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Y6 Story Writing:
Adventure Example Text
Dominika’s Daring Discovery
As she slammed the door deliberately behind her, Dominika
stomped along her garden path and gave the front gate an
equally hard swing.
“Why can’t you stop treating me like a child?” she bellowed
in the direction of the house through gritted teeth but out of
anyone’s earshot. Even though she was 12 years old and almost
five years older than her little brother, it was like her parents
thought they were both still infants.
Defiantly, she trudged down the road and round the corner
towards the old garages while kicking stones as she went and
batting away low branches as she neared the gravelled entrance.
She hestitated; she knew she shouldn’t be there amongst the
mostly abandoned lock-ups and grey concrete structures that
stood in front of the woods. Local kids called them ‘Devil’s Woods’
and told stories about how, sometimes, strange, screaming
noises could be heard there. She told herself (and her mother)
that she was old enough to be around there now, though, not
believing the myths and tall tales, and something burned inside
her to show that she could prove it.
“Gimme five minutes and meet me where we agreed,” came a
voice from inside one of the low-roofed, crumbling buildings.
Dominika was startled – hardly anyone used these garages
anymore – and she darted quickly out of sight, just in time as a
shifty-looking man emerged from underneath an open overhead
door.
Behind a stack of wooden crates, which had open slats to see
right through, she felt she was still easily visible. After waiting
a moment until the man turned his back, Dominika climbed
inside another hollow crate into a bed of straw and pulled the
lid shut over the top of her. Bad move! Another crate was lifted
Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
by the mysterious man onto the top of the one in which she was
hiding, then the flat, metal, double-pronged base of a furniture-
moving trolley was shunted underneath her crate and she was
tilted backwards before being rolled along the bumpy surface.
Feeling that the route was leading downhill, which probably
meant into Devil’s Woods, she pushed up against the wooden lid
but found that it was weighed down with the extra crate above
it. She daren’t make a noise for fear of being discovered by the
stranger who was now wheeling her towards some awful fate.
Inside her tiny prison, still leaning backwards at an odd angle,
the cramped space was being dimly lit by narrow shafts of light
that bounced around as the trolley wheels bumped over rocks
and twigs. She wondered whether she would be better to scream
or stay silent.
In the corner of the crate, Dominika
realised that she was not the only cargo.
Next to her shoulder lay two extremely
large, dark brown, speckled eggs. She
pulled one towards her. It felt warm.
Before she could examine it any further
in the darkness, the motion of the trolley
came to a halt and she was tipped back into an upright position.
She heard what she thought was the top crate being lifted off
the top of hers and onto the ground, in desperate fear that she
was about to be exposed. Then, an aggressive voice spoke again.
Another man had arrived. Dominika peered cautiously out from
under the lid and could see the two men exchanging money,
which was followed by raised voices – it became apparent that
they were arguing.
“You can’t get away with this,” came one shout from the new
man as he threw his arms in the air. “These things are rare,
precious, priceless even!”Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
Suddenly, from amongst the trees, a huge
winged creature swooped down with
outstretched claws aimed at the two men.
A squawking and screeching accompanied it
then the creature swooped down again from
the opposite direction for another attack.
It looked like a marvellous bird but bigger than she had ever
seen before – and it was not happy! Immediately, a third swoop
and this time the men ran, screaming, deeper into the woods.
Dominika squeezed out of her box. She saw the back of the two
figures flailing their arms, still being pursued by the creature
from the air.
Quickly, she turned around with one thought in her mind: three
other crates lay around in the small clearing where she found
herself. Through horizontal gaps in the crates, she could see
small bird-like creatures inside two of them, who appeared to be
trying to flap their fragile wings, looking frightened and alarmed.
Bulging eyes, which were full of curiosity, rested upon long, curved
beaks; they looked more like miniature dinosaurs than birds – but
one thing was for sure, they looked like baby versions of the
huge creature that had just swooped down from the sky. Talking
of which… in another instant, the big one was back, circling,
squawking and swooping down over her head. Dominika ducked
but realised it was not aiming at her but at the crates.
