THE OTHER THREE MUSKETEERS AND THE JEWEL OF MALTA - BROOKLYN PUBLISHERS, LLC - A FULL-LENGTH COMEDY IN TWO ACTS
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THE OTHER THREE MUSKETEERS AND THE
JEWEL OF MALTA
A FULL-LENGTH COMEDY IN TWO ACTS
by
Michael Druce
BROOKLYN PUBLISHERS, LLC
Publishers of Contest-Winning DramaCopyright © 2010 by Michael Druce
All rights reserved
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federal copyright laws.CHARACTERS
(14 Men, 15 Women, Extras)
MALES
HERALD ................................................................................... Town crier
PARIS....................................................................................... Musketeer
D’JON ....................................................................................... Musketeer
CAPTAIN ............................................... Captain of the Cardinal’s Guards
CARDINAL RICHELIEU .......... The second most powerful man in France
LEVEQUE .............................................................. Richelieu’s henchman
COUNCILOR .............................................................. The Cardinal’s aide
TREVILLE ................................................ Head of the King’s Musketeers
BORDEAUX ................................................... Servant to Paris and D’Jon
COURT CRIER .................................................. A subject of The Regent
TOWER GUARD ....................................................... Guard in Sauvignon
MALTESE GUARD 1 .......................................................... Palace Guard
MALTESE GUARD 2 .......................................................... Palace Guard
MALTESE GUARD 3 .......................................................... Palace Guard
FEMALES
MADAME MANON ............................................................ A tavern owner
COUNTESS OF SAUVIGNON.................................... Mother of Christina
CONTESSA
CHRISTINA ........... Daughter of the Count and Countess of Sauvignon
LISETTE .................................... Attendant to the Countess of Sauvignon
DUCHESS .................................................................................... Of Malta
AIDE ................................................................... To the Duchess of Malta
CATHERINE MEDICI, REGENT ........................ Mother of King Louis XIII
GISELLE ................................................................................ An imposter
MARIETTE ............................................................................. An imposter
CADICE .................................................................................. An imposter
FRANCESCA ................................ Daughter of the Spanish Ambassador
MARIE ........................................... Daughter of the Spanish AmbassadorPORTIA ......................................... Daughter of the Spanish Ambassador
PATRICE ...................................................... The Regent’s lady in waiting
SERVANT GIRL ......................................................... At Musketeer Dorm
FLEXIBLE
MALE TO FEMALE ........... Herald, Councilor to the Cardinal, Court Crier
FEMALE TO MALE .............Madame Manon, Patrice, Aide, Servant Girl,
Duchess of Malta
EXTRAS
(unlimited)....................... Guards, ladies in waiting, servants, gala guests
DOUBLING
The roles of the three imposters can be doubled by the ambassador’s daughters.
Guards and servants are easy to double.
STAGING
As the writer and director of the first production of The Other Three Musketeers and the Jewel of Malta, I wrote this play
for my group of actors and our facilities. You, on the other hand, are working with a different group of actors in a different
location. Thus I wouldn’t expect your production to look like mine, and that is the way it should be. Much of the pleasure of
being a writer of plays is seeing how other directors interpret and stage a work. If all the productions of my plays looked
the same, I would be disappointed.
This show has a big cast and a large number of scenes; however, it is easy to stage. Big casts attract a lot of talent and
often give inexperienced performers an opportunity to gain experience. If a smaller cast is desired, many roles can be
doubled or tripled. As for the set, it may be as big and elaborate as budgets and space allow, or it can be simple, little
more than a bare stage with a few props. A trunk becomes a table, chair, or throne. A jail cell can be as simple as a light
weight wood frame carried on and off by the actors or extras. Steps and platforms can create more flexibility, but are
certainly not necessary. The more inventive and clever you are, the more your audience will enjoy and appreciate this fast
paced comedy.
In the original production, the stage was divided into three playing areas: Sauvignon (Right), Paris (Center), Malta (Left).
Each setting suggested various places at each location. The Sauvignon location featured a clear plastic case housing the
diamond in a cage with bars. A secret passage through a sliding door was placed inside the cage, but this can also be
imaginary. The Bastille and the tower prison in Malta were the same set piece.
The fencing duels should be carefully choreographed, each longer and more spectacular than the previous one. Adding
music to the duels adds action and intensity and also helps with the timing of the scenes. Transition music between
scenes helps unify scenes and makes them smoother.
As one scene finishes, another should begin immediately with little or no break between. Remember, the pace is always
swift, the action spectacular, and the comedy non-stop.
TIME - 1626
PLACES – Paris, Sauvignon, MaltaACT I – SCENE
1-Paris: A street at night.
2-Paris: Cardinal Richelieu’s Chambers
3-Sauvignon: The Palace
4-Paris: The Bastille
5- Sauvignon: The Palace
6- Sauvignon: The Palace
7-Paris: Cardinal Richelieu’s Chambers
8-Sauvignon: The Palace
9-Paris: Cardinal Richelieu’s Chambers
10-Malta: The Palace
11-Paris: The Bastille
12-Paris: Musketeers’ dormitory
13-Paris: The Regent’s palace
ACT II – SCENE
1-Paris: The Regent’s Chambers
2-Paris: Musketeer Headquarters
3-Sauvignon: The Tower
4- Sauvignon: The Palace
5-Paris: Musketeer Headquarters
6-Sauvignon: The Tower
7-Sauvignon: The Palace
8-Paris: Cardinal Richelieu’s Chambers
9-Malta: The Palace
10-Paris: The Regent’s Palace
11-Malta: The PalaceTHE OTHER THREE MUSKETEERS
AND THE JEWEL OF MALTA
by
Michael Druce
ACT I
SCENE ONE
AT RISE: Paris, 1626. A street. Evening. A HERALD enters and crosses to center stage, reading from a scroll.
HERALD: Attention, attention! By order of the Mayor of Paris, be it known by all citizens hereof, that dueling in the
streets of our fair city is illegal and punishable by law. Hear ye, hear ye—
(D’JON and PARIS rush on. THEY are attempting to elude PURSUERS. THEY pause to listen to the HERALD.)
PARIS: What? Dueling illegal? Are you mad, Monsieur?
HERALD: I am just the messenger.
D’JON: When does the edict go into effect?
(A bell rings.)
HERALD: It is in effect now! Good day, gentlemen. (Moving on.) Attention, attention!
(MADAME MANON enters with the CAPTAIN of the Cardinal’s Guards and THREE of his men.)
MADAME MANON: That’s them. That’s the pair that wrecked my tavern, smashed my tables, and drank my wine.
CAPTAIN: You there, stop! Is it true what Madame Manon claims? You were dueling in her tavern?
PARIS: Our honor was put to the test.
MADAME MANON: Your honor has ruined my business.
D’JON: We were insulted.
CAPTAIN: As Captain of the guards and the power invested in me by his Eminence Cardinal Richelieu, I am placing you
under arrest. Dueling is against the law. You will repay this woman for damages.
