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- The good, the bad, the ugly, & the glorious Brown, Natalie https://iro.uiowa.edu/discovery/delivery/01IOWA_INST:ResearchRepository/12731072870002771?l#13731072860002771 Brown, N. (2019). The good, the bad, the ugly, & the glorious [University of Iowa]. https://doi.org/10.17077/etd.005232 DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.17077/etd.005232 https://iro.uiowa.edu Copyright 2019 Natalie Brown Downloaded on 2020/11/08 20:03:41 -
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY, & THE
GLORIOUS
By Natalie Brown
Master of Fine Arts Degree Candidate
Graduate College of the University of Io
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY, & THE GLORIOUS
By Natalie Brown
A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Master of Fine
Arts degree in Art in the Graduate College of the University of Iowa.
Graduation December of 2019
Thesis Supervisor: Susan Chrysler White, Associate Professor
COPYRIGHT
by Natalie Brown
2019
All Rights Reserved
i
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I am in deep gratitude to the late Linda Bolton. Your words, wisdom, and mentorship saved and
changed my life. To all the people: friends, family, and mentors that stood with me during this journey –
thank you for your patience, love, and support.
ii
PUBLIC ABSTRACT
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY, & THE GLORIOUS is a visual narrative that speaks of memory, trauma,
hope, and love. It is a story that reflects the personal and the political, as well as the historical. Human
beings are tapestries of cultures, communities, family dynamics, and personal experiences; these
aspects contribute to who we are and how we identify with the world. I began this body of work
thinking of my family dynamics, and who I am as a result of those relationships. Another inspiration of
this work is from my mentor, Linda Bolton, who inspired me and changed how I view the world as well
as how I view myself. In addition, I wanted to showcase my love for craft, materials, the fine arts,
history, and storytelling – to marry both concept and craft throughout the show. Through searching my
memory and reading texts that truly challenged and inspired me I created this body of work. All the
pieces in the show have dynamic meanings that are layered with the multiple facets of my identity
construction. With each petal, piece of ash, and mark I wanted to display the complexity and
intersectionalities of my identity(ies) – my tapestry. This work comes from my life – my story – my
truth: the good, the bad, the ugly, and the glorious.
iii
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Table of Figures……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….v
The Introduction……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..1
The Transition…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………1
The Sanctuary…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………2
Saint Margaret………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..5
The Petals……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….7
Oma………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………10
The Wooden Spoons……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..12
The Arches and Ashes……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………15
The Spoon Throne…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………20
The Conclusion………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………23
Bibliography………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….28
iv
TABLE OF FIGURES
Figure 1: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, Sanctuary installation, 2019…………….3
Figure 2: Sanctuary installation, 2019………………………………………………………………………………………………………4
Figure 3: Benches in Sanctuary, white maple wood, 2019……………………………………………………………………….5
Figure 4: Saint Margaret, lithograph on Kitakata paper, white maple wood, gold paint, 65 ½ in. x 24 7/8
in. x 1 ¾ in., 2019…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….6
Figure 5: Saint Margaret installation, lithograph on Kitakata paper, white maple wood, porcelain petals,
2019………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..7
Figure 6: Detail of flowers of Large Wooden Spoon, white maple wood, white maple ashes, 2019…………8
Figure 7: Ash Flowers, burned wood, 11 in. 8 ½ in. x 3 ½ in., 2019…………………………………………………………..9
Figure 8: Detail of Throne Spoon and porcelain petals, 2019…………………………………………………………………10
Figure 9: Oma and Wooden Spoon installation, 2019…………………………………………………………………………….11
Figure 10: Detail of Oma, 2019………………………………………………………………………………………………………………12
Figure 11: Wooden Spoon, poplar wood, hackberry wood, burned ashes, 15 in. x 22 in. x 72 in., 2019…13
Figure 12: Large Wooden Spoon, white maple wood, hackberry wood, burned ashes, 16 5/8 in. x 31 in. x
108 in., 2019………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….14
Figure 13: Installation of Large Wooden Spoon, 2019……………………………………………………………………………15
Figure 14: Detail of an Arch, 2019………………………………………………………………………………………………………….16
Figure 15: Installation of an Arch, 2019………………………………………………………………………………………………….17
Figure 16: Ash Painting, burned wood, 50 in. x 58 in. x 3 3/4 in., 2019…………………………………………………..18
Figure 17: Detail of Ash Painting, 2019…………………………………………………………………………………………………..19
Figure 18: Detail of Ash Painting, 2019…………………………………………………………………………………………………..20
Figure 19: Throne Spoon, cherry wood, ash wood, 68 13/16 in. x 25 15/16 in. x 17 3/4 in., 2019………….21
Figure 20: Throne Spoon detail, 2019…………………………………………………………………………………………………….22
Figure 21: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, 2019…………………………………………….25
Figure 22: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, 2019…………………………………………….26
Figure 23: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, 2019…………………………………………….27
v
THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY, & THE GLORIOUS
THE INTRODUCTION:
“…multiple storytelling in which story and life merge,
the story being as complex as life and life being as simple as a story.”1
– Trinh. T. Minh-ha
The work I have created during my time at the University of Iowa is representative of remembrance. The
layers within each work of art represent memory, trauma, love, and personal experiences that dictate
and constitute the multiple facets of identity construction: and how the personal, political, and historical
are intertwined. Some of these memories and concepts are messy and hard to acknowledge while
others represent the people in my family that are responsible for why I am alive today. This narrative is
a visual narrative. This thesis will discuss and focus simultaneously on my journey, the artwork, as well
as the multiple symbols and influences of their creation – for the artwork carry transformative meanings
that are as layered as human beings. This is my journey – come walk with me.