Grabbing a sturdy-looking stick from the ground, she used it to
prise open the lid of one crate, then another. Out hopped the
creatures and the squawking of the big ‘bird’ changed to sounds
of happier excitement – like a mother reunited with her babies.
Soon, Dominika was surrounded by seven hopping, waddling,
flapping creatures; two of them had emerged from the very eggs
that had been inside the crate with her. The smallest, fluffiest
looked straight at Dominika and let out a contented little noise.
Then it took a few quick steps and launched into the air, followed
one by one by each of the others. Within seconds, they had joined
what must have been their parent and all had disappeared into
the distance.Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
Dominika thought about her own mother: did she wonder where
Dominika had gone? Was she out looking for her? Would she
want to protect Dominika, like this mother protected her babies?
Up the path and through the trees she ran from the earthy floor
onto the gravel surface next to the old garages. She continued all
the rest of the way home, into the house and gave her mother a
tight, grateful squeeze.
“Sorry, Mum,” smiled Dominika.
“It’s OK, darling,” replied her mother. “You know, I actually have
something for you but maybe you’re too grown up for it now.”
“Thanks. My favourite!” said the girl as she took the chocolate
egg and went upstairs to her bedroom to unwrap it. It was one
of those with a toy or a model inside it. At least, as she carefully
peeled off the foil paper and thought about the crazy adventure
she’d just had, that’s what she hoped was inside...Y6 Story Writing:
Adventure Example Text
1
include a title Dominika’s Daring Discovery
1
2
2
As she slammed the door deliberately behind her, Dominika
include a
beginning stomped along her garden path and gave the front gate an
equally hard swing.
“Why can’t you stop treating me like a child?” she bellowed
in the direction of the house through gritted teeth but out of
anyone’s earshot. Even though she was 12 years old and almost
five years older than her little brother, it was like her parents
thought they were both still infants.
3
3
Defiantly, she trudged down the road and round the corner
include a
build-up towards the old garages while kicking stones as she went and
batting away low branches as she neared the gravelled entrance.
She hesitated; she knew she shouldn’t be there amongst the mostly
abandoned lock-ups and grey concrete structures that stood in
front of the woods. Local kids called them ‘Devil’s Woods’ and
told stories about how, sometimes, strange, screaming noises
could be heard there. She told herself (and her mother) that she
was old enough to be around there now, though, not believing
the myths and tall tales, and something burned inside her to
show that she could prove it.
7
7
“Gimme five minutes and meet me where we agreed,” came a
use dialogue
to create voice from inside one of the low-roofed, crumbling buildings.
atmosphere Dominika was startled – hardly anyone used these garages
and to move
on the action anymore – and she darted quickly out of sight, just in time as a
shifty-looking man emerged from underneath an open overhead
door.
Behind a stack of wooden crates, which had open slats to see
right through, she felt she was still easily visible. After waiting
a moment until the man turned his back, Dominika climbed
inside another hollow crate into a bed of straw and pulled the
lid shut over the top of her. 8Bad move! Another crate was liftedY6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
by the mysterious man onto the top of the one in which she was
hiding, then the flat, metal, double-pronged base of a furniture-
moving trolley was shunted underneath her crate and she was
tilted backwards before being rolled along the bumpy surface.
Feeling that the route was leading downhill, which probably
meant into Devil’s Woods, she pushed up against the wooden
lid but found that it was weighed down with the extra crate
above it. She daren’t make a noise for fear of being discovered
by the stranger who was now wheeling her towards some awful
fate. Inside her tiny prison, still leaning backwards at an odd
angle, the cramped space was being dimly lit by narrow shafts
of light that bounced around as the trolley wheels bumped over
4
include a rocks and twigs. 4She wondered whether she would be better to
dilemma scream or stay silent.
In the corner of the crate, Dominika
realised that she was not the only cargo.
Next to her shoulder lay two extremely
large, dark brown, speckled eggs. She
pulled one towards her. 8It felt warm.
8
include
Before she could examine it any further short, snappy
in the darkness, the motion of the trolley sentences for
effect
came to a halt and she was tipped back into an upright position.
