for so many in that brings us closer, that gives us a other now more than ever. in activist
see it for a moment before reading on. of our oakland family. out… world of shared values, of meaningful language, we talk about “struggling
though i lived in new york on several how do we recover place community.” together” towards our liberation. but
different occasions through the years, i what about it felt like home to you? since that first gathering, we have and belonging in this bewildered — BELL HOOKS many of us don’t really know how to
would always gravitate back home to did you ever grieve this loss? watched oakland continue down the time? struggle together as a practice that is
the bay. when the assault of hyper gen- can you locate where you feel this same path of violent gentrification in not harmful to ourselves or others.
trification in the late 90s priced me and loss in your body? that happened in san francisco more out it is critical that we learn to do this
most of my family out of san francisco, than 20 years ago, creating a 47% in i will not end this on a note of pessi- now, and in ways that do not negate
i moved to oakland where there was if it is possible, rock or shift that part rise in the unhoused population since out…… mism. i cannot. i know better. nothing our rest, our joy and our pleasure in
a thriving queer BIPOC family and of your body and try to keep reading 2017, many of whom were formerly stillness is certain, especially not now. and that the process.
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and there can be no space for “cancel the imperialist, white supremacist, everywhere is a church
culture” in this collective home mak- capitalist patriarchy that bell hooks everywhere is a temple
ing. “cancel culture” is the child of talked about cannot be done in iso- everywhere is a ritual ground
imperialism and dictatorship. lation. we will all have to tend the
we will have to be in deep evolving soil where we will bury this con- remember
practices of recognizing where our struct that we have internalized, in our wounds and scars
racial, economic and/or gender privi- hopes that it will become compost be oracle and compass
lege is causing harm, and then be reg- for our collective rebirth. our feet and hands
ularly proactive in refusing such ben- be bibles and song
efits or figuring out how to use these family, let’s be clear: these days are so whisper softly
benefits to dismantle them. dark and we have to be doing the your jazz prayers
deeper work, as we jump this ship
paramount in this process are repara- and re/turn home again
tions for black and indigenous folks. and we have to do this work
we can expect that this work will not together. we must utilize our collec- INVITATION OUTRO:
be quick, easy, nor comfortable. but it tive “ashe” (Yoruba word meaning, TRACK: “Brilliant Mycelium”
will ultimately be liberating and heal- “the power to make things hap- Beautiful Chorus
ing for us all. pen”) to plant the seeds for the har- SOUND DESCRIPTION: a gentle acapella song
vest of our renewal. passing through hums, whispers and soft singing
though i feel a deep sense of belong- of nourishment and wisdom.
ing to the bay, it is a belonging that we have to come home to each
is not promised. and figuring out how other. take a few slow deep breaths as you
or if i will continue to stay here is listen to the above track
the ongoing question that i keep we are (re) members of a (new) close out this reading
leaning into. ancient tribe with movement
nomadic in mad space with prayer
buddhism and yoruba ifaism teaches wanderers in this space of now in silence
that the only constant is change. constantly moving it is your choice
change refuses our notions of sta- being moved take a moment and listen
bility. leaning into the instability priests then
of change is crucial for us as queer yeyes call one of your beloveds
BIPOC folks and white folks to con- survivors and arrange to meet them at a place
sider in an age of an ongoing pan- mambos of the avenues where you can find your bare feet on
demic, climate catastrophe, and polit- and boulevards some soil
ical and economic uncertainty. and it side streets and hold each other
asks us to do this work together. we freeway underpasses chanting softly, over and over
cannot move forward in hyper indi- performing ceremony of discarded “we will get through this together”
vidualism. individualism is unsustain- things and mean it.
able and is a tool of patriarchy. divide talismans of remnant magic
and conquer. echoes of kitchens stories
amara tabor-smith was born in San Francisco
house parties and lives in Oakland. She is a choreographer/
if we are going to liberate “commu- and barber shop incantations performance maker and the artistic director of
nity” from the current commodi- bembes for eleggua Deep Waters Dance Theater. She describes her
fied understanding, we are going to to call the orisha who clears a way work as Afro futurist Conjure Art. Her interdis-
have to learn how to live mindfully for divine and infinite possibility ciplinary site-specific and community respon-
sive performance works utilize Yoruba Lukumí
interdependent with one another, as spiritual technologies to address issues of social
opposed to unconsciously dependent. summon your ancestors and environmental justice, race, gender identity,
we are going to have to re-examine your gods and belonging. amara’s work is rooted in black,
how our ideas of “personal space” your inner spirit queer, feminist principles, that insist on libera-
might be in opposition to the collec- tell them tion, joy, pleasure and well-being. Her current
multi year project House/full of Blackwomen will
tive spaces we need to be cultivating you want to be made ready
conclude with the final episode, “This Too Shall
now for our survival. dismantling remember Pass” in February 2023 on the streets of Oakland.