THE TRANSITION:
“You get to decide who you want to be.”2
– Linda Bolton
Before I speak about the artwork it is important to acknowledge the journey I took to get to the works
and the installations. There are always people in your life that change your perspective, experiences,
and in my case, way of making. Linda Bolton was one of those influential people for me. I met Dr.
Bolton my second semester of my second year in her class, Art, Ethics and Justice. Here was a woman
who found her place by defining herself, instead of letting others define her. Linda carved her own
unique space within the University and within many people’s lives. She identified herself as a person of
having mixed ethnic identity(ies) – of having Irish, Native American, and African American descendants.
The class Art, Ethics, and Justice included poetry, philosophical readings and artists from all different
backgrounds. Within each reading and discussion there was a command, and a safe space provided, for
the students to critically think about our own ethics and identities. I frequently found myself in her
office to continue the conversation about race, art, and personal struggles. This class and my meetings
with Dr. Bolton resulted in one of the most crucial turning points of my work and of my life as an
individual. During our meetings she listened without judgement and gave me honest commentary and
feedback. As a result, she became one of my mentors at the University and allowed me to take an
independent study to continue to work with her. During this time, I was introduced to The Body Keeps
the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, Woman, Native, Other by Trinh T. Minh Ha, Sartre’s writings on shame
and guilt, as well as the essays of Adrian Piper. These writings and my conversations with Dr. Bolton
forced me to confront why I make artwork and to critically think about the histories of this country from
different perspectives. Through our meetings and discussions I gained a greater awareness of how all
1
Trinh T. Minh-ha, Woman Native Other (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1989) 144.
2
Linda Bolton, Art, Ethics, and Justice class, January - May, 2018.
1
these aspects are intertwined in the self, families, and communities. More importantly, these
interactions with Linda Bolton forced me to confront the worst parts of myself and her guidance taught
me how to acknowledge and release these parts. “Make work about it,”3 I remember her voicing…
Professor Bolton was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in August – she was gone by October. I was not
the only one who mourned the loss of a professor and mentor that I respected and loved – I shared this
feeling of loss with her other students, colleagues, family and friends. The talks and readings from Dr.
Bolton’s class were still very much alive and awakened something inside of me – what does trauma
visually look like? Is it possible to maintain a healthy life when your trauma is both your energy for
making as well as your struggle to live? What if memories of childhood experiences cannot be placed in
a dichotomy of “bad” or “good,” but memories of a woven tapestry of experiences with different parts
of blissfulness and tragedy? I thought of the power of memories and remembered what Dr. Bolton had
said to me, “make work about it.” I thought to myself, “why not?” Everything in the art building at this
point had gone to shit. I found myself back in church.
THE SANCTUARY:
I was raised in an Episcopal church – a church that has its roots in Europe, but I was raised in an almost
completely black congregation. I remember sitting in the long wooden pews, smelling the incense of
mass, waiting and staring up at the stained glass, arch-shaped windows. I would stare at them, bored
from the service, enamored with their tints of greens and oranges. The sunlight would dance across the
window panes making them glow and frolic with light. These arched windows stood in command above
us guiding our attention to the altar and organ. I remember the grandiose altar, made of wood –
sculpted and adorned with intricate carved details – stained a deep dark brownish red that seemed to
invoke the sacred and antiquated traditions of our mass. The organ, like the stained-glass windows,
shot up towards the vaulted ceilings and bellowed the musical components of the hymnals – the sounds
of mass reverberated through the cathedral. This is the church my parents got married in, the church
we prayed in, and the church we mourned the deaths of our family members in. The memory of this
church was the genesis of my show.
This church represents the intersectionalities of my identities and the complex history of the United
States: A church full of black people praying in a European-asque Gothic cathedral of the Episcopal faith
located in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Throughout my adulthood I have found myself returning to church
– a place I feel at peace no matter what region of the world I am in. Conceptually, that is what I want to
invoke throughout the show, a place of worship, rest, mourning as well as a place where the living spirit
can talk to the spirits of the dead – to seek counsel and solace. Symbolically, the installation of the show
is to embody a sanctuary. The arches flanked on either side of the gallery not only have the literal
representation of arched windows and doorways, they also exemplify a passage: a passage of time, of
people, of leaving one world and entering the next, as well as the passing and death of a former self.
Purposefully, the benches are a more literal component of the show. The benches are meant to directly
reference church benches and sanctuaries: a place to sit, to be silent, contemplative and introspective.