She heard what she thought was the top crate being lifted off
the top of hers and onto the ground, in desperate fear that she
was about to be exposed. 8Then, an aggressive voice spoke again.
Another man had arrived. Dominika peered cautiously out from
under the lid and could see the two men exchanging money,
which was followed by raised voices – it became apparent that
they were arguing.
7
7
“You can’t get away with this,” came one shout from the new
use dialogue
to create man as he threw his arms in the air. “These things are rare,
atmosphere
and to move precious, priceless even!”
on the actionY6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
Suddenly, from amongst the trees, a huge
winged creature swooped down with
outstretched claws aimed at the two men.
A squawking and screeching accompanied it
then the creature swooped down again from
the opposite direction for another attack.
It looked like a marvellous bird but bigger than she had ever
seen before – and it was not happy! Immediately, a third swoop
and this time the men ran, screaming, deeper into the woods.
Dominika squeezed out of her box. She saw the back of the two
figures flailing their arms, still being pursued by the creature
from the air.
Quickly, she turned around with one thought in her mind: three
other crates lay around in the small clearing where she found
herself. Through horizontal gaps in the crates, she could see
small bird-like creatures inside two of them, who appeared to be
trying to flap their fragile wings, looking frightened and alarmed.
Bulging eyes, which were full of curiosity, rested upon long, curved
beaks; they looked more like miniature dinosaurs than birds – but
one thing was for sure, they looked like baby versions of the
huge creature that had just swooped down from the sky. Talking
of which… in another instant, the big one was back, circling,
squawking and swooping down over her head. Dominika ducked
but realised it was not aiming at her but at the crates.
5
5
Grabbing a sturdy-looking stick from the ground, she used it
include a
resolution to prise open the lid of one crate, then another. Out hopped the
creatures and the squawking of the big ‘bird’ changed to sounds
of happier excitement – like a mother reunited with her babies.
Soon, Dominika was surrounded by seven hopping, waddling,
flapping creatures; two of them had emerged from the very eggs
that had been inside the crate with her. The smallest, fluffiest
looked straight at Dominika and let out a contented little noise.
Then it took a few quick steps and launched into the air, followed
one by one by each of the others. Within seconds, they had joined
what must have been their parent and all had disappeared into
the distance.Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
Dominika thought about her own mother: did she wonder where
Dominika had gone? Was she out looking for her? Would she
want to protect Dominika, like this mother protected her babies?
Up the path and through the trees she ran from the earthy floor
onto the gravel surface next to the old garages. She continued all
the rest of the way home, into the house and gave her mother a
tight, grateful squeeze.
6
“Sorry, Mum,” smiled Dominika.
6
include an
ending
“It’s OK, darling,” replied her mother. “You know, I actually have
something for you but maybe you’re too grown up for it now.”
“Thanks. My favourite!” said the girl as she took the chocolate 9
include a
egg and went upstairs to her bedroom to unwrap it. It was one cliffhanger
question
of those with a toy or a model inside it. 9At least, as she carefully
peeled off the foil paper and thought about the crazy adventure
she’d just had, that’s what she hoped was inside...Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
Annotated Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling Features
Dominika’s Daring Discovery 5
multi-clause
1 sentences
formal
vocabulary
As she slammed the door deliberately behind her, Dominika
1,5
and sentence stomped along her garden path and gave the front gate an 8
preposition
structure that
matches the equally hard swing. phrases to
add detail
formality of
and clarity
the text i.e.
(e.g. under the
not formal “Why can’t you stop treating me like a child?” she bellowed floorboards,
vocabulary
for this text
8
in the direction of the house 8through gritted teeth but out across the
room)
but sentence
structure to
of 13anyone’s earshot. 5Even though she was 12 years old and
match the almost five years older than her little brother, it was like her 13
apostrophes
formality of
the text parents thought they were both still infants. for possession
4
2
a range of
2
Defiantly, she trudged down the road and round the corner modal verbs
(e.g. can,
linking words/
phrases,
towards the old garages while kicking stones as she went and could, should,
would)
including batting away low branches as she neared the gravelled entrance.