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FAMILY
i
IN SITE
UNEXPECTED INTERSECTIONS OF SITE
SPECIFIC DANCE MAKING WITH
MY FAMILY’S SAN FRANCISCO ROOTS.
was born in San Francisco. My gigantic Filipinx
family geography triangulates The Bay, Wine Coun-
try, and the Central Valley. Ohlone, Miwok, South-
ern Pomo, and Yokut Lands. Site specifically, I
am Golden Gate fog, I am oak savannah with the
stench of Petaluma fertilizer season, I am crates of
asparagus and bing cherries in the matter-of-fact
heat of Stockton. My friends Damara and Patricia at the Joe Goode Performance
Group have been dance-talking with me about belonging lately. How do we
belong to the body? How does the body belong to a place?
My first show with Joe Goode was in 2004 – “Hometown.” While having my
shy, young dancer body tossed around by fellow JGPG members Liz Burritt, Felipe
Barrueto-Cabello, Marit Brooke-Kothlow and Rachael Lincoln, Joe drew me out
of myself and into myself at the same time – as Joe Goode does. He choreographed
a palm sweaty moment for me to crawl into the orchestra pit of YBCA, alone out
there to sing a song with a picket fence encircling my ribcage. Singing is a root in
my family culture – my father is a singer, his mother was a singer, her mother…
BY MELECIO ESTRELLA | PHOTO BY JESSICA SWANSON
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44 Gough Street, Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94103Now at YBCA my Auntie Linda pointed to the dock next to the the work in a series of retreats danc- Filipinos.” They eventually had of us, dancing, singing, perform- floors. Those floors that held the rit-
was sitting in the front row, 4 feet pavilion where we stood and said, ing on the shore, and we brought our 9 kids. I am number 8. My dad has ing to lyrics made from real folks’ uals of performance, the rituals of
away. Layers of memory wrap me “That is where we got off the boat.” families with us. Our kids played in 7 siblings. My mom has 15. With all wedding vows. My parents came to marriage, and the rituals of labor of
while I sing to her. When we were lit- My eyes widened as I learned, after the hills and climbed on driftwood on the cousins and grandkids, we can the event, and my mom said, “You a working class Filipino family man.
tle, my dad used to have us sing for months of rehearsal and preparation the beach, conducting the most pure fill a theater. We are more likely to know your dad’s dad (my grand- Love Everywhere.
Auntie Linda in our living room. And at that dock, that this was the very site specific research. fill a church. father) used to be a head janitor In 2021 Joe Goode invited me to
now here I am in a Hometown picket site of my mother’s immigration in I called my mom to chat and let Andy and I got married in 2010. It here? Your dad’s first job was help- co-direct “Time of Change” in the
fence spotlight looking into her eyes 1948. Harboring, disembarkation, her know what we were doing, and wasn’t legal then, but we did it any- ing him mop these floors.” I looked Haight, my mom’s neighborhood. Joe
while I sing… thresholds…How do we belong to she said, “Oh Fort Barry… that was way: for ourselves and our people. at my dad as he stood on the shiny and I collaborated with Oyster Knife
a place, when we migrate, we move, where our first house was after we Six months before our wedding the marble floors with my head tilted (Chibueze Crouch and Gabriele Chris-
“The only hometown I care about when war tears through and sends got off the boat.” I didn’t realize that brilliant Erika Chong Shuch crafted in puzzlement as he nodded in affir- tian) on the show. We were looking at
is hidden us across an ocean? Harboring. as the Colonel’s daughter, my moth- an expansive project called “Love mation. Since that moment, thanks the hippie movement, asking “who was
Hidden away from the hard outside My grandfather, Col. Melecio M. er’s earliest experiences of America Everywhere” – a series of site spe- to the Dancers’ Group Rotunda it really for?” And “what happened to
It’s soft, this hometown is soft Santos rode a military vessel for were of playing in those hills, sneak- cific installations bringing visibility Series, I have been in the swirl of the Black and Filipinx folks who were
Away from the hard outside...” 30 days with 8 kids to San Fran- ing around Building 944 that is now to the ongoing struggle of marriage many dance artists at City Hall, there before?” As we were dreaming
cisco after World War II. He was the heart of Headlands Center for the equality. I jumped at the chance to the place my grandfather cared for up the work, we walked around the
The Bay is my hometown, my ref- war rattled, decorated, a widower, Arts, and living in the house that is work with Erika and the big, color- as a Janitor until his retirement in neighborhood together to visit possi-
uge, my family, my body. and honored by the US Army. Upon now occupied by Headlands’ Exec- ful cast she brought together. The 1983. Thirty years later in 2013, in ble sites. One site we were considering
