An Overview Diane K. Morton, Leadership and Culture Coach Rosemary Lukens, RWL Executive Coaching, LLC

An Overview
 Diane K. Morton, Leadership and Culture Coach
Rosemary Lukens, RWL Executive Coaching, LLC

Assumptions
 People must know what they are being held
 accountable for before they can be accountable.

 People know what professional behaviors are and are
 not.

 People often lack the tools to hold themselves and
 others accountable.

Accountability
 Accountability is about setting the
 expectation, clearly communicating it,
 and then holding yourself and everyone
 within your sphere of influence
 responsible for consistently meeting the
 established expectations.

 Theo Gilbert‐Jamison
 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2195094

Five Steps to Accountability
1. Clearly define the expectation or standard.
2. Involve staff in efforts to raise the bar.
3. Integrate the new standard.
4. Set up measurement to quantify success
5. Recognize success and coach for improve
   performance.

 Theo Gilbert‐Jamison
 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2195094

Professional Behaviors

Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
  Be on time, punctual
  Do not waste others’ time
  Be prepared and ready to go
  Be respectful of others
  Be honest with yourself and others
  Keep informed of changes and keep others
  informed when changes need to happen.

Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
  Keep your appearance well groomed and be
   properly dressed
  Respect those still taking a test by keeping
   your voices low
  When communicating, be aware of others’
   views and seek mutual understanding
  Behave appropriately in public
  Choose your language carefully

Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
  Keep a positive attitude
  Take responsibility for yourself and your
   behavior
  Be open to giving and receiving constructive
   feedback
  Demonstrate integrity
  Know when and if to say something
  Use humor appropriately

Professional Behavior, Class of 2016
  Know when it is time to be serious
  Be aware of your emotional responses
   before you act
  Keep your attitude in check when
   having a bad day
  Maintain our professional standards

Crucial Conversations by Kerry
Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillan, Al Switzer

 As much as we want and desire professional
  behavior we are frequently stuck and not achieving
  our vision of this positive behavior. We simply lack
  the ability to hold each other accountable.
 We avoid or handle conversations poorly over
  issues ranging from awkward or failing relationships to
  dysfunctional teams to cost, quality or safety problems.
 When faced with a difficult conversation you’d think
  we would deal with it ~ after all the stakes are high.

But do we?
Why not?

So how DO we respond:
  On my worst day I miss the connection
   between my poor results and the conversations
   I’m not holding, or not holding well.
  On a good day I see the link, but I avoid dealing
   with the problem myself.
  On my best day I see the link, step up to and
   master the right conversation

Crucial Conversations ~ a discussion between
two or more people where the stakes are high,
opinions vary, and emotions are strong.

What conversations do you
 avoid
Why?

When conversations become crucial three
  things often happen to us:
  We become blind to our own role in the problem.
  Our motives degrade.
  We limit our choices.

The first thing that degrades during a crucial conversation
is not our behavior (that comes second ), but our

motive (intention).

Learn to look for the signs that a conversation is
turning crucial.
 What emotions do you feel?
 What physical responses do you have?
 How do you behave?
 How can you use this knowledge?

When a conversation turns crucial, we either
miss or misinterpret the early warning signs.

7 Skills to Develop
We need to learn (practice) seven (7) skills to be able
to hold crucial and constructive conversations
1. Determine what you want
2. Know your emotions
3. Make it safe
4. Recognize stories
5. Get the facts
6. Get others’ stories and facts
7. Move to action

1)When conversations start to fail
  ASK:

   “What am I acting like I want?”
   “What results do I really want‐ for myself?
     for others? for the organization?
   “How would I behave if I really did want it?”
   Then behave as if you really do.

 Work on me first: I know myself, I have access to myself, I
can change myself. When I take responsibility for my
behavior I can also take control of my life.

2)When our emotions kick in we
move to:
 Silence – any action taken to withhold information
 ranging from verbal games to avoiding the person
 entirely.

 Violence – any action taken to compel others toward
 your point of view from controlling the conversation to
 attacking the other.
  When it matters most our emotions kick in, and we
  often do our worst – and we feel like we’re doing the
  right thing.

3) Make it Safe
 Safety is all about intent. What is your intent
  behind delivering feedback/having the
  conversation.
 Mutual Purpose – the first condition of safety;
  working toward a common outcome, caring
  about their goals, interests, and values.
 Mutual Respect – the continuance condition of
  dialogue; respect for the other as a human
  being.
 When do you feel safe ?

 Why?

Possibilities:
 A person or event that constantly annoys you
 An ongoing barrier or frustration at work
 A situation where you blew up
 A situation where you held your feelings inside
 A leader who isn’t walking his/her talk
 Someone who is creating problems for you

  EXERCISE: Think of someone you recently had a horrible conversation
  with – where you or the other moved to silence or violence
  Silence or violence? Why?
  What happened?

4)We create stories ~
 First you see/hear or experience something
 Second you tell a story about those facts – so that it
  makes sense to you
 Third you generate feelings
 Fourth, you act on those feelings
 Fifth, this all occurs in seconds
 Sixth, we rarely question our stories

  Stories create our emotions; We create
  our stories

Master Your Stories
  Victim Stories: “It’s not my fault.” I am innocent. The
   other person did it to me.
  Villain Stories: “It’s all your fault.” It’s ok for me to act
   badly or talk about you behind your back because you
   are wrong/bad, etc.
  Helpless Stories: “There was nothing else I could do.”
   There were no other options so I just had to yell, walk
   out, be demanding, etc.

