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AVEC/ THE SUMMER STUCK INSIDE embracing the "new normal" RETROGRADE RETURNS beat mercury at its games ALCOHOLISM & ITS EFFECTS a closer look HOUSEPLANTS a how-to guide ...and more summer edition TWENTY TWENTY
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/ SUMMER TWENTY TWENTY
AVEC/ BY AVEC DAVID Avec, an extension of Avec David, is a digital millennial lifestyle magazine with an aim to engage, entertain, and inspire millennials (and others), and ranges is content categories from home to career, mental health to entertainment, and more. Having launched in Spring 2020, Avec is the newest platform in the Avec David brand. David Self Photography + Art Spanx Editor in Chief @geminigraphicshop Madewell Bloomingdales Vuori Amanda McKee West Elm Eileen Fisher Editor at Large Macy's Vans Food 52 L*Space Guest Writers World Market Catbird NYC Billy Tsang, Anthropologie I'm With the Band The Panda Wears Prada Lululemon Lunya Nordstrom David Self Nicole Fleckenstein, Bonobos Pexels/CC Stone Cold Betch Pax Unsplash/CC Berdels Kristin Crosier, Allbirds Company: Quiet Girl Speaks Warby Parker Avec David Felix Gray avecdavid.com Feature Contributors Zzeal Danielle Clampett Wayfair Address: Darlene Bada Sonos 410 E Santa Clara Street Michelle Burk-Gomez JBL Unit #990 Tadashi Oguchi Apple San Jose, CA. 95113 Birdies Fitbit © Copyright 2020 The Tress Club All Rights Reserved
AVEC/DAVID SUMMER 2020 INDEX
20 EDITOR'S LETTER 22 HOME 30 STYLE 38 CAREER 41 TECH + GEAR 42 MENTAL HEALTH 52 BEAUTY + GROOMING 57 LIFE + LOVE 66 FOOD 71 TRAVEL 74 ENTERTAINMENT
EDITOR'S LETTER I want to quickly thank those that is worthy of r-e-s-p-e-c-t — unless they’re an downloaded the spring magazine and asshole, a bigot, or a racist. Then it was up welcome you back to an even bigger and to karma. better edition. The summer magazine is nearly double the size and features even But what I didn’t fully realize until recently, is more millennial voices. I’ve enlisted new that there’s a difference between not being friends and old to help me curate a collection a racist, and being anti-racist. While I did my of stories, reviews, tips, and tricks, to help best to make sure everyone felt included make this summer both memorable and and represented in my friend circles, jobs, worthwhile. and blogs — my privilege shielded me from the pain that the Black community faces on But before diving in, I feel compelled to a daily basis. address the delay in publishing the summer edition, with this: Looking back, I regret not educating myself earlier. I regret not taking a stand when I AN OPEN LETTER ON RACISM, WHITE should have. I regret not being an ally to PRIVILEGE, AND COMPLICITY the community so worthy of my love and As I was working to finish my edits a few support. And I regret that it took yet another days before our scheduled publishing date, Black man's murder at the hands of a white George Floyd, a Black man, was killed while cop to get me to speak up. being taken into custody in Minneapolis. This sparked national outrage and set off Until now, I stayed quiet out of fear. What an irreversible chain of events across the would my conservative (distant) family country and globe — and rightfully so. members say? Would it come out right? What if it didn’t? Does my voice matter in this As tensions and emotions grew, including conversation? my own, I didn’t feel it would be prudent or appropriate to publish and promote the And in the midst of the media coverage and magazine without taking the time to properly the awakening within me that followed, I absorb, process, and address the issue with texted one of my mentors — an exceptionally an open heart. Leaning on my learnings from strong, bold, and successful business countless Brené Brown audiobooks, I’m now leader — who happens to be Black. “I need ready to rumble. your help,” read my first message. “Being a better ally to people of color. I know I haven’t Growing up in a home with two parents that done nearly enough, and I don’t know where never fought — even through their divorce to start.” (I know better now) And bless her — remarried (both in gay relationships), and for responding with actionable feedback. remained not just amicable — but friends — I She encouraged me to use my platform, had a first-hand example of love being love, and speak out. And told me that silence was equality for all, and most importantly, what not ok. respect actually looked like. I was taught that nobody is superior and that everyone Armed with nothing but my raw emotions, AVEC // SUMMER 2020
“IT’S A PRIVILEGE TO EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT RACISM INSTEAD OF EXPERIENCING IT.” @SIRJOHN I decided to take the steps to educate myself And in this moment, my little introverted cup before I spoke out. (There’s that fear and (energy) was depleted. I had to turn off the discomfort rearing its head again.) I took news, log out of social media, and unplug to Twitter and began reading thread after from the rest of the world to recharge. Just thread. Among a myriad of other things, I for a little while. learned that it’s best to educate yourself, rather than depending on your Black friends to And just like that, I was ready to rejoin the do it for you. Lesson learned. It was clear that conversation and continue amplifying the I had, and just a couple weeks later, still have voices that needed to be heard — including a lot to learn. But that said, I followed her my own. I encourage each of you to listen to advice, and found my voice. your bodies, and check-in with your inner-self as we continue fighting this fight. Take the You see, I’ve learned that my incessant need time that you need for yourself to unplug and to craft the perfectly-worded message (in recharge, when you feel it necessary. literally all situations) was failing me and my community. While I didn’t know exactly GET STARTED what to say or how to say it, I knew enough We’re all moving at different speeds. Some to know that what was happening was wrong have found their voices. Some are instead — and that I could speak to. I began sharing sharing the voices of others. Some are still resources, ordered White Fragility and How figuring it out. No matter your speed, there’s to Be Less Stupid About Race, to further a number of things you can do right now educate myself, opened the gates of my that will help drive this movement forward. emotions, and pushed for others to do the Each of the items on this list will make you same while standing in solidarity with our a better ally to the Black community, and I Black brothers and sisters. encourage you to join me in continuing our educational journey, speaking up, and calling And along with the freedom from that fear out the injustices of systemic racism in our of finally speaking out and the 24-hour news society. cycle, came complete mental and emotional exhaustion — then guilt. How could I let the We need to leave the world better than exhaustion get to me after mere days, when we inherited it. We need to vote out dusty an entire race has faced this on a daily basis ideologies, put a permanent end to racism for centuries? and inequality, and erase “all lives matter” from the English language. We need to do In taking a moment to practice mindfulness better and be better. and sift through my raw emotions — acknowledging each one as it bubbled up to Remember: Silence is complicity. So stand the surface — I recalled a moment in therapy. up. And speak up. #blacklivesmatter Having caretaker tendencies, I often did for others before doing for myself. Which is With gratitude, fine. Until it isn’t. My therapist repeated to David Self me often, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Editor in Chief 21
