The Signs' most memorable day of summer 2021

The Signs’ most memorable day
of summer 2021
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
July 22, 2021: Blowing the last of their MAP stipend on a
Bikes To You shopping spree. Fingerless gloves, a helmet with
a headlamp, a pair of those shorts with padding on the butt so
your booty doesn’t hurt and a hot pink 10-speed. Personality
traits CAN be bought, folks!

Taurus
July 16, 2021: Started off their solo backpacking fantasy with
an assertive day trip along the Appalachian Trail. What began
as stalwart confidence quickly dwindled to full-blown panic
three hours in without even a cellphone tower in sight to
signal humanity’s presence. Alas, hope returned in the form of
a cheerful Minnesotan family all too willing to offer
elaborate directions and a nourishing handful of Chex Mix.

Gemini
June 12, 2021: Hometown bar-hopping with the high school
besties on Gemini’s 21st birthday turned into quite the
celebration. Dingy dive bar lighting looked GOOD on your
sophomore year lab partner making eyes at you across the room
while dipping his onion ring in a vat of ranch. Gemini always
thought he might be bicurious, but it looks like they finally
get to put that hypothesis to the test…

Cancer
August 15, 2021: Today’s the day Cancer turned their life
around, their come to Jesus moment, or maybe come to Megan …
They redownloaded Tinder, cut all their t-shirts into crop
tops and winked at the hottie stacking cans of maize at the
grocery store. It’s never too late for a #hotgirlsummer.

Leo
July 3, 2021: Road tripping to Florida sounded like a fun
midnight idea, until Aries’ beat up Toyota broke down an hour
outside of town. The tow truck dragged the car over to
Riverside, Iowa where (fun fact!) Captain Kirk will be born a
couple hundred years from now … Can’t say it made up for their
vision of a margarita on the seaside.

Virgo
July 10, 2021: Showed up to the farmer’s market with a woven
straw bag in hand, wide- brimmed hat secured with a ribbon
under the chin and a hankering for a cheddar-leek scone – a
compliment from a stranger on their hand-stitched linen apron
was the cherry on top for Virgo, who’s finally living out the
provincial lifestyle they’d always dreamed of.

Libra
August 13, 2021: An afternoon in Charleston during their
bookshop-hopping road trip along the Eastern Seaboard went
from picturesque to scary when a shadowy figure emerged from
between the stacks brandishing a dusty copy of “War and Peace”
and a piercing gaze. If Libra’s life was to take a turn into
the plot of any Netflix Original, “You” would not have been
their first choice.

Scorpio
August 2, 2021: A furtive glance while grappling for a tube in
the lazy river line, the slippery brush of a foot in the wave
pool … A last-minute trip to the aquatic family wonderland of
the Wisconsin Dells has become what were undoubtedly the
hottest three days of Scorpio’s life.

Sagittarius
July 23, 2021: Sagittarius swore they would do nothing but
read books, get drunk and look hot. And so, they’ve made it a
mission to visit every coffee shop within a five-mile radius,
and on this lovely Friday morning, Sagittarius finally got
their meet-cute. I mean, the way that barista just said hello
… are they going to kiss right now?

Capricorn
June 8, 2021: Arrived at their summer camp counselor gig eager
to develop the skills required for their dream job as a
preschool teacher. Watching a kid down two consecutive tubs of
Colorations non-toxic paint before 9 a.m. on a Tuesday has got
Capricorn rethinking their projected career path.

Aquarius
June 1, 2021: First day on the job as your hometown’s hot new
barista and things could not have gone worse. Several steamed
milk mishaps later and Pisces is starting to wonder whether
listing the Grille as work experience was really the way to
go. Cafe
       ́ Bustelo’s cortadito ain’t got nothing on this honey
lavender latte.

Pisces
August 9, 2021: Forming a casual volleyball league with the
third years living in a house across the street seemed like a
great way to enjoy some healthful time outdoors while making
lifelong friends in the process. After today’s game though,
Aquarius isn’t going to plan a friendship bracelet braiding
session anytime soon. They promise they weren’t aiming for her
face, but apparently Aquarius’s spike game is just too good
for the minor leagues.