Our three most favorite, well‐used and clever stories are
Victim, Villain and Helpless stories
Examples?

You know you are part of the
  problem when…

  You’re stuck in anger, self‐justification
   and blame
  You keep telling yourself the same story
  You keep telling others the story
  You resist others’ attempts to question
   your story

The purpose of Victim, Villain and Helpless
stories is to help us justify not taking
responsibility for our lack of results.

Tell the rest of the story…
  Turn yourself from a Victim into an Actor: ASK
    “What am I pretending not to notice about
             my role in this problem?”
  Turn Others from Villains into Humans: ASK
     “Why would a reasonable, rational and
       decent person do this?”
  Turn Yourself from Helpless into Able: ASK
     “What should I do right now to move toward
       what I really want?”

Watch for the three clever stories and how you
use them.

Select a relationship with a person or group
which, if improved, would make a significant
difference in your ability to achieve valued
results.
 What stories do you or your group tell about this
  person or group when you’re frustrated or upset?
 How do these stories cause you to act toward this
  person or group?
 What might you achieve if you chose to tell
  yourself a different story and act differently?

EXERCISE:   Work through these three statements.

5) Get The Facts From Everyone Involved
  Facts are facts – the least controversial part of the
   conversation
  Facts are more persuasive
  Facts are the least insulting – stories typically lead to
   unattractive conclusions, which create a downward
   emotional spiral for the other.
  Feelings and stories often keep us from facts. When
   we start with feelings/stories others don’t often
   understand what we are talking about, an argument
   ensues and facts are lost.

Prior to engaging in a crucial conversation start by
examining the facts.

 Tell your story because facts alone don’t always provide
  a clear picture or sense of importance.
 Review the facts and the stories /assumptions you have
  made about them. Check your intent.
 Share enough so the other person knows what the
  issue is, don’t pile it on.
6)Ask for the other person’s story and
facts
 Check for safety. If the person moves to silence or
 violence rebuild safety before moving on.

Share the facts as you see them, then tell your
story. Hear their story and their facts.

7)Move to Action
  Commit to stay with it until you have a
   solution.
  Decide how you will decide.
  Who will do what by when?
  Schedule a follow‐up time and date.

How will we follow‐up?

We need to learn (practice) seven (7) skills to be
able to hold crucial and constructive conversations
1. Determine what you want
2. Know your emotions
3. Make it safe
4. Recognize stories
5. Get the facts
6. Get others’ stories and facts
7. Move to action

7 Skills to Develop

Other Things to Think About?

Other “things” to think about
 Choose an appropriate setting and consider
  seating
 How much time do you need?
 What am I willing to commit?
 Feedback as a partnership “helping others
  succeed
 Confidentiality
 Make giving feedback a gift

Preparation
How will you prepare for your
 crucial conversation?

“Communication works for those who work at
it.”

John Powell

Crucial Conversations by Kerry
Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillan, Al Switzer

Receiving Feedback
 Ignorance is not bliss.
 Do not defend yourself. It closes your mind
  to the possibility of change.
 Listen to learn.
 Paraphrase what you hear to check your
  perception.
 Ask questions for clarification.
 Say “thank you”.

Receiving Feedback
 Carefully evaluate the accuracy of the
  information and it’s potential value.
 Have you heard this before?
 Gather additional information from other
  sources. Is it consistent?
 Ask for solutions or suggestions for change.
 Make moderate changes and evaluate
  outcomes.

Feedforward
 Building the Future: Try Feedforward Instead of
 Feedback, Marshall Goldsmith

  www.marshallgoldsmithlibrary.com

Feedforward Exercise
 Pick one behavior you would like to change
 Get ideas from others one person at a time.

“I want to do a better job of ___________, please give me
two suggestions for the future.

 Respondent give two suggestions
 Say thank you.
 Say your welcome.

Feedforward Exercise
 Let go of the past
 Listen to suggestions with no judgment
 Learn as much as you can
 Help as much as you can
 Focus on the future

    Less is More

11 Reasons for Feedforward
1. I can change the future. I cannot change the past.
2. Feedforward is more positive. You are helping people
   be “right” not showing them how they are “wrong”.
3. Successful people like getting ideas aimed at helping
   them achieve their goals.
4. Feedforward can be from anyone. It just requires
   good ideas.

11 Reason for Feedforward
5. People do not take feedforward as personally.
6. Feedforward reinforces the possibility of change. It is
based on the assumption that people can make positive
changes in their future.
7. Most of us hate to give negative feedback.
8. Feedforward can cover almost the same material as
feedback. Suggestions can be specific and still delivered
in a positive way.

11 Reasons for Feedforward
9. Feedforward tends to be much faster. “Here are some
    ideas for the future. Please consider them in the
    positive spirit they are given. If you can only use two
    of the ideas, just go ahead. Ignore what doesn’t make
    sense for you right now.
10. Feedforward can be a useful tool to apply with all
    levels‐it is focused on being a helpful fellow traveler.
11. People tend to listen more attentively.

Next Steps
 Self‐rating of agreed upon behaviors
    expectations

 Personal Goals Sheet

 Personalized Coaching

 Accountability


Situations that challenge you?