AL FRESCO: SUMMER DINING DONE RIGHT Amanda McKee Summer has so many endearing qualities. and be pampered. As a native Californian, One of my personal favorites being the there’s nothing I love more than bringing the longer days which inevitably lead to long coziness of inside to the outdoors. And it’s warm nights — and warm nights = eating almost always appreciated as well. outside. Personally, I like to walk the line alternating I love eating. Eating is my favorite, but between a maximalist and minimalist table let’s set the menu aside for a moment… I depending on the what I’m serving, but the know, but this is also important. The focus key to remember is there’s no wrong way to on this soapbox speech is that setting set your outdoor dinner party table! Read on the table for outside dining is almost as to find my favorite tablescape options for important as the food, in my book. both the maximalist and the minimalist at heart. Before you ask, I’m not talking a bold checkered table cloth with red solo cups, And remember this is not a shopping list. and white styrofoam plates. Look, I get it, It’s to inspire you to have fun with your but that’s not the type of dining I’m trying to outdoor dining decor. If you have these get at. Honoring your carefully thought out elements to set your table, then you have menu with a well-curated table setting will the perfect vignette to host your loved ones set the tone — not only about how much and maybe snap a few Insta-worthy work and love went into hosting everyone — pictures as a proud accomplishment, too. but also welcoming them to sit down, relax, Now, Mangia! AMK AVEC // SUMMER 2020
MAXIMALIST I love setting a maximalist table because I personally feel that is so much easier. If you don’t take yourself seriously and have fun with it, it can be a little whacky and because it's in an outdoor setting, will be wildly impressive, even with the mismatched whimsy. Rosie Floral Tablecloth, Anthropologie Home, $128 / Cotton Canvas Runner, West Elm, $34.50 / Indigo Blue Paisley Napkins, World Market, $15.96 / Paradiso Taper Holders, West Elm, $20 / Izzie Bamboo Melamine Dinner Plates, Antrhopologie, $40 / Iittala Kashtehlmi Tumbler, Bloomingdales, $30 / Iittala Kashtehlmi Footed Bowl, Bloomingdales, $46 / Farmhouse Pottery Oval Platter, Food52, from $165 / Mikasa Wallace Napoleon Bee Gold Accent Flatware Set, Macy's, $250 / Lemon Vine Napkin Rings, Pottery Barn, $29.50 MINIMALIST A minimalist table takes a little more thought. Each piece has to be highly functional but also beautiful to really make a statement and tell your story. A minimalist table really suits a beautiful summer spread and lets it take center stage. Minimalist can easily go elegant and formal or rustic with a farm-to-table feeling. Minorca Placemat, Serena & Lily, $28 / Organic Washed Cotton Napkin, West Elm, $4 / Amina Dinner Plate, Crate & Barrel, $12.95 / Diem Champagne Flatware, Crate & Barrel, from $59.95 / 6 Piece Yucca Valley Glass Table Vase Set, Wayfair, $47.99 / Looks Like White Handmade Crinkle Edge Platter, Food52, from $105 / Beeswax Candle Set, Food52, $95 / Neat Cooler Set of 8, CB2, $23.60 23 /HOME
hou s e p l a n t s : A PLANT LADY'S HOW-TO Darlene Bada On a weekly basis, I receive texts from friends and family, or am tagged in houseplant memes on social. I laugh (and feel proud) to be known as the crazy plant lady. Now, you might be picturing my home as a place that can be confused as a jungle, but that’s not entirely accurate. Although, within one summer, I accumulated over 20 houseplants — but I’ve (surprisingly) managed to keep most of them alive and healthy. Don’t worry, I’m here to share my secrets (and a list of things to keep in mind to help you decide which houseplants are right for you.) Some background: I grew up in a house full of plants. My mom, an amazing woman, gardened and arranged flowers on weekends — this was her outlet; and we always had different types of plants in the house. They varied from orchids, to sansevierias, to poinsettias — really, depending on the season, my mom always had something new and something different. I don’t think I could imagine “home” without any houseplants. When I moved into my new place in Washington, I started with a golden pothos and a mini lucky bamboo; both of which I adopted from my mom. I loved watching the golden pothos grow and do its thing, so I decided I wanted more living things in my empty apartment. Next thing you know, the plants have taken over my space (and honestly, my weekends.) Here are a few things to consider before you commit to plant parenthood. AVEC // SUMMER 2020
MIND YOUR SPACE Do you have enough space for plants in your "SOME PLANTS, LIKE home? How will you incorporate them into your current setup? How big or small can the PEOPLE, NEED MORE plants be? These parameters are important (for obvious reasons.) You don’t want to be eating ATTENTION." dinner with your plants, unless that’s your thing. No judgment. You also probably don’t want ARE YOU DEDICATED? to take showers or sleep with your plants… Did you know: Houseplants are not only great again, no judgment — I know some people for decoration, but they also provide actual actually do some of those things. But before health benefits? Seriously! It’s been proven you go out and get green with glee, try to picture that houseplants help purify the air inside your the size of plants that can fit in your space. home, help you breathe better, and there are even claims that they can help sharpen your Also, if you have pets, you’ll want to check focus. But these benefits only come if your whether or not the houseplant you’ve got your houseplants are healthy! So, let’s get honest eye on is harmful to your fur babies. here for a second. How much time are you really willing/planning SHOW ME THE LIGHT to dedicate to caring for your plants? Some One of the most important things to houseplant plants are low-key and low maintenance, and care is having access to natural light. This is you could literally leave them alone for a couple also likely the key to helping you decide which of weeks and they’ll be just fine. Some plants, types of plants you should buy. Does your place like people, need more attention and will be get a lot of natural light throughout the day? angry at you if you over (or under) water them. Which area of your home do you get the most And trust me, this will affect your mood, too. light, and are you able to store plants there? So before you spend your hard-earned cash, consider how much time you’re willing or able Most plants are very delicate and specific to dedicate to caring for them. (read: finicky) when it comes to how much or how little sunlight they need. Another thing to note is whether the light coming in is direct or indirect. Some plants prefer to soak up the sun; while some just want to flirt with it. While there are some plants that do not need much light, you’ll want to make sure that you can still provide sufficient lighting for their needs. (Pro-tip: Even plants that don’t need a lot of light still need some rays.) You could also support your new babies with the purchase of grow lights, which definitely help in low-light situations, and especially during the dark winter days. Hello, Seattle. 25 /HOME
