FOOD ADDICTION: Overweight or Obese, Now in Recovery
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FOOD ADDICTION:
Overweight or Obese, Now
in Recoverypersonality. Their desire to eat addictively is
Can a person be addicted to removed, one day at a time.
food?
In this pamphlet, FA members who were overweight
or obese share dozens of brief stories—specific
Recovering food addicts say yes. They experience
memories of moments in time—describing their
their relationship with food as a form of addiction.
experiences in addiction and recovery. Although not
They are powerless over where, when, and how
all the details will match your own, you may identify
much they eat, although many have tremendous
with some of what you read here and feel that there
willpower in other areas of their lives.
is a place for you in FA.
Here are some of the symptoms of food addiction:
● Overeating (bingeing or grazing repeatedly)
● Purging (bulimia)
● Undereating
● Obesity (and related problems such as diabetes,
heart disease, and sleep apnea)
● Compulsive exercise and/or dieting
● Obsession with food or weight
● Depression, shame, isolation, and hopelessness
related to food, weight, or body image.
Food addiction tends to remain unrecognized
because of the focus on these symptoms rather than
their underlying cause – addiction.
FA is a program for those who want to stop eating
addictively. Abstinence in FA is equivalent to AA’s
sobriety and is clearly defined: weighed and
measured meals with nothing in between, no flour,
no sugar, and the avoidance of any individual binge
foods.
FA treats food addiction as a threefold illness:
physical, mental, and spiritual. Recovering food
addicts in FA remain at their goal-weight for years
and even decades, yet abstinence is not a diet and FA
is not a weight-loss program.
Food addicts cannot sustain long-term recovery by
merely following a food plan, even when they’ve
reached a healthy weight. Long-term abstinence from
addictive eating is made possible by a member’s
willingness to live a structured way of life and work
the Twelve Steps. When members work the Steps in
sequence while abstinent, they experience a spiritual
awakening and a transformative change in theirAlthough I’d promised myself I wouldn’t go to a
Life in Food Addiction drive-through on my way to work, I pulled into a fast food
restaurant just as the power steering went out in my
In 2003, I weighed 203 lbs (92 kg) and was miserable. I was extended-bed Silverado truck. I drove around the circle to
always sweating, even in the coldest of New England winters. I the window before calling the tow truck. If you've ever
wore shorts and T-shirts in January and drove my car with the driven a truck without power steering, you will know how
windows open and the AC blasting. I changed my clothes two difficult this was, but I had to get my food.
or three times a day in the summer.
Every day after work, my car drove itself to the donut shop. I
I was the guest who broke the dining room chair. As I
would order a dozen and eat them all before getting home for
lowered my 300 lb body onto the wooden chair, I sensed
dinner. One month, I gained ten pounds.
“the wobble” so I sat as still as I possibly could. Without
warning, the legs split in four directions and I landed on the
In tenth grade, I was 167 lbs (76 kg). In eleventh grade, I was
floor with a booming thud. I couldn’t get up on my own. The
185 lbs (84 kg). In my senior year, I was 237 lbs (107 kg). In
host was gracious, the hostess visibly upset; I was mortified.
college, I weighed 315 lbs (143 kg). After graduation, I was
over 350 lbs (159 kg). When I came into FA, I was unable to
At 31 years old and at my heaviest weight of 255 lbs (116 kg), I
weigh myself on a regular scale, so I had to go to the hospital
had gastric sleeve surgery and dropped to 165 lbs (75 kg).
and use a scale that went up to 420 lbs (190 kg); even that
Slowly, however, the weight came back. At 197 lbs (89 kg), I
scale could not register my weight.
realized I needed help with my eating, not with my stomach.
At over 250 lbs (113 kg), I became a martial arts instructor and
I proudly declared that “Big is Beautiful” but was too
a gym teacher. I always felt like a fraud talking to others about
ashamed to admit that I wore lycra shorts to prevent heat
self-control, diet, and exercise.
rashes between my thighs; that I had purple and red stretch
marks on my stomach, breasts, and arms; or that I ate an
Obesity exacted a heavy price from my body, but the most
entire half gallon of ice cream with my bare hand.
painful aspect was how invisible I felt. People avoided eye
contact and failed to hold the door open when I was right
As I was browsing in a clothing store, a saleswoman asked,
behind them. When they did notice me, it was with a look of
“When are you due?” I rushed out of the store to a bakery,
pity. Everyone saw my weight before they saw me.
fighting back tears. It was doubly painful because my husband
and I desperately wanted children.