MADAME MANON: One hundred francs.
PARIS: You can’t arrest us. The edict wasn’t in effect then. Ask the Herald.
(PARIS and D’JON cross to the HERALD.)
D’JON: When the bell rang, Monsieur, and we asked you when the edict went to effect, what did you say?
HERALD: I said the edict was in effect ‘Now.’
PARIS: (To the CAPTAIN.) You see.
HERALD: But I didn’t mean when the bell rang. I meant the edict was already in effect before and after the bell rang. At
the present time, which was now--then. The ringing of the bell was just a coincidence.
CAPTAIN: The edict has been in effect since midday. In the name of the law, lay down your weapons.
PARIS: In the name of the citizens of Paris, we will not.
CAPTAIN: In the name of the cardinal, I order you to lay down your weapons.
D’JON: In the name of the king, we ignore you.
CAPTAIN: In the name of God, I command you.
(D’JON and PARIS do a double-take.)
D’JON: I’m afraid he’s got us there.
PARIS: Good sir, surely you see we are the King’s musketeers. We right wrongs, defend the innocent, and keep the
streets safe for the meek.
D’JON: We are all for one and one for all.
CAPTAIN: That duty has now been assumed by the Cardinal’s guards, and the King agrees. The reputations of the
Musketeers have sunk pretty low in the court. Too much carousing and disturbing the peace.
MADAME MANON: I’ll say. If you ask me, you’re nothing but buffoons and morons.
PARIS: Madame, no one is asking you.D’JON: Buffoons and morons?
CAPTAIN: Come along peacefully, or we’ll take you by force.
PARIS: That hardly seems fair, two against four. (To D’JON) Does that seem fair to you, D’Jon?
D’JON: Not at all. They need at least two more men.
CAPTAIN: What?
PARIS: En gaurde!
(A duel begins with PARIS and D’JON holding their own. After besting the GUARDS, THEY hurry off with the CAPTAIN
and his MEN close behind. MANDAME MANON and the HERALD exit as the duel begins.)
SCENE TWO
SCENE: Paris. The Cardinal’s Chambers. Center stage. There is a loud knock. THE CARDINAL is speaking to
an unseen confidant. The confidant (LEVEQUE) is seated in a high backed chair turned away from the audience,
or HE may be standing, disguised with a hood and cloak.
CARDINAL: (To the unseen PERSON.) Hold that thought. (To the PERSON outside the door.) Enter.
COUNCILOR: (An ELDERLY MAN with a cane enters left.) The morning report, your Eminence.
CARDINAL: Read it. Give me the news.
COUNCILOR: On the palace lunch menu today—
CARDINAL: The palace lunch menu? I am not interested in the menu. Move on.
COUNCILOR: The street sweepers are on strike.
CARDINAL: Why?
COUNCILOR: Low morale. They say the job is dirty.
CARDINAL: Of course it’s dirty. If we didn’t have dirty streets, we wouldn’t need street sweepers. What do they want?
COUNCILOR: They would like improved pay and benefits.
CARDINAL: What? They are street sweepers. They are lucky to be alive.
COUNCILOR: And for that they are most grateful. Nonetheless, they would like an audience.
CARDINAL: Have them meet at the river and then throw one of them in. That should improve morale. Is that all?
COUNCILOR: The King is planning a hunting trip.
CARDINAL: The King? Our King? Hunting? Oh, that is so manly. When?
COUNCILOR: Within the month. It coincides with the visit of the Spanish Ambassador.
CARDINAL: Hopefully he won’t shoot the ambassador, or himself. (Pausing to consider that thought.) I’ll have to
remember to pray for that. Anything else?
COUNCILOR: Several more arrests for disturbing the peace. The perpetrators have been sent to The Bastille. Since
your grace ordered the mayor to put in place the no dueling policy, arrests have declined substantially. The King’s
musketeers are behaving themselves.
CARDINAL: Thanks to me and my guards, we protect the streets instead of inciting chaos. Once more the people have
clear proof that it is I the Cardinal, and not the King, who protects the people and brings order to our streets. You are
dismissed.
COUNCILOR: Your grace. (Exits.)
CARDINAL: A perfect example of why my plan will succeed. We are building the trust of the people. And the King’s
hunting trip plays right into my plan. It will provide more opportunity for me to incite the Queen Mother against her
son. But we must be careful. A lot can go wrong. Still, it is a bold plan, daring, outrageous, deliciously insidious.
Much depends on chance. But, if it succeeds the way I intend, I—we—will gain the advantage of consolidating our
influence with the nobles and further weaken that ridiculous boy who pretends to be King of France. Every day I walk
into the royal chamber, I look upon those two thrones and think to myself, Richelieu, one day one of those chairs will
be yours, and sitting by my side will be Anne of Austrias. How that part happens, I’m not sure yet. The devil is in the
details. I’ll think of some way to win over the queen. Then I shall be known as the Cardinal who became King. Let’s
get on with it. Remember, no one must be privy to our plans, and no one can be trusted.
(BOTH exit left.)SCENE THREE SCENE: Sauvignon. The Royal Palce. Stage right. The COUNTESS of Sauvignon enters, speaking with her daughter, CHRISTINA. A LADY IN WAITING follows them in and stands nearby. CHRISTINA: Mother, this is no longer the fifteen hundreds. It’s 1626. Young women have more options and opportunities now. Today things are different, not like when you were a girl. Arranged marriages are so old academy. COUNTESS: We are not like ordinary people. Royalty have responsibilities. We don’t get to marry anyone we please. We must think of the people of Sauvignon and what’s good for the country. CHRISTINA: I am thinking about the people. If I am not happy, the people won’t be happy. How will the people feel if they see me looking sad all the time? They’ll pity me and then they’ll be sad. COUNTESS: Christina, let’s not get carried away. I just meant there are national interests at stake. CHRISTINA: Mother, please. I don’t want to marry him. You know how these arranged marriages turn out. Look what happened to Juliet. COUNTESS: That was a play by an English playwright with an overactive imagination. You haven’t even met the Duke, give him a chance. CHRISTINA: He’ll probably have bad teeth and look horrible. COUNTESS: You may be surprised, you may like him. CHRISTINA: And if I don’t? COUNTESS: Well, too bad. CHRISTINA: When will he be here? COUNTESS: Three days. CHRISTINA: Whatever happened to “some day my prince will come”? COUNTESS: He’s a duke, that’s what happened. LISETTE: (Enters.) Your guest, Madame. COUNTESS: Show him in. (LISETTE exits.) CHRISTINA: What? He’s here already? I thought you said three days. COUNTESS: It’s not him. It’s another guest. (LISETTE returns. LEVEQUE, pretending to be the Marquis de Ruze, enters behind LISETTE.) LISETTE: The Marquis de Ruze from Paris. LEVEQUE: It is an honor, your highness. (Bows.) COUNTESS: On behalf of the citizens of Sauvignon, you are welcome. This is my daughter, Christina of Sauvignon. LEVEQUE: Mademoiselle. (Bows.) (CHRISTINA curtsies. Clearly SHE is impressed.) I bring greetings from the King of France, his royal majesty Louis XIII. On behalf of my King, I offer this communiqué. (HE offers a scroll.) COUNTESS: (Indicating that LISETTE should take the scroll.) Attendant. LISTETTE: (Reading.) It is a request soliciting a right of passage. The King asks permission for his troops to cross our territory in the event it becomes necessary for him to enter Germany. COUNTESS: (Taking the scroll.) How does Sauvignon benefit from such a request? LEVEQUE: The King would be most grateful. I am sure he would express his gratitude in any number of ways. COUNTESS: I’ll discuss it with my advisors. The count is on a diplomatic mission. It may take a day or so. In the meantime, you’ll be our guest. LEVEQUE: I am most honored. COUNTESS: (To LADY IN WAITING.) Please show the Marquis to his quarters. LEVEQUE: Your obedient servant. (LEVEQUE is led out right by THE LADY IN WAITING.) CHRISTINA: Now that is someone I could get interested in. COUNTESS: Behave. (To LISETTE.) What do you think? LISETTE: Interesting and unexpected. COUNTESS: Are you speaking of the document, or our guest? LISETTE: Both.