CALLING ALL BEGINNERS! I’ve done the hard work to determine which plants are a little more resilient to new plant parents. Here’s my recommended list of the best plants to start out with, including their benefits and a basic care guide. The rest is up to you — but I believe in you! DB ZZ PLANT Benefits Helps boost productivity and oxygen levels in the home, reduces stress, airborne bacteria, and blood pressure. Care Grows best in medium to bright light (but can tolerate low light situations.) It can also go for long periods of time without water. PILEA Benefits Pilea plants (aka UFO plants) provide air purification benefits, propagate easily, and have meaningful symbolism — they also make great gifts! Care This plant loves the sun! I’ve experimented with different placements for my pilea but it’s happiest by my window with the most sunlight! Allow the soil to dry between watering — these do not like soggy soil. SNAKE PLANT Benefits Snake plants clean air better than most indoor plants, and have the ability to absorb high amounts of carbon monoxide. Care Let the soil dry out before you water again. Even though it's a diehard plant, you risk killing it with root rot if you over water. (I’ve made this mistake and I’m still sad about it.) AVEC // SUMMER 2020
PEACE LILY Benefits Removes harmful toxins from the air. (And who couldn't use a little less toxicity in the air? Smog, dust, an ex.) Care As one of the easiest plants to care for, peace lilies prefer partial shade and moist soil. Only water them once a week to keep them happy. GOLDEN POTHOS Benefits Arguably one of the easiest plants to grow. These purify the air of formaldehyde, benzene, and carbon monoxide, and also eliminate odors. Care Thrives in medium to low indirect light. Start by watering weekly and adjust frequency depending on your lighting situation. More light = more water, less light = less water. 27 /HOME
AVEC // SUMMER 2020
5 SIMPLE WAYS TO PREVENT THE QUARANTINE BLUES David Self I can’t imagine being in quarantine alone. SNAIL MAIL A CARD OR LETTER I often think what it would be like if this had As a self-diagnosed sucker for stationery, happened when I first moved to Seattle I quickly gravitated to one of my favorite — before Billy, before Beau, and before hobbies during quarantine: Finding unique I learned about mindfulness and techniques and/or personal stationery to mail out to to sit through my discomfort. those I care about. I've been picking one person from my address book every few I think of my Nana — alone in her house, days to send a little hello. day after day, with reruns on TV. It breaks my heart to see photos of families talking SEND A SWEET TREAT through windows, or reading stories of the Do something sweet for someone and order loneliness people face on their own. them a little candy assortment from Lolli & Pops, or maybe some chocolate covered Even my mom, an essential worker, who has berries from Edible Arrangements or Sharie's people to interact with at work, and a loving Berries. wife at home, still feels the pain and effects that quarantine has brought. PUT TOGETHER A CARE PACKAGE Pick up their favorite tea and cookie pairing, A couple of weeks ago, she posted a video or coloring book and some pencils the next of her and my aunt with 50-gallon trash bags time you're at the store. Maybe pack a little over themselves so they could hug. The sight sanitizer and a note (or drawing from the alone brought tears to my eyes and hearing kids) for a little extra love. the clash between pain and comfort in their cries pushed me over the edge. ORDER A DIGITAL GIFT CARD A lot of people have been impacted Not being able to do the same, I quickly financially by COVID-19. Even a few bucks made a shortlist of things that I could do for on a giftcard helps with coffee, groceries, the people I care about, to bring some of that or even gas. Plus, these can be emailed and same comfort, smiles, and maybe a happy put to use in just a few minutes. tear or two. HOP ON FACETIME OR HOUSEPARTY Especially now, people need to feel There's nothing more valuable than your connection, love, and know that they're time. Carve some out for a shared dinner thoguht of and cherished. I encourage you over FaceTime, get the gang together on to find ways to let those you love know that Houseparty, or take a chance and surprise you're thinking of them, and that you're with someone with a little digitial face-to-face. them — even when you physically can't be. Bonus: Doing for others feels good and We'll all get through being alone, together. brings the same joy to you as you give. DS Sending you and yours all my love. DS 29 /HOME
for him SUMMER ESSENTIALS Generally, summer is a little more casual than the other seasons — after all, summer should be fun, or something. And this year is no exception. DS WORK FROM HOME Avoid micro print shirts (they strobe on Zoom calls) and hats. Despite quarantine hair, hats on webcam (in already bad lighting) make you look a little serial killer-y. Topman Stretch Skinny ABC Jogger / Lululemon Butler Eyeglasses (Teal Apple Watch Series 5 / Fit Oxford Shirt / / $128 Turquoise) / Warby Apple / $399 Nordstrom / $35 Parker / $95 Pro Tip: Rather than overwhelming you with a SUNDAY BEST myriad of options — use these four situational Whether you're facing the Sunday Scaries head-on by outfits as your jumping off point. running errands, or binge watching your favorite show in denial, keep cozy (and cool) in these lightweight digs. Topman Oversized Vent Short Sleeve 2.0 / Pace Breaker Short (7", Tree Loungers / Allbirds Hoodie / Nordstrom / Lululemon / $78 Linerless) / Lululemon / $95 $45 / $68 AVEC // SUMMER 2020
