Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial - Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2014 For Little People's Repertory Theatre
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Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2014
For Little People’s Repertory Theatre
1Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Act 1: Scene 1
Story-time
A Pier
A mother (Mrs. Mermaidqueen) sits on the dock with her small children, and a baby in a
blanket.
Boy 1: Tell us a story Mommy.
Boy 2. Yeah! Tell us about the Loch Ness Monster.
[The curtain opens to a foggy lake. Nessie is on a floatie. Tourists and Paparazzi are
photographing her.]
Mother: Well, a long long time ago in a deep dark lake in Scotland, Nessie the monster
lived. Nessie was special; she was the only one of her kind. She was often teased for
not fitting in.
[Little fishes enter, pointing at her and teasing her.]
Poor Nessie, they say that she was lonely. When she was a young monster she just
wanted friends, like any other child, fish or fowl. She tried to make friends with people,
and she seemed to be attracted to their jewels and cameras. Soon she learned the sad
truth that most people were only interested in catching her.
[Tourists and Paparazzi are photographing Nessie. Someone with a net chases her.
She dives in the hole.]
Boy 1: What happened to her?
Mother: Eventually she stopped making appearances.
Boy 2. Poor Nessie.
Mother: Some people say she swam out to sea to live with the merfolk.
Boy 1: Tell us about the merfolk mommy!
Mother: Not now sweetie. It’s time for Gertie’s nap. [They exit.]
2Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Act 1: Scene 2
Boardwalk
Underwater
Katfish is combing through seaweed with a pitchfork. She aims, about to stab
something.
Katfish: I’ve got you now!
Gil: [Puts hands over Katfish’s eyes and whistles Close Encounters theme.] Guess
who?
Katfish: Gil! That’s the first sea cucumber I’ve seen in days!
[Gil pulls some French fries out of his pack and gives one Katfish.]
Gil: Here. [He hands Katfish a French fry.]
Katfish: Is this real?
Gil: Katfish, I know where we can get human food.
Katfish: You’ve been to the beach?
Gil: Let’s say I’ve got some friends in dry places.
Katfish: It’s almost time for the reaping, Gil. Hadn’t we better get back home to District
Mer?
Gil: Come with me Katfish, it’s just a few miles up.
Katfish: My father would pitch a trident if he found out. You know how he feels about
people.
Gil: He won’t find out.
Katfish: Will I see surfers? I’ve always wanted to surf! And what about the Boardwalk?
Is it a real place? Sometimes, when I come up to the surface, I think I can smell the
delicious food all the way from there.
Gil: It’s real Katfish.
3Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
SONG: Boardwalk
Gil: Oh when the sun beats down the place to be is Santa Cruz
Humans come from afar to be excited and amused
They come to the Boardwalk
Down by the sea
Katfish: The surface is no place for you or me
Gil: Down at the Boardwalk
Out in the sun
Down at the Boardwalk
that’s where people have fun
Both: Down at the Boardwalk
People walking around
Down at the Boardwalk,
With their feet on the ground
Down at the Boardwalk
Boardwalk
Gil: I’ve got some friends I want you meet. They will hook us up. Let’s go! If we get
separated, you know the signal.
Katfish: [Whistles]
[They swim off stage.]
Act 1: Scene 3
Santa Cruz
Main Beach
Lifeguard Sandy sitting on lifeguard stand. Elliott is above on the pier.
Elliott: [Feeding Marylyn (a pelican) and Molly (a seagull) the last of his French fries.]
It’s all I got.
Marylyn: Come on, what’s that in your pocket?
Molly: Are you holding out on us?
Elliott: Oh man, my Reese’s Pieces? [Elliott takes out Reese’s pieces and feeds some
to the birds. We hear Katfish and Gil whistle.] Listen! What was that?
Lifeguard Sandy: Hey up there! No feeding the sea birds, kid. You know better than
that, you’re a local. Feed one bird and before you know it we got ourselves an Alfred
Hitchcock movie!
4Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
[Birds hop away. Gil and Katfish whistle again.]
Elliott: Hey, Molly, Marylyn, is that you? Where’d you go?
[Surfers approach, look up at Elliott.]
Michael: Dude.
Gidget: Hey Elliott, surf’s up! It’s a totally awesome day!
Shelly: Come on Elliott, don’t you want to go surfing with us?
Brody: Epic swell dude!
Gertie: Michael, Mom said we have to be home by 5:00.
Michael: We’ll be out in a few minutes. [To his brother Elliott] Come on Elliott.
Elliott: [Whistles] I heard something; it’s out there. [He throws some Reese's pieces out
and makes some clucking noises.]
Kona: You’d rather hang around and sing to the birdies?
Gertie: He’s not talking to birds, he’s looking for mermaids.
[Everyone laughs. They approach Elliott on pier.]
Elliott: I thought I heard something. It sounded like this. [He whistles.]
Michael: Elliott you’re such a grom, you can’t still believe in that stuff!
Alana: What stuff?
Michael: Mermaids.
Elliott: Merfolk, not just mermaids. Mermen, the mersons.
[Everybody laughs.]
All: The mersons?
Gertie: When we were little our mom used to tell us stories about people who lived
under the sea.
5Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Sunny: You mean like fairy tales and bedtime stories?
Elliott: Mom used to sit with us up here on the wharf and we’d watch for merfolk.
Sometimes we heard them singing. She used to tell us that the souls of the Merpeople
live forever and ever in foam at the end of every wave.
Summer: [Teasing] Awww, that’s so cute Elliott!
[Surfers laugh uproariously.]
Elliott: Whatever. Every good surfer should know about mermaids.
Jason: Look out Elliott! It’s Bigfoot!
[Surfers laugh. Lifeguard Sandy goes on pier.]
Lifeguard Sandy: Hey, watch it! Now you kids better be careful out there. You with the
fries, give me those! [Grabs them from Moondoggie.] You don’t wanna get a cramp do
you? How many times do I have to tell you? Three hours before you can swim. [Eats
French fries.]
Loni: That’s just an urban legend.
Moondoggie: Yeah, give me those! [Takes them back.]
Gidget: Well, we don’t need to wait three hours till we dance.
Shelly: Come on everyone, this is my jam!
[During the song, MIB enter and use their instruments to poke around. Paparazzi enters shortly
after MIB, taking pictures.]
SONG: Surf song medley
In Santa Cruz we have the ocean
Best in the USA
Everybody goes surfin’
It’s Californi-a
You see us wearin’ our baggies
Maybe a wetsuit too
A bushy sun-bleached hairdo
Surfin USA
We’re starting out at Cowells
Then on to Steamers Lane
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At 36th and East Cliff
Then we’re back at Main
Maybe we’ll surf at Mavericks
We got our dues to pay
Everybody’s gone surfing
Santa Cruz USA
(Catch a Wave)
Don’t be afraid to try the greatest sport around
Once you do you’ll wanna stick around
You paddle out turn around and raise
Turns out surfing’s not just a craze
When you catch a wave you’ll be sitting on top of the world
Moondoggie: Come on everyone, let’s shoot the curl!