Fort Mason has a special sort of immigration he was posted as Com- utive Director, Mari Robles. Seventy heart of “Love Everywhere” was a the presence of my parents, we had that day was St. Agnes Church, and
foggy ephemerality. Dances articulate manding Officer of Forts Baker, years after my mother resided at Fort big production in the Rotunda of our second wedding. My husband it ended up being a core site in “Time
over tidal flows in historic military Kronkite, and Barry on the north Barry, I was in artistic residence there, SF City Hall. This majestic space and I signed some papers, said some of Change.” I had vague memories of
structures, fed by pricey marina food, was animated by a cast of about 40 vows, and shed some tears on those that church, so I texted my mom to get
artists buoyed by resident arts orga-
nizations. In 2013, Amelia Rudolph
I called my mom to chat and let her know what we
and Rachael Lincoln led our com- were doing, and she said, “Oh Fort Barry… that was
pany, BANDALOOP, in “Harboring” where our first house was after we got off the boat.”
in the Festival Pavilion there. “Har-
Anne Huang
boring” is a vertical dance work that
considers embarkation and move- end of the Golden Gate Bridge. rolling on the wood floors, singing
ment at the threshold of land and sea. The Headlands Center for the to the walls and hiking to the shore
My mother and her 3 sisters volun- Arts occupies the historic buildings with my five year old son. As Fog
teered to help at the show. They are of Fort Barry, close enough to hear Beast danced on the shifting sands of
all true San Franciscans, a complex the waves hit shore in the distance. Rodeo Beach, my mom shared her
and hilarious sisterhood of Filipina Coast Miwok Lands and protected memory of that site – fresh off the
Americanness – honored elders who National Seashore Area, its longtime boat, a five year old herself on that
would stay up all night playing mah residents are Coyote, Owl, Hawk, same beach, a wave pulled her small
jong and smoking cigarettes together. Monterey Cypress, and Eucalyptus. body into the ocean, she panicked,
As a child in the ‘80s, I used to love In 2018, my husband Andy, a cli- almost drowned and was thankfully
watching Auntie Linda roll ladies’ mate researcher at UC Berkeley, col- rescued by her older brother. These
hair up in curlers in her salon across laborated with Headlands to orga- Lines are Living.
the street from Fort Mason, the sharp nize a thematic residency on climate Both my parents grew up in San
smell of perm chemicals burning change and equity. This residency Francisco. After they lived in military
hair into new shapes. Auntie Gina brought together scientists, environ- housing, my mother’s family moved
lives in the Richmond in a house that mental justice workers, artists, and to the Upper Haight. My dad grew
has belonged to her husband’s par- policy strategists working in the cli- up in a house near Duboce Park. In
ents since the 1920s. She is an ori- mate space to live together, share sixth grade she took dance lessons
gami expert, and a die-hard Giants work, and seed collaborations. I from Rita Hayworth’s Aunt on Geary
fan. Auntie Panching lived in Cole was fortunate to be invited to share St. He played in a Filipino basketball
Valley, the kindest woman I know, the work of Fog Beast. This led to league. They first met at Park Bowl
deeply devoted to her catholic faith a three-month residency for Fog Bowling Alley on Haight Street, what Christy Funsch
PHOTO BY TONY NGUYEN
– she will pray with cloistered nuns Beast to create a shoreline-based is now Amoeba Records. Looking for
for six hours straight. When they all work, “These Lines Are Living,” in their first apartment together, they
showed up with my mom to volun- collaboration with Andy and shore- were turned down by landlords who
teer at “‘Harboring,” Auntie Panching line geologist Dave Reid. We made stated honestly, “We don’t rent to
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SPRING 2022 indance 19
44 Gough Street, Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94103One of the gifts I carry forward from the many years to make dances at sites of familial
resonance, they came through a hap-
of working with Joe Goode is the embodied knowing penstance ecology of collaborative
that my artistic practice in the drama of show making artistic dreaming, venue seeking and
exists in this landscape of impermanence. availability, funding alignments, and
mystery. I’m still puzzled by it, and
probably always will be. I’m okay
more specific - “Are we connected He was the uncle who lived in his VW with not knowing – and I am okay
to St. Agnes Church?” She replied bus and would show up at our house, to keep asking – How do I belong
“I went to grammar school there, help with landscaping, teach me gui- to this body? How does this body
your father and I were married there, tar, laugh a lot, and then leave. We also belong to a place? I give thanks to
your older sister and brother were made some dances in the sacred spaces the land and collaborators that make
baptized there, Uncle Bino’s funeral of the AIDS Memorial Grove, the these questions askable.
