AL-ANON FAMILY GROUPS CAPE AREA ECHO - ISSUE NO. 06 OF 2021 (June)
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ISSUE NO. 06 OF 2021 (JUNE)
AL-ANON FAMILY GROUPS
CAPE AREA ECHO
ISSUE NO. 06 OF 2021 (June)
IMPORTANT
Due to Covid-19, many of our Al-Anon groups are meeting electronically instead of face-to-face.
***LATEST NEWS: NEWCOMERS ZOOM MEETINGS***
NEW GROUPS – for newcomers, newer Al-Anon members or those struggling with active alcoholism
(Welcome to Newcomers - https://www.alanon.org.za/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Introduction-to-Newcomers-Meetings-Website.pdf)
Cape Town: Wednesdays 5pm Gauteng: Sundays 5pm KwaZulu Natal: Thursdays 7pm
WhatsApp message: 082 895 6815 WhatsApp message: 082 316 3673/082 626 0262 WhatsApp message: 083 411 6683
For information regarding online meetings please contact one of the numbers below or refer to the 'List of Meetings' at
http://www.alanon.org.za/meetings/
CAPE AREA OFFICE: WhatsApp 082 212 1878/072 258 0986 / Telephone 021 595 4517 / Email: alanonct@iafrica.com
The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest.
intimate relationship with someone. What is the importance of
Without communication and Communication – It brings people closer
compromise, my experience has been together and closer to each other.
that relationships tend to fall apart. It We need to constantly remind
takes willing participants, and we need ourselves: What do my words
to know that it’s safe to express communicate? Do they express what I
ourselves and vice versa. I’ve also am trying to say? Today I will listen more
learned that open communication can’t closely to what my words have to say.
always be received by everyone, in By being aware of the words that I use,
which case, I have to accept that person I am learning to communicate more
COMMUNICATION – VITAL TO and situation as it is. responsibly. There are much better
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS With the help of the program and ways to express myself than to say,
Communication is not something the safety net of welcoming people, I “You did such and such to me.” I can talk
that I was taught as a child. The message was able to find my voice. One of the about myself and my feelings. I can
I received was to be seen and not heard, scariest and most shameful feelings at explain the way I experienced
which caused me to shove my feelings first, but eventually it taught me how to something rather than telling the other
down and not have a voice. be open and vulnerable and trust those person how he or she made me feel. I
My concept of communication prior around me. can talk about what I want. I am no
to recovery, was to say what I thought Today I choose to be in relationships longer a victim. – Courage to Change.
people wanted to hear and respond in a that make it safe for me to be myself Good communicators listen
way I thought would be acceptable to and to communicate my needs in a carefully, speak, or write clearly and
them. I tiptoed around their feelings in healthy way. By speaking up when respect different opinions.
fear of being rejected and abandoned. things do or don’t feel right for me, it By Pearl N., Rondebosch & Public
This never allowed me to be who I really has given me the biggest gift of all, and Outreach Coordinator
was because I was too concerned with that is learning to trust myself.
figuring out their wants and needs By Debbie C., USA
instead of my own.
When I came into the program, I saw
the people around me communicating
their feelings so openly and I couldn’t
understand how they were doing it.
It’s been four years since I joined the
Understanding my needs and feelings
fellowship in May 2017, and I am forever
was so foreign to me that I needed a
grateful because I have been able to AL-ANON 70TH BIRTHDAY
feelings chart to start identifying what
communicate in a trusted circle of like CELEBRATION ~ MY PERSONAL
they were. I had to walk through
minds who understand. The programme EXPERIENCE OF THE EVENT
feelings of fear and shame that
has helped me to find Serenity and to
emerged when expressing myself. Google tells me: “The number 70
accept it just one day at a time.
Going to meetings eventually signifies contemplation, spirituality, rest,
“We learn in time that it is not
started to teach me how to share openly sensitivity, mysticism, *mastery and
subjects which are controversial, but
with others. Initially it felt scary and sympathy. That the number 70 is a
the manner in which we communicate
intimidating, but over time it felt very spiritual number. It indicates gaining
about them and the elements of
liberating. I looked forward to going to knowledge from personal experience.”
personal blame we add to them in
meetings because there were things I On Saturday, 22nd May, 153 people
anger.” – The Dilemma of the Alcoholic
wanted to share with the group. This gathered, because of Covid-19
Marriage (B-04).
was a huge deal for me and one of the restrictions through the Zoom internet
The definition of Communication –
many gifts of the program. platform, to celebrate Al-Anon’s 70th
The act of giving, receiving, and sharing
I learned that communication is a birthday in South Africa. From the start
information.
vital part of having a healthy and when we were saying the Serenity
Help and hope for families and friends of alcoholics.