The    Signs                         just              got
vaccinated!
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
Sparring with their weird antivax cousin over Instagram DMs
after getting a little too trigger happy with the post-vax
story selfies – consequently curating a Close Friends list
solely based on their followers’ likelihood to suspect they
now have a microchip in their arm.

Taurus
Protection from an infectious disease isn’t too shabby a
birthday present, but this seriously wasn’t the type of
headache they planned on having the morning after their 21st.

Gemini
Brandishing their “I Got the Vaccination!” sticker harder than
an “I Voted” sticker in a swing-state.

Cancer
Eagerly waiting two weeks to give all of their (fellow
vaccinated) friends a little platonic smooch and then spooning
them while crying tears of joy because physical touch is their
love language, okay?

Leo
Purposefully cleared their schedule for the 48 hours following
their second dose in expectation of the oncoming storm sure to

rack their immune system only to make it through without so
much as a headache – the definition of being built different.

Virgo
Taking the shot like a champ but then spending the rest of the
day calling out literally anyone who posts unmasked photos
with something to the effect of “Yikes…Not a good look…JUST
because you got vaccinated does NOT mean that you have
immunity or protection from COVID-19!” You’re signaling a
little more than virtue, sweaty.

Libra
Milking the side effects for all they’re worth in hopes that
their roommates will take a hint and serve them a delicious
breakfast in bed, but only getting a completely crushed Nature
Valley bar lobbed at them from the doorway. Maybe this fever
isn’t too bad after all…

Scorpio
Immediately included a shot of their vaccination card as one
of their pics on Tinder. “I say, if you’ve got it – flaunt
it.”

Sagittarius
Bragging to anyone who will listen that they got the
vaccination back in February. Yes, your nicotine addiction
came in handy this time, but enjoy the view while you’re up
there because that high horse you’re riding won’t hold you for
long.

Capricorn
Over-analyzing the intimate moment when the woman who
administered their vaccine placed the Band-Aid on their arm

and they felt their pulse quicken – did her fingers linger?

Aquarius
Their love for sleuthing aside – trying to figure out who’s
got the vax and who’s just an anti-masker has given Aquarius a
bitch of a tension headache.

Pisces
Just sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

The Signs as MAPs
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
Theatrical Clowning: A Portal to Emotion and Gaslighting in
the Round

Taurus
Pee–wee Herman-eutics: A New Interpretation of 1980s American
Children’s Television

Gemini
The   Quantum    Realm:    Why   the   Physics    in   Marvel
Movies Makes No Sense

Cancer
Plant Mythology: The Science Behind the Personification
of Nature

Leo
90s Horror: Theatre and Dance in the Occult

Virgo
BananabaBio-Power: Minions and the Foucaultian Panopticon
in “Despicable Me”

Libra
Astrological Destinies: How to Actually Write Horoscopes

Scorpio
Hormones, Pheromones and Fake Moans: The Chemistry of Sex

Sagittarius
Phalluses, Fallacies: Siege Weaponry of the Early Modern
Period

Capricorn
Pretty Little Liars: The Physiological Aesthetics of Post-
Truth Politics

Aquarius
 HomoNeoliberal Loco-Motives: The Foundations of Critical
Buttigieg Studies

Pisces
Squirrelly Anthropomorphisms: Rodents in Iowan Imagery and
Folklore

The Signs As Oddly Specific
Fragrances
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
“The Harris Afterparty”: The horrendous but nostalgic
combination of jungle juice, cigarette ash from the last 50
years and the joy of finally getting control of the aux.

Taurus
“Dish Line Darling”: The lush smell of the Dining Hall dish
room, spiced with notes of soap and the Nutella-smeared
sausage clinging stubbornly to the trough.

Gemini
“The Cleve Whiff”: A provocative blend of burnt popcorn,
loggia brick and … is that a skunk I smell?

Cancer
“Burling Breakdown”: The salt of all your wasted tears mixed
with the comforting must of the old fourth-floor hardcovers.

Leo
“Hot Girl Shit”: Mint, lime and white rum baby!

Virgo
“Know it All”: The overt scent of fresh East Campus laundry
and streaks of Sharpie wafting from The S&B articles you
edited to shreds two nights before.

Libra
“The Flirt”: Jasmine dabbed on your neck and inner wrists
transported in a bout of tactful touching during the work
hour.

