Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief
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Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief
Faith & Grief Ministries, Inc.
Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief
Grief Workshop & Course, Participant Workbook
Fourth Revision Printing: 2021. Copyright © 2014 by Faith & Grief MinistriesSM Inc.
All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America.
These materials are supplied only to individuals participating in Faith & Grief
Ministries, Inc. Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief, Grief Workshop. Any
use of these materials outside of said workshop facilitated by Faith & Grief
Ministries, Inc. is strictly prohibited. No portion of this manual may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means -- whether
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise -- without the prior
written permission of Faith & Grief Ministries, Inc., www.faithandgrief.org Faith &
Grief Ministries, Faith & Grief, Faith and Grief Ministry, and F&G Ministry are Service
Marks of Faith & Grief Ministries, Inc.
2Grief
Gwen Flowers
I had my own notion of grief
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I’m learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete.
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself-
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.
3Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief
Table of Contents
Page
Session One - Healing Power of Story 5
We explore ways to begin telling your grief story and the spiritual practice of
breath meditation.
Session Two - How Grief Affects Us 12
Focuses on how our feelings in grief affect us, the patterns of grief we experience
and explores the spiritual practice of journaling.
Session Three - Acknowledging the Feelings 22
We learn to acknowledge the feelings present in grief and explore the emotional,
spiritual practice of the labyrinth.
Session Four - Continuing the Bond 28
Participants have the opportunity to share their story and the stories of their
loved one with the group.
Session Five - Compassion in Grief 32
We discuss the relationship between compassion and grief, specifically
self-compassion. We explore the spiritual practice of the Prayer of Examen.
Session Six- Gift of Lament 37
We discuss the definition of lament and how to incorporate lament in your grief
and mourning journey. We invite participants to create a space to use lament as
a spiritual practice in navigating their grief.
Session Seven - Your New World 42
We focus our discussion on the participants and their resilience and finding new
meaning in life. We examine integrating activities that promote comfort in our
grief journey and the healing prayer of the mandala.
Session Eight - Light in the Divine 50
This is an interactive commencement service of remembrance and celebration.
We mark the end of our time together and celebrate the lives we are grieving.
Appendix - Additional stories & spiritual practices 56
Resources on Grieving - Books & resources on specific types of grief 69
4SESSION ONE – HEALING POWER OF STORY
All sorrows can be borne if we put them in a story or tell a story about them.
Isak Dinesen
COVENANT AND REFLECTION
● We attend all sessions.
● We hold conversations in confidence.
● We refrain from comparing grief.
● We refrain from crosstalk.
Now take a moment to reflect on your personal desires for this workshop. What
led you to register for Comfort and Hope for the Journey of Grief? What questions do
you bring? What are you hoping to learn and experience? Write 2 - 3 things that
come to your mind.
OPENING SENTENCES (read responsively)
Grace and peace to you.
Praise be to our merciful and comforter God who meets us in all our sorrows,
so that we can comfort others in their sorrow, with the consolation we have
received from God.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may
abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
5PRAYER (unison)
How can I find words to pray?
How shall I begin to unburden myself of this weight of grief?
All the ordinary happenings of the day seem unreal;
nothing makes sense anymore.
My mind is numb, and I shrink from the companionship of even my closest
friends.
YOU understand, dear God.
Bear then, some of this grief with me; share my sorrow.
Help me to see my family circle as part of your greater family, linked by ties of
love which death can never weaken. Amen.
Adapted from prayer by Gladys Knowlton
Discussion – Your Story
Part 1: “The Death Chamber” by Edvard Munch
Part 2: Rehearsing Your Personal Story
Part 3: Story for Grief and Mourning – A Story of Aslan, from The
Chronicles of Narnia
Spiritual Practice: Breath Meditation
Story for Grief and Mourning – Story of Aslan, from The Chronicles of Narnia
The Chronicles of Narnia is a tale of four children, Lucy, Susan, Edmund and Peter,
who find themselves in a fantasy world filled with forests, animal characters, and
witches. The children enter this fantasy world through a wardrobe in the home
where they have been sent to safety while World War II rages in Europe. Many
adventurous trips through the wardrobe wall led them to meet the animals who
help them try to break the spell of the White Witch who tries to harm them and
takes Edmund captive.