ISSUE NO. 06 of 2021 (June)
CAPE AREA ECHO
Prayer, I felt a spirituality – I came to a son had a big problem with alcohol and just the ones I prefer to experience. I
contemplative rest in the calmness and drugs, I was no longer able to feel okay, can sit with my fear and sadness, and
in the company of Al-Anon, AAC and AA because he wasn’t okay. I had it experience it for what it is, and
friends. backwards. recognise how my thoughts contribute
As always, I could recognise myself In Al-Anon, I am learning how to be to my suffering. I am able to slow down
in so many of the honest, powerful, and okay without first checking in with my enough to be able to make a choice
sincere shares, and in so many of the loved ones to see if they are okay. If they about my behaviour most of the time,
shares I could also recognise my aren’t, maybe I can say or do something rather than rushing to act to get rid of
shortcomings and my triumphs over helpful; maybe not. I will still be okay. an uncomfortable feeling.
myself over the last six years in the The action I take is much more likely to I had been in Al-Anon only a few
Fellowship. It filled me with joy that Al- be effective if I am acting or speaking months when my son relapsed after six
Anon members, Alateen members and from a place of serenity. And with months of sobriety and one semester of
AA members can find healing in their serenity I can begin to let go of the college. I was able to say to him “I love
respective programmes and find a outcome, knowing I have done all I can you; I am concerned about you, I don’t
lifestyle of joy and happiness, and that I am powerless over the rest. judge you, and I am here for you when
forgiveness and forgiving. In more than I keep coming back to meetings to you need help.”
one share I heard the phrase that “God be surrounded by others who remind Two weeks later, I received a
works through people” and how often me that I am okay – no matter what message from him asking for help, and
have I had the same experience, not happens to my loved ones or what he went to rehab willingly shortly after
always people you know, not even mistakes I make. I also know that, that. In fact, it was his idea to go to
people close to you but often in a although my son has been sober for rehab. I still had not quite wrapped my
strange confluence of events. over two years, there is no such thing as head around the idea that my kid could
I loved hearing the history of Al- being out of the water with addiction, need to go to rehab. I give him all the
Anon in South Africa – how I wish I could and I can’t return to relying on his well- credit for his sobriety, but I played a
have met Lois W when she visited South being to determine my own well-being. role, having put my focus on having a
Africa in 1972. I get so inspired by my Hearing others’ stories in meetings positive relationship with my son and
new acquired book Lois Remembers helps me remember the severity of the being someone he felt he could trust
(B- 07) when reading about this disease of addiction. My job is not to when he needed help. I am grateful to
amazing woman who never gave up. For keep checking on my loved ones to Al-Anon for giving me the strength to
the first time I heard the Serenity Prayer make sure that they are okay, but to step back and let him have his own
in Xhosa and Zulu and how wonderful focus on my own spirituality. I can enjoy experience and make his own decisions.
was that to bow our heads in unison my son’s presence as a sober member of By Anonymous, The Forum, October
with our fellow countrymen. our family, but I cannot count on it. 2014
I think the word *mastery would Everything is manageable “One Day Reprinted with permission of The Forum,
best describe the work of the at a Time.” I don’t have to decide now Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.,
Committee who was responsible for what to do if my son relapses, or how I Virginia Beach, VA.
organising and putting together the might react if he goes to jail or dies. TAKE THE STEP
programme. Living in the moment simplifies my life. AND TAKE UP A
I would like to close with the the Al- The only things I am responsible for are SERVICE
Anon Declaration which bonds us paying attention to my thoughts and POSITION AS
together in a loving and helping feelings right at this very moment and PART OF YOUR
fellowship: making the best choices I can today. RECOVERY.
“Let It Begin with Me – When anyone, Before I came to Al-Anon, I was This year is speeding along, and we
anywhere, reaches out for help, let the afraid that my feelings might kill me, and are already nearly at the midpoint of the
hand of Al-Anon and Alateen always be that I might not survive the worst-case second year of the pandemic. On the 21st
there, and – Let It Begin with Me”. scenario of my son’s addiction – death. of August we will be holding our Annual
By Vida S., Bellville Now, I know that it is likely that I would General Meeting as well as our Annual
have strong feelings, but I know I will Elections.