was there, and you were a ring bearer only place in San Francisco where it
at a wedding there in 1984.” When we is legal to scatter ashes of loved ones. MELECIO ESTRELLA is a director, choreogra-
went inside to meet the Jesuit priests One of the gifts I carry forward from pher, educator and facilitator based in unceded
Chechenyo Ohlone territory. He is artistic
of the church, we sat in a back room the many years of working with Joe
director of BANDALOOP, co-director of Fog
that I eerily recognized. I had been Goode is the embodied knowing that Beast and longtime member of the Joe Goode
in that room as a 5 year old in a my artistic practice in the drama of Performance Group. He has had three premiers
wedding tuxedo, 37 years earlier. show making exists in this landscape of full length work in 2021: LOOM:FIELD in
Because of the pandemic, we were of impermanence. Dances come and Atlanta, GA, Transpire in Boise, ID, and Time
conducting rehearsals outdoors. We dances go. We are always in a Time of Change in San Francisco. Upcoming 2022
cultivated our dances at Hippie Hill of Change. engagements include BANDALOOP’s 30th Anni-
versary Home Season in Oakland, new work at
in Golden Gate Park. From Hippie Hill, These intersections with my fam-
PHOTO BY MATT HABER
The Virginia Arts Festival in Norfolk, VA, LAPub-
I could see the patch of grass where my ily pathway have brought magic licCanvas at the Ford Theater in Los Angeles, and
family had a living wake picnic with and meaning to the dry words – These Lines are Living at the Animate Dance Fes-
my Uncle Bill before he died in 1993. “site-specific.” I wasn’t at all aiming tival in Alameda. IG: @bandalooping @fogbeast
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SPRING 2022 indance 21
44 Gough Street, Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94103Root my body grew
Text, photos, and illustrations by Jasmine Hearn
This is an imagined and remembered illus- like a cliff that crumbled into the
trated poem that is composed of sketches ocean a part of what is no longer held
and poetics from my recent process jour-
nals. The photo is from a recent flight into tectonics keep moving keep
occupied lands now known as Houston, TX. kept and then shaken/shared
Root my body grew is in conversation with
the upcoming archival and performance I have been saying yes to the fear of an
project, Memory Fleet: A Return to Matr uterus the size of a hen
due to premiere in Houston, TX April 2024. full of inescapable fluid
It references non-linear conversations and a trail of migrating blood in
I have had with Marjani Forté- this is question of where the stars are
between my feet while walking
Saunders, Marlies Yearby, Jo Stewart, over the church steeple
Jennifer Harge, Byronné Hearn, Jenna church as mother
emptiness in-between bladder and
Hearn, Myssi Robinson, Alisha B. Worms- building as mother
colon
ley, Bennalldre Williams, FreWuhn, Victor structure as womb as cave as forever
in- between organs
Le Givens, Urban Bush Women, Li Harris, home
does that did that would that hopefully
Lovie Olivia, dani tirrell, Barbara Mahler, not will not
and Athena Kokoronis of Domestic mother can rule her own
the space collapse?
Performance Agency.
is this really a story about the differ-
ence between violence and care
did the space collapse?
did the church close?
or reading tension
the coordinates empty?
or receiving the frequency of vulner-
a disappearance a missing and inevita-
ability and it is on all the time with
bly a forgetting
every person
why do i forget almost every month
energetic body
since fourth grade the acute pain of
i assumed
the descending space too full for feel-
you to have healed yourself
ing the exact coordinates of (you) joy
the way I understand and grief
even if its plugged with stagnant
is to say yes to fear highly packed fluid
and all that fear brings stirring
and pulling up towards the stars
I have been forgetting the left side
the bobbling knee and the ill- situated whined and unwind
sits bone varying levels of intimacy
with a distinct palate to what got
I have been moving myself away from calloused and what hurts and what
itself tastes good.
easy
hold on tight and loose lost loose luc
sensation sin sensation
JASMINE HEARN was born and raised on occupied lands now known as Houston, TX. They are
an interdisciplinary artist, director, choreographer, organizer, teaching artist, and a 2017 and
2021 Bessie awarded performer. Jasmine’s commitment to dance is an expansive practice
that includes performance, collaboration, and memory-keeping.