COUNTESS: I’m speaking of this. (Waving the document.) You think there’s more here than meets the eye?
LISETTE: Of course there is. No King of France has ever asked our permission before. It’s too bad the count is away.
COUNTESS: I am quite capable of making decisions during the Count’s absence.
LISETTE: I have never believed otherwise.
COUNTESS: Convene the council in one hour.
LISETTE: Your highness. (Exits.)
COUNTESS: Until the duke arrives, I expect you to play the role of hostess to the Marquis.
CHRISTINA: If I must.
(BOTH exit.)
SCENE FOUR
SCENE: Paris. The Bastille. Stage left. Lights come up. PARIS and D’JON are shackled with no obvious way to
escape.
D’JON: Is it me, or has something died in here?
PARIS: It’s you, D’Jon. You smell awful. It must be from when you were thrown into the gutter.
D’JON: I wasn’t thrown, I tripped.
PARIS: Tripped, thrown, what difference does it make?
D’JON: Paris, my friend, it makes a lot of difference. Had the Cardinal’s guards thrown me into the gutter, they would
have humiliated me. By tripping, I humiliate myself.
PARIS: You still stink.
D’JON: I may smell, but at least I have my dignity. That’s more than the Cardinal’s guards can claim. Four guards
against two musketeers. We showed them, did we not? We defended the honor of the musketeers.
PARIS: Indeed we did, which is why we’re in the Bastille for breaking the Cardinal’s prohibition against dueling in public,
and our adversaries still have their liberty.
D’JON: True, but they also have the scars to prove it.
PARIS: When we get out of here--
D’JON: If we get out of here.
PARIS: No more dueling. France is changing, D’Jon. Little by little, the Cardinal is the paring away the influence of the
King’s musketeers and replacing them with his own.
D’JON: Speaking of getting out of here, where is that idiot, Bordeaux, with our bribe?
PARIS: Yes, that’s what I’ve been wondering. It’s not easy getting out of the Bastille.
D’JON: For a man servant, we certainly don’t get much service.
PARIS: Or manliness.
D’JON: I don’t know why you pay him.
PARIS: I haven’t been paying him. I thought you paid him.
D’JON: No wonder he’s in a foul mood all the time. Now he probably won’t show up at all.
PARIS: Not if he doesn’t have any money.
D’JON: Now what do we do?
PARIS: We need a plan.
(As lights fade, the scene shifts to Sauvignon.)
SCENE FIVE
SCENE: Sauvignon. The Royal Palace. Stage right. LEVEQUE enters right, followed by CHRISTINA.
CHRISTINA: Must you go?
LEVEQUE: I must. At sunrise I’ll be on my way. My king will be awaiting my report.
CHRISTINA: These past few days have been wonderful.
LEVEQUE: For me as well, my lady.
CHRISTINA: Why do you call me lady? Call me Christina.
LEVEQUE: Very well, Christina.CHRISTINA: Will I see you again?
LEVEQUE: I wish it could be so, but when one is in the service of the King.
CHRISTINA: Oh, this is ridiculous. Forgive me. Call me bold, reckless, anything you wish. I give my heart to you. Do
you love me?
LEVEQUE: My Lady – Christina--I dared not hope to hear those words, much less declare my love to you. My heart has
been on fire from the moment I set eyes on you. I have several days journey ahead of me, and I will wish you were
with me every minute.
CHRISTINA: Then take me with you to Paris. There is nothing here for me except a marriage to a suitor I have never
seen and could never love.
LEVEQUE: But I am nothing more than a humble Marquis, a simple cavalier. I have not the means to support a
contessa, not in the lifestyle you are used to and deserve.
CHRISTINA: But don’t you see, there’s the solution. Because I am a contessa, I have means. I can get my hands on all
the gold and jewels we would ever need. I could even get The Jewel of Malta.
LEVEQUE: The Jewel of Malta? The Potosi Diamond? That is one of the most sought after, most cherished jewels in all
the world. A black diamond as rare as any gem the world has seen.
CHRISTINA: It can be ours, and we would never want for anything again.
LEVEQUE: It’s tempting, but I couldn’t. That would be asking too much. I couldn’t have you take that risk. Your love and
your life are too precious to me.
CHRISTINA: Do I really mean that much to you?
LEVEQUE: More than words can express.
CHRISTINA: Perhaps you’re right, perhaps it is too dangerous. Who needs gold and jewels? Love will sustain us.
LEVEQUE: Well, if you think there’s a way, and you love me as say you do.
CHRISTINA: I do. I do.
LEVEQUE: You’re positive you can get your hands on the black diamond?
CHRISTINA: Yes, the fool who guards the royal treasure will do anything I ask.
LEVEQUE: Alright, I have a plan. We’ll meet at midnight, outside the castle gate. I’ll have a horse ready for you.
CHRISTINA: I will be there. Kiss me.
LEVEQUE: Soon. Then we’ll have a lifetime of kisses. Remember, midnight.
CHRISTINA: I’ll be counting the seconds. (Exits.)
LEVEQUE: You’re not the only one. (Exits.)
(Lights fade and then come on the same location. Later.)
SCENE SIX
SCENE: Sauvignon. The Royal Palace. The COUNTESS has entered and waits impatiently. LISETTE enters,
troubled.
COUNTESS: I had expected to see my daughter. Did I not send you to fetch my daughter? That idiot of a duke who is to
become my son-in-law will be here any moment. Where is my daughter?
LISETTE: How shall I say this?
COUNTESS: How? I don’t know how. Just say it.
LISETTE: The Contessa is gone.
COUNTESS: Gone? Where?
LISETTE: We think she left with that Marquis from Paris.
COUNTESS: You mean he abducted her?
LISETTE: No, we think she went willingly. She packed a bag.