Scorpio
“The Hangover”: The strange but effective concoction of piping
hot menudo, Powerade and buttery pancakes.

Sagittarius
“New Year’s Eve”: Champagne, strawberries and cherry lip gloss
already smeared on the mouth of your midnight kiss.

Capricorn
“Post-Scrimmage Supper”: The rich tang of sweat dripping down
your back and drying in the waistband of your sweatpants.

Aquarius
“When the Failure is Fresh”: The musk of mothballs and flakes
of dried skin floating through the afternoon light to gently
land on the artificial plasticky traces of your woven Ikea
rug.

Pisces
“Going Home”: A misty spring rain shower with hints of car
exhaust.

The    Signs   entertaining
themselves in the town of
Grinnell on your average
Saturday morning
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
Walking all the way down the bike path, past the high school
and the abandoned fields before befriending a group of horses.
They’ll have to shower when they get home; they vaguely smell
of manure.

Taurus
Trying on gowns at First Look Bridal Boutique, not a romantic
partner in sight but full of hopes for that ring by spring.

Gemini
Heading over to Dari Barn for a cool and sweet treat sounds
like the perfect pick-me-up on this warm Saturday, but taking
so goddamn long to eventually just decide on a mini vanilla
sundae with cheesecake bites means their friends have already
started walking back to campus, leaving them in the dust. This
pick-me-up has turned into a serious drag-me-down.

Cancer
Choreographing an interpretive dance in Central Park to the
symphonic musical stylings of the bird noise machine.

Leo
Strolling over to Saints Rest with a stuffed backpack,
including their organic chemistry binder, their Roman history
reading and of course, a little Octavia Butler, because they
will not be doing homework.

Virgo
Waking up at the crack of dawn to get the first pick at Grin
City Bakery. You won’t catch a Virgo expecting there will be
Buttermilk Bars left at noon!

Libra
Ending senior year with a bang by single-handedly reviving
South Campus’ most holy tradition: Alice. You’ll find them

splayed on fresh grass, arguing with passersby that yes, they
have now gained the ability to look directly into the sun. It
only takes one to dig a rabbit hole!

Scorpio
Ready to stunt on all the middle schoolers at the Grinnell
Mutual Family Aquatic Center in the new monokini they snatched
from last year’s dorm dive.

Sagittarius
Going to the skatepark to dust off their Walmart-brand board
but getting too intimidated by the horde of seventh graders
pulling tricks on the half-pipe. Just keep walking – past the
park and around the block. Walking with a skateboard is just
as cool as riding one, right?

Capricorn
Enjoying the sunshine during a picnic with friends atop the
hill at Ahrens Park trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts
reminding them of the last four Tinder dates they brought to
this very spot.

Aquarius
Cooing and shaking a handful of sunflower seeds on the Burling
balcony, but there’s not a vaccinated squirrel in sight …
@grinnellcollegelibraries needs to answer for this.

Pisces
Speed-reading Made for Love on the fire escape between Loose
and Read before their HBO Max free trial runs out, dodging
cigarette butts dropping from the third-floor landing.

The Signs as Spring Breakers
2012
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
Unknowingly beginning their career as a drug mule driving over
the border from Tijuana with a unicorn pinata they found at a
party – the perfect souvenir to commemorate a week of
unbridled debauchery.

Taurus
Browsing Pinterest on their iPhone 4S to find Duck Tape™ dress
patterns that will really spice up their Effie Trinket costume
for the midnight premiere of “The Hunger Games.”

Gemini
Sitting in the passenger seat of a Jeep in Omaha, Nebraska,
bumping Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO while on their way to their
externship at Blue Cross Blue Shield with their new alumni
friend Eric.

Cancer
With a week of repose ahead, why not crack open Rick Riordan’s
masterpiece, “Heroes of Olympus: The Mark of Athena?” Just
hope the ending isn’t too much of a cliffhanger – waiting
until October 2013 for the next installment sounds like
absolute torture.

Leo
Slightly disappointed that the gorgeous mountain road trip
views in Utah have been smothered by literally hundreds of
“Romney 2012” signs every mile.

Virgo
Just can’t decide between their favorite YouTube collabs this
week,     but    it    has     to    be    either     Zoella

and SprinkleofGlitter’s Best Friend Tag OR Tyler Oakley’s
“Twin Twinks Learn Gay Slang” video with JacksGap.