adverbials,
to join She hesitated; she knew she 4shouldn’t be there amongst the 10
sentences and expanded
paragraphs
mostly abandoned lock-ups and 10grey concrete structures that noun phrases
to add detail
together (e.g. stood in front of the woods. Local kids called them 13‘Devil’s and clarity (e.
first, then,
after, while, Woods’ and told stories about how, sometimes, strange, g. a state-
significantly, of-the-art
likewise, for
screaming noises 4could be heard there. She told herself 14(and computer or a
hideous, green
instance) her mother) that she was old enough to be around there now, alien with a
as well as
repetition and though, not believing the myths and tall tales, and something pointy nose)
ellipsis
burned inside her to show that she 4could prove it.
14
brackets,
11
inverted dashes and
commas “Gimme five minutes and meet me where we agreed,” came a
11
commas for
parenthesis
voice from 8inside one of the low-roofed, crumbling buildings.
Dominika was startled – hardly anyone used these garages
16
hyphens
9
to avoid adverbs and
ambiguity anymore – and she darted 9quickly out of sight, just in time adverbials
as a 16shifty-looking man emerged from underneath an open to add
detail and
7
relative overhead door. clarity (e.g.
clauses within bravely, often,
sentences repeatedly, in
starting with
who, which,
8
Behind a stack of wooden crates, 7which had open slats to see the blink of
an eye)
where, when, right through, she felt she was still easily visible. 2After waiting
whose and
that. (e.g. My a moment until the man turned his back, Dominika climbed 6
single clause
mum, who is
a great chef,
inside another hollow crate into a bed of straw and pulled the sentence for
effect - short
cooked dinner lid shut over the top of her. 6Bad move! 3Another crate was and snappy
for me.) sentenceY6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
lifted by the mysterious man onto the top of the one in which
16
3
passive verbs
she was hiding, then the flat, metal, double-pronged base of a hyphens
to avoid
(e.g. The 16
furniture-moving trolley 3was shunted underneath her crate ambiguity
Spanish team
were beaten and she was tilted backwards before being rolled along the
by France or
The sweets
bumpy surface.
were eaten by
7
the children.) relative
Feeling that the route was leading downhill, 7which probably clauses within
meant into Devil’s Woods, she pushed up against the wooden sentences
starting with
lid but found that it was weighed down with the extra crate who, which,
where, when,
above it. She daren’t make a noise for fear of being discovered by whose and
14 the stranger 7who was now wheeling her towards some awful that. (e.g. My
brackets, mum, who is
dashes and fate. Inside her tiny prison 14,still leaning backwards at an odd a great chef,
commas for cooked dinner
parenthesis angle, 3the cramped space was being dimly lit by narrow shafts for me.)
of light that bounced around as the trolley wheels bumped over
rocks and twigs. She wondered whether she 4would be better to 4
modal verbs
(e.g. can,
scream or stay silent. could, should,
2
would)
a range of
linking words/ In the corner of the crate, Dominika
2
phrases,
realised that she was not the only cargo.
17
Y5/Y6
including
statutory
adverbials,
to join
Next to her 17shoulder lay two extremely spelling words
sentences and large, dark brown, speckled eggs. She
paragraphs
together (e.g. pulled one towards her. 6It felt warm. 6
single clause
sentence for
first, then,
after, while,
5
Before she could examine it any further effect - short
significantly, in the darkness, the motion of the trolley came to a halt and and snappy
likewise, for sentence
instance) she was tipped back into an upright position. She heard what
as well as she thought was the top crate being lifted off the top of hers
repetition and 5
multi-clause
ellipsis and onto the ground, in desperate fear that she was about to be sentences
exposed. 8Then, an 17aggressive voice spoke again.