[Surfers exit down center aisle. MIB watch with binoculars, Paparazzi snaps photos.
Then they all exit.]
Act 1: Scene 4
Dream-mers
Mer Palace
Katfish enters the ruins of the mermaid palace. Other mermaids are on various levels
around the perimeter. Swimrose is sleeping on a marble bench. Mrs. Mermaidqueen is
rocking on a chair staring into space. Swimrose tosses and turns, Katfish sits near her
and puts a hand on her. Swimrose wakes up with a start and screams. She grabs
Katfish.
Swimrose: I dreamed it was me! I’m the tribute from District Mer!
Katfish: It’s not you. You’re too young. Here Swimrose, look what I brought you!
[Takes out the half eaten box of French fries.]
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Is it sea cucumber again?
Katfish: Shhhh! [She gives her mother some French fries.]
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: [Her eyes light up after she takes a bite.] I don’t recognize this
flavor. It’s delicious. What is it?
Katfish: Keep quiet! It’s a synthetic kelp by-product. I got it on the black-market.
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Oh girls, I wish you could remember what it was like before the
Undoing. The palace was so joyful and full of life! We feasted to our hearts content on
7Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
the ocean’s bounty without worrying about having it all snatched up. [Disgustedly] The
black-market.
Katfish: Not so loud Mother, little fishes have big ears.
[Anchovies, sardines, stingrays and lantern-fish swim by.]
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Ahh those were the days. Before we lost so many merfolk in the
terrible coral mining accident, before your father was recruited and had to move away to
the Capital to govern.
Swimrose: Oh, why did Nessie the sea serpent have to return to Oshen?
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: She’s always been trouble. Even when she was a little serpent,
she swam against the tide. Her schoolmates say she didn’t play fair. I’m told that when
she lived in fresh water she had no friends either.
Swimrose: Well that’s because she’s a bully!
Katfish: Hush Swimrose. Try and eat your synthetic kelp. [Sings tune from Hunger
Games as she feeds her sister.] “When the first-born girl becomes 15, she will be the
mermaid queen.”
Swimrose: Katfish, it’s almost your 15th birthday.
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: In the old days, we would be preparing for your coronation ball.
Girls, I have something to show you. [She takes a treasure chest from under a big
clamshell.] I know it’s against the law to have this. When Nessie’s spies came looking
for it, I told them it was buried deep beneath the coral. [She takes her tiara out of the
box and puts it on her head.]
Swimrose: Oh mother, it’s beautiful!
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: On my 15th birthday, the palace was full of finely dressed merfolk.
My father hired a live band; they were fabulous! Eddie Triton and the Axolotls. I was the
luckiest mermaid in the sea that day. My mother placed this on my head [places crown
on her head] and sang to me and your father joined me in my first dance as the new
Mermaid Queen.
[All mers enter. Reconstruction of the old Mer Palace.]
8Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
SONG: Mermaid Queen
Mrs. Mermaidqueen:
You can swim
You can dive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
She is the Mermaid Queen
Home in the waves and below
All of the ocean is her home
Where the merfolk play, splashing in the sun
She’ll be the Mermaid Queen
Not anybody could be that girl
She is the youngest of Neptune’s pearls
With a bit of our music
Everything is fine
And when it’s time at last
All:
She will get her chance...
You’ll be the Mermaid Queen
Young and sweet
Only just fifteen
Mermaid Queen, gliding over the blue and green (oh yea)
You can swim
You can dive
Having the time of your life
See that girl
Hear her sing
She is the Mermaid Queen
Katfish and Swimrose:
We’re the children of old Neptune
Our history’s older than the moon
Where the merfolk play, splashing in the sun
Here comes the Mermaid Queen
And when it’s time at last
All:
She’ll be the mermaid queen
Young and sweet
Only just fifteen
Mermaid Queen, gliding over the blue and green
You can swim
You can dive
9Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Having the time of your life
See that girl
Watch that scene
She is the Mermaid Queen
[Dream-mers exit. The three are left on an empty stage bereft of finery.]
Swimrose: That was beautiful! Oh Katfish, I wish it were the old days.
Katfish: Yes. Now for my birthday. Instead of my coronation, maybe I’ll be chosen to be
a tribute in the Human Games.
[Swimrose and Katfish grab hands and look dramatically at one another.]
Act 1: Scene 5
President Neptune’s Address
Oshen
Nessie’s Gang is lined up patrolling the crowd. All of the sea creatures from every
district enter and sign at the table. Katfish and Swimrose enter. Swimrose is afraid and
Katfish puts her arm around her, guiding her to the sign-in table.
Katfish: Just go sit with the others and I’ll find you later. It’ll be ok.
[Swimrose signs in, and she and Katfish go in different directions.]
Cashmere: Don’t worry Katfish.
Maysea: She’s too young. They won’t pick her.
Bonita: I don’t know. Remember last year, that poor little red-headed mergirl?
Marina: Ariel! She was so pretty!
Narissa: She had such a sweet voice too.
Posea: Maybe the tributes this year will have more luck.
Pearl: Yeah, don’t worry about Swimrose.
Coral: That’s right. There are lots of other mer in the sea.
Tiger: My brother Finley lost his teeth in the Games.
10Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Fin: Now he’s just scales and bones.
Jackson: It’s a cryin’ shame!
Lois: My cousin was a tribute from our district in 2012. He was supposed to bring
Nessie “surf and turf”.
Linda: We never saw him again.
Madge: Well, I hope I get picked! I’m not afraid!
Midge: Yeah, I put my name in 10 times, that’s how brave I am!
Chaff: The human world? I sure hope I don’t have to go.
Clawdene: I hear school is hard!
Clawdia: And humans have to take swimming lessons!
[Everyone laughs.]
Annie: Humans are scary. Ever heard of Seaworld?
Finessa: You wouldn’t want to end up there.
Gloss: The human world is no place for sea creatures!
Engra: Yeah! I heard they put anchovies on pizza!
Krilly: Disgusting!
Rue: They’re actually not that bad. [To fishes] No offense.
Clove: Sometimes I think the human world might be better than waiting around like bait,
only to be bullied by Nessie and her gang of predators.
Cresta: Yeah, if I hear her gang singing Twinkle-Twinkle to me one more time, I may
volunteer to be a tribute!
11Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
SONG: Tales of Brave Sea Creatures
(Possible Soloists TBD)
Sea Creatures:
We thought the Loch Ness monster
Would stay away forever
But she ditched the lake in Scotland
And the silence of her home
Now the districts of the Oshen
Fill the sea with trembling mermaids
Who will touch the distant beaches
With tales of brave sea creatures
How our ocean friends were tortured
By the monsters wicked gaming
Now the human games are calling you to go to the surface
Tiny purple fishes
Run crying through the water
And if we only trick her
Into leaving us forever
We know her name is Nessie
And she rides a crimson shell
And the Human Games may force us
To touch the distant sands
With the tales of brave sea creatures
As they try to save their districts
From the monster’s wicked gaming
Tiny purple fishes run crying through the water
And if we only trick her into leaving us forever…
[Kelpie, Seanna and Oceanica enter. Kelpie takes her place on rock wall and looks
down at the crowd.]
Kelpie: [Grabs the microphone.] Welcome, welcome, welcome! Happy Human Games,
and may the cods be ever in your favor!
Oceanica: Look at this lovely crowd! They look ready to play, don’t they?
Seanna: Indeed! What an exciting day it is.
Kelpie: Now, before we begin choosing two young people from each district to compete
in Oshen’s annual Human Games, we have a very special film, all the way from the
Capital!
12Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
President Neptune: [This is pre-recorded and projected.] Nessie, the sea serpent! It is
she who caused the Undoing that rocked our land. When Nessie came from Loch Ness,
Oshen was plunged into a time of chaos. We became prawns in her endless games.
She took from us all we had. Many merfolk were sacrificed in the coral mines building
her coliseum. Oysters gave up their pearls for her necklaces. Many of us went hungry
so she could satisfy her excessive tastes. But citizens of Oshen, due to my hard work
and commitment to you, Nessie and I struck a bargain. If we played by her rules, she
promised we wouldn’t starve. The Human Games marked a new era in our land. And so
it was decreed: two young tributes, from each district, will compete in a pageant of skill
and courage. These brave young sea creatures will go to the human world on a
dangerous scavenger hunt. Tributes will try to bring back treasures from the human
world without fraternizing with humans. If the serpent is appeased, the survivors will be
heroes in their districts! This is how we safeguard our past. This is how we remember
our future.
[Everyone cheers.]
Kelpie: Let us begin with District Mer, my hometown and the hometown of our beloved
President Neptune. [Indicates to the stingrays to bring a jar of names. Reaches in and
chooses.] Swimrose Memaidqueen. Where are you?
Katfish: [Running downstage and is stopped by two sharks.] No! Swimrose! I volunteer.
I volunteer as tribute.
Act 1: Scene 6
The Tribute Parade
Nessie’s Coliseum
President Neptune, Kelpie, Oceanica and Seanna are seated, elevated.
President Neptune: We welcome you, citizens of Oshen! [Nessie, Electra, Stingrays
and Lanternfish interrupt, make their way through the house.]
Nessie: Silence my little fair weather fishies! So sorry to crash the party, I guess that’s
what happens when one doesn’t get an invitation.
President Neptune: Nessie, you need no invitation, your presence is always expected.
Nessie: Sure, same old story, been hearing it all my life. On the lake as a little serpent,
no one wanted to play with me, no one invited me to sleepovers or birthday parties. I
never got any presents.
Electra: I’m your friend Nessie.
13Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Nessie: I suppose.
Electra: That’s what you pay me for.
Nessie: Who needs friends anyway when you are royalty?
SONG: Royal
Nessie:
So now you’ve seen a monster in the flesh
I have sharp teeth and people say I’m spooky
And I just want the very best
From this torn up town
Everyone’s my enemy
Cuz all my life it’s like
All:
Oh no
Not her
Nessie is a monster
She won’t
Play fair
And nobody wants her
Nessie:
I don’t care
I’ll pay you back for being mean
Now everybody’s like
All:
Nessie’s selfish
And she doesn’t play fair
She steals, she’s mean
Does she have to stay here
Nessie:
I don’t care
I never liked to share
It’s my turn to be royal
I don’t have to be good
Your mermaid love it ain’t for us
We crave a different kind of buzz
Because I am your ruler
You can call me queen Nessie
And fishies I’ll rule
In my deep sea dynasty
14Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Nessie: Friends or no friends, I can play games and get presents without being popular!
That’s right, everyone, how do you like me now? [Evil laugh!] You know the rules: each
team must bring me a present from the list. If the tributes fail, I win! Remember: if
tributes are caught fraternizing with humans, all bets are off! President Neptune, let the
Games begin! [Nessie and Electra exit with an evil laugh.]
Oceanica: Tributes, we welcome your courage and your sacrifice. And now we present
to you the 2014 tributes!
Seanna: So many sea creatures craning to get a glimpse of this year’s tributes!
Kelpie: Oh isn’t this festive! Bring on the tributes!
[A parade of tributes from each district enters through the house as everyone on stage
cheers.]
Oceanica: Oh look, everyone, the crustaceans! It looks like Clawdene and Clawdia, a
pair of hermit crabs, are the chosen tributes from District Crustacean. They look ready
to do some traveling.
Seanna: Look at that, those hermit crabs are styling! Are those bags Piranha or Crab
Louie Vuitton?
SONG: Crustacean Song
Crabs:
Found a shell that we’re livin’ in today
Any shell that we can find will be okay
We are crabs without conviction
Livin’ in a borrowed home
But when our house requires fixin’
We up and go
We up and go
I’m-a I’m-a I’m-a I’m-a crustacean
Go with the flow
Go with the flow
Skeletons are on the outside of our bodies
Know what we mean
Know what we mean
Oceanica: Oh, here are Lois and Linda, last year’s tributes.
Seanna: Weren’t they almost disqualified?
15Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Oceanica: They were almost eaten.
SONG: Rock Lobster
Lobsters:
We were at the beach
Scavenger hunt for matching towels
Then went to the Boardwalk
And there we saw a cook
Tried to put us in a pot
So he could cook Lobster!
All Crustaceans:
A Walk Lobster
Tributes from the oshen
Claws revoked
Lots of trouble
Lots of bubble
They were in a jam
Hiding from the man…
Kelpie: Oh look everyone, it’s the seahorses! Exempt from the Games because Pa is in
the family way.
Oceanica: Yes! Fun fact everyone, father seahorses wear the maternity clothes in their
district.
Seanna: How adorable!
SONG: Havin Our Babies
Pa: Havin our babies
Cuz I’m a father seahorse
And that’s the way we do things
Ma: He’s havin' our babies
Got the only pregnant dads in any species
Pa: Can’t wait until they hatch
And we can watch them growing
I am proud to be a father and it’s showing
Ma: Oh you're havin' our babies
You're a father seahorse
And I think it’s really sweet
Both: Havin' our babies
Got the only pregnant dads in any species
Havin' our babies
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Seanna: That was truly moving.
Oceanica: All the districts are represented in this next number, a nostalgic reminder of
the way things used to be.