When I needed to eat, nothing could stop me; it was like a
curtain of white noise suffocated my rational thoughts. I
I was picking up my children at school when I heard another
thought nothing of taking my students’ leftover treats out of
kid yell, "Hey - your fat mom is coming down the hall." My
the garbage as long as they were in the original wrapper. I did
son hit the kid.
think twice about finishing off the half-eaten treats wrapped
in napkins, but I did it anyway. At home, I pulled food out of
Because I exceeded the weight limit, I wasn’t permitted to
the garbage so many times that I started spraying it with
ride, and I had to watch as the other parents and children
Windex--no use, because I just went to buy more food.
went round and round on the carousel.
When someone asked who had eaten the fundraiser cookie
As we were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, my blind
dough being stored in our freezer, I blamed my son who, due
date gave me a once over. Noticing my very wide hips, he
to limited language, was unable to defend himself. In reality,
said, "You don't look anything like your picture.”
I’d eaten the giant tub one spoonful at a time.
I hated my body and how I looked in clothes. If I was thinner
My first week in a new job I had to explain to my boss (whom
than my peers I was OK; if I was fatter, I was worthless.
I’d never met) that at over 350 lbs (159 kg), I couldn’t fit in a
regular airplane seat and needed a travel exception to fly first
class. I still had to ask the flight attendant for a seat beltextender and to balance the food on my belly since I couldn’t
lower the meal tray.
Finding FA
My heart pounded with anticipation as we got to the front of I had resigned myself to being fat for the rest of my life until I
the line and climbed into the rollercoaster car. My friend walked into my first FA meeting. I was shocked when the
easily snapped her seat belt closed, but at 250 lbs (113 kg), I happy people in right-size bodies shared about the pain of
couldn’t. The young man doing the safety check attempted their lives in addiction. They spoke out loud what I’d been
to force the belt shut with his knee, but he failed. He feeling inside. When I left that meeting, I had hope.
apologetically told me I could not ride. I had to get off in
front of everybody. Talk about a walk of shame. I headed A friend who had lost 110 lbs (50 kg) told me that FA was
down the ramp fighting back tears. You would think the free and that I wouldn’t have to exercise to lose weight. I
humiliation would spur me to lose weight. Instead, I got knew that, besides changing what I ate, I needed guidance
something to eat as I waited for my friend. about how to live my life, so when she added that FA was
based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I
My boss had invited me and my children to her house for a agreed to attend a meeting.
social visit. I settled into one of her Adirondack chairs. As we
were chatting, my daughter called out urgently for me. I tried I loved to eat and just wanted to lose 20 lbs (9 kg), so I didn’t
to get up to help, but my bottom half was firmly stuck. I identify at my first meeting when speakers shared about losing
rocked back and forth but couldn't budge. My boss had to half their body weight and eating until they were sick. I
attend to my child then return and hold the back of the chair wondered if FA was for me. Luckily, I read FA literature and
while I moved from side to side to dislodge myself. talked to others who were like me: overweight but not obese.
Soon, I identified with their inability to stop eating when they
When the pizza arrived, I would call out to an imaginary wanted to.
friend, “The pizza is here!” so the delivery person wouldn’t
know I was going to eat the whole large pizza myself. I even I went to my first FA meeting wanting to weigh 140 lbs (64
made sure to order two drinks. kg). When I talked with an experienced member, she looked
me right in the eye and responded, "Oh, we can do much
After my doctor told me that I "must" lose at least 50 lbs (23 better than that!” She was right. I got down to a healthy 114
kg), I went straight to an ice cream parlor. I ate a sundae with lbs (52 kg). At 5’2”, I feel great.
five huge scoops, two bananas, and all the toppings.
Receiving daily help from another recovering addict—a
At 5’4” and 287 lbs (130 kg), I wore a C-Pap for sleep apnea sponsor—was life-changing. I found someone who understood
and took medication for high blood pressure and depression. the way I thought about food and with whom I could talk
I turned my ankles all the time, my back always hurt and I fell without feeling judged. With that support, I learned to be
a lot because I was unable to stay balanced. The worst part honest, to navigate changes, and to develop a relationship
was, I just did not care. with a Higher Power of my own understanding.
I had rashes under my stomach, back aches, and ingrown I thought the term "food addict" was harsh, but I knew I’d
toenails because I couldn't reach them properly. been using food as a drug; otherwise, how could an
Right before I found FA, I spent over $5,000 on a nutritionist intelligent woman, so successful in other parts of her life, be
and didn't lose a single pound. so whipped by food? People’s stories and “before” photos
convinced me the program worked for them, but I wondered
I missed my uncle’s funeral, my niece’s wedding, and if it could really work for me. When I made the decision to
countless family celebrations because the clothes in my take the suggestions of my sponsor and follow the food plan,
closet never fit. Each time, I was too ashamed to let my I saw physical and emotional results immediately.
family see how much fatter I’d become.