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SPRING 2022 indance 23
44 Gough Street, Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94103even pathways of healing and repair with the body. How are overuse. Overuse of my body. Huh. That tracks. My sur-
we as a dance community accountable to one another? vival literally depends on my body and my ability to dance
I bring up community accountability because there is no and teach dance. Learning to slow down and honor the lim-
overarching infrastructure in the field of dance, locally or itations of my body is good work for me but not easy. My
globally, to which we are accountable. Being an account- body is certainly my teacher in a new way. As much as I’d
able community means taking responsibility for our like to, I can’t muscle my way through this. I can’t ignore
choices and the consequences of our choices*. How can we this injury. I can, however, listen to my body and change
be a more accountable community in the face of rampant how I work. We can learn so much from our bodies.
dancer underemployment, job/financial instability, lack of We are a body. We are a body that can create great
access to adequate healthcare, and seeking justice when beauty, transcendence even. We are a body that can make
abuse is called out in our field? change in this world. We are a body in full frailty, resil-
The field of dance is in a period of much needed change. ience, and vulnerability. We are a body that can change,
being a
Dancers, who were trained to be obedient and unquestion- adapt and heal. We know from experience with countless
ing of authority, are starting to demand rights. Dance pat- injuries in the body, that we cannot heal through bypass-
terns the body. Western concert dance training, ballet in par- ing and erasing harm. When parts of our body are in pain,
BODY
ticular but extending into modern and contemporary dance, do we not stop and tend to pain/injury/woundedness? I
orients the body towards dominance. In the sense that there ask again, how are we as a dance community accountable
is a tradition of teaching and directing dance with required to one another? How do we show up for the needs of the
obedience to authority, use of negative reinforcement (i.e. very real human dancers who embody our work?
verbal abuse, beratement, body shaming) as means of moti- I have my eye on the Dance Artist National Collective
vation, and relentless repetition of form. I keep thinking (DANC), a growing group of freelance dance artists orga-
about the ways that the ballet and modern dance training nizing for action toward safe, equitable, and sustainable
that is patterned into my body, relate to my sense of agency. working conditions. As a dance teacher, I also research
On a larger scale, I think about the ways this patterning methods of reinforcing agency in the classroom through
relates to our bodiedness as a dance community. choice making and practicing verbal consent with touch
When we train dancers to blindly obey their teachers/ in the studio. Likewise, I want to be available for tak-
directors, we are not honoring the agency of our dancers. ing responsibility for my choices and I want to trust that
When we train dancers to expect to be touched without my community will hold me accountable for my choices.
their consent, we are not honoring the agency of our danc- We can’t be a healthy body if we are not attuned to one
by KJ DAHLAW ers. When we train dancers to accept and to be grateful for another and accountable to one another. I’m wondering
I
any kind of dance work, regardless of the value of their about what kinds of structures of accountability might
labor, we create a body of dancers who do not understand be useful for the SF Bay dance community in holding the
their own worth or value and to accept poverty as a part wellness of the body a priority?
’VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT THE BODY. But, you know what’s hard on my body? Working as a of the gig. This is a problem because along with the inter- We are a body. We are connected to one another. We
My body. Our body. The ways that we are dance artist in the Bay area. I’m a freelance dance artist, nalized lack of agency and consent plus impoverishment, are responsible for the impact of our choices and actions
a body together. We, the SF Bay dance com- dancer/choreographer/teacher, living in the East Bay: dancers also are hesitant to speak up when abuse happens in relation to one another. There is a serious way that
munity, and more broadly, as a human com- Richmond, CA. My name is KJ Dahlaw and I’m a queer, in our field. our collective body is out of balance. I’m curious about
munity. I’m interested in our bodiedness. non-binary trans dance artist and parent of 2. It should There was an allegation of abuse in the SF Bay dance how we can do better, how we can support one another
It’s interesting, right? We’re living come as no surprise to read that it is hard to survive as a community in the summer of 2020 that was handled very and address the needs of dancers with dignity. Let us cen-
through this time of radical wealth dispar- dance artist in the Bay area. Jobs in dance don’t often pay poorly, in my opinion. Rupture happened when no pro- ter our bodiedness in our practices and take leadership
ity, global pandemic, deep fissure between living wages, nor are they stable. Our field has been hit par- cess of community accountability, conversation and heal- in community accountability because of the wisdom and
the right and the left and it all lives in our ticularly hard by the limitations of the pandemic too, which ing tended to the wound. It felt like neither the dance orga- knowledge of the body that we already possess. I know
bodies. Our bodies are dynamically con- results in less work. I currently have 7 jobs, a mixture of nization where the alleged abuse occurred nor the SF Bay my own particular body is asking me to slow down, reas-
nected to each other and the ecosystem of W2 employment and 1099 contract work. I recognize my Area dance community at large was able to hold this rup- sess how I work and take time for healing. What is our
which we are part. We are in relationship privilege in having these jobs and it’s incredibly difficult for ture in our collective body with dignity. The dancer making collective Body asking of us?