COUNTESS: Find her. Bring her back.
LISETTE: There is something else.
COUNTESS: Tell me.
LISETTE: The Jewel of Malta is also gone.
COUNTESS: The Jewel of Malta?
LISETTE: Yes, the Jewel of Malta.
COUNTESS: (A long pause while SHE thinks this out.) Of course! Now I see. He gains entrance with a worthless treaty.
But his real mission is to woo my daughter so he can steal The Jewel of Malta. Find her. Find him, and find that
diamond before the count returns from his trip abroad.
LISETTE: Yes, your highness.COUNTESS: One more thing--two more things. No one is to know about this, especially the count. As for the guard
guarding the crown jewels—
LISETTE: His memorial portrait has already been commissioned.
COUNTESS: Excellent. Make sure his family is provided for.
(BOTH exit.)
SCENE SEVEN
SCENE: Paris. The Cardinal’s Chambers. The CARDINAL has entered and awaits the arrival of LEVEQUE, who
enters with the diamond.
LEVEQUE: Here it is it. (HE gives the diamond to the CARDINAL.)
CARDINAL: Brilliant, absolutely, brilliant.
LEVEQUE: Thank you. I’m rather proud of myself.
CARDINAL: I’m talking about the diamond. It’s brilliant.
LEVEQUE: Of course.
CARDINAL: What stories this diamond could tell.
LEVEQUE: I know almost nothing of it.
CARDINAL: It was discovered by French expeditionary forces in Potosi Bolivia more than a hundred years ago. It was to
be a gift to the queen. Then on the high seas on the journey home, a Maltese clipper intercepted the French ship.
The crew was killed and the diamond stolen. It remained in Malta for almost seventy-years before disappearing under
mysterious circumstances. Ten years ago it popped up in Sauvignon, where it has been ever since--until now. Now it
is returned to its rightful owner.
LEVEQUE: Why have the Maltese never tried to get it back?
CARDINAL: Their forces were no match for Sauvignon. Numerous diplomatic efforts have always failed. Finally, they
gave up. And now we have it.
LEVEQUE: The girl made it very easy for me.
CARDINAL: Aren’t you charming? Gift wrap it and send it anonymously to the King’s mother.
LEVEQUE: What? This is a priceless diamond. You despise the Regent.
CARDINAL: Precisely. I want her to think it is from a secret admirer. Her vanity is such she won’t be able to resist
wearing it.
LEVEQUE: I don’t understand.
CARDINAL: Lately the King has been talking about improving relations with Sauvignon.
LEVEQUE: Won’t this do just the opposite? Won’t he be upset?
CARDINAL: Of course. He’ll be enraged, but what will he do? Nothing, because it’s his mother and because The Jewel
of Malta is worth a fortune. It will derail any attempt to mend fences with Sauvignon, plus it’s a poke in the eye to that
two-bit island, Malta, which continues to be a pain in France’s derriere.
LEVEQUE: Clever. Clever indeed.
CARDINAL: Keep the bees stirred up and the honey pot remains empty. The more we are able to undermine the king,
the easier it will be to take command.
(BOTH exit.)
SCENE EIGHT
SCENE: Sauvignon. The Royal Palace. LISETTE and The COUNTESS enter.
COUNTESS: Well? Don’t keep me waiting. You have news? Tell me.
LISETTE: Yes, she’s been found.
COUNTESS: Where?
LISETTE: In a grove about ten miles from here. She was tied to a tree, her horse stolen.
COUNTESS: Bring her to me.(LISETTE exits and returns with CHRISTINA. SHE is crying.)
CHRISTINA: Oh, mother, I have been such a fool.
COUNTESS: You come by it naturally. I have never forgiven myself for thinking I was in love with your father.
CHRISTINA: He said he loved me, that he couldn’t live without me.
COUNTESS: All men say that, especially when one of the world’s most famous diamonds is involved.
CHRISTINA: He humiliated me. What are we going to do?
COUNTESS: Two things. First, you are not to tell anyone about the diamond, especially your father. He’ll be back within
the week. That should be enough time to have an imitation of the Potosi Diamond made while we find a way to
retrieve the real one.
CHRISTINA: You said two things, what is the second thing?
COUNTESS: Go, make yourself presentable to the duke. He arrived yesterday, expecting to see you. We made up an
excuse that you were ill, palpitations of the heart. You’ve made a miraculous recovery, healthy enough to marry.
CHRISTINA: What? You’re going to force me to marry a man I don’t even know?
COUNTESS: You were on your way to Paris with a man you certainly didn’t know.
CHRISTINA: Oh, mother, how could you?
COUNTESS: Stealing the crown jewels is an act of treason. The royal guard who gave you the diamond didn’t get a
choice. You do. Marry the duke, or it’s a trip to the guillotine. (Exits.)
CHRISTINA: What kind of a choice is that? Oh, Lisette, what would you do?
LISETTE: The guillotine.
CHRISTINA: Oh, no. Is the Duke that bad?
LISETTE: We’ve already had to put down two dogs. They wouldn’t quit barking whenever he walked past.
CHRISTINA: What am I going to do?
(BOTH exit.)
SCENE NINE
SCENE: Paris. The Cardinal’s Chambers. The CARDINAL is reading. The COUNCILOR enters.
COUNCILOR: (Clearing his throat.) Monsieur Treville.
CARDINAL: (To the COUNCILOR.) You may go.
(The COUNCILOR bows, signals for TREVILLE to enter, and exits.)
TREVILLE: Good morning, your Eminence.
CARDINAL: Monsieur Treville.
TREVILLE: Your message sounded urgent.
CARDINAL: Not urgent, just routine. As you know, the King’s mother will be hosting a gala for the daughters of the
Ambassador of Spain.
TREVILLE: Yes, it is my understanding the ambassador will join the King on his hunting trip, and the young ladies will be
guests of the Regent.
CARDINAL: Quite correct. For the purposes of security, I would like for you to make available three of your Musketeers.
I would use my own guards, but this sort of trifle seems better suited to your men.
TREVILLE: (Stung by the insult.) I know just the three. They’re on assignment with the King, but I’ll have them sent for
and returned to Paris at once.
CARDINAL: If it is the three I am thinking of, no. Someone a little less colorful.
TREVILLE: But they are my best guards.
CARDINAL: And prone to create havoc. I don’t want the evening turned into a circus. No, this will be a gentle, low-key
affair. I need three men to serve as escorts for the Ambassador’s daughters, and to keep an eye on the Regent. She
will be wearing the Potosi Diamond.
TREVILLE: Musketeers not on assignment with the King are on furlough.
CARDINAL: If you can’t oblige my request.
TREVILLE: Of course, I will find three musketeers. (Exits.)
(The CARDINAL exits.)SCENE TEN
SCENE: Malta. The royal palace. An AIDE enters, followed a few seconds later by the DUCHESS OF MALTA.
DUCHESS: What is so important that it couldn’t wait until later?