SONG: Underwater Palace (Octopus’s Garden)
We used to be
Under the sea
In an underwater palace nice and safe
We’d play and swim
Till she moved in
In our underwater palace ‘neath the waves
All of our friends live happily
An underwater palace you see
We used to be
Under the sea
In our underwater palace, ‘neath the waves
(Sea Mammals)
Our blood is warm
Our young are born
On beaches, and rocks and in the waves
We socialize
And we are wise
In our underwater palace ‘neath the waves
We used to splash and swim around
Till the sea monster came around
We used to be
Under the sea
In our underwater palace ‘neath the waves
(Gymnastics from sea stars)
(Lanternfish)
They shine so bright
Like stars at night
Their bioluminescence will amaze
(Phosphorescence will amaze)
(Sardines and Anchovies)
Don’t sashimi me, cuz anyone can see
We like it where it’s happy and we’re safe
(No catch of the day)
We would swim so happy and so free
No nets or hooks Marine World or the zoo
17Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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We like to be
Under the sea
In an underwater palace it’s true
In an underwater palace it’s true
[During the song Oceanica and Seanna have left stage to join the mers in the next
number. Kelpie has taken the mic.]
Kelpie: We conclude the pageant with our District Mer anthem. Happy Human Games!
[She joins the mers.]
SONG: We Are Not Men (Jocko Homo)
(Mers Including Oceanica, Seanna, Kelpie and President Neptune)
They tell us that
We kept our tails
Devolving down
From giant whales
I say it's all
Just wind in sails
We are not men?
We are merfolk
We are not fish?
We are MER folk
We're mermaids now
The best of both
We're mermen all
Look at us go
We are not men?
We are merfolk
We are not fish?
We are MER folk
MER folk…
Act 1: Scene 7
Pumped
Oshen Generic
Lights comes up on sea creatures’ jetty. Sea mammals are doing push-ups, crabs and
sea stars are doing gymnastics.
Madge: Come on tributes! No pain, no gain!
Midge: You gotta feel the burn! Tributes, work it!
18Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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SONG: Let’s Get Fishical
Tributes:
Doin’ what it takes, make a splash tonight
Prepare for any situation
Workin’ our tails off day and night
Know what we mean?
It’s not that we are fishing for compliments
Omega 3s are pretty groovy
Any fins possible, if you believe
And we do dolphinatley
So let’s get fishical, fishical
We gotta get fishacal
Let’s get into fishacal
Everybody fishes rock, fishes rock
Don’t you know that fishies rock
Act 1: Scene 8
Shark Attack!
Pier
The birds are on the pier watching Elliott surf.
Marylyn: Hang ten!
Molly: Tubular!
[Tribute Sharks enter.]
Holmes: Land ho! Now to find Nessie a corn dog?
Ripper: [Looks at list] What’s a corn dog?
Tiger: It’s like a hot dog on a stick.
Boggs: I don’t know how we’re supposed to get Nessie a corn dog?
Leggs: What do you mean “we”? You’re the tribute!
Fin: We said we would escort you, but this is as far as we go.
Blue: Yeah, we’re out of here. Good luck.
Holmes: Come on Boggs. It’s you and me. Let’s go.
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Skelly: Hey, look. Your troubles might be over, problem solved.
Boggs: Now that’s what I call a hot dog on a stick!
Jackson: Oh, a hot dog on a stick, I get it.
[They start to circle Elliott as the other sharks move in to attack Elliott, who is on his
board.]
SONG: Hungry Shark
Kids at home waitin’ for a snack
Everywhere that we go people send us back
Shark week’s on again it keeps on showing
And the music from Jaws, everyone still knowing
Everybody hates a hungry shark
Everybody hates a hungry shark
You know it’s true, we could tear you apart
Everybody hates a hungry shark
Everybody got a small request
Want to eat our lunch and get back home
No we’re not askin’ for the very best
A few anchovies and some extra bones
Everybody hates a hungry shark
Everybody hates a hungry shark
You know it’s true, we could tear you apart
Everybody hates a hungry shark
[Gil and Katfish interrupt the shark attack.]
Katfish: Gil, look over there! [She and Gil notice the sharks.] Hey, you sharks, leave
that surfer alone! You’re in violation. We’re going to report you.
Holmes: Mers! Come on, let’s get out of here!
[Sharks swim off. Elliott is passed out on his board.]
Gil: Katfish, we’d better get out of here too.
Katfish: He’s hurt, Gil! I can’t leave the surfer to drown.
Gil: Katfish, they’ll cancel the Games! [She begins to pull Elliott onto the shore.] Let me
help. [They pull Elliott to shore.]
20Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Act 1: Scene 9
Surfer Boy
Seal’s Landing (below pier)
Katfish: Surfer! Surfer wake up! Are you okay? [Katfish puts her head to his chest.]
SONG: Surfer Boy
[Gil, Birds and surfers (TBD) background]
Katfish:
Little surfer having fun
Riding waves out in the sun
Won’t you wake up little surfer boy
Surfer boy, please, little surfer boy
You were surfing near the shore
Hungry sharks thought they would score
They won’t hurt you, wake up surfer boy
Gil: Here come some humans, hide!
[Enter Lifeguard Sandy with floatation device; Gidget, Shelly and Michael (with
surfboards) approach. Katfish and Gil hide behind the landing.]
Shelly: Here he is! Elliott, wake up!
Lifeguard Sandy: Stand back, miss, this is no job for amateurs. I may have to
administer CPR, cardio pulmonary resuscitation! [He moves in as Gidget and Michael
grab Elliott’s head. Lifeguard Sandy pushes the surfers away.] Now, miss, it is very
dangerous to move the body as the victim might be in a state of shock! [Just then Elliott
lifts his head up, and Lifeguard Sandy pushes his head back down.] Now son, it is very
dangerous to move your body as you might be suffering from shock. [Elliott grabs
Michael’s shoulders, ignoring Lifeguard Sandy.]
Elliott: Michael, there were sharks circling me and they pulled me down into the water.
The next thing I remember is, a girl and a boy. They rescued me, and they sang to me,
it was beautiful. I think they were merfolk.
Michael: Take it easy Elliott.
Gidget: [Indicating Lifeguard Sandy] He’s right, you must be in shock.
Elliott: No! Where are they, where did they go?
Shelly: There are no mermaids here Elliott.
21Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Michael: Or paddle boards, or surfboards. Your surfboard, however, is M.I.A.;
you’re lucky to be alive, Bra.
Elliott: My board?
Lifeguard Sandy: It’ll show up. Come on now, let’s get you to shore.
[Gidget and Shelly help him up.]
Lifeguard Sandy: Now wait a minute, miss, that’s not safe. Sir? Miss? [They ignore
the lifeguard and Elliott limps away arm in arm with Michael, Shelly and Gidget.]
[MIB sneak onstage collecting samples like archeologists. Paparazzi sneaks on, talking
on cell phone.]