KEEP IT HANDY Give-in to the slower pace this season, and pick up a Pax Era for $30 the next time you're at your local bud shop. Small, convenient, and effective. I give it a 10/10. POOLSIDE Fun fact: You can still leave the house to catch some sun while remaining responsibly socially distant. The pool, park, or beach offer plenty of opportunity. Topman Harry Pinstripe Train to Beach Short Birkenstock Arizona Slow Tide Stoney Beach T-Shirt / Nordstrom / (8") / Lululemon / $88 EVA / Nordstrom / $45 Towel / Berdels / $30 $20 Pro Tip: To prevent yourself from appearing like you're a shadowy Dateline figure, check out this VIRTUAL HAPPY HOUR clip-on ring light from Amazon for only $20. Yeah, I know, virtual HH isn't as fun as regular HH — BUT think of it this way: Cheaper drinks, no Uber fees, and if it sucks, you can literally just hang up. Canada Goose Faber Riviera SS Shirt (Pink Commission Pant (Slim) Moscow Mule Virtual Windblocker Bomber / Seersucker) / Bonobos / Lululemon / $128 Happy Hour Cocktail Kit Nordstrom / $475 / $78 / W&P / $24 31 /STYLE
for her SUMMER ESSENTIALS The sun is (finally) out and we're shedding our layers. This summer, we're going back to the basics. Keep it simple and opt for pops of color or prints for fun. AMK WORK FROM HOME After getting out of bed it’s important to get ready for work (even if you aren’t leaving for the day.) But, why be uncomfortable? Oversized White Button- Faux Leather Moto Raven Satin Slides / Non-RX Blue Light Down / Madewell / $72 Leggings / Spanx / $110 Birdies / $95 Filtering Glasses / Felix Gray / $95 Pro Tip: Go monochrome for an effortlessly WEEKEND CHIC chic look. Mix and match tones, textures, and Make your weekend costume one that will carry you fabrics — but keep them lightweight! from yoga to grocery shopping to lounging with style and ease. Plyo Tank / Vuori / $58 Performance Jogger / Organic Cotton Long Classic Slip Ons / Vans Vuori / $84 Cardigan / Eileen Fisher / $50 / $311 AVEC // SUMMER 2020
KEEP IT HANDY Who couldn't use a gentle reminder to get up and stretch, or a healthy detachment from their phone? Pick up the Fitbit Versa 2 for $199.95. POOLSIDE Or beachside or lakeside! Even if summer plans are canceled, there will still be many hot days and bodies of water that need to be dunked in. Trust me. Outerknown Costa Shirt Levis 501 Cut-Offs / Tie Dye Bikini / L*Space Rachel Sunglasses / / Berdels / $98 Berdels / $49.50 / Top $99 / Bottom $110 Warby Parker / $95 Pro Tip: Level-up your look with a tube of the Glossier Generation G Sheer Matte Lipstick for VIRTUAL HAPPY HOUR $18. (Available in six essential shades) This is our only real chance to get semi-dressed up these days — don’t ruin this for me! We can do it, ladies. Chic, classy, and in need of one more glassy. Washable Silk Cami and Hair Wrap / I'm With The Jeffrey Campbell Morph Turbo Shell Earrings / Pant Set / Lunya / $238 Band / $52 Slingback Sandal / Catbird NYC / $65 Nordstrom / $47.98 33 /STYLE
in t r o d u c i n gTHE PANDA WEARS PRADA David Self Gird your loins — there’s a new B in town. And He began work on TPWP in January of 2020, while this one isn’t a fictional fifty-something in with a focus on an elevated customer a 2006 dramedy; he does share something in experience through storytelling. Even with a common with Ms. Priestley — a penchant for clear passion and spot-on recommendations Prada. for luxe goods and boundless travel, the style section is the star of his blog. When asked Billy Tsang, the creative behind the newly what he felt was missing in the already launched lifestyle blog, The Panda Wears crowded blogosphere, Billy shared his desire Prada, grew up chasing his mother around for bloggers to dive deeper, saying, “Sure, we Milan, Paris, Düsseldorf, and a laundry list of can talk about what’s on-trend, or what’s not, other trés chic European stops on bi-annual what people are buying, and how to style buying trips for her Seattle-based boutique. a certain piece, but because fashion is so It was on these trips that he first fell in love personal, we have a bigger opportunity, with Europe, recalling the magic he felt while as creatives, to be vulnerable — to share what riding a merry-go-round during Christmastime intimidates or scares us about style, what in Paris. But it was also on one of these trips, gives us goosebumps, what our personal in his early teens, that he realized there was experiences are with breaking rules, societal something even bigger at play. norms, or experimenting with fluidity. As a consumer, that’s what I want to read. That’s To most, clothes are, well, clothes — a necessity what’s missing from all these blogs, and that’s to keep you covered and protected from the what I’m here to share.” elements. But to some, clothing becomes an extension of one’s personality, a sense While new to the scene, Billy already has big of expression, some would even say armor. plans for TPWP. In discussing his goals and Learning this at a young age, Billy began to how he defines success, Billy’s tone stayed experiment with different styles and used true to his focus on the customer experience. clothing as a growth tool, rather than a way “Of course, any writer wants readership — to see to hide his insecurities. He quickly realized, a large following,” he says, “but to me, success likely plucked from the European way of comes in the form of a dialogue with someone thinking, that in all things (and especially in that felt compelled to reach out. Maybe I fashion) it doesn’t matter if you’re on-trend, or introduced them to a new designer, maybe a not. Style is about confidence; and that often post made them feel better, brightened their day, comes from carving that path for yourself, and or encouraged them to try something new or feel frankly, not giving a damn. more confident. I think that’s when I’ll feel like I’ve succeeded.” AVEC // SUMMER 2020
"WE HAVE A BIGGER OPPORTUNITY, AS CREATIVES, TO BE VULNERABLE — TO SHARE WHAT INTIMIDATES OR SCARES US ABOUT STYLE" Given our current situation, we also discussed the future state of fashion, and his outlook was fairly positive. Like most of us, Billy’s in need of a good haul, but foresees a whole new landscape when the world is right-side up again. “Until we can shop again, touch fabrics, and see — in detail — all the little things on a garment for ourselves, I’ll continue to push the boundaries of the fashion blog experience, and provide recommendations, tips, first looks, and stories on TPWP to help others like me get their fix.” And what better time than now to experiment with something new, bold, or outside of your comfort zone? While ordering clothes online isn’t always the easiest, share your haul with friends — host a Zoom Happy Hour or fashion show to show off (or test the waters), or post an unboxing video and first look to your story. We can all use a little extra sizzle and sparkle this summer season, so why not start by elevating our style game with Billy’s 5 Style Tips for Summer. Confidence for summer? Groundbreaking. PRONTO SET VAI Head over to thepandawearsprada.com for Billy’s extensive city guides, lifestyle staples, and all the high-end fashion you could ever dream of. DS 35 /STYLE