8
preposition
phrases to
6
Another man had arrived. Dominika peered cautiously out from add detail
under the lid and could see the two men exchanging money, and clarity
(e.g. under the
which was followed by raised voices – it became 17apparent floorboards,
across the
that they were arguing. room)
“You can’t get away with this,” came one shout from the new
man as he threw his arms in the air. “These things are rare,
precious, priceless even!”Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
2
a range of
2
Suddenly, from amongst the trees, a
linking words/ huge winged creature swooped down with
phrases,
including outstretched claws aimed at the two men.
adverbials,
to join
5
A squawking and screeching accompanied 5
multi-clause
sentences and it then the creature swooped down again sentences
paragraphs
together (e.g. from the opposite direction for another attack. It looked like a
first, then,
marvellous bird but bigger than she had ever seen before 15– and
17
17 Y5/Y6
after, while, statutory
significantly, it was not happy! Immediately, a third swoop and this time the spelling words
likewise, for
instance) men ran, screaming, deeper into the woods. Dominika squeezed
as well as
repetition and
out of her box. She saw the back of the two figures flailing their 15
semi-colons,
ellipsis arms, still 2being pursued by the creature from the air. dashes and
colons to
separate
clauses
9
9
Quickly, she turned around with one thought in her mind15:
adverbs and
adverbials three other crates lay around in the small clearing where she
4
to add found herself. 5Through horizontal gaps in the crates, she 4could modal verbs
detail and (e.g. can,
clarity (e.g. see small bird-like creatures inside two of them, who appeared could, should,
bravely, often, would)
repeatedly, in to be trying to flap their fragile wings, looking frightened and
the blink of alarmed. Bulging eyes, 7which were full of 17curiosity, rested upon
an eye) 7
relative
long, curved beaks15; they looked more like miniature dinosaurs clauses within
than birds – but one thing was for sure12, they looked like baby sentences
12 starting with
commas for versions of the huge creature that had just swooped down from who, which,
clarity
where, when,
the sky. Talking of which… in another instant, the big one was whose and
back, circling12, squawking and swooping down over her head. that. (e.g. My
mum, who is
Dominika ducked but realised it was not aiming at her but at the a great chef,
cooked dinner
crates. for me.)
10
Grabbing a 10sturdy-looking stick from the ground, she used it
expanded
noun phrases to prise open the lid of one crate, then another. Out hopped the
to add detail
and clarity (e.
creatures and the squawking of the big ‘bird’ changed to sounds
g. a state- of happier excitement – like a mother reunited with her babies.
of-the-art
computer or a Soon, 2Dominika was surrounded by seven hopping, waddling,
hideous, green
alien with a
flapping creatures; two of them had emerged from the very eggs
pointy nose) that had been inside the crate with her. The smallest, fluffiest
looked straight at Dominika and let out a contented little noise.
Then it took a few quick steps and launched into the air12, followed
one by one by each of the others. Within seconds, they had joinedY6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
what 4must have been their parent and all had disappeared into
the distance.
Dominika thought about her own mother: did she wonder where
Dominika had gone? Was she out looking for her? Would she
want to protect Dominika, like this mother protected her babies?
Up the path and through the trees she ran from the earthy floor
onto the gravel surface next to the old garages. She continued all
the rest of the way home, into the house and gave her mother a
tight, grateful squeeze.
11
inverted
commas “Sorry, Mum,” smiled Dominika.
11
“It’s OK, darling,” replied her mother. “You know, I actually have
something for you but maybe you’re too grown up for it now.”
9
adverbs and
“Thanks. My favourite!” said the girl as she took the chocolate adverbials
to add
egg and went upstairs to her bedroom to unwrap it. It was one of detail and
clarity (e.g.