Paparazzi: Heard there was a shark sighting at Cowell’s. If I get a shot of this, it’s
gonna be my ticket out of this one-horse town. [Sees Molly and Marylyn.] Hey, have you
seen anything weird out here?
Marylyn: Have we seen anything weird?
Molly: Are you kidding? This is Santa Cruz.
Act 1: Scene 10
Bird watching
A cliff overlooking the ocean
Bigfoot is sitting on the Cliff. He’s bird watching. Agents enter from various locations,
communicating with electronic devices that make Geiger sound effects.
Bigfoot: [Growling disappointed] Awww, they scared it away! A yellow crowned night
heron!
[Paparazzi runs on. Bigfoot freezes when he sees Paparazzi.]
Paparazzi: Hey Bigfoot, over here. Smile! [Bigfoot gives two thumbs up. Flash.] Got
him! This is gonna be worth some money! [Runs off.]
Bigfoot: Ahhh, not again. Can’t they just leave me alone? [Bigfoot runs off.]
Agent 99: Quick! Max get your shoe phone and call the chief!
Max: [Struggles to get his shoe off.] What do you think it is 99?
22Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Agent 99: Sasquatch?
Max: Gesundheit 99. [Offers her a handkerchief.] Here.
Agent 99: No Max, Bigfoot!
Max: That’s not very nice 99. [He puts his phone to his ear.] I know my shoe phone is
on the large side but you don’t have to call me names.
Agent 99: No Max, the sighting. I think it’s Bigfoot!
Max: You mean it was Bigfoot! There he goes.
Agent 99: Oh Max!
Max: [Looking at its footprint] That’s the second biggest footprint I’ve ever seen. [Agents
follow Bigfoot.]
Act 1: Scene 11
Reptilians in The Sewers
In front of Elliott’s house
Bay and Jay are hiding in front of Elliott’s house, they are talking until the kids come out
of the house.
Jay: This place is a hotbed of alien activity.
Bay: Merfolk, Sasquatch…
Jay: What’s next, Alf?
[Michael and Gertie follow Elliott, who is taking out the trash.]
Michael: [Teasing] Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliott: It was no iguana!
Michael: Maybe it was a reptilian from outer space hiding in the sewers.
Gertie: Reptilians in the sewers.
Elliott: Look, I know what I saw, they were merfolk!
[Bay and Jay make noise and knock something over as they try to get closer and hear.]
23Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Elliott: [Jumps] What was that!
Michael: Chill out, Elliott.
Gertie: Yeah, chill out Elliott.
[Michael chases Gertie into the house.]
Elliott: I’ll be in in a minute. [He throws some Reese's Pieces around and whistles
before he exits.]
[Agents enter from others side of stage. MIB pick up the Reese’s Pieces.]
Bay: He knows something!
Jay: Don’t let him out of our sight. [MIB exit.]
[Agents approach the Reese’s Pieces.]
Agent 99: Oh Max, did you see that! This is worse than I thought! We’ve gotta get a
hold of the Chief.
Max: [Eating a Reese's Piece] You’re right, 99, these taste terrible.
Agent: 99: Max, haven’t you heard of the 3-second rule? Put that down, it’s probably
crawling with alien micro-organisms.
Max: Did you say alien? We’ve gotta get ahold of the chief! [They both take off their
shoe phones.]
SONG: Mer Oddity
[Mer Oddity ballet with MIB, Max, Bigfoot and Paparazzi]
Agent 99:
Ground Control calling the Chief
Ground Control come in now Chief
We have a sighting and so do the Men In Black
Ground control come in now Chief
Assignment-finding aliens
Mermaid sighting
Men in Black and Bigfoot too
This is Ground Control
Calling the Chief
We have to save the earth
24Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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And the papers want to know what shoes he wears
And if mermaids really have seaweed for hair
This is 99 calling the Chief
We know there many more
Maybe planning an invasion
Any day
Reptilian body snatchers
Might take us away
For here
Are we sitting in a beach town
Santa Cruz is weird
If Aliens get through
There’ll be nothing we can do
Chief what’s taking you so long
Your circuit's dead,
There's something wrong
We’re afraid that something’s wrong
We’re afraid that something’s wrong
We’re afraid that something’s wrong
Act 1: Scene 12
Treasure chest, ship parts…
Nessie’s Beach
Electra: Hey best friend, wait till I tell you what I heard from the referees who were
patrolling near the shore.
Nessie: What is it Electra? It better be good. You’re interrupting my favorite song.
Electra: “Puff the Magic Dragon” again?
Nessie: [Sings] “Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff.” No one ever brought me
strings or sealing wax, but they have brought me some pretty fancy stuff. [Takes out
some treasure and runs it through her fingers.]
Electra: Sharks were reported near the surface, they were moving in on a surfer. Then
the tributes from District Mer fraternized with the surfer!
Sandray: Everybody knows that’s against the rules!
Coleman: They pulled him to shore!
Franklyn: Yeah, we saw the whole thing.
25Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Rayleen: Will they be disqualified?
Nessie: Fraternizing with a humans? Illegal! You know what happens now girls.
All: Game over!
[As scene ends, right before Nessie exits, Paparazzi swims through the house in
snorkel gear and swim fins. Trying to get a shot of Nessie, she crawls up the beach and
tries to take her picture. Molly and Marylyn swoop in and grab the camera.]
Marylyn: Mind your own business!
Molly: Nosy parker!
[They fly off.]
Paparazzi: Wait! Talking birds? [Fumbling for her camera] Where’s my camera? Drat!
Act 1: Scene 13
Game Over
Nessie’s Coliseum
Nessie’s gang are dragging Katfish in to see Nessie.
Oceanica: What a disappointment the tributes from District Mer have turned out to be. I
must say, I would have expected something like this from the sharks but not from the
Mer tributes.
Seanna: You really have to wonder what President Neptune is feeling right now, his
own daughter disqualified.
Kelpie: Katfish Mermaidqueen, disqualified! She had so much promise.
Oceanica: We’re waiting for the penalty to be handed down. Will she go easy on
Katfish Mermaidqueen? After all, she is the President’s daughter. Will this year’s Games
be canceled? Politically this could have dire consequences for Oshen.
[Nessie enters.]
Kelpie: It looks like Nessie is making her way to the podium.
Nessie: Gil Merborn and Katfish Mermaidqueen, the tributes from District Mer, are
hereby disqualified for fraternizing with humans.
26Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Gil: Please! Katfish is innocent. It’s my fault. She tried to talk me out of helping but I
insisted.
Katfish: No Gil!
President Neptune: Katfish! Enough.
Nessie: [Addressing crowd] Because of the violation of the tributes from District Mer,
the 2014 Human Games are canceled. Our truce is hereby null and void! And as for you
merboy, I will take your voice. Because you love humans so much, see how much you
like the human world when you have to live among them. Like I once was, you too will
be like a giant fish out of water. Not wanted and misunderstood. You can find fresh
water to live out your days, but once you reach land, you may never return to the sea.