At first, I felt like my sponsor was trying to control me, but I
remembered that she was giving me her time at no cost andthat I was the one who had asked her for help. If an athlete
wanted to get to the Olympics they wouldn’t balk at their
Life in Recovery
coach’s suggestions, so I tried to keep an open mind. It
worked! My doctors believe me to be a walking miracle. I have ceased
taking meds for high blood pressure, reflux, and depression.
I was belligerent when I joined FA. For two decades, I had My asthma causes me so few problems today that I often
failed repeatedly to keep off the weight I lost. Doing things forget I have it! I climb stairs, tie my shoes, cut my
my way had not worked, but I was sure I knew better than toenails—all without losing my breath. I move without pain,
my sponsor. Why couldn’t I have unlimited celery? Why eat so I can walk for miles.
regular dressing, when any idiot knows low-fat dressing has
fewer calories? It took a while to understand that I wasn’t My goal was to join FA, lose my weight, and get divorced for
being given a diet, but rather a solution to addictive eating. the third time. Instead, I experienced physical recovery,
mental healing, and spiritual growth. I am still married, and
At the beginning, I couldn’t imagine living my whole life more deeply in love than ever. None of this is why I came into
without eating flour and sugar. But when my husband and the program, but all of this is why I stay.
children used to ask, “So you can never eat this again?” I
would respond, “Just not today!” I never told myself I couldn't I was morbidly obese at thirty-five and looking forward to
have a certain food; I just asked myself if I could live without it dying. I had premonitions that once I was gone, no one
that day and the answer was always “Yes!” No FA member has would be able to find a coffin big enough to hold me, but I’m
ever died of starvation between meals. as fit as a thoroughbred stallion now. I can cycle for miles.
I’ve been given a taste of the Fountain of Youth, and I love
I was scared to get thin. I hid behind a wall of fat, believing how I feel.
that it could protect me, that no one would look at me,
desire me, or hurt me. When I lost weight, I felt vulnerable, I think clearly. I’m not living in fear. I use the FA tools instead
but with the help of other recovering food addicts, I began to of eating food when I am feeling bad. I fit in airplane seats
feel safe in my new body and was no longer afraid. with room to spare! I take clothes off the rack in the
regular-size women’s department and everything in my closet
It took me a while to get used to shopping for clothes in the fits me, months and even years later. I can sit in booths
single digits. I’d always worn what I had to wear; now I started comfortably, cross my legs, and stand for long periods of time.
to learn what I liked to wear.
My life circumstances have not changed but the way I live my
After losing my weight, I felt like I was in an alien’s body. I life has. I am not carrying around an extra 185 lbs (84 kg). I
had to learn that I could walk down narrow aisles without believe that if I hadn’t found FA, I would have ended up
turning sideways and sit in airplane seats without dying as a 600 lb (272 kilo) woman. The fire department
overflowing onto my neighbor. It took me several years to would have had to break down a door to remove my body.
adjust to the new me.
At 382 lbs (173 kg), I had almost given up. Losing weight
I felt too busy to go to FA meetings each week and too private looked insurmountable. As a result of taking one day at a time,
to make phone calls to FA members whom I didn’t know. I was I’ve lost 144 lbs (65 kg), and I have structure, routine, and
not happy but I was desperate to lose weight. I found time for purpose. When I am fearful or anxious—which happens much
meetings. And soon, the strangers on the other end of the less often than before—I know where to turn. I am eternally
phone became my friends. grateful to FA.
It’s a measure of how desperate and defeated I was that I The benefits of abstinence have improved every aspect of my
had bariatric surgery. I expected it would fix me. I lost 120 lbs life. Physically, I am healthier in my sixties than I was when I
(54 kg), but over the next few years, I regained even more. I found FA in my forties. Emotionally, I am free from fears of
ate constantly, but was terrified that my stomach might financial insecurity and I have wiser ways to deal with life's
rupture. Worse, the surgery did nothing to stop my cravings.problems than eating addictively. Spiritually, I am full of transformed my vision of the possible. I have been abstinent
gratitude and the hope of better things to come. and slender for thirty-seven years, yes, but more incredibly, I
have lost all craving for the foods I used to eat. Because of FA,
In recovery, I am no longer lonely. I’ve made FA friends around I am peaceful and comfortable with my food plan, my weight,
the world by picking up the phone and allowing people to get and my life.
to know me. Locally, with new FA friends, I've gone on hikes
and bike rides and to movies, dances, house parties,
weddings, and graduations.