AIDE: Your highness, one of our emissaries has just returned from Marseilles.
DUCHESS: And why should that be of any interest to me?
AIDE: Because he had an interesting conversation with a spy who was recently in Paris.
DUCHESS: I trust this gets better.
AIDE: It seems that The Jewel of Malta is no longer in Sauvignon. It was stolen.
DUCHESS: I see. And where is it now?
AIDE: In Paris and soon be to hanging around the Regent’s neck.
DUCHESS: Indeed? Any word from Sauvignon?
AIDE: The theft is being kept very quiet. It’s a matter of national pride.
DUCHESS: Pride in a national treasure stolen from us.
AIDE: After all these years, this could be our first real opportunity to the get the diamond back.
DUCHESS: Yes, and without waging war. Let us think on this.
(BOTH exit.)
SCENE ELEVEN
SCENE: Paris. The Bastille. PARIS and D’JON are shackled. TREVILLE enters, clearly overwhelmed by the
stench. A GUARD stands nearby.
TREVILLE: (To the GUARD.) Let me pass.
(The GUARD grants TREVILLE access.)
You’re my musketeers?
PARIS: Monsieur Treville, what an honor. Forgive us if we don’t bow.
TREVILLE: This place stinks.
PARIS: Yes, we know. It’s an outrage. We have spoken to the proprietor.
D’JON: Nothing. He just ignores our pleas. And the food here is horrible.
TREVILLE: How many of you are there? I can hardly see.
D’JON: Yes, the light is terrible. I haven’t been able to read a thing.
PARIS: There are two of us, Monsieur. How may we be of service to the King?
TREVILLE: You can’t. I need three musketeers. Now I’ll have to go back to the Cardinal and tell him I am unable to fulfill
his request. Any time we look weak or inefficient, it plays into the Cardinal’s plan to reduce the influence of the
musketeers. We’re becoming glorified security guards, Musketeers for rent.
PARIS: (Seeing an opportunity.) But there are three of us.
TREVILLE: You said there are only two.
PARIS: Our third is at the barracks.
TREVILLE: I have just come from the barracks. There are no musketeers.
PARIS: I misspoke, I meant the infirmary. Our third is in the infirmary, nursing a slight would.
D’JON: He was in a brawl with four of the Cardinal’s men.
PARIS: His wound is nothing compared to the indignities they suffered.
D’JON: He’ll be fully recovered in time for any duties you might assign.
TREVILLE: (Now interested.) Are you sure? Is he reliable, educated?
PARIS: Very. What he doesn’t know is not worth knowing.
TREVILLE: He is a gentleman and a wit?
PARIS: Beyond compare.TREVILLE: He knows his a way around a sword and a lady?
PARIS: Finesse, absolute finesse.
TREVILLE: Very well. Tomorrow night the Regent is hosting a masquerade for the three daughters of the Spanish
ambassador.
PARIS: Of course, and you’ll want us to guard the ambassador.
TREVILLE: No, the ambassador will be joining the king on his hunting trip. I need escorts for the three daughters and
three sets of eyes for the Regent. She’ll be wearing The Jewel of Malta.
D’JON: You expect someone to attempt to steal the black diamond?
TREVILLE: No, I don’t expect that to happen, but it is one of the most famous treasures of the world. It was given to her
by a secret admirer, thus it is a source of contention between the Regent and the king, as well as France, Sauvignon,
and Malta. Need I say more?
PARIS: We are your obedient servants.
TREVILLE: Very well, I’ll have you released. Be sure you take a bath before tomorrow evening. Good day gentlemen.
(Exits.)
D’JON: Who will be our third?
PARIS: We’ll think of someone.
(Lights fade quickly.)
SCENE TWELVE
SCENE: Paris. The Musketeers’ Apartment. BORDEAUX, singing or humming, brings on a small table and chair.
HE sits and props up his feet.
BORDEAUX: Now this is the life. I could get used to this. Master of me own house. No more sweeping up and picking
up after others. Yep, this is a bit of alright, alright.
(A SERVANT GIRL enters and brings BORDEAUX a bottle of wine.)
Thanks love.
(The GIRL curtsies and exits.)
Not a care in the world. Good food, drink, a roof over me head. Not bad for a peasant. Too bad for them that’s in the
Bastille.
(PARIS and D’JON enter angrily.)
PARIS: Why didn’t you bail us out?
BORDEAUX: What? (HE falls out of his chair.) Oh, you’re back.
D’JON: No thanks to you. Why didn’t you pay our fine?
BORDEAUX: With what, my good looks?
PARIS: What do we pay you for? (A beat.) Never mind. You surely could have come to our aid.
BORDEAUX: You’re out now, obviously you didn’t need my help.
PARIS: Only by a stroke of good fortune. If it weren’t for Monsieur Treville, we would still be there.
D’JON: Perhaps forever, rotting away.
PARIS: So now you’re in our debt.
BORDEAUX: No, you’re in my debt. You owe me for services rendered.
D’JON: And those services include liberating us from the Bastille, which you didn’t perform, so you are in our debt.
BORDEAUX: I quit.
PARIS: You can’t quit.
BORDEAUX: I can and I will.D’JON: You can’t and you mustn’t.
BORDEAUX: Why not? Just give me one good reason why.
PARIS: (As much as it pains him to say it.) We need you.
D’JON: We promised Monsieur Treville that three musketeers would be available to guard the three daughters of the
Spanish ambassador and to watch over the Regent the night of her gala. We need a third musketeer. We can’t let
him down.
BORDEAUX: Cleaning up after two of you is challenge enough, much less bringing a third into the mix.
PARIS: We’re not talking about someone else, we’re talking about you. We need you to be our third musketeer.
BORDEAUX: What? Are you out of your minds? I’m a peasant.
D’JON: We know.
BORDEAUX: I’m practically illiterate.
PARIS: There are worse things to be.
BORDEAUX: I have the manners of a pig.
D’JON: Pigs are smart. They can be trained.
BORDEAUX: No. Absolutely not. I won’t do it.
PARIS: We’ll pay you.
BORDEAUX: With what?
D’JON: We’ll sell something.
BORDEAUX: A man of dignity can’t be bought.
D’JON: A man of dignity? You yourself said you were a peasant. How much dignity could a man like you have?
BORDEAUX: I want the money in advance.
PARIS: Done.
(ALL three exit.)
SCENE THIRTEEN
SCENE: Paris. The palace of the Regent. The room is filled with GUESTS. EVERYONE is wearing masks. Music
plays. PARIS and D’JON establish a presence. The CARDINAL stands near the REGENT. BORDEAUX enters
and eyes the REGENT, who is wearing the Potosi Diamond around her neck. TREVILLE and LEVEQUE are also
present.
BORDEAUX: You see the size of that rock around the regent’s neck? If we could get our hands on that—
D’JON: We wouldn’t have any hands.
PARIS: We’re here to keep an eye on the diamond, not steal it. Now get to work.
BORDEAUX: Where are those wenches, anyway?