[Crowd is horrified!]
Act 1: Scene 14
People Are Strange
Mer Palace
District Mers and sea creatures are scattered around.
Katfish: I have to help Gil, it was all my fault!
Swimrose: It’s all my fault!
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: [Crying] Oh girls, please!
[Fish swim in frantically.]
Caesaria: It’s the President!
Clawdene: And the important Mers from the Capital!
Clawdia: Katfish! Your dad looks mad!
Ma: Now, now, I’m sure he just wants what’s best for his family.
Pa: Like any good father.
[Enter Capital merfolk.]
President Neptune: Katfish Mermaidqueen, I am very disappointed in you, young lady!
27Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Katfish: But father, the sharks were going to eat him! I couldn’t let that happen.
President Neptune: I understand you wanting to help, but it’s a rule. Tributes are not
allowed to fraternize with people. Surely you know of our history with humans.
Posea: Humans think that if they catch a mermaid or any other magical creature,
they’re entitled to a wish.
Pearl: They usually think mermaids have buried treasure!
Marina: They’re always trying to catch us and put us on the Discovery Channel.
Maysea: Discovery, like they discovered us?
Narissa: We should be on the History Channel.
Coral: Yes, the Merpeople have been around longer than they have.
Bonita: And we’ll be around long after they’re gone.
President Neptune: It’s not the Discovery Channel you need to be worried about. It’s
Nessie!
Katfish: I know, I know, I broke Nessie’s rules and I’m prepared to face the
consequences. It’s not fair that Gil has to pay for both of us.
President Neptune: You must promise you’ll stay out of it. You're lucky the
consequences weren’t worse. Nessie and I don’t agree on much, but we do agree on
our dislike of the human race.
Katfish: I don’t understand it. People invented surfing, and roller coasters; after all, we
have human blood. People can’t be all bad.
SONG: People are Strange
President Neptune:
People are strange
When you're a merson
Faces look fleshy
When you're too close
Walking on two legs
Can seem almost frightening
Breathing through noses now that’s just weird
All Capital Mers and Mrs: Mermaidqueen:
28Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
They are strange
They have to come in from the rain
They are strange
They all look exactly the same
They are strange
They are strange
They are strange
President Neptune:
People are strange
When you’re a merson
Faces look fleshy
When you’re too close
Taking a shower
Wearing pajamas
Slippers and swimsuits
Speedos and thongs
Capital Mers:
They are strange
They have to come in from the rain
They are strange
They all look exactly the same
They are strange
They are strange
They are strange
President Neptune: Now who knows what will become of our society? Humans in
charge above and Nessie in charge under the sea. We are facing dark times.
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: What will become of us?
Act 1: Scene 15
Here’s The Deal
Nessie’s coliseum
Nessie, Electra and Nessie’s Gang are hanging out. Katfish enters.
Stingrays: Intruder!
Franklyn: Who goes there?
Coleman: Show us your face.
Electra: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Katfish ‘would be’ Mermaidqueen?
29Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Nessie: Well let’s see now, what could possibly bring President Neptune’s daughter to
my palace?
Katfish: Please, I beg of you, don’t penalize Gil. It was my fault. He was protecting me.
Please let him stay, his family needs him.
Nessie: What’s with you? First you offer to be a tribute for your sister, now you risk your
life coming to my palace to save your friend. Who does that?
Katfish: I would do anything for my family and friends.
Nessie: Oh how sweet you are. I’ll show you that I can be a good friend too.
Let’s play a little game. Find the merboy. Gil Merborn will be in the human world,
speechless and in need of a freshwater home. If you want to save him you have to find
him. I’ll even give you a leg up. [Laughs at her joke.] No really, a leg up! You can have
legs.
Katfish: Legs? [Thinks about it.] It’s a deal!
Nessie: Great! If you can find your merboy by midnight, just give me a call on my shell,
here’s my number. As soon as I hear from you, Gil gets his voice back and he can swim
on home. Well, you better get going. Oh, did I mention, if you don’t find the merboy by
midnight, you lose tail forever.
Electra: Good one Nessie!
Nessie: If I can’t have friends, why should the two of you! When you’re ready to play,
meet me on my jetty. Girls, get ready for a little vacation! [Electra gives Nessie sunglasses.
Katfish swims away.]
[Franklyn and Coleman cheer.]
Coleman: It’s about time we had a break!
Franklyn: You can say that again!
Act 1: Scene 16
What Does The Mer Say
Undersea
Gil is in Undersea. A few mermaids and sea creatures are hanging around.
Posea: Oh Gil, soon the Sea Monster will work her sorcery and you won’t be able to
speak, or sing.
30Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Pearl: What will you do when you can’t talk?
Gil: I’ll still have muscles.
Swimrose: Oh Gil, your beautiful voice.
Chum: You’re so brave!
Engra: Gil, you’re my hero.
Caesaria: I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Krilly: Here come the mers!
[Enter Capital Mers.]
Kelpie: Attention everyone! It’s time for Gil Merborne to face his penalty as charged by
Nessie the Sea Serpent. Your escort is ready. [Sharks appear in military-storm trooper
line. Katfish enters frantically.]
Swimrose: Gil!
Gil: [to Swimrose] I’ll be alright… [Tries to continue but mid sentence he loses his
voice.]
Katfish: Gil! Your voice! Gil!
SONG: What Does the Mer Say?
Oceanica and Seanna and Kelpie:
Whale goes woo
Fish goes glub
Waves go crash and dolphin eek
Otters splash
Seagulls screech
And the crabs go snap snap snap
Tiger shark
Don’t really roar
And the seal goes arf arf arf
But there's one sound
That we can’t hear
What does that mer say?
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
31Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
WHAT THE mer Says?
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
WHAT does THE mer SAY?
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho!
WHAT THE mer SAYs?
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
Joff-tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!
WHAT THE mer SAY?
Big brown eyes
Pointy nose
Swimming fast
And mining coral
Broke the rules
Bad bad choice
Suddenly he has no voice
Your tail is green
So powerful
Like a ninja in disguise
But if you meet
A human being
Will you communicate by spla-a-a-a-ash spla-a-a-ash
How will you speak to that sur-ur-ur-ur fer
WHAT DOES THE mer SAY?!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!
End Act 1
Intermission
32Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Act 2: Scene 1
Life In The Woods
Loch Lomond
A sign reads “Welcome to Loch Lomond-> Santa Cruz 10 miles”. Redwood trees,
maybe water, a boat is tethered to a dock. Bigfoot is inside the boat reading “Walden
Pond.”