those with a toy or a model inside it. At least, as she 9carefully bravely, often,
peeled off the foil paper and thought about the crazy adventure repeatedly, in
the blink of
she’d just had, that’s what she hoped was inside... an eye)Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
Annotated Grammar, Punctuation and Spelling Features
Dominika’s Daring Discovery 5
1 multi-clause
formal
vocabulary
As she slammed the door deliberately behind her, Dominika
1,5 sentences
and sentence stomped along her garden path and gave the front gate an
structure that 8
preposition
matches the equally hard swing. phrases to
formality of add detail
the text i.e. and clarity
not formal “Why can’t you stop treating me like a child?” she bellowed (e.g. under the
vocabulary floorboards,
for this text
8
in the direction of the house 8through gritted teeth but out across the
but sentence
structure to
of 13anyone’s earshot. 5Even though she was 12 years old and room)
match the almost five years older than her little brother, it was like her
formality of 13
apostrophes
the text parents thought they were both still infants. for possession
2
a range of
2
Defiantly, she trudged down the road and round the corner 4
modal verbs
linking words/ (e.g. can,
phrases,
towards the old garages while kicking stones as she went and could, should,
including batting away low branches as she neared the gravelled entrance. would)
adverbials,
to join She hesitated; she knew she 4shouldn’t be there amongst the 10
sentences and expanded
paragraphs
mostly abandoned lock-ups and 10grey concrete structures that noun phrases
together (e.g. stood in front of the woods. Local kids called them 13‘Devil’s to add detail
first, then, and clarity (e.
after, while, Woods’ and told stories about how, sometimes, strange, g. a state-
significantly, of-the-art
likewise, for
screaming noises 4could be heard there. She told herself 14(and computer or a
instance) her mother) that she was old enough to be around there now, hideous, green
as well as alien with a
repetition and though, not believing the myths and tall tales, and something pointy nose)
ellipsis
burned inside her to show that she 4could prove it.
14
brackets,
11
inverted dashes and
commas “Gimme five minutes and meet me where we agreed,” came a
11
commas for
parenthesis
voice from 8inside one of the low-roofed, crumbling buildings.
Dominika was startled – hardly anyone used these garages
16
hyphens
9
to avoid adverbs and
ambiguity anymore – and she darted 9quickly out of sight, just in time adverbials
as a 16shifty-looking man emerged from underneath an open to add
detail and
7
relative overhead door. clarity (e.g.
clauses within bravely, often,
sentences repeatedly, in
starting with
who, which,
8
Behind a stack of wooden crates, 7which had open slats to see the blink of
an eye)
where, when, right through, she felt she was still easily visible. 2After waiting
whose and
that. (e.g. My a moment until the man turned his back, Dominika climbed 6
single clause
mum, who is sentence for
a great chef,
inside another hollow crate into a bed of straw and pulled the effect - short
cooked dinner lid shut over the top of her. 6Bad move! 3Another crate was and snappy
for me.) sentenceY6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
3
lifted by the mysterious man onto the top of the one in which
passive verbs 16
(e.g. The she was hiding, then the flat, metal, double-pronged base of a hyphens
to avoid
Spanish team
were beaten
16
furniture-moving trolley 3was shunted underneath her crate ambiguity
by France or and she was tilted backwards before being rolled along the
The sweets
were eaten by bumpy surface.
the children.)
7
relative
Feeling that the route was leading downhill, 7which probably clauses within
meant into Devil’s Woods, she pushed up against the wooden sentences
starting with
lid but found that it was weighed down with the extra crate who, which,
where, when,
above it. She daren’t make a noise for fear of being discovered by whose and
14 the stranger 7who was now wheeling her towards some awful that. (e.g. My
brackets, mum, who is
dashes and fate. Inside her tiny prison 14,still leaning backwards at an odd a great chef,
commas for cooked dinner
parenthesis angle, 3the cramped space was being dimly lit by narrow shafts for me.)
of light that bounced around as the trolley wheels bumped over
rocks and twigs. She wondered whether she 4would be better to 4
modal verbs
(e.g. can,
scream or stay silent. could, should,
2
would)
a range of
linking words/ In the corner of the crate, Dominika
2
phrases,
realised that she was not the only cargo.
17
Y5/Y6
including
statutory
adverbials,
to join
Next to her 17shoulder lay two extremely spelling words
sentences and large, dark brown, speckled eggs. She
paragraphs
together (e.g. pulled one towards her. 6It felt warm. 6
single clause
sentence for
first, then,
after, while,
5
Before she could examine it any further effect - short
significantly, in the darkness, the motion of the trolley came to a halt and and snappy
likewise, for sentence
instance) she was tipped back into an upright position. She heard what
as well as she thought was the top crate being lifted off the top of hers
repetition and 5
multi-clause
ellipsis and onto the ground, in desperate fear that she was about to be sentences
exposed. 8Then, an 17aggressive voice spoke again.