five SUMMER STYLE TIPS ACCORDING TO THE PANDA WEARS PRADA PICK UP A FEW SIMPLE LONG-SLEEVES Sounds counter-intuitive; but I’ve found that long-sleeve tees or light sweaters are underrated in the summertime. These options should be light enough for summer wear, but provide you with a little warmth for walks by the water, bonfires, or nights on the patio. During the day, layer your look with a long-sleeve draped over shoulders for a more sporty- casual vibe. CUFF YOUR PANTS 2-4 INCHES ABOVE YOUR ANKLE I started cuffing my pants years ago, following the European style I saw during my time abroad. I think rolling up past the ankle adds a little style to your outfit, and generally lends itself to being more trendy or youthful. It can also open the door to new pairing opportunities by showing off your shoes and keeps you cooler in the summer. FIND (AND PLAY WITH) DIFFERENT FABRICS Variety in your fabrics is a year-round staple, but it can be a lot of fun in the warmer months. Maybe you’re wearing a wide- leg chino or something made of a lighter technical fabric — equip yourself with a closet full of different fabrics and fabric weights for more options to build different outfits. ELEVATE YOUR SUNGLASS GAME I recommend really investing in your sunglasses; but when shopping around, don’t get too caught up in the mainstream, highly commercialized brands. Seek out a pair that’s unique, fits well, and feels comfortable. By having fun with new styles and opting for something that pops, you’re more likely to draw attention to your face. PAIR YOUR LOOK WITH THE PERFECT BAG No matter your gender, pairing a bag with your summer look is (almost always) essential. Clutches, top-handles, totes, and leather document portfolios can hold summer essentials like face mist, AirPods, and sanitizer. Even a larger zip-around wallet can hold the basics and add a little je ne sais quoi to your outfit. BT AVEC // SUMMER 2020
37 /STYLE
THANKS FOR table. I was no longer worthy of that job, that paycheck, or those aspirations. And while any therapist will tell you LETTING ME GO those feelings are normal and valid, they're also simply not true. David Self "Your position has been eliminated." I've taken this past week to allow for a full mind, body, and spirit reset. A true spring cleaning of sorts. My inner Said out-loud in two and a half seconds, Marie Kondo is working hard to clear the proverbial these five words had enough force to knock cobwebs that have plagued my creativity, mourn (and my world — my safe-ish, happy-ish little truly let go of) the things that do not bring joy — read: world — right off its axis. I felt my pulse surge negative self-talk, insecurity, and bad energy — and into my fingertips, my stomach slide into my help me uncover the light, bright, and you got this throat, and my knees start to quiver. attitude and peace of mind that's been clouded by this experience. The tunnel vision set-in while I reviewed the paperwork laid before me, the voices of I find myself wishing I could travel back in time, just a the HR rep and the executive team member week, to tell the stunned shell of myself, how okay this slowly turning into what I can only describe change was. And if I'm being honest, even better than as the "womp womp womp" of any adult in a okay. Charlie Brown cartoon, and my internal fight or flight alarm ringing loudly in my head. Run. You see, every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Work, relationships, friendships, and life. My Escorted by a senior leader, I made my way storyline as a Senior Content Marketing Manager had back to my desk, gathered my two little arced, and it was time to move on. I've known for a plants, a half-dead orchid, and backpack while that the book was coming to a close — and while — which, too, looked on the verge of part of me wishes it was on my terms that it end, the lifelessness, without the hoard of company- forced hand eliminated any further dillydallying, or issued tech I normally lug around. I shook worse, deterioration of my character in any non-value the hands of a couple colleagues, unable add chapters. Sorry, I had to sneak in at least one to fully concentrate or explain what was corporate buzzword. happening, took my badge off my keyring, and made my way to the parking lot. And rather than tangling myself in the coulda, shoulda, woulda's of this last book, I'm looking ahead to the next As I drove home, windows down and the in the series. I know it's going to be bigger, better, and sunroof open, I felt a range of emotions flood more methan the last. through my body: shock, anger, sadness, nausea, disappointment, fear, rage, panic, I have almost a decade of experience in the marketing hurt, and one that surprised me, hope. field, from freelance consulting to mom-and-pop shops, and start-ups to a Fortune 50. And I've done the hard Like many that have faced this situation, my work, and continue to pay my dues as a young immediate feeling was that I wasn't good professional. By no means has my growth been a enough. I no longer deserved a seat at the straight line — I've fallen and scraped my knee, bit off AVEC // SUMMER 2020
more than I could chew, and made my fair share of screwups. "WE ARE WORTHY OF But it's these mistakes that have helped lay the CHASING DREAMS foundation for a successful career in this ever-exciting AND TACKLING and always-evolving industry. GOALS. WE'RE I may not know everything, but I do know that I deserve a seat at the table. I'm worthy of a job that WORTHY OF TRYING, I'm wholeheartedly in love with. (And not just the honeymoon love — I mean the challenges you, pushes AND WE'RE STILL you, breaks you, and builds you back up again kind of love.) I'm worthy of the pay I seek, and have the KPIs WORTHY, EVEN to prove it. And more than anything, I'm worthy of the aspirations I have to learn, grow, and fall even more WHEN WE FAIL." passionately head-over-heels for my chosen profession. In closing, let me say — to whoever needs to hear this — the cliche is true: When one door closes, another opens. We are worthy of chasing dreams and tackling goals. We're worthy of trying, and we're still worthy, even when we fail. It's not always easy to see the silver lining, to believe in yourself in times of adversity, or to dust yourself off and try again — but it is possible. By surrounding myself with strong, empowering, and empathetic people (and leaders), I've learned far more than I could have on my own — this lesson included. So, thank you, to the powers that be, for making the decision to lay me off. While the future is unclear, I'm grateful for the parting gifts: the time to pause and reflect on my path, the opportunity to be better, and the freedom to try. TL;DR: Life has a funny way of working out — even when it all seems to be going wrong. Trust the process. DS Editors note: This article was originally published on LinkedIn on March 28, 2019. 39 /CAREER
SOON. I HOPE. AVEC // SUMMER 2020