to each other. The needs, desires, rights, dignity of all of us my own body to hold so much while raising kids and man- the accusation is a beloved member of our community, an
is related to each of us. aging my own anxiety disorder and C-PTSD. Just being real. * I got this definition of community accountability from this youtube video from the Barnard
exquisite dancer, and a dynamic, thoughtful teacher. Now,
Center for Research on Women, who named the source of this definition from the
I come from a lineage of Western contemporary dance, I want to talk about the ways in which we are intercon- they feel unsafe to be in SF dance spaces. This particular Northwest Network.
modern dance, and classical ballet. I love how I can feel nected and how our health and wellness inside of our com- situation feels relevant to examine as we contemplate our
KJ DAHLAW is a bay area dance artist and makes work under the name of Un-
PHOTO COURTESY OF KJ DAHLAW
my teachers in my dancing body. (The wisdom, craft, and munities is in relationship to the health and wellness of all. bodiedness as a dance community. This is a wound in our
ruly Body Tanztheater. They hold an MFA in Dance from Saint Mary’s College of
techniques as well as the patterns of dominance.) I love to We are a body. In this context, I do want to discuss the SF body that has been left unhealed.
CA and a BFA in Dance Performance from Northern Illinois University. KJ’s work
dance. My body loves dancing. Dance feels like this space Bay area dance community as a body. The field of dance is in I am working with an injury in my own body right now. examines unruliness; queer theology; the body; and practices of counter-he-
where I get to transcend. It gives me such deep pleasure, and of the work of the body. Dance emerges from the body. It’s my left knee. It’s been really emotional for me to sustain gemony in the dancing body. KJ is exploring the lineage of tanztheater and has
it’s all I want to do. We possess quite a depth of knowledge about the body and an injury. I just turned 41. This injury is literally just from a background in ballet, modern dance, and improvisational practices.
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SPRING 2022 indance 25
44 Gough Street, Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94103dancing close to home
MY MOM LIVES ALONE, about a thirty I want to learn to love this nearness, programmed for perfect empathy. despite my best efforts, I will
minute drive away, in the condo and all the things that it reveals. A more-than-human solution for always be a child. But if I remember
complex where my two sisters and My older and younger sisters now all-too-human alienation. the gifts of childhood – boundless
I grew up. There’s a sprawling rose- both live on the east coast, and the Seeing that show was a gift of play and curiosity, a way of teach-
mary bush out front, planted the last several months are the first time coincidence. I passed by the Asian ing those tutored in disillusionment
Easter after I turned two, kept neatly I’ve been the only one of us close to Art Museum every day on my way to see differently – this helps me
shorn where it meets the sidewalk. home. My mom is from Maryland, home from work, and one Thurs- weather those feelings of fraud-
When our phone calls started fill- my stepmom is from Kansas, and my day I remembered that it was prob- ulence, vulnerability, and those
ing with concerns – about her com- dad is from Okinawa, Japan. I grew ably open late. Something felt fated sometimes bigger emotions than a
puter’s anti-virus software update, up in Novato, sheltered by my par- when I arrived – just in time for the body can manage. I remember that
changing the smoke alarm battery, ents’ choices to leave their childhood opening ritual, incantations echoing growing up is not finding a way to
the new electricity bill – I asked my homes – steeped in the suggestion in the atrium, naming our ancestors outrun failure, but finding a home
mom if she might start keeping a that the place where you grow up is and their places, knitting together in one’s body.