8
preposition
phrases to
6
Another man had arrived. Dominika peered cautiously out from add detail
under the lid and could see the two men exchanging money, and clarity
(e.g. under the
which was followed by raised voices – it became 17apparent floorboards,
across the
that they were arguing. room)
“You can’t get away with this,” came one shout from the new
man as he threw his arms in the air. “These things are rare,
precious, priceless even!”Y6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
2
a range of
2
Suddenly, from amongst the trees, a
linking words/ huge winged creature swooped down with
phrases,
including outstretched claws aimed at the two men.
adverbials,
to join
5
A squawking and screeching accompanied 5
multi-clause
sentences and it then the creature swooped down again sentences
paragraphs
together (e.g. from the opposite direction for another attack. It looked like a
first, then,
marvellous bird but bigger than she had ever seen before 15– and
17
17 Y5/Y6
after, while, statutory
significantly, it was not happy! Immediately, a third swoop and this time the spelling words
likewise, for
instance) men ran, screaming, deeper into the woods. Dominika squeezed
as well as
repetition and
out of her box. She saw the back of the two figures flailing their 15
semi-colons,
ellipsis arms, still 2being pursued by the creature from the air. dashes and
colons to
separate
clauses
9
9
Quickly, she turned around with one thought in her mind15:
adverbs and
adverbials three other crates lay around in the small clearing where she
4
to add found herself. 5Through horizontal gaps in the crates, she 4could modal verbs
detail and (e.g. can,
clarity (e.g. see small bird-like creatures inside two of them, who appeared could, should,
bravely, often, would)
repeatedly, in to be trying to flap their fragile wings, looking frightened and
the blink of alarmed. Bulging eyes, 7which were full of 17curiosity, rested upon
an eye) 7
relative
long, curved beaks15; they looked more like miniature dinosaurs clauses within
than birds – but one thing was for sure12, they looked like baby sentences
12 starting with
commas for versions of the huge creature that had just swooped down from who, which,
clarity
where, when,
the sky. Talking of which… in another instant, the big one was whose and
back, circling12, squawking and swooping down over her head. that. (e.g. My
mum, who is
Dominika ducked but realised it was not aiming at her but at the a great chef,
cooked dinner
crates. for me.)
10
Grabbing a 10sturdy-looking stick from the ground, she used it
expanded
noun phrases to prise open the lid of one crate, then another. Out hopped the
to add detail
and clarity (e.
creatures and the squawking of the big ‘bird’ changed to sounds
g. a state- of happier excitement – like a mother reunited with her babies.
of-the-art
computer or a Soon, 2Dominika was surrounded by seven hopping, waddling,
hideous, green
alien with a
flapping creatures; two of them had emerged from the very eggs
pointy nose) that had been inside the crate with her. The smallest, fluffiest
looked straight at Dominika and let out a contented little noise.
Then it took a few quick steps and launched into the air12, followed
one by one by each of the others. Within seconds, they had joinedY6 Story Writing: Adventure Example Text
what 4must have been their parent and all had disappeared into
the distance.
Dominika thought about her own mother: did she wonder where
Dominika had gone? Was she out looking for her? Would she
want to protect Dominika, like this mother protected her babies?
Up the path and through the trees she ran from the earthy floor
onto the gravel surface next to the old garages. She continued all
the rest of the way home, into the house and gave her mother a
tight, grateful squeeze.
11
inverted
commas “Sorry, Mum,” smiled Dominika.
11
9
adverbs and
adverbials
“It’s OK, darling,” replied her mother. “You know, I actually have to add
detail and
something for you but maybe you’re too grown up for it now.” clarity (e.g.
bravely, often,
repeatedly, in
“Thanks. My favourite!” said the girl as she took the chocolate the blink of
an eye)
egg and went upstairs to her bedroom to unwrap it. It was one of
those with a toy or a model inside it. At least, as she 9carefully
peeled off the foil paper and thought about the crazy adventure
she’d just had, that’s what she hoped was inside...You can also read