survive it. I can feel all my feelings, and I At the moment while we are still
am no longer alone. I can live with mostly meeting online, so we cannot
reality, which includes the knowledge even put out the chairs or clean up the
that addiction is a disease that includes teacups. Please consider service at the
a strong possibility of relapse, and that next level, i.e., serving in more
relapse can lead to institutionalisation administrative and organizational
I’M LEARNING HOW TO BE OKAY, or death. I am not exempt from any of positions that will provide the
EVEN WHEN MY LOVED ONES the worst things that can happen to a opportunity for growth and learning.
person, I don’t have to live in constant These positions are all about ensuring
AREN’T
fear. the survival of this organization, as well
Before I came to Al-Anon, when I
The Eleventh Step has been very as finding creative ways for it to
was figuring out if I was okay, I had a
important to me from the very continue to flourish under exceptional
mental checklist: is my daughter okay, is
beginning. Through my meditation and ever-changing circumstances. We
my son okay, and is my husband okay? If
practice, I am becoming comfortable need you to give of your time and heart
I could no longer deny that my teenage
with all my thoughts and feelings, not and mind. “The Al-Anon program was
Page 2
ISSUE NO. 06 of 2021 (June)
CAPE AREA ECHO
there for me when I needed it, I will do alanonct@iafrica.com by the end of July
what I can to ensure that it continues to at the latest. Please contact me if you
thrive. I know that any service I offer will have any questions regarding these
strengthen my own recovery”, p.276, positions.
Courage to Change. This organization By Natalie B., Policy & Planning OF AL-ANON
DO…
needs members to come forward and Coordinator, Area Service Board
forgive.
do voluntary service in these positions Member and Acting Alateen Coordinator
be honest with yourself.
in order to ensure the survival and
be humble.
health of the organization going
take it easy – Tension is harmful.
forward. The groups are directly
play – Find recreation and hobbies.
affected by the health and strength of IT DOESN’T MAKE IT SO keep on trying whenever you fail.
the organisation, since events and
Before Alateen, I could never learn all the facts about alcoholism.
support have to be a co-ordinated effort
forgive the people who hurt me. I attend Al-Anon meetings often.
and cannot be managed by the groups
could hold grudges like I could hold a pray.
or their own.
feather – easily. Resentment is a bad DON’T…
habit I couldn’t seem to break. If you be self-righteous.
hurt me, I was going to hurt you back try to dominate, nag, scold or
– ten times worse. No one knew that complain.
one the inside I was hurting. I played loose your temper.
it off like everything was okay. If you try to push anyone but yourself.
Please discuss in your groups the even said the slightest thing wrong or keep bring up the past.
nomination of members for the even looked at me wrong, I was keep checking up on your alcoholic.
following positions: wallow in self-pity.
coming for you.
Policy and Planning Coordinator make threats you don’t intend to
But when I started working my
and Member Services Coordinator. The carry out.
program in Alateen, I learned that it’s
latter position is currently vacant. We be over-protective.
okay to forgive someone if they hurt
also have several Alternate positions be a doormat.
me. I have learned to forgive my dad for
that are vacant: Alternate Finance and Source: Al-Anon Family Groups
his drinking. I always used to beat
Alternate Fundraising. At present we
myself up about the stupid stuff I did to
have Glenda assisting Andrea with the
myself, but I have forgiven myself for
roles and responsibilities of Acting
the pain I caused to myself and the harm
Chairperson, but we are still looking for
to my body. I feel so much better
a willing member to take up the position
knowing that it’s okay to forgive. I’ve JUNE – DOCTORS, HOSPITALS &
of Chairperson.
learned that if people hurt me, they hurt REHABILITATION CENTRES
I am currently acting Alateen
me. They only affect my mood if I let “Never doubt that a small group of
Coordinator, so we need someone to
them. Before, their opinions would thoughtful, committed citizens can
step into that position as well. It
convince me that’s how I was. But change the world; indeed, its only thing
essentially forms part of the Member
today, I know that it’s their opinion, and that ever does.” Margaret Mead
Services Portfolio, which is why I am still
it doesn’t make it true. *June is National Drug & Alcohol
managing that as there is no Member
By Paige M., The Forum, June 2018 awareness month.
Services Coordinator. Fortunately, we Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon
do have three more functioning Family Group Headquarters, Inc., Virginia Beach, VA. *The target this month is all health-
AMIAS’s, but we need more, as our related facilities, doctors’ rooms,
Alateen Safety Regulations require the pharmacies, hospitals, rehabs,
presence of three AMIAS at a meeting, psychiatric hospitals, clinics, company
in case one loses internet connection, clinics, private hospitals, depression
thereby ensuring that we have the clinics and physiotherapy units.
required two AMIAS’. *Also approach retirement homes, frail
The following positions are needing care units, Nursing and Medical Training
to be filled: Colleges.