Libra
Spring break presents the perfect opportunity for an aesthetic
makeover. Beanie? On. Jeans? Skinny. Posts about “the
game?” Reblogged on Tumblr. Mustache? Tatted on the inside of
your pointer finger. The Lumineers? Streaming on Pandora.

Scorpio
Now that their English midterms are done, Scorpio can settle
down with a copy of this new book called “Fifty Shades of
Gray”   they    just   got   from   the   book   shop    (it
sounds kinda hot!!?).

Sagittarius
After doing a deep dive into the logic behind the Mayan
Calendar predicting doomsday, Sagittarius has decided to elope
with their two-month lover before building a barricade to grow
old together in.

Capricorn
Defending “The Walking Dead” to their last breath in a “Don’t
Talk to Me Unless You’re Daryl Dixon” graphic tee
because actually they’re called walkers and it’s more than
just a show it’s the modern zombie zeitgeist so get on board
or go back to “Grey’s Anatomy” – talk about a show with an

unsustainable narrative!

Aquarius
Although Miami was meant to bring back Aquarius’s tan, the
weather has decreed that they will keep their
post–Midwestern winter pale complexion. At least they have
Just Dance 2 to keep them entertained in the hotel room.

Pisces
Channeling their best indie-cool-girl-post-Harry-Potter Emma
Watson impression from “Perks of Being a Wallflower,” driving
through the I-70 tunnel in Denver, Colorado.

The Signs at a Middle School

Slumber Party
by Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden, and Celestial Minion

Aries
Leo’s mom (a Taurus, of course) just brought in the Cheez-It
snack packs and cups of SunnyD. Good thing Aries brought the
half-empty bottle of Mike’s Hard Lemonade they’ve been holding
on to since their sister’s sweet 16 to really get this
party starteddd.

Taurus
Is passed the fuck out on the couch despite how much noise
everyone else is making. Nothing, not even the end of the
world, could wake up Taurus, except for maybe the vaguely
demonic chanting in the bathroom. (Don’t worry, they’ll make
up for it in paralyzed silence while lying in their sleeping
bag from 4:30 to 7:00 a.m.)

Gemini
Is locked in the bathroom frantically soaking up their piss
from the floor with paper towels. This was not their first
Bloody Mary experience – but did anyone else see the lights
totally flicker?!

Cancer
Streaming “The Woman in Black,” (2012) starring Daniel

Radcliffe succeeded in providing inspiration for Cancer’s
short king fanfic, but it also has them holding onto their
tattered, one-antennae ladybug Pillow Pet for dear life all
night long.

Leo
Just wanted everyone to come over for skin care and a scary
movie, and now Libra’s literally in an ambulance, Taurus fell
asleep at 9 p.m., Sagittarius is tipsy and Cancer refuses to
sit with the lights off.

Virgo
Helping Leo’s mom figure out the fuse box after a curling iron
mishap during their “drag queen makeover” upstairs resulted in
a neighborhood-wide power outage.

Libra
Is moaning on the trampoline, flip cam in hand, after a
creative vision for a slomo cartwheel shot in the chorus of
their “I Got A Feeling” music video resulted in nothing but a
broken collarbone.

Scorpio
Refused to change into their p.j.s because Leo said their
older brother was on his way home from lacrosse practice and
Scorpio has been saving this Roxy tank top and Hollister mini
skirt set for just such an occasion.

Sagittarius
Really wants to play Never Have I Ever but no one else is
down. How else will people find out about that time last
summer when Sagittarius bumped into Jason Wheeler during a
game of Marco Polo and he was totally hard?!

Capricorn
It’s that time of the night – Capricorn has pulled out their
furry cat ear headband and is communicating strictly in meows,
purrs and hisses.

Aquarius
Is walking around with headphones plugged into their iPod
Touch filled to the brim with indie music they think makes
them “edgy.” Despite their need to mope, they can’t help but
smile at Cancer’s ladybug Pillow Pet.

Pisces
Really, really, really wants to go home but they’ve used up
all of their mom’s no-questions-asked-I’ll-pick-you-up-at-any-
time-of-the-night passes after last year’s bar mitzvah season.
This is going to be a long night.