Lucy, Susan and Peter finally make it to safety in a camp in Narnia and a lion named
Aslan welcomes them with his commanding presence and fierce compassion. Aslan
is their advocate and convinces the White Witch to take his life rather than harming
the children.
6“She stood by Aslan’s head. Her face was working and twitching with passion, but his looked up at
the sky, still quiet, neither angry nor afraid, but a little sad. Then, just before she gave the blow, she
stooped down and said in a quivering voice, “And now, who has won? Fool, did you think that by all
this you would save the human traitor? Now I will kill you instead of him as our pact was and so the
Deep Magic will be appeased. But when you are dead what will prevent me from killing him as well?
And who will take him out of my hand then? Understand that you have given me Narnia forever, you
have lost your own life and you have not saved his”. - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
The children witness their rescuer killed with a knife on the Stone Table. They are
horrified and the next morning Lucy and Susan find Aslan’s abandoned body.
“I hope no one who reads this book has been quite as miserable as Susan and Lucy were that night;
but if you have been—if you’ve been up all night andcried till you have no more tears left in
you—you will know that there comes in the end a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing was ever
going to happen again. At any rate that was how it felt to these two. Hours and hours seemed to go
by in this dead calm, and they hardly noticed that they were getting colder and colder.” - The Lion, the
Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Then, they witness the Stone Table break as Aslan is brought back to life. Aslan tells
the girls that the White Witch was unaware of the magic that would bring any
innocent person giving themselves in place of a traitor back to life.
“It means,” said Aslan, “that though the Witch knew the Deep Magic, there is a magic deeper still
which she did not know. Her knowledge goes back only to the dawn of time. But if she could have
looked a little further back, into the stillness and the darkness before Time dawned, she would have
read there a different incantation. She would have known that when a willing victim who had
committed no treachery was killed in a traitor’s stead, the Table would crack and Death itself would
start working backward. And now . . .” - The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
Aslan tells the girls to climb on his back and he hurries to the White Witch’s castle to
rescue others who have been held captive and turned to stone by the witch. He
returns with those he rescued and subdues the Witch, then brings to life those who
the Witch has turned to stone on the battlefield. Lucy uses her magic elixir to heal
the wounded and the children are crowned kings and queens of Narnia.
“In your world I have another name. You must learn to know me by it. That was the very reason you
were brought to Narnia; that by knowing me here for a little you may know me better there.”
“Will we meet again?”
“Yes, dear one. One day.”
“All find what they truly seek.”
And with those words, Aslan disappeared.
7SPIRITUAL PRACTICE Breath Meditation
Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!
Psalm 150:6
… pray without ceasing.
I Thessalonians 5:16
Background of Breath Meditation -- 19th Century Russian Peasant
By the grace of God, I am a Christian, by my actions a great sinner,
and by calling a homeless wanderer of the simplest origins, traveling from place to
place. My worldly belongings are a knapsack that contains some bread,
and a Bible in my breast pocket. That is all.
The Way of a Pilgrim Translated by Gleb Pokrovsky
Breath Meditation (Inhale) God; Creator; Spirit,
(Exhale) Grant me comfort.
You can use any words you want to name the Divine (God, Spirit, Father . . . ) and
use the words you need to ask for what you need (peace, love, comfort . . .)
Write about your experience with breath meditation.
8CLOSING PRAYER (read responsively)
We remember our lives, the way they were before our child died.
How we yearn for those moments when all was well. There will forever be an
empty spot in our lives because we have lost our child. We search for inner peace
and we strain for a sense of acceptance of this reality…
God, be near to us, be our strength.
We remember our lives, the way they were before our spouse died.
How we yearn for the beauty of our past life together, the home we made, the
fellowship, the humor, the hopes and plans. We long for consolation and peace in
our lives…
God, be near to us, be our strength.
We remember our lives, the way they were before our sibling died.
How we yearn for the time when we took each other for granted, when love and
affection came through laughter, loyalty, and time together. We looked forward to
future growth together…
God, be near to us, be our strength.