list, so I could come spend a Sunday not where you become who you are eternal questions about human his- In The Happiest Season (2020)
afternoon each month helping check meant to be. tory, migration, and belonging. a closeted lesbian (Harper, played
everything off. A promise I have I suspect that my parents attach I had recently moved back from a by Mackenzie Davis) brings her
kept, mostly. some prestige to my sisters being far year in Colorado, tacking between girlfriend (Abby, Kristen Stewart)
On a recent visit, I idly asked her away, even if (or perhaps because) it heartbreaks and jobs. In that eve- home for Christmas, but insists on
if I seemed taller. This was a silly means shelving some fears about their ning, so much of my inner search- keeping their relationship a secret.
question, given that I’m now in my own mortality. Fears I try to empa- ing was gently reflected, stilled. In (Harper treats Abby horribly; their
thirties. Why did I feel such illusory thize with even as I gingerly plumb Wailana Simcock’s talk about gen- secret gets out; Abby stays with her
largeness inside my childhood home? the possibility of caring for them as der, language, and land. In dance in the end). The film didn’t garner
Why did I test our conversation with they age: who will tend to me when and music giving form to the exqui- much critical praise, and earned
a question about my body? my body starts to fail? site contradictions our bodies especially literal criticism from
Of course, here, perhaps more than In Fog Beast’s The Big Reveal endure in modern work. It all sug- viewers yearning for the promised
anywhere else, my senses are shaped (2019) – a lush, playfully dystopian gested that there existed some for- feel-good queer holiday classic. I
by the imprint of memory. Some- dance theater reimagination of the giving, tender network undulating wondered if the screenplay – con-
times, home feels like a place where I corporate conference vernacular, through this Bay Area home-place ceived by Clea DuVall, based on
need to give account, be measured. If a tech company (with the motto and beyond, a place I knew, but had her own life’s events – was suggest-
these visits are a check on how cred- “SYN-ER-GY: SYNERGY!”) reveals not always felt known to. ing that to be queer is to be intrin-
ible my performance of adulthood their latest innovation: The Wailana Sometimes I wonder if I’ve lin- sically disinterested in things being
might be, I usually fail by one mea- (performed by Wailana Simcock), gered here as someone who feels easy. Or perhaps the movie was
sure or another: when I collapse on story + photos by an immortal android in the Com- they have something to prove. gestures by quietly encouraging viewers to
the couch, when I stuff myself too
full, when I give in to bickering. But Emma Tome panion Series, outfitted with
ambiguous ethnicity, fluent in
Have I come back because it’s
easy? Because it’s hard? Some- Randee Paufve finally break up with whatever ver-
sion of Harper had been lingering in
these acts make a ridiculous rubric. over one hundred languages, and times home feels like a place where, their own lives.
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SPRING 2022 indance 27
44 Gough Street, Suite 201
San Francisco, CA 94103I wish that my own “coming out” urgent desire to express beyond lan- Fearful, flailing through important I did. To be sure, it takes me a
didn’t so much resemble Harper’s. guage in the way I saw those danc- decisions, I soon fell into a depression. while to figure out new choreogra-
At 22, I kissed my first to-be girl- ers could. My younger sister told me It felt like my inner world mirrored the phy, and then to stop pantomim-
friend one summer night, sitting on about Shawl-Anderson Dance Center, mounting crises so apparent during ing. Enthusiasm is no substitute for
the sidewalk in front of my mom’s and I called the next day to see if that first pandemic summer, like I’d skill, as much as I wish it were. But
house, in front of that sprawling I could enroll in Robin Nasatir’s flung my body down an unending cav- this late start spared me the expec-
rosemary bush. I was staying with Introduction to Modern series, though ern, the last of some potential energy tation of dancing as a little girl. I
my mom as she was recovering it had already begun the week prior. draining away. I lost any will to dance, am lucky to experience this practice
from surgery (which didn’t stop After the first class, I was enraptured, found computer choreography impos- as a chiefly liberatory one.
her from coming out to check almost to the point of fear. How sible to follow, never felt still enough What marks the end of a begin-
up on us). No sooner was I back would I steward this newfound love? in my own skin to surrender to move- “I have arrived, I am ning? I worry some at the risk of
inside than I was peppered with Would my body cooperate? Was it too ment. The sense memory of bodies home.” This is a announcing my love of this practice
questions, admonitions, warnings. late to commit to this thing I couldn’t dancing together in space felt totally here, pinning it to language, stirring
I don’t know why I tried to be yet fully name, but that I now felt so lost. Something I wouldn’t touch, even meditation offered this seed too soon. All the unknown
honest with her then, when I could lucidly I was always supposed to? if I could. Marching, masked, through in Thich Nhat futures in which it flourishes and
barely be so with myself.