The Signs’ Tinder Bios
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
I’m not saying that I’ll be a better option than the last guy
on here, but did he casually invest stocks in GameStop when he
was thirteen and is now living it up on a yacht like Leonardo
DiCaprio in The Wolf of Wall Street? No? Is that the kind of
guy you’re looking for? Honestly, I hope not because all I’ve
got is a Pizza Hut coupon for half-off a two-topping medium
pie but if we both learn to lower our expectations…I think we
could make it work.

Taurus
Tell me your plans for #NationalPoundCakeDay

send nudes and i’ll donate to a bail fund

Cancer
Just your average Hufflepuff looking for the right one to
Slytherin

it’s a love story baby…just swipe right

Leo
I’m not saying I’m a s*gar b*by but if you’re a doting daddy
swipe right

Virgo
Reading philosophy books to trick people into thinking I’m
smart, but doing it ironically so they know I’m not, like,
weird about it

Libra
Heads up, there’s a reason I’m here and not on Hinge

Scorpio
I’m so sick of this shit tbh

Sagittarius
8’7” if that matters

People tell me I look like Jim from The Office haha do you
know that show?

I’m a simple man, I see a dog, I swipe right

Capricorn
If you’re lactose intolerant but still eat cheese you’re the
right type of nihilistic for me.

Don’t swipe right if you’re not gonna start a conversation

Aquarius
Letterboxd is linked below if you want to check out my recent
review of Pulp Fiction, hint – Tarantino’s magnum opus

Pisces
Let’s watch old reruns of The Voice while making macarons and
streaming Alt-J at your local library

The Signs                  as       Independent
Majors
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden, Celestial Minion

Aries
LSAT Test Prep

Taurus
Dystopian Young Adult Literature

Gemini
Astrology

Cancer
Witchcraft with a concentration in Herbal Remedies

Leo
The Age of the Ankle Boot: Modern Fashion Design

Virgo
Racquetball

Libra
The Lamb of Wall Street: Ethical Hedge Fund Management

Scorpio
Sex Therapy

Sagittarius
Column, Cornice and Cupola: Creative Corporate Architecture

Capricorn
Microblogging

Aquarius
Spreading God’s Word

Pisces
“The Fetal Position”: Postcoital Cuddling

Signs as the First Years on
Campus for the First Time
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden and Celestial Minion

Aries
You’ve spent too   many afternoons staring longingly through the
front windows of   Burling, palms pressed to the glass, a single
tear falling to     your cheek – cursing fate for keeping the
jungle gyms just   out of sight but never out of mind.

Taurus
Bummer your scurry absolutely blows, but you’ve gotta stop
with the wistful glances at the hordes of Loose kids flaunting
the hottest “#1 Grandpa” sweatshirts Second Mile had to offer.
What did you expect when you joined the “Dungeons and Drag-
CORNs!” Discord last August?

Gemini
Weep not over your plastic bag of Iowa Ham Balls, sweet child.
You got your pretty penny’s worth when you skipped your tour
for the stir fry line on Admitted Student Day.

Cancer
Every Cancer loves the warm feeling of a freshly decorated
room. But maybe hold off printing every photo you’ve ever
taken to put on your new dorm room wall? I promise you’re the
only one who thinks that blurry photo of your friend is funny.

Leo
No one blames you for trauma bonding with a cutie from
Tutorial, developing a toxically co-dependent relationship
online and only coming face-to-face with them on your two-
month-anniversary; if we were the only two people left on
Earth, I’d let you take my quarantine virginity.

Virgo
Congratulations on being the nail in the coffin of Grinnell’s
institutional memory! To ease your disappointment at the lack
of Grinnell culture, dumpster dive through Facebook search
results for “self gov” to learn that it maybe never existed in
the first place.

Libra
Your second-year neighbor is one more music-blasting night
away from knocking on your door and telling you to fuck off.
No one else needs to hear you process your high school love
life to early 2010’s pop music.

Scorpio
Dutifully doing your research to find creative sex positions
that reduce close face-to-face contact – respect the grind
(especially because it’s not taking place against a wall in
Harris.)

Sagittarius
While your mom might look furious as she’s forced to retrace
the nine-hour route back home just six days after you arrived
on campus and decided you deserved the “authentic” college
experience, take solace in the belief that she’s probably just
really disappointed.