*Policy and Planning Coordinator *Make full use of this opportunity to
*Member Services Coordinator have information tables at community
*Alternate Finance events, rehab centres and health open
*Alternate Fundraising days, e.g., Clicks, Universities.
*Area Chairperson *Be willing to join in organised
*Alateen Co-ordinator community health days at private
*Delegate and Alt Delegates clinics, hospitals, rehabs.
Please fill out nomination forms for *Challenge members to visit their
these positions and have them signed. doctor’s office, pharmacy, private
These forms are available from our clinics, hospitals, rehabs, and drop off
office. Forward your nomination forms free literature, posters, magazines, and
to our office administrator at the letter to professionals.
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ISSUE NO. 06 of 2021 (June)
CAPE AREA ECHO
*Provide Psychiatric Hospitals, Anxiety Al-Anon contact details: lockdown? As Covid keeps its hold on us,
and Depression Clinics with ‘Al-Anon is Helpline no.: 0861 425 2666 we have a wonderful opportunity to
for Adult Children’ free pamphlet. GSO email: alanongso@iafrica.com keep safe and stay busy at home.
*Drop off Al-Anon business cards, Area email: alanonct@iafrica.com Fundraising is kicking-off with a
bookmarks, posters, old Unitas/ Forum Website: www.alanon.org.za delicious breakfast on 12 June at
copies, meeting venue list, at Rehab Members’ website: Avontuur, a beautiful estate outside
Clinics and Provincial Hospitals. www.alanon.org.za/members/ Stellenbosch. Don’t miss out on this
*Contact Teachers Training, Nursing, opportunity for some wonderful food
FET Colleges and arrange a visit to share and fellowship.
with new student intakes. Gratitude in Action is Service. Let
*Call industrial nurse or Employee me introduce the Convention
CAPE AREA FACE-TO-FACE
Assistance Officer in a least one large Committee so far,
MEETINGS & E-MEETINGS
company in your Area and offer Chair Madelein
A few groups are meeting face-to-
volunteer to share with staff. Offer to Alt Chair Janice
face or having hybrid meetings.
drop off free literature, posters, Finance Fatima
Members are urged to take all
meeting details. Secretary Glenda
precautions and observe all protocols
*Offer literature and put-up posters in Literature Crystal
when resuming meetings. The COVID-19
the canteen, reception, and registration Members are needed to stand on the
dossier has the required
area. following committees:
documentation.
*All literature is readily available from Facilities & Décor
Zoom meetings continue, and
the Area or GSO office. Souvenirs & Craft
details can be found at
*Area Public Outreach Coordinator to Programme Coordinator
https://www.alanon.org.za/meetings/
send a monthly report to the National Fundraising
Public Outreach Coordinator. Public Outreach
Alateen AMIAS
SUGGESTED CAL FOR JUNE
No-one does this alone. Working as,
“If you don’t like the way the world is, *Service Committee Sat 19 June 2021 and with a team, is always the aim. So
you change it. You have an obligation to please volunteer to be on any one of the
*Area Assembly Sat 17 July 2021
change it. You just do it one step at a above committees. Gratitude and
*Area Annual General Meeting/
time.” Marion Edelman service are fundamental parts of our
ILD Information letter to doctors. Elections Sat 21 August 2021
programme and our recovery.
OLD Open letter to a doctor. By Glenda W., Constantia, Secretary
J-1E Tell me about Al-Anon. Convention 2022
OD-2 Have you tried Al-Anon, Doctor?
OPDS Open letter to program director
or staff.
P-3 Alcoholism, a merry go round
named denial.
P-4 Alcoholism, the family disease.
P-14 So you love an alcoholic.
P-19 What do you do about the
alcoholic’s drinking?
P-33 Why anonymity in Al-Anon?
P-36 Al-Anon Fact File.
P-41 Facts about Alateen.
P-48 Understanding ourselves and
alcoholism.
P-89 Doubting your sanity.
S-17 Al-Anon is for you! 20 Questions.
S-19 Detachment. Book your place now, only 80 seats!!
S-20 Alateen is for you! 20 Questions. Follow these 3 simple steps below:
CONVENTION 2022
S-25 Did you grow up with a problem Step 1 Contact Glenda W to book.
drinker? WhatsApp or SMS 0723756122.