b l u e t oo t h OR BUST? A SPEAKER REVIEW David Self We're all familiar with the crappy INDOORS The Sonos One truly does fill bluetooth speakers of yesteryear — they the room with quality sound. barely held a charge, sounded terrible, Create a mesh-like network to listen throughout the and eventually, ended up in the garage or house using your voice, the storage until you went full-blown Marie app, or AirPlay / $199 Kondo one Sunday afternoon. Thankfully, the speakers on the market ON-THE-GO The ultra-portable JBL Clip today have evolved dramatically since 3 sports a small clippable then — but is bluetooth necessary when (and waterproof) design with great sound quality, and 10 picking out a new addition to your tech hours of playtime / $69.95 family? The short answer is, well, it depends. POOLSIDE JBL Charge 4 boasts 20 Being an Apple fanboy, it seemed like hours of playtime, more a no-brainer when I was going to add a than 10 color options, and speaker system to our home, but upon impressive volume (and is IPX7 waterproof) / $179.95 closer review of our needs (and budget), I opted for the slightly more cost-effective and practical Sonos One sets and Beam soundbar. SPLURGEWORTHY Apple's HomePod is the best looking on the list, Though we miss out on traditional sounds wonderful, and is a bluetooth audio, with the Sonos App, built perfect home for Siri. The one downside: the price (and -in Alexa and Google Home assistants, electric plug tether) / $299 and AirPlay streaming options, I don't actually notice a difference. (Aside from having to open the app to adjust volume BEST OVERALL or skip tracks, vs. my lock screen.) With the same great sound as the One, the Sonos Move adds portability — plus it's Depending on your needs, you may too weather resistent, and offers find that bluetooth audio isn't a necessity. 10 hours of continuous playtime / $399 That said, if you're on the go, it's the best option. These are my top five picks: DS 41 /TECH + GEAR
CONQUERING QUARANTINE: A GUIDE TO LOWERING THE BAR Nicole Fleckenstein Guys, we need to talk about quarantine. Like, the things I “can’t” do or agonizing over what really talk about it – not the coronavirus, but I will (maybe) need to do in the future, and the literal quarantine situation. I’m having started focusing on what there is that I can lots of THouGHTs and FeeLiNGs, and with do – what I have the PRIVILEGE of doing. And no one to talk to, they’ve taken a toll on me. you know what? The days still keep adding Not getting to *be* with people made my up, but they don’t drag on forever anymore, depression way worse for a while – like, “I because I created something to do each day plan on popping a pill, crying a bit, and falling that excited me – not just that passed the asleep early,” David Rose kind of vibes. hours. It’s time to come to terms with the reality Suddenly, all the errands I used to complain of our internal state in the midst of this and drag my feet about doing were THE clusterfuck occurring in our external world. most exciting opportunity! I’m not even (You know, the real one – the actual world. joking. Rather than be eternally upset with But what does that even mean these days?) my unrealistic expectations, I decided to Time to dig in and get busy with what you “LOWER THE BAR” – not my STANDARDS, but know will come to serve you on the other the bar of what I consider “acceptable.” Like, side of all this (you know you know – stop I’m being deadass when I say that grocery lying to yourself and pretending you don’t). stores give me anxiety, and that was in the pre-pandemic days. I have so many rackets So, let’s have that chat. No tea, no shade - about grocery shopping, but I digress – STAY just think of it as a stone cold quaran-TEA-ne WITH ME HERE. check-in. (I literally can’t believe it took me so long to figure that one out… Shame.) While I I’m not saying that I love to grocery shop kept popping my SSRI as prescribed, I began now just because there are social distancing to figure out what my “new normal” looked requirements and less people running over like, and it felt incredible. I stopped feeling each other in the aisles – but I do ACTUALLY so lost in the midst of all this anxiety and look forward to going now. Why? Because I get uncertainty, and I still don’t feel 100% all the to have a conversation with another human time, but I’d give myself a 93% which is STILL at checkout who isn’t my parent or sister, AN A. which is truly a luxury if you’re on day 97435 of quarantine like me. Me, interacting with Accepting the facts of quarantine life and other humans when I am always saying how becoming “okay” with where I am (literally, much I hate people? It’s a novel experience physically, and generally in life) instead all over again! I’ll get sick of them eventually, of resisting against something I had no but THE BAR HAS BEEN LOWERED, you guys. control over, allowed me to start rebuilding my days (and mental health!) back out and These days, I’m all, “I *get* to go to the farm up. As they say, “what you resist, persists.” stand! I can’t WAIT to go see my favorite So… I stopped fighting with myself over all baristas and get my coffee! I’m so excited to AVEC // SUMMER 2020
shoot the shit with the hostess when I go pick I’ve also gotten crystal clear about what up our take-out!” Like, I love everyone right people in my life are here to stay, and who now – unless you’re not wearing a mask, care about me as much as I care about in which case you are fucking cancelled. I them… Who put in as much effort into mean, even Moira knows better! maintaining our connection as I do – as well as those people who just… don’t. “If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her Taking inventory of who and what I allow in own mask on first.” my life has become increasingly important to me – I’m done feeding half-assed friendships, tolerating bullshit, and doing people-pleasing "LIFE IS TOO SHORT behavior like saying yes when I really mean TO DO ANYTHING no, in the future of our post-COVID world. BESIDES WHAT Life is too short to do anything besides what you want, or be anyone but who you are. YOU WANT, OR BE So, who will you be when this is all over? Will ANYONE BUT WHO you apply what you’ve learned during this time to do better, or are you still going to let YOU ARE." people walk all over you? I’m sure as hell not, but I won’t be walking over anyone else Lowering the bar in order to fit the reality anymore, either. of our world right now creates space for some kind of “new” good to creep in. It What is the most valuable thing quarantine feels amazing to discover that, and realize has taught you? NF just how much they do matter… Of course, I still reeaaallllyyyyy miss seeing friends and family, hugging people, breathing mask-free, and having conversations with real people, in REAL LIFE. Alexis from Schitt’s Creek said it best: “I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I’m funny and smart and charming.” I’ve really learned a lot about myself from being stuck with my own thoughts for 947 days now… Like how to really best take care of me, honoring myself in the present moment, and just how powerful my perspective is when it comes to my happiness, mental wellbeing, and quality of 43 /MENTAL HEALTH life… Also, I am a fucking wizard at puzzles.