Bigfoot: Ahhh [growling-relaxed, whistles “Puff The Magic Dragon”] Finally some peace
and quiet. Just a few miles out of town and look at all this beauty. Oh I think I just saw a
squirrel in that redwood tree! Isn’t he a cute little thing? [Takes out a phone and snaps a
picture.] What a great picture. Wish I had someone to share it with. As much as I enjoy
my privacy, it gets awful lonely being me. Well, I can’t let it get me down. [Stretches out.
His giant feet hang over the edge of the boat.] This is more like it, a break from alien
hunters, government agents, and the press. [Yawns.]
SONG: Floatin’ in Loch Lomond, Hooray!
Bigfoot:
Floatin’ in the morning sun
Nice and peaceful here at Loch Lomond
Enjoyin’ the mountain breeze
And the California redwood trees
Floatin’ in Loch Lomond, hooray
Watching the birds and the squirrels play
This is where I’m hopin’ to stay
Wasting time
What I need is a power nap. They say 10 minutes will really recharge your batteries.
[Puts the book over his face and begins to snore. As he snores, the boat, that has been
tied to a tree, becomes unmoored and Bigfoot drifts away.]
Act 2: Scene 2
Paying Tribute
Beach
Some of the sea creatures are discussing the plight of Gil and Katfish.
Annie: Has anyone seen Katfish?
Finessa: There’s a rumor floating around that she is coming to save Gil.
Cashmere: This is a day that we will always remember.
Gloss: We will miss you Gil.
33Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Krilly: Be careful.
Lois: Best of luck brother.
Linda: We’ve got your back.
[Creatures whistle to say goodbye to Gil. All raise their hands (fins and claws) doing the
signal from Hunger Games.]
Act 2: Scene 3
Hungry Days
Mer Palace
Kelpie is seated between Seanna and Oceanica on jetty.
Kelpie: [Announcing] Welcome District Mer and District Shark. Since today is
Wednesday, it’s your lucky day to try and gather some vegetation to eat. Happy Hungry
Day!
Seanna: Well it looks like every day is Hungry Day in District Mer, if you know what I
mean.
Oceanica: They do look a little thin. And what about those sharks, hope they can keep
their spirits up. It can’t be fun being cooped up in a cement ship all the time.
Boggs: At least we’re out of Nessie’s dungeon.
Blue: Yeah those shark tanks were miserable.
Marina: I’m so hungry.
Narissa: I never thought I would miss sea cucumber.
Maysea: It’s not fair that Nessie has made gathering sea cucumber illegal.
Bonita: And gathering seaweed.
Posea: Her gang has claimed all the kelp, seaweed, and sea cucumbers.
Ma: Poor Pa, it’s just wrong to be hungry when you're expecting.
Pa: That’s right, I am eating for 2,000.
34Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Pearl: We’ll all starve before too long!
Coral: We’re starving now.
Ripper: Nessie is so shelfish!
Madge: Hey, I resemble that remark!
Midge: I think she meant selfish.
[Mrs. Mermaidqueen enters.]
Mrs. Mermaidqueen: Swimrose, please come in soon. If you’re out past curfew we will
have to pay a penalty. [She exits.]
Swimrose: [To her mother] Yes mother. I’m coming. [To Mers] I wish Katfish were here.
She’d know what to do.
Skelly: This is still no way to live.
Jackson:Yeah it’s rough!
Tiger: Yeah, my stomach has been rumbling for weeks!
Holmes: I got hungry mouths to feed at home.
Leggs: A hotdog on a stick. What were you thinking?
Boggs: Sorry, I feel responsible. When I heard hotdog I just thought…
Ripper: Stop talking about hot dogs!
Fin: I’d be happy for some seaweed.
SONG: Where Has All The Seaweed Gone
Posea:
Where has all the seaweed gone
Long time passing
Where has all the seaweed gone
Long time ago
All:
Where has all the seaweed gone
Gone to Nessie the sea monster
35Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
When will she ever learn
When will she ever learn
Act 2: Scene 4
Interrogation
Pier/beach
Elliott is on the beach calling out to the water. He whistles the Close Encounters tune;
he is surprised to get a response from under the pier. He comes down, reaches in his
pack/pocket for Reese's Pieces and tosses some around.
Elliott: Hey who’s there? Is that you? [Whistles.]
SONG: Little Surfer (reprise)
[including Lifeguard Sandy, surfers (TBD) and birds]
Elliott:
Little mermaid
What’s your name
Want a cultural exchange
Can I meet you real live mermaid kids?
Real live Mers in Santa Cruz
Won’t put you on evening news
Do you hear me real live mermaid kids?
(Mermaid kids, oh re-al mermaid kids)
Mermaid sightings strange but true
I’ve always believed in you
Do you hear me real live mermaid kids?
Can you hear me real live mermaid kids?
[Suddenly the MIB grab him from behind.]
Bay: Who are you singing to Elliott?
Elliott: How do you know my name?
Jay: It’s our business to know everything about you Elliott. And we have reason to
believe that you have vital information regarding alien life forms.
Bay: ‘Mermaids’ ring any bells?
Elliott: Alien life forms? Mermaids? I don’t know what you’re talking about! Leave me
alone! [He wriggles free and takes off.]
36Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Jay: There’s no use running from us Elliott! It’s only a matter of time before we catch
you!
[MIB run after him in pursuit, shining their flashlights under the pier and all around. After
they exit, Gil creeps to shore and is greeted by seals Rue and Chaff.]
Rue: Keep low, follow us.
Chaff: Stay down!
Act 2: Scene 5
Just another day in Santa Cruz
Beach /next day
Elliott is on the beach looking for Mers.
Elliott: I know you’re here somewhere. I won’t hurt you, I promise. [He throws Reese’s
Pieces under pier.] I brought you some of these, I know you like them.
[Gil throws them back.]
Elliott: [Terrified] Marylyn, Molly, is that you? [Gil appears.] I knew it! You’re a-a-a
merboy! You’re the merboy who helped to save me from the sharks, aren’t you?
Gil: [Shakes his head and indicates that he can’t talk.]
Elliott: You can’t talk? But you talked the other day, you sang with the mergirl? Wait! I
know about mermaid lore, I’ve seen “The Little Mermaid.” It was a sea witch, wasn’t it!
Gil: [Shakes head excitedly “yes”.]
Elliott: She took your voice in exchange for legs. [Looks at Gil’s tail.] Oh, wait.
Gil: [Shrugs.]
Elliott: Wow, you’re in bad shape! No legs and no voice. I guess the sea witch really
didn’t like you. Where’s your friend the mergirl? Is she in trouble too?
Gil: [Shakes his head “yes”.]
[Just then Max and Agent 99 are sighted sneakily entering the beach dressed as beach-
goers, while MIB pop up from behind trashcan on pier.]
37Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
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Elliott: [Looking at MIB] Oh no, you have to hide from those guys! Stay there while I try
to figure something out. [Elliott runs off.]