D’JON: He’s hopeless.
(The MUSKETEERS blend in with the CROWD.)
CARDINAL: May I say, your majesty, that diamond around your neck looks exquisite.
REGENT: I would like to believe it is my own natural beauty that gives it its elegance. But then I suppose things like that
don’t concern you, do they?
CARDINAL: I would never presume to take issue with your majesty.
REGENT: Always the diplomat. (Changing subjects.) How much longer are we to be kept waiting?
CARDINAL: I am assured the ambassador’s daughters will be down any moment.
REGENT: They must certainly be pampered. They’ve locked themselves in the guest quarters since breakfast. But what
can one expect from young ladies these days, especially Spaniards? Since when does it take an entire afternoon to
get ready for a masque?
CARDINAL: It does seem self-indulgent.
(A COURT CRIER enters.)
Our prayers have been answered.
COURT CRIER: Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, your majesty, on behalf of his royal majesty of Spain, King
Phillip IV, may I present the daughters of Ambassador Diego de Acuna: Francesca, Maria, and Portia.
(THE THREE YOUNG WOMEN enter in costume and mask. THEY cross center and curtsy before the REGENT.)REGENT: Our honored guests are welcome. Let the festivities begin.
(THE THREE YOUNG WOMEN are joined by D’JON, PARIS, and BORDEAUX, who bow and parade the THREE
WOMEN around the room. Music plays. EXTRAS become ATTENDEES. The atmosphere should be festive and
elegant. PATRICE, a lady in waiting, rushes in and approaches the REGENT.)
PATRICE: Your majesty, forgive me, I—I—I
CARDINAL: (Roaring.) What is the meaning of this? On your knees!
(EVERYONE suddenly drops to their knees.)
Not you, her!
(EVERYONE except PATRICE stands.)
Guards!
REGENT: (Before the GUARDS respond to the CARDINAL’s order.) No, let her speak.
PATRICE: Forgive me, your majesty. I have been bound and gagged and only now gotten free. The ambassador’s
daughters, they’re gone.
CARDINAL: No, you are mistaken. Look around you. They are here.
PATRICE: Forgive me, your Eminence. The ambassador’s daughters were kidnapped hours ago. These women are
imposters.
CARDINAL: Guards!
(EVERYONE is taken surprise. Immediately THE IMPOSTERS draw the swords of the MUSKETEERS guarding them.
The swordless MUSKETEERS obtain extra swords from other GUARDS and spring into action. The THREE IMPOSTERS
fight valiantly. THEY are equal to the MUSKETEERS in fencing skill. The IMPOSTERS fight until THEY are surrounded by
several of RICHELIEU’s GUARDS and the MUSKETEERS.)
CARDINAL: Drop your weapons, you are surrounded.
(THE THREE IMPOSTERS drop their weapons.)
REGENT: (To the IMPOSTERS.) Is it true what this woman says?
MARIETTE: Yes, the ambassador’s daughters have been gone since noon.
LEVEQUE: It must be some sort of practical joke.
CARDINAL: No one would be so bold or stupid to pull a stunt like this. What is it you want?
CADICE: What rightfully belongs to us, the Potosi Diamond.
CARDINAL: Execute them.
GISELLE: If you do, the Spanish Ambassador will never see his daughters alive.
REGENT: Guards, stand down.
(RICHELIEU’s GUARDS sheathe their weapons.)
CARDINAL: You think her majesty is going to hand over the diamond and let you leave?
GISELLE: The ambassador’s daughters have several hours head start. You will never catch them.
MARIETTE: And if we are not back within three days, the young women will be executed.
REGENT: Then we’ll declare war on your worthless little country.
CADICE: And the king of Spain will declare war on France for not intervening over something as trivial as a diamond.
CARDINAL: You’re bluffing.
GISELLE: Then we accept God’s will.
(The REGENT and the CARDINAL whisper.)
REGENT: Very well. (The REGENT removes the necklace and gives it to CADICE.)
CADICE: Don’t bother having us followed. If you do, the same fate awaits the ambassador’s daughters.
REGENT: Let them go.
GISELLE: You won’t have us followed?
REGENT: I give you my word.
CADICE / GISELLE / MARIETTE: Your majesty. (THEY curtsy and exit.)CARDINAL: Guards, have them followed!
REGENT: Stand down! I gave my word. Are you a person of your word, Cardinal Richelieu?
CARDINAL: No.
REGENT: (Quietly.) I gave my word that we wouldn’t follow them. I never said we wouldn’t come after them.
(The CARDINAL smiles as the lights fade.)
END OF ACT I
ACT II
SCENE ONE
SCENE: Paris. The Regent’s Chambers. The REGENT enters furiously, followed by the CARDINAL and
LEVEQUE.
REGENT: I have never been so humiliated in all my life. Sauvignon, that nothing country, that pimple on the behind of
France. I won’t stand for it, I tell you. I want that diamond back.
CARDINAL: Of course, but what about the ambassador’s daughters?
REGENT: Rescue them, retrieve the diamond, and then have them killed.
CARDINAL: Is it wise to provoke Spain?
REGENT: We’ll blame it on Sauvignon and then Spain can do our dirty work for us. (Exits.)
CARDINAL: (To LEVEQUE.) I like it, but this could be risky. Whoever goes to Sauvignon and then dispatches the
ambassador’s daughters might pose a threat to us. No telling what they might find out in Sauvignon.
LEVEQUE: Which is why need men who are expendable. We’ll have them executed as well, right after they hand over
the diamond.
CARDINAL: Quite right, and I know just the men.
(BOTH exit.)
SCENE TWO
SCENE: Paris. Musketeer Headquarters. TREVILLE enters followed by THE MUSKETEERS.
TREVILLE: This is a mission of the utmost importance.
BORDEAUX: So, if I understand what you’re saying, the three of us are going to ride right into Sauvignon, enter the
palace, locate the diamond, steal the diamond, and on the way out rescue the ambassador’s three daughters?
TREVILLE: Yes.
BORDEAUX: I’m out!
PARIS: He is not.
BORDEAUX: I am! It’s a suicide mission.
TREVILLE: This is a direct order. If you refuse to obey it, (To PARIS and D’JON.) I will have you two returned to the
Bastille where I found you, and (To BORDEAUX) you—BORDEAUX: I know, and I’ll join them.
TREVILLE: No. You don’t think I know you’re a peasant? No, the Bastille is too good for you. I’ll simply have your head
cut off. Any questions? None? Good. Best of luck, gentlemen. (Exits.)
SCENE THREE
SCENE: Sauvignon. The Tower. A TOWER GUARD doggedly paces back and forth. PARIS, D’JON, and
BORDEAUX enter and sneak up behind him, matching his pace step for step. The GUARD turns suddenly.
TOWER GUARD: Aye, who are you fellows?
BORDEAUX: Never you mind.
TOWER GUARD: It’s my job to mind. I’m the tower guard.
PARIS: In that case, we’re liberators. Take us to the women, now.