Whatever process I had was cir-
Not long after I started coming to
classes at Shawl-Anderson, Frank
downtown Oakland, was the last time
I would move with so many others for
Hanh’s Plum Village falters will shelter together here on
the page. I suppose I chose to write,
cumspect, held in that container Shawl, co-founder of the studio with months and months. tradition, an to accept this invitation, because I
of relationship but never presented his partner Victor Anderson, passed Trying to ease back into my body, invitation to return believe that everyone’s most ordi-
as an absolute fact. Later that sum- away. Though I had never met him, I joined Suzanne Beahrs’ three-week nary stories are worth telling.
mer, I moved to Okinawa, not far I went to his overflowing memo- online improvisational “playshop”
to the home we can I wanted to write to someone who
from where my father grew up. After moving back rial, wanting to witness his spiritual in the early weeks of 2021. We tried always access: our finds themselves coming into this
I never introduced my visiting home, moving away, imprint. Robin urged me to leave a Steve Paxton’s “small dance,” stand- bodies and breath practice for the first time, or after a
girlfriend as such to anyone apart video message in the booth set up ing in one place, noting all the min- long time, feeling like it’s too late:
from my close friends, and eventu-
moving back again, for remembrances. I rambled on over ute protections the body offers to there is a home waiting here. Per-
ally some trusted co-workers. seeing The Big Reveal how grateful I felt to him and Victor, keep itself upright. William Forsythe’s haps I am also writing a missive to
I unquestioningly assumed that marked a new kind for being partners in a time when it room writing, tracing the architecture some future self, worn-down: you
to make home here, to find close- was so hard to be so, and for making of a space with our limbs. Something can begin again (you can always be
ness with my relatives, meant that
of homecoming. that house into a dancing home for started opening again in me, wayfin- beginning). Perhaps above all I am
it was essential to obscure this one so many. ding in the textures and geometry of writing to everyone who sustains
vital truth. “I have arrived, I am home.” This home. Once, I lost track of time on a this practice – past, present, future:
Yet this young queerness found is a meditation offered in Thich Nhat walk and called in from the Rockridge thank you.
quiet shelter in Okinawa, too. My Hanh’s Plum Village tradition, an BART parking lot, the din of passing As shelter-in-place began to ease,
first “butch” haircut was a signal invitation to return to the home we traffic above a stochastic score. I leapt at the chance to dance in
hidden in plain sight among all the can always access: our bodies and Suzanne said that many of her Shaunna Vella’s first in-person class
high school girls I taught who had breath. I think this is a dancer’s prac- improvisations are inspired by teach- at Shawl-Anderson, on May 4,
the same one. My work wardrobe tice, too, with one crucial amendment: ing small children, and lent me a 2021. It all felt tentative, reverent.
slowly filled with colorful men’s if the still body does not offer home, book, which I used to make a move- We wondered at how safe we were,
kariyushi shirts. I grew devoted to the moving body might make it so. ment class for my housemate’s young giddy to move together in the newly
Gu Ju Ryu karate, joined my neigh- Early on in the pandemic, alongside daughter and her homeschool kinder- unfamiliar Studio 1. Shaunna’s
borhood triathlon team. Movement so many of us, I lurched into danc- garten classmates while we sheltered class was the last I’d taken before
was my way of finding home as ing at home. At first, it was fun – I in place. We made sculpture gar- Shawl closed, and returning to it
I learned Japanese. I smiled when sent my family jokey dance videos, dens out of our bodies, learned some the first of many bittersweet sym-
one of my obasan joked over how organized my grad school classmates movement language– heavy, light; metries that would unspool in this
much more sense it would make for a home Zoom rendition of Trisha soft, hard; slow, fast – and tested out re-emergent time.
if I were a man (or at least that’s Brown’s Roof Piece, following the terms. They talked readily about Now, I rattle my bike up to
what I thought she said). the instructions the company gave safety, death, the stories they saw in Shawl-Anderson most days, relieved
After moving back home, mov- in the New York Times. I opened each other. They grew taller. to find a practice rhythm, to find
ing away, moving back again, seeing an instagram account so I could take After getting to know people who joy in dancing again. Yet I notice
The Big Reveal marked a new kind live Cunningham classes (but never have been dancing for much longer, the ways that joy can both quiet
of homecoming. It left me with an actually did). I recognize the gift of beginning when and expose awaiting pain. How do
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SPRING 2022 indance 29
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