[Gil hides under the pier with seals.]
Max: Did you hear that 99? [Shines flashlight.]
Rue and Chaff: [Bark]
Agent 99: [Shines flashlight.] Those are seals Max.
Max: Are you sure 99? It could be an alien language; I have a translator app in my
shoe-phone.
[Seals bark some more.]
Max: It says, “Sardines, feed me sardines”.
Agent 99: This way Max, I have an idea. [They exit.]
Act 2: Scene 6
Agent’s Plan
Beach
Some surfers are waxing their boards, laying out. Lifeguard Sandy is in his tower.
Agent 99: [Putting an umbrella up or applying sunscreen] Max, do you think you can
really act like a surfer? I’m not sure the kids are gonna buy it.
Max: Infiltrating the surfers is the only way we can find out what they know. I’ll send a
text to your chapstick phone when I get some information. Don’t worry about me 99, I
did a little surfing when I was in college. Besides, the translator app in my shoe phone
has the latest surfer lingo. Wish me luck 99! [Max runs toward the water.] Surfs up!
Agent 99: Max, your phone, it’s not waterproof! Max!
Act 2: Scene 7
The Wild Side
Beach in front of jetty
Katfish swims sneakily to the shore, in front of jetty. Looks around and hides behind a
rock. Sea stars are clinging to rocks; when they see the stingrays they cartwheel out.
Cresta: Uh oh. Look, it’s Nessie’s gang!
38Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Clove: We’d better skedaddle!
Clawdia: Oh drat, I was just settling in!
Clawdene: That’s the life of a hermit crab.
Sandray: The coast is clear, make way!
Rayleen: Nessie coming into port.
[Rayleen sets up a beach chair and an umbrella. Sandray, Rayleen, Coleman, Franklyn
and the sharks hang near the edge of the stage. Nessie comes to shore and pulls a
bottle out of her bag.]
Nessie: Are you ready to play, mermaid? This potion will turn you into a human. Drink
every last drop and say hello to your new legs. Just think, pedicures, toe rings.
[Nessie hands Katfish the bottle. Katfish drinks the potion. The rest of the sea creatures,
birds and Mers enter behind a scrim or fog to sing the doo-doos.]
SONG: Walk On The Human Side
Nessie:
Katfish came up from under the Monterey Bay
In Santa Cruz California USA
Game is on, time to play
Trading for legs and then just wait and see
I say, hey babe, take a walk on the human side
Said, hey honey, take a walk on the human side
Now you're washed up on this great big island
With your new legs you are gonna be stylin’
Cept’ now you are a girl instead
President Daddy gonna lose his head
I say, hey babe, take a walk on the human side
Said, hey babe, take a walk on the human side
And all the people go
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
39Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
(doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo)
[Katfish transforms and gets legs during chorus.]
Act 2: Scene 8
Steppin’ Out
Jetty
Katfish and birds on jetty beach.
Molly: Mermaid, are you okay?
[Until this point Katfish has been laying down. She stands up using the beach chair for
support. She awkwardly takes a few steps, stumbles, stands up and admires her legs.]
Katfish: It feels so strange to be walking on land.
Marylyn: [Offers her a wing/hand to steady her] Steady, you haven’t got your land legs
yet. Try these. [Gives her flip flops.]
Katfish: [Looking at the Boardwalk] Look at the Boardwalk! It’s beautiful. [She walks to
the rocks. She notices Elliott’s surfboard washed up against the jetty.] A surfboard! I’ve
always wanted to surf. I may not be great at walking, yet. But I know I can swim! [She
takes off for the ocean.]
Molly: Surf’s Up!
Act 2: Scene 9
Surf’s up
Center stage/surfing
Projected waves, three levels in front of screen. Surfers are on boards, including
Katfish, some standing, some crouching.
Sunny: Who’s she?
Shelly: I’ve never seen her before.
Alana: She’s hecka good!
Moondoggie: She shreds!
Kona: Totally!
[Max paddles out and joins the surfers.]
40Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Max: Kowabunga! Aloha gang. Mind if I drop in?
Brody: Dude! Your snaking my wave.
Max: [Looks at his translator] Bra, this is a gnarly swell!
Jason: Watch out, a kook like you could get hurt out here.
Loni: Wipe out!
Gidget: Look Out! Bomboras!
[Max wipes out, Katfish saves him.]
Act 2: Scene 10
The Thing
Main Beach
On shore the rest of the surfers are on the beach. Lifeguard Sandy greets Max at the
shore.
Lifeguard Sandy: Stand back, everyone, I have a potential drowning victim here. I am
going to have to assess the situation and need a lot of room. Step aside, stand back
now everybody.
Shelly: If it weren’t for her [indicates Katfish] this shubbie would have been pummeled!
Summer: She’s obviously not from around here.
Loni: Where are you from?
Alana: What’s your name?
Katfish: Oh, um, I’m Katfish… You can call me K.T. I’m from Australia.
Michael: Australia? Cool!
Gertie: We just studied about Australia in school. Did you know that a koala isn’t
actually a bear?
Lifeguard Sandy: [To Max] Sir, how many fingers am I holding up?
Agent 99: [Approaches, interrupts the lifeguard] He’s with me. He’ll be fine. He just
needs his inhaler. [She gives him a spritz of something mysterious.]
41Little Mermaid: The Aqua-Terrestrial
By Janinne Brooks Chadwick
Max: [Snaps out of it] Good thinking 99, the old “He just needs his inhaler trick.”
[Winking at her.]
Agent 99: [Her chapstick phone lights up, she answers it (not-so-slyly).] [To Max] It’s
the chief. [To the phone] We’ll be there on the double. [Puts chapstick away.] Max, that
was the Chief, we’ve got to go. We’re running late for that thing.
Max: What thing 99?
Agent 99: Oh you know, the thing were running late for?
Max: Oh, the thing, the thing.
[Agent 99 pulls Max aside and whispers in his ear.]
Max: [Out loud] The Loch Ness Monster?
Agent 99: [Addressing the surfers] It’s playing at the NicK. We’re late. Let’s go Max.
[They run off.]
Katfish: It’s so bright, I’m not used to the sun.
Sunny: I thought it was sunny in Australia?
Katfish: Oh, I live in Northern Australia.
Shelly: You want these? [Hands her sunglasses.]
SONG: Walking in Sunshine
Katfish and Surfers:
Mm, yeah
I used to think people were scary, now I’m not so sure
And I just can’t wait till for the chance to make friends with some more
Now look at me steppin’ in flip flops, and I’m not fallin’ down
And I just can't wait to try skating, and running around
Now I'm walking in sunshine, whoa
I'm walking in sunshine, whoa
I'm walking in sunshine, whoa
And don't it feel good
Hey, all right now
And don't it feel good
Hey, yeah
Oh, yeah, now I'm walking in sunshine, whoa
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