TOWER GUARD: What women?
D’JON: You know very well what women, the daughters of the Spanish ambassador. They’re being held captive. If you
don’t tell us, we’ll cut out your tongue. Then you’ll talk.
TOWER GUARD: Not without a tongue, I won’t.
D’JON: Then we’ll gouge out your eyes.
TOWER GUARD: Then I wouldn’t be able to show you where you want to go.
D’JON: Alright, we’ll cut off your ears.
TOWER GUARD: How will I hear what you’re saying?
D’JON: We’ll write a note.
TOWER GUARD: I can’t read.
PARIS: Let’s not do anything. (Reaching into a pocket.) Here’s a gold sovereign. Will that work?
TOWER GUARD: Quite nicely, thank you. But these young women you speak of, they are not here.
PARIS: Where are they?
TOWER GUARD: That’s what I am trying to tell you. I don’t know.
PARIS: Who would know?
TOWER GUARD: At least, I don’t think they are here. I’m a guard. I know things, I hear things. If there were three
young women being held captive, I would know. I would have heard.
PARIS: Alright, for the moment, forget about them. The Potosi Diamond, where is it?
TOWER GUARD: I won’t tell you. I can’t.
D’JON: In that case we’ll have to kill you.
PARIS: That’s not going to work. Here. (Producing another coin.) Here’s another sovereign.
TOWER GUARD: (Pointing to an enclosed cage.) It’s in there.
PARIS: Show us.
(The GUARD leads them to the cage.)
TOWER GUARD: There, under the glass.
(A shroud covers the glass case in which the diamond is kept. BORDEAUX lifts off the shroud. THEY ALL stare,
impressed for a moment.)
PARIS: Impressive.
BORDEAUX: How does it open?
TOWER GUARD: It doesn’t, at least not conventionally.
BORDEAUX: (To D’JON) Give me your blade.
(D’JON hands him a big knife.)
I’ll smash the glass
TOWER GUARD: I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
PARIS: Why not?
TOWER GUARD: The whole thing is rigged up with booby traps. See those holes in the wall? You break that glass or
move the case, and a hundred arrows will come shooting out. You’ll look like a slice of Swiss Cheese.
D’JON: There must be some way to disarm it?TOWER GUARD: There’s a key. BORDEAUX: Then hand it over. TOWER GUARD: I can’t. PARIS: I’m out of sovereigns. TOWER GUARD: No, I mean I can’t get to the key you need. I have a key for the cage, but there’s another key that disarms the bobby traps. D’JON: Then we’ll get it. TOWER GUARD: You can’t do that. The count has it. He sleeps with it under his pillow. During the day he wears it around his neck. BORDEAUX: I think you’re lying. I think you could get that key if you wanted to. TOWER GUARD: Think about it. Do you know how much a fellow like me makes in a year? I can barely feed my family. If I could get my hands on that rock, don’t you think I would have taken it by now? PARIS: That makes sense. Alright, gives us the key to the cage. We’ll find a way to get to the diamond. (The GUARD hands over the cage key.) PARIS: Thank you. TOWER GUARD: Haven’t you forgotten something? PARIS: I told you, I’m out of sovereigns. TOWER GUARD: No, tie me up. You’ve got my key. It can’t look like I cooperated with you, otherwise it’ll be off with my head. PARIS: Good thought. Do you have a rope? TOWER GUARD: No. PARIS: (To BORDEAUX.) Do you have a rope? BORDEAUX: I don’t have a rope. (To D’JON) What about you? D’JON: Not me. BORDEAUX: Just take him outside and knock him out. TOWER GUARD: Be gentle, well, as gentle as you can be with a thump on the head. (D’JON pulls the GUARD outside. PARIS uses the key to unlock the cage. HE and BORDEAUX enter and study the glass case.) PARIS: What do you think? BORDEAUX: How much I hate Swiss cheese. PARIS: What about underneath? Can you get to it that way? BORDEAUX: That’s what I’m thinking. I bet I can cut through the bottom. PARIS: Do it. (BORDEAUX crawls under the table.) D’JON: (Enters.) Sweet dreams. He’s sleeping like a baby. PARIS: (To BORDEAUX) Don’t touch anything that looks like a booby trap. BORDEAUX: Are you kidding? There’s so many gears, springs, and levers under here, it’s like trying to undo a lady’s corset. (There is a NOISE from outside.) PARIS: Shush, someone is coming. (PARIS puts the shroud over the glass case. THEY make a feeble attempt to hide. CHRISTINA enters and then sees PARIS and D’JON.) CHRISTINA: Oh! Who are you? PARIS: We’re the cleaners. CHRISTINA: What? D’JON: The jewelry cleaners. Time for the annual crown jewels spring cleaning. CHRISTINA: Tell me who you really are, or I’ll scream. BORDEAUX: (From under the table.) If you do, we’ll kill you. PARIS: No we won’t. We don’t do that sort of thing. My name is Paris. This is D’Jon. Bordeaux is the one under the table. Now, who are you? CHRISTINA: Contessa Christina.
D’JON: The Count’s daughter?
CHRISTNA: Yes.
D’JON: Jackpot!
CHRISTINA: Why are you really here?
PARIS: Well, it’s complicated, really.
CHRISTINA: I bet you’ve come to steal the diamond.
(To prove her assertion, SHE removes the shroud. BORDEAUX’s hand is in the case, gripping the diamond. CHRISTINA
gasps.)
CHRISTINA: You’re nothing but common thieves.
D’JON: We’re not common thieves, but yes, we have come for the Potosi Diamond.
CHRISTINA: To steal it.
BORDEAUX: (Crawling out with the diamond.) To return it to its last owner, the mother of the King of France.
CHRISTINA: You’re from Paris? Do you know the Marquis de Ruze?
D’JON: Never heard of him.
CHRISTINA: He’s a dirty rat and I want to find him. Take me with you.
PARIS: We can’t do that.
CHRISTINA: You don’t have a choice. You’ll never get out of here alive, not without me.
D’JON: We’ll sneak out just like we snuck in.
CHRISTINA: That guard with the bump on his head, the one lying on the floor outside the door, if he doesn’t report in five
minutes, five more guards will show up. I can show you a secret way out.
PARIS: And what exactly is a Contessa doing in the tower this late at night?
CHRISTINA: I come here every evening to read to the guard, to teach him to read. He’s illiterate.
D’JON: Well, aren’t you special?
CHRISTINA: It’s selfish really. It’s just an excuse to avoid spending time with my fiance’. Take me with you, please.
PARIS: We don’t have a choice. Very well, show us the way.
CHRISTINA: Through here.
(CHRISTINA leads THE MUSKETEERS through the secret exit.)
SCENE FOUR
SCENE: Sauvignon: The royal palace. The COUNTESS paces. LISETTE enters.
LISETTE: She’s been found.
COUNTESS: Where this time?
LISETTE: In a wood about five miles from here, tied to a tree.
COUNTESS: Very well, send her in.