There is a Place for You
Sometimes, when I am tired in the morning, I’m surprised to Whether you have 25 or 200 lbs (11 or 90 kg) to lose, or are
see my slim face in the mirror. I’m still amazed that my kids simply defeated by relentless food obsession and struggles
can wrap their arms completely around my waist when they with weight, you are not alone. The recovering food addicts
hug me. who share their experiences in this pamphlet once felt
hopeless. Today, they have a common solution in Food Addicts
I don’t apologize for working a program of recovery from food in Recovery Anonymous.
addiction and I’ve stopped worrying about what other people
think.
My life is a lot simpler now. I pay my bills on time. I get
enough sleep, exercise regularly, and go to the doctor for
maintenance tests and exams. I listen to my children but
keep opinions to myself, unless asked to share them. I can
ask for help when I need it. I have learned to manage the
stresses of life without eating. I couldn’t do any of that
before finding FA.
I smell great; my body and feet don’t stink anymore.
There are plenty of us in FA who have had bariatric surgery,
and I’m guessing there will be many more as time goes on.
FA works for us, too. I’ve been abstinent for eight years, and
I’m no longer searching for the latest pills, vitamins, exercise
regimes, or food trends. Surgery altered my stomach, but FA
gave me an incredible support network and a way to change
from the inside out. I'll always be grateful.
It took me a long time to get abstinent. I could always blame a
life situation for bringing me back to addictive eating. “I had to
take care of my elderly mother,” or, “I had that emergency
surgery,” or “work got so busy.” By my logic, no one could stay
abstinent. Abstinence and the Twelve Steps don’t insulate me
from life; they allow me to walk through challenges without
using food as a drug.
When I came into FA, I had a very limited vision of what might
be possible. I figured that at the most, I could lose weight and
stay thin. Should this miracle occur, I assumed I would be
fighting with obsession and cravings for the rest of my life. FAThe Twelve Steps The Twelve Traditions
1. We admitted we were powerless over food—that our lives 1. Our common welfare should come first; personal
had become unmanageable. recovery depends on FA unity.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could 2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate
restore us to sanity. authority—a loving God as He may express Himself
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants;
care of God as we understood Him. they do not govern.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of 3. The only requirement for FA membership is a desire to stop
ourselves. eating addictively.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being 4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters
the exact nature of our wrongs. affecting other groups or FA as a whole.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these 5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its
defects of character. message to the food addict who still suffers.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 6. An FA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the FA
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest
willing to make amends to them all. problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, primary purpose.
except when to do so would injure them or others. 7. Every FA group ought to be fully self-supporting,
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were declining outside contributions.
wrong, promptly admitted it. 8. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous should remain forever
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special
conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying workers.
only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry 9. FA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create
that out. service boards or committees directly
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these responsible to those they serve.
steps, we tried to carry this message to food addicts, and to 10. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous has no opinion on
practice these principles in all our affairs. outside issues; hence the FA name ought never be drawn into
public controversy.
The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions are reprinted with 11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction
permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, Inc. Permission rather than promotion; we need always maintain
to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions does not
personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and
mean that AA is in any way affiliated with this program. AA is a
films.
program of recovery from alcoholism only—use of the Steps and
Traditions in connection with programs and activities which are
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our
patterned after AA, but which address other problems, or in any Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles
other non-AA context, does not imply otherwise. before personalities.What is FA?
Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) is a
program based on the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous (AA). There are no dues, fees, or weighins at
FA meetings. FA is a fellowship of individuals who,
through shared experience and mutual support, are
recovering from the disease of food addiction.
FA was formally organized in 1998, although it began as
part of another twelve-step program in the early 1980s.
Some FA members have been continuously abstinent
since that time. Abstinence in FA is equivalent to AA’s
“sobriety” and is clearly defined: weighed and measured
meals with nothing in between, no flour, no sugar, and
the avoidance of any individual binge foods.
Who joins FA?
FA members are people of all ages from every part of the
world. FA includes people who were morbidly
obese, substantially underweight, or even at a normal
weight. Regardless of their size, they were tormented by
cravings, dieting, bulimia, and/or an obsession with
exercise.
Does the program really work?
Many FA members tried other solutions to address
their problems with food, including years of diets or
exercise. FA offers a long-term answer. Abstinent
members find freedom from addiction and maintain
healthy weights. The number of people with years of
unbroken abstinence continues to grow.
foodaddicts.org
FA World Service Office
400 West Cummings Park, Suite 1700
Woburn, MA 01801 USA
Phone: +1 781.932.6300
email: fa@foodaddicts.org
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