Capricorn
It’s common knowledge that you tend to love the “serious
types”, but that does not mean you should virtually seduce
your young professor. It’s just their Zoom lighting that makes
them “magnetic.”

Aquarius
Campus not everything you imagined after doom scrolling
through TikTok under that one Vampire Weekend sound?
Sorry hun, but this ain’t the East Coast! The only Greco–Roman
thing you’ll find around here is that intended econ major in
Classics 248 – talk about Adonis.

Pisces
Isolation was rough on you, Pisces. Ask your scurry to bake
with you! Who knows, maybe the guy down the hall who looks
like a young Keanu Reeves could give you something to spice
up Nana’s ol’ brownie recipe.

The Signs on Valentine’s Day
By Celestial Mistress, Celestial Maiden, and Celestial Minion

Aries
This is it, Aries. It’s time to make a decision. You either
need to ask them out or continue to “run” into them in
the Dining Hall dinner line. Flirting in a face shield: not
the move.

Taurus
We get that “if you were on campus you definitely would have
V Day plans,” but time is ticking baby. Will you make
that Facetime call, or is it another early night
of Franzia and “Love is Blind” while your mom knits her fourth
throw blanket on the couch next to you?

Gemini
That quarantine romance is reaching its end … but might I
suggest not breaking it off on Valentine’s Day? You need to

work on your bedside manner.

Cancer
At this rate, “Love Story” (Taylor’s version) is guaranteed to
make AT LEAST the Top 5 on your Spotify Wrapped – you sure
you’ll be alright with that kind of vulnerability on your
Insta Story next December?

Leo
Self-prophesizing as a TikTok bimbo is not the move that will
catch your fifth crush’s attention. It’s a polar vortex, baby!
It’s okay for hoes to get cold.

Virgo
Don’t let anyone tell you that giving Valentines is so middle
school; if they don’t appreciate your tireless dedication then
they don’t deserve your subtle yet snarky flair for the
poetic.

Libra
WebEx is not a dating app. Your behavior is going to turn that
breakout group into a break-UP group. Stop the in-class
flirting and start a romantic email exchange on Outlook like a
normal person.

Scorpio
Just hold out a few more weeks and you’ll be back on campus
telling us all about your latest trysts via the Burling
bathroom wall, you dirty dog.

Sagittarius
Hook up safely, you horny jester. Getting laid doesn’t have to
mean getting COVID, but you’re gonna have to mask up with more

than a dental dam to keep Miss Rona out.

Capricorn
A tender smooch is in your future – better invest in some
Burt’s Bees for those crusty lips!

Aquarius
Brace yourself. The ex that made you play Olivia Rodrigo’s
“Driver’s License” on repeat is about to shoot a text your
way. And no, they aren’t with that blonde girl that always
made you doubt.

Pisces
Suggested Ao3 search terms for your pleasure: mature – enemies
to lovers – consent – frottage – porn with feelings – light
angst – wing kink.

The signs as fourth-year,
second-semester students
By Celestial Minion and Celestial Maiden

Aquarius

Can be found building their bunker, whispering ‘senior slump’
(referring to the geographical phenomenon that they are
building their bunker into). Stay building.

Pisces

Can be found re-reading their favorite YA novels to their
friends in bed. Stay young.

Aries

Can be found searching for apartments in Bushwick with no plan
for a job. Stay optimistic.

Taurus

Can be found being ‘sick’ and blowing off their
responsibilities in order to sleep in. Stay cozy.

Gemini

Can be found giving themselves a new spring haircut and buying
a new wardrobe. Stay impulsive.

Cancer

Can be found vandalizing all their favorite spots on campus
with poems they wrote first year. Stay sappy.

Leo

Can be found plotting schemes to figure out where their high
school ex is going to move to. Stay loyal.

Virgo

Can be found lying to their mom about what postgrad programs
they are applying to. Stay independent.

Libra

Can be found going through DB, figuring out who they’ll let
kiss them at 100 days. Stay picky.

Scorpio

Can be found downloading pdfs from JSTOR before they lose
institutional access. Stay passionate.

Sagittarius

Cannot be found… literally where are they? Stay restless.

Capricorn

Can be found making an excel spreadsheet for all the people
they want to get coffee with before they leave. Stay focused.