A AVEC // SUMMER 2020
ALCOHOL AND ITS EFFECTS: THE STORY OF A DRY MILLENNIAL David Self To this day, my memory still replays the way choking down my remorse and the rest brisk Thursday night in December like a of last night's dinner. And that was the last viewfinder. Scene after scene, with a dull, time I drank tequila. dim light behind each picture. The bar before dinner — click — the shots — click — the A LITTLE BACKSTORY steakhouse dinner — click — the bar after I’ve never really been drawn to alcohol. I can dinner — click. recall taking a drink here or there in high school, making cocktails on my twentieth It was just after nine PM when my CEOs birthday, and getting drunk (for the first time) Porsche pulled under the porte-cochère of on my twenty-first. What I remember most a hotel near the San Francisco airport. My about alcohol growing up, was that it was window was down, my body slumped to the around — and served as it does for many — right of the racing seat. I was using my arm a social beverage of choice, or to take the to hold my head as close to the fresh air as edge off after a long day of work. It wasn’t possible. The spins were catching up to me. until my own experiences with alcohol that I And quickly. began to reflect on it’s consumption by those around me. I vaguely recall him telling me to stay put, as I noticed an older white couple standing near In my thirty years, I’ve been drunk less than the car — the woman practically clutching a handful of times. Buzzed more often, of her pearls in disdain, as I did my best to keep course, but drunk — definitely less than five. the Patron from making its way back up. Belligerent, maybe twice. Once I was essentially carried to my room, I was given a bottle of room-temp bedside The problem with me and alcohol, and I don’t Fiji, and a Snickers bar — only the latter of know if this stems from my family tree or which was by my request, I’m sure. I barely my lack of tolerance, is that the line of heard the door shut behind my boss, on enough, and more than enough, is very faint. his way back to the company holiday party, To compound the struggle, it also doesn’t before I relinquished control to the poision. take much to get me there. Foolishly, I’ve always followed a rule I was told in a bar Because time stood still after that, I don’t once: “If you bite your bottom lip and can still know how long I was sick, how I got into feel it, you’re ok.” I can assure you now, that’s bed, or how I somehow managed to refrain probably not the best measurement. from destroying the two-story hotel room in my drunken stupor. Including the night previously referenced, one other evening that I over-consumed, The next morning, using the textured ended with the end of a year-long relationship. wallpaper of the rocking hallway corridor, I I’ve heard before that whatever mood you made my way to the lobby once more, got start drinking in only amplifies with alcohol; into the back of a black Suburban, rode and it’s probably true — for most people. But 45 /MENTAL HEALTH quietly back to the little strip on B Street for people like me — mean drunks — that’s where I left my car, and drove the rest of the not necessarily the case. We’ve all heard the
jokes and stories of drunk alter-egos; but years is enough to keep me from tipping the mine isn’t a sloppy or silly persona I give a bottle. name and refer to when discussing later. My drunk alter-ego is (verbally) combative, charged, and generally, destructive. "LOOKING BACK, And because I’ve seen this side rear it’s very I ENABLED THE ugly head on more than one occasion, not to mention the stories I’ve been told of what BEHAVIOR EARLY ON, happened after I completely blacked out — combined with my distaste for alcohol in NOT NOTICING THE general, I don’t drink. EARLY SIGNS" Before I’m called out for clickbait: Let me clarify. On very rare occasions — read: twice In the grand scheme of things, I had it fairly a year tops — I’ll order a cider, or glass of rosé easy in regard to my dad’s alcoholism. Not (which goes unfinished most of the time.) to say that there’s not some emotional And to even be in the mood, I need to be with baggage there — because there absolutely people I only feel completely comfortable is — but my dad’s outward struggle didn’t with; that know my history and general really begin until my early twenties. Having feelings about my personal consumption — lived with him, just the two of us, until the and most importantly, respect them. month before my twenty-seventh birthday, I had a front-row seat to the rise and fall of THE APPLE TREE Merlot in our house. Do I think alcoholism runs in families? Yes. Do I think that you can have a completely Looking back, I see now that I enabled the healthy relationship with alcohol even if your behavior early on, not noticing the early parents don’t? Also yes. signs. I bought him wine baskets for Father’s Days and birthdays, ran to the store when In my eyes — and I’m no scientist — the two he was running low as a favor, and led aren’t mutually exclusive. As someone that the playful teasing — often comparing him has difficulty, and comes from a family that to a Real Housewife with friends. By the time has historically struggled with alcohol abuse, I really caught on, his drinking was a runaway I believe that it can add an extra layer of train that I had no success in stopping. complexity; not necessarily that it does. Dad had a habit of pouring himself a small There are happy drunks, sad drunks, glass of red while on his phone circuit of shopaholic drunks — but my bloodline just friends and family members he talked to on so happens to be dotted with my kind. But a regular basis. In between calls, he’d wander hearing stories from generations past, back into the kitchen, pour another small reliving my own experiences, and recalling pour, and continue. These denial pours, as the slippery slope I watched my dad on for they were eventually coined, often led to a AVEC // SUMMER 2020