S-37 Fact Sheet for Professionals. State your name, group, how many
S-69 Al-Anon welcome adult children Al-
Al-Anon~
Anon~70 Years of Hope tickets, and the breakfast option of your
of alcoholics (free). 317 DAYS TO GO! choice.
S-70 Al-Anon Family Groups welcome It seems a huge amount, doesn’t it? Step 2 Deposit money into the
gays and lesbians. But the time will fly by, and Easter 2022 following bank account, clearly
WSO Al-Anon faces alcoholism PO will be here before we know it. reference your payment (see below):
magazine. One thing we can all do now is to Banking Details:
Hope Professional referral notepads. start making some crafty items for the Account Name: C M O’Brien
AV-31 Show DVD. stall. Come now! How many of us made Bank: Capitec
Own AFG ‘tear off’ venue strips. all sorts of wonderful things during hard Account No.: 1229932427
Page 4
ISSUE NO. 06 of 2021 (June)
CAPE AREA ECHO
Branch Code: 470011 you once payment reflects in the WHERE DO I BUY CAL?
Reference: BF, Name, Group account. Order your literature by visiting the
Step 3 As soon as confirmation of Step 5 The draw will be held at the office, email lanonct@iafrica.com or
payment is received your booking will Avontuur Breakfast. Remember - If you telephonically 021 595 4517. Payment
be confirmed and the ticket/s will be haven’t got a ticket, you can’t win one options are direct deposit, EFT,
forwarded to you via WhatsApp. of these fabulous prizes. Snapscan or cash. Pricelists are available
Breakfast Options: Participation is Key. We need all our on request.
Option 1 – The A.V: Free-range Eggs, members to participate for our
bacon and beef sausages with Cajun Convention to be a success. Many hands THE SEVENTH TRADITION & SELF-
fries, grilled tomato, basil pesto and will make light work. SUPPORT ~ Every group ought to be
mushrooms. Toast (select from fully self-supporting, declining
white//home baked seed) outside contributions.
Option 2 – The Healthy Greek: Yoghurt Please continue paying your group
with muesli, fruit salad, a date muffin contributions electronically by direct
The topic/theme for the next issue is
and cheddar cheese (V). deposit, EFT or SnapScan.
Boundaries. Please share how you
Option 3 – The Salmon: Griddle cake and Banking details:
communicated before recovery, how
local Salmon Trout with marinated Bank: ABSA
this has changed, and what tools have
onion rings, capers, cream cheese and Account Name: Al-Anon Family Group
been useful to aid healthier
caviar. Cape Area
communication. Send your shares to
Account No: 407 321 5579
alanonct@iafrica.com or WhatsApp to
Branch No: 632005
0823422102.
Type: Cheque
Ref: GC, Group Name, Member’s Name
SnapScan
CONVENTION 2022 – FUNDRAISER -
LUCKY DRAW
Plans for the National Convention
2022 are underway. A breakfast at
Avontuur Estate in Somerset West has
been arranged to start the fundraising
campaign. There will be a Lucky Draw at
the event with fabulous prizes to be
won – Men’s Hi-Tec Fleece Jumper &
Sleeve of Golf Balls; Sorbet Voucher
(Mani & Pedi), Breakfast for 2 @ A new segment – “CAL of the
Avontuur. The cost of a ticket is ‘R10. All Month” is coming soon. To this end, our
proceeds will go towards the members’ input is needed. Share how
Convention 2022. CAL has helped in your recovery? Send
Follow these easy steps to get your your shares to alanonct@iafrica.com or
tickets: WhatsApp to 0823422102.
Step 1 Select your numbers. One
number costs R10.
ဌဍဎဌဍဎ
Step 2 Pay for the tickets. Cape Area
bank account. Details below
Bank: ABSA
Account Name: Al-Anon Family
Group Cape Area
Account No: 407 321 5579 “Growing up in an alcoholic family, I
Branch No: 632005 was a very angry person. I had no
Type: Cheque friends, no self-esteem, and no ability to
Ref: LD, Name & Group trust anyone. I had no idea how to love
Step 3 Make sure the reference details myself. I didn’t know how to take
are very clearly stated. responsibility for my thoughts, words,
Step 4 Once the payment has been or actions. I didn’t know the difference
made, send a message to Fatima on between honesty and dishonesty. I was
WhatsApp to 082 342 2102 or email just like my alcoholic dad. [In Alateen,] I
afgc2c@gmail.com with proof of learned that the only difference
payment and selected Lucky Draw between us was that I do not have a
numbers. These will then be allocated to compulsion to drink.” From Discovering
Choices (B-30) p.12
Page 5
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