We remember our lives, the way they were before our parent died.
How we yearn for the days when we felt like a child in safekeeping rather than a
child feeling lost and alone…
God, be near to us, be our strength.
BLESSING
May the sweet light of change shine in your darkness,
May the first breath of each morning help you begin life again,
May the memories unfold as prayers for life,
May the love continue to fill the silence.
- Zenju
For Next Time
● Check out the Spotify Playlist Faith & Grief Workshop
● Explore the Spiritual Practice: Divine Meditation in the Appendix on page 52.
● Please read How Grief Affects Us? and write down your thoughts on this
reading.
9How Grief Affects Us?
Of all the things that can be said about grief, perhaps the most accurate is that it is all consuming.
The profound change in our lives, due to the death of a loved one affects us:
● Physically
● Emotionally
● Socially
● Spiritually
Grief Affects Us Physically
Grief is physically exhausting! Sleep patterns may change and may just be hard to come by. Our
digital clocks inform us it is 2:13 a.m. They let us know that at 3:37 we are still awake! Our eating
patterns are often dramatically changed. People tend to land in one camp or another; eating to find
solace or eating less in response to their grief and/or because in some instances, a person is left to
eat alone.
After the death of her spouse, one woman recalled eating an entire bag of M&M’s after a day when
her car battery died and her garbage disposal broke causing spaghetti sauce to splatter all over the
cleaning products under her sink. In another grief class, a gentleman weekly shared a new recipe that
he had found easy to prepare. Prior to his wife’s death he had never cooked a meal.
The emotional aspect of grief connects in many waysto the physical aspects. Research reveals that
grief may lodge in our bodies causing many persons to get sick shortly after the death of a loved
one. It may manifest in different areas of the body, more aches, more unexplained pains, and may
affect pre-existing conditions.
Grief Affects Us Emotionally
We recognize that our emotions from grief burst forth without any warning. And that is what we call
a Grief Burst. They can happen anytime, anywhere. They come with the territory of grief and no
apologies are required when they erupt. When tears fall, remember they are cleansing and renewing.
Grief bursts can be brought on by anything, a smell of a perfume, a beautiful sunset, maybe a song
on the radio. One man in your workshop said that he always starts crying when he hears “Amazing
Grace” because that was his wife’s favorite and they sang it at her memorial service. These grief
bursts can be unnerving at first but know that they are a part of the process for many. Take the time
to feel what they are offering you to feel or remember, even if it’s in the middle of the checkout line
at the grocery store and even if it is uncomfortable. It is part of the grief journey and some
journaling about the experience helps.
Grief Affects Us Socially
There is a social component to grief, as well. Harkening back to the reading, many people feel so
alone and different. One woman put it well, “I don’t ever want to leave the house and then when I
have to, I don’t want to return. It is so hard to go into an empty house!”
10Friends are so attentive at first; however, they quickly return to their normal daily activities. Your
normal pattern will not return. If there had been a pattern of social engagements with other couples,
there may be fewer invitations. We many times identify who we are by our relationship to someone;
Barbara’s husband, Brandon’s mother or Julie’s sister. We may be left wondering who we are now?
Social situations are also difficult when well-meaning friends say outlandish things. After the sudden
death of her husband, a friend said, “You are so lucky that you didn’t have to endure a long illness.”
In another case, a friend said, “Well your mother was old, wasn’t she?”
Grief Affects Us Spiritually
Since grief is all consuming, our spiritual life is affected. At almost every occasion of death (even
when you read the obituary) we ponder our own mortality. How long do we have? What is the
meaning of life? We ask questions. It is human nature to ask, “Why?” “Why does cancer exist?
Why did this have to happen? Questions that find responses are “How am I going to get through
this?” “Who is going to be of most help to me?”
We mentioned the process of grief because there isno specific time frame for grief. Time does not
heal. Time moves on. It is a process because there are no goals that we can set and simply check
them off in order to be done with grief. Some people want “closure” in their grief; however, one
man noted after praying for closure for two years, “It suddenly dawned on me! Why would I want
closure? I want to remember the love that my wife and I shared with our family and friends.”
Your Thoughts:
11You can also read