second uncorking and repetitive rambling. to share how helpful his support network — including the Beacon House, a rehabilitation We’d have “heart-to-hearts” on the mornings treatment center in Pacific Grove, California, after he’d set off the house alarm in the the Alcoholics Anonymous program, middle of the night looking for the bathroom, his husband and family, and the other or when I’d empty the recycling bin, almost “kids” he’s met along the way — has been exclusively full of deep green glass bottles helpful in him maintaining sobriety and the — clattering through the night. But, as an promise he made to himself. alcoholic in denial — and a Scorpio at that — there was no telling him what he didn’t want Note: To my dad, anyone under the age of 40 to hear. Eventually, these conversations is referred to as a kid. He’s reached peak, “Get grew more heated, led to gaslighting, and off my lawn!” more than one slammed door. Despite not being a kid-parent to him Eventually, I grew tired and threw in the towel anymore, I’m one proud papa. after my therapist coached me through releasing the reigns of parenting a parent. And believe me when I say, nothing about "WHEN YOU'RE RAISING WATER it was easy. From caretaking to playing therapist in lone interventions — and getting calls from concerned loved ones to making the decision to give up that feeling of deep INSTEAD OF A SHOT responsibility for his safety and well being. GLASS AT A PARTY, But by the grace of the universe and many conversations with others that weren’t the PEOPLE CAN'T HELP kid, something finally clicked. Dad, clear- BUT QUESTION IT" headed and coherent, took the first step, and admitted the power alcohol had over him. Like finding the therapist you click THE STRUGGLE BEING A with, it took a couple of rehab programs to DRY MILLENNIAL get the lessons to stick, but I’m proud to Having seen my own reactions to alcohol, share that he’s coming up on his first year and where it could lead if I follow in of sobriety — a monumental milestone that I the footsteps of my elders, making the truthfully wondered possible, at times. conscious decision not to partake is usually pretty easy. Again, never really spending While this article was originally planned as the time to acquire the taste probably helps a very transparent (read: raw and honest) some, too. Q&A, I have to credit Dad for bowing out to continue doing his due diligence in learning But, as you can imagine, things get a little more and working the twelve steps before tricky in social situations. When you’re sharing his side. That said, I am at liberty drinking from a can of soda instead of a wine 47 /MENTAL HEALTH
glass or raising water instead of a shot glass Still, regardless of my choices and beliefs, at a party, people can’t help but question it. being the only sober person isn’t fun. Not Why aren’t you drinking? Not even one? Come only does it make you feel responsible for on! One drink — one shot — one sip. I’ve been the people you’re with — What? Nobody in one too many social situations where else has caretaker tendencies? Just me? — my lack of consumption turns me into the but from time-to-time, the mean spiritedness dancing monkey party trick. Who can get me that the alcohol can bring out of people to drink? It’s exhausting. results in them lashing out against you, simply for not drinking. So you’re judging Truthfully, that, mixed with the waning me? You think you're better because you’re patience of being the only sober person not drinking? Why are you even here then? in a room full of tipsy people, and the fun I’ve heard it all before. starts to wear off pretty quickly. You begin to question your decision to put yourself in the In all honesty, it’s a culmination of everything situation in the first place, and do your I’ve shared that gives me pause when events best Dorothy — clicking your feet together are being planned, that makes me hover chanting there’s no place like home over and over the RSVP button of a Facebook invite, over again in your head. and that usually has me back home before the group hits the second (or occasionally The reality is, most of the time, I get third) bar. It’s not that I don’t want to spend questioned about it. Occasionally, even time with people, that I’m looking down my by people that know my reasoning for not nose because people want to party, or even drinking in the first place. Remember the that it’s because I’m jonesing for a drink — CEO that dropped me off? Despite it taking because none of those reasons are “it.” weeks (and in one instance, months) to rebuild from the verbal tornado that night, It comes down to my own boundaries around he pushed harder than anyone else for me alcohol (and the triggers that come with to drink at the holiday party the following those.) As a highly sensitive person that’s year. Even going as far to say that out of done a lot of work in therapy to open up the cultural respect, I should share a drink. floodgates of emotions from past traumas, Yeah, ok. *eyeroll* — and an introvert as the cherry on top — my energy meter (read: tolerance) drains much And before you shame me for shaming others faster when booze is around. Point, blank, — please know that’s not my goal, or my M.O. period. I can’t help it. (And honestly, I don’t I don’t judge people for wanting to let loose, know that I need to.) drink, and have fun. (Responsibly, of course.) In my eyes, my personal distaste for alcohol In my eyes, as with most things, it comes is no different than my distaste for broccoli. down to consideration, empathy, and (Minus the family baggage/implications, of respect. If you have friends or family course.) If you want to eat plate of it — by members that are choosing to sit this one all means;I just probably won’t stick around out, let them — freely and without question for the after effects. or commotion. (Because that only makes the AVEC // SUMMER 2020
situation more tense.) And if you’re like me, and feel the need to remove yourself from a situation that’s triggering, or moving beyond your boundaries, take care of number one, and do so. I’ve found it helpful to be vulnerable, and share my story with those close to me — so they at least have the awareness and gravitas in the back of their mind. But as for anyone else, it’s really a crap-shoot in trying to explain your rationale — even in cliff note format. There’s no clear black and white in this situation, and not everyone deserves a seat at your table. But follow your gut, and you should be just fine. And if all else fails and your fight or flight alarms are blaringly pulsing in your ears, there’s always the tried-and-true Irish Goodbye. Pro Tip: Order Postmates as you head back to the car and it can meet you at home, just in time. DS RESOURCES If you, or a loved one, are struggling with GOD, GRANT ME alcohol abuse; please know that you’re not alone. THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I’ve gathered a few resources, with Dad’s I CANNOT CHANGE, help, and while not exhaustive, these should be enough to help get your journey started. THE COURAGE TO We’re with you. CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN, • Alcoholics Anonymous • Al-Anon (For Families) AND THE WISDOM TO • Beacon House KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. • Alcohol.org • NIAAA (National Institute on Alcohol SERENITY PRAYER, AA Abuse and Alcoholism) • SAMHSA National Hotline • LGBTQ Alcohol Rehab Guide 49 /MENTAL HEALTH
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