(LISETTE exits and returns with CHRISTINA.)
CHRISTINA: Oh, mother, I’ve been betrayed once again.
COUNTESS: No one can say you aren’t persistent.
CHRISTINA: They were so dashing. I could have loved any of them. (A beat.) Well, two of them.
COUNTESS: I’m sure your husband to-be will appreciate that.
CHRISTINA: Oh, mother, this world is filled with wonderful men, and look what am I stuck with.
COUNTESS: Don’t forget, the men you keep meeting want the Potosi Diamond. Twice now you’ve been tied to a tree.
That’s something to think about. Now run along.
(CHRISTINA exits.)
COUNTESS: Have you spoken to the royal jeweler?
LISETTE: Yes, he’s been awakened and escorted to his shop. He should have the replica finished before the count
rises.
COUNTESS: What about the guard with the bump on his head?
LISETTE: The bump has been removed, along with head. His family has been provided for.COUNTESS: Good.
(Exits with LISETTE.)
SCENE FIVE
SCENE: Paris. Musketeer Headquarters. D’JON, PARIS, BORDEAUX enter.
PARIS: A job well done, gentlemen.
D’JON: No doubt Monsieur Treville has summoned us to congratulate us.
PARIS: Of course, why else?
BORDEAUX: We’ll probably get promotions.
D’JON: You’re not even a guard. You’re barely a servant.
(TREVILLE enters angrily.)
PARIS: Good day, Monsieur Treville.
TREVILLE: Good day, my foot. It’s a fake, you morons, a fake.
BORDEAUX: Your foot is fake?
TREVILLE: The diamond, you idiot.
PARIS: The diamond is fake?
TREVILLE: Yes, the diamond you brought back from Sauvignon is a fake. The royal jeweler accidentally dropped it and it
broke into a hundred pieces. It was glass. Lucky for you, the regent doesn’t know.
D’JON: That’s impossible, the diamond was under guard.
TREVILLE: Very clever. I see how it is. You break into the tower at Sauvignon, steal the Potosi Diamond for yourselves,
and then give the Regent a fake. Did you honestly think you could get away with that?
D’JON: No, we broke into the tower and stole—
(Together D’JON and PARIS realize what has happened.)
D’JON and PARIS: A fake.
PARIS: A fake that cost me two gold sovereigns. We were tricked.
BORDEAUX: I’m glad we hit that guard on the head.
TREVILLE: If you don’t get that diamond back, it’ll be your heads. You’ve got to go back.
PARIS: Where?
TREVILLE: To Sauvignon, of course. Find the real diamond and find the ambassador’s daughters.
PARIS: We are your obedient servants.
TEVILLE: Oh, shut up.
(TREVILLE storms out followed by the MUSKETEERS.)
SCENE SIX
SCENE: Sauvignon. The Tower. The MUSKETEERS engage in an elaborate pantomime of sneaking into the
tower. Suddenly CHRISTINA enters the tower and surprises the MUSKETEERS. BORDEAUX sees the princess
and screams.
CHRISTINA: You again. My saviors.
BORDEAUX: Good grief, you half scared me to death. What are you doing here?
CHRISTINA: You came back for me!
PARIS: I’m sorry, Contessa, we came back for the diamond, the real diamond.
D’JON: We’ve got a bone to pick with you. Why didn’t you tell us the diamond we took was fake?
CHRISTINA: If I had, you wouldn’t have taken me with you. Not that it did me much good anyway.BORDEAUX: Serves you right. CHRISTINA: What kind of men are you, leaving a defenseless young woman tied to a tree? BORDEAUX: Be glad we didn’t slit your throat. PARIS: Oh, shut up. We don’t do things like that. We’re the good guys. CHRISTINA: Then prove it, take me with you. Please, liberate me from this horrid marriage I am about to be thrust into. D’JON: How bad could he be? CHRISTINA: He’s horrible. Why do you think I’m hiding in the tower? PARIS: We need that diamond. CHRISTINA: Am I not the jewel of the Sauvignon? D’JON: Yes, you’re very nice, and under different circumstances I might attempt to court you, but if we don’t get that diamond, we lose our heads. PARIS: Please, Contessa, it’s a matter of life or death. Won’t you help us? CHRISTINA: If I have to marry that horrible man, I might as well be dead. There’s nothing I can do to help you. BORDEAUX: I guess it’s the old chopping block then. CHRISTINA: No, I mean I can’t give you the diamond. D’JON: It’s right there. (Pointing to the case.) We’ll get just like we did last time. CHRISTINA: It’s not real. It’s a replica. PARIS: Another fake? How many of those things are there? BORDEAUX: Where’s the real diamond? CHRISTINA: The Marquis de Ruze took the real one. BORDEAUX: Who is the Marquis de Ruze? PARIS: The Marquis de Ruze. That’s the name you mentioned the last time we were here. CHRISTINA: Yes, he pretended to be an emissary from the King. He offered a worthless treaty. He made love to me, swore he’d take me with him to Paris, and then stole the real diamond. D’JON: Can you describe this Maquis de Ruze? CHRISTINA: Tall, swarthy, good looking. BORDEAUX: That could be any us. D’JON: Any number of nobles in Paris match that description. Surely there is something else you can tell us. CHRISTINA: Well, he—never mind, you wouldn’t be able to see that. Oh, I know, he wears an eye patch. BORDEAUX: My mother! PARIS and D’JON: LeVeque! PARIS: Yes, of course, LeVeque. Now I see it. If LeVeque steals the diamond-- D’JON: Then how does it get from him to the Regent? Is he the Regent’s secret admirer? BORDEAUX: And she’s so much older than he. D’JON: But LeVeque takes orders from the Cardinal. PARIS: Does that mean the Cardinal ordered LeVeque to steal the diamond? If so, why give it to the Regent anonymously? D’JON: Does that also mean the Cardinal arranged for the ambassador’s daughters to be kidnapped in an attempt to steal back the diamond? CHRISTINA: If this is what goes on in Paris, I must go there right away. So much romance and intrigue. D’JON: We still haven’t answered the question of why. (ALL thinking aloud.) PARIS: A worthless treaty and the theft of the diamond further erodes the relationship between Sauvignon and the King. D’JON: The relationship between the young King and his mother is already tense. By wearing the Potosi Diamond in public, the King is hardly in any position to negotiate with Sauvignon. BORDEAUX: And the kidnapping of the ambassador’s daughters further weakens France’s relationship with Spain. CHRISTINA: Why? PARIS: To embarrass the king by making him appear weak and not in control. While Sauvignon and Spain rattle their sabers, only one man in France can bring harmony, while creating chaos. PARIS / D’JON / BORDEAUX: The Cardinal! PARIS: Exactly. He has the diamond and the three young women. Once more, gentlemen, into the breach. CHRISTINA: But what about me? Please, take me with you. (The MUSKETEERS exit. Before we can see whether or not CHRISTINA leaves with the MUSKETEERS, the lights fade out.)
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