The burned areas on the benches lend themselves to the reoccurring themes of the show: memory,
trauma, rebirth, and hope. Specifically, the residual burn marks on the benches reference physical and
mental scars. These marks do not take away from the benches’ beauty, but add to the story of their
3
Linda Bolton, Art, Ethics, and Justice class, January - May, 2018.
2
making – a metaphor for life and the human experience. Ceremoniously, the wooden petals
surrounding the benches invoke the traditions of mass as well as the message(s) of passing, loss, and
sacrifice. They are painted with a burgundy red to emulate blood – the representation of blood in mass
as well as the bloodline of my family members. The focal point of the sanctuary is the altar of the
mother and child gazing down at the benches, out into the “congregation.” I want the viewer to have
the ability to look up at the Mother and Child, my Aunt Margaret, to elicit feelings of contemplation,
silence, sacrifice, and love.
Figure 1: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, Sanctuary installation, 2019.
3Figure 2: Sanctuary installation, 2019.
4Figure 3: Benches in Sanctuary, white maple wood, 2019.
SAINT MARGARET:
“WE LEARN ABOUT love in childhood. Whether our homes are happy or troubled,
our families functional or dysfunctional, it’s the original school of love.”4
– bell hooks
My Aunt Margaret woke up at 5 am to make breakfast and clean her house every day. She ran a
daycare in her basement and got up a few hours before the first child arrived to make sure everything
was in order. Her basement was full of toys and her backyard had a tiny playground. When I stayed with
her I remember having to get up before the sun, I did this begrudgingly, because she wanted me to, not
understanding then why she got up so early every day. Breakfast with Aunt Margaret was always a
delight. Her dining room table and chairs were a dark wood and her wallpaper was pink with flowers.
The kitchen was next to the dining room and by the time I made it downstairs the tv above the
refrigerator was on, and the rooms were filled with the smell of breakfast. I remember walking
downstairs and her greeting me, “hey Na.” She always had energy, a warm smile, and food for anyone
that wanted to stop by. This woman was one of the most loving women I had ever known. She helped
raise my sister and I, and never forgot our birthdays. We went over her house for almost every
Christmas holiday and her house became a sanctuary for me when I was growing up. She was my
4
bell hooks, all about love (New York: Harper Perennial, 2000) 17.
5grandmother’s younger sister and the first generation to live in the North. She grew up before the Civil
Rights Movement, lost her mother at the age of 16 and helped raised her other siblings (there were 8
siblings total and she was the 4th oldest), but she never wore her scars in a way that she could not love
other people. The artwork, Saint Margaret, came from wanting to honor a woman who raised three
generations of my family. I wanted to depict this woman as a Saint because of her lived sacrifices. The
porcelain petals, on the floor, around Saint Margaret symbolize the coexistence between the fragility of
life and the eternity of one’s spirit. The top part of the altar piece of Saint Margaret imitates stained-
glass windows through carved-out window panes. These carved out areas are painted gold to imitate
light omitting from within the object. The embellishment of the gold paint within the window panes of
the altar, around Saint Margaret’s head and her shadow, create the iconography of a holy being. This
work is meant to give homage to all women that have sacrificed (and continue to sacrifice) for their
families.
Figure 4: Saint Margaret, lithograph on Kitakata paper, white maple wood, gold paint, 65 ½ in. x 24 7/8 in. x 1 ¾ in., 2019.
6Figure 5: Saint Margaret installation, lithograph on Kitakata paper, white maple wood, porcelain petals, 2019.
THE PETALS:
Many of my older aunts and grandmothers grew flowers in their yards. I grew up with flowered pillows,
drapes, wallpaper, flowers at weddings and funerals, flower smelling perfume, and flower printed chairs
and couches (along with furniture encased in plastic). I remember how my Aunt Vicki had flowered
wallpaper and often dressed in flower prints. My great grandmother had couches of blue and pink
flowers that smelled of both perfume and age. My Aunt Netha often wore elaborate hats embellished
with (fake) flowers. These women worked to keep their homes clean, families fed, and flowers planted
in their yards… There were always flowers—roses, lillies, violets, tulips…. My memories of the women
in my family are interwoven with flowers.
The petals in the installation represent time passing, ceremony, mourning, and memory. Each artwork
made of or accompanied by petals simultaneously embody these meanings. However, they still evoke
individual moods and messages, captured within the specific placement of the installations and varied
materials of the petals. The different media used to make the petals coincides with the layered
emotions and experiences of family dynamics and family eco-systems. If people could describe their
lives and family dynamics in a bouquet, that bouquet would have different colors, shades, shapes and
7flower species – in fact, there would probably be wilted and browning flowers within the bouquet as
well. The flower petals not only have shared meanings, but also complex contradictions - symbolic of
human nature. Inspiringly, I think of artists such as Doris Salcedo who also use flowers to speak of
memory and loss in her work, such as A Flor de Piel. Like Salcedo, I strive for my work to capture the
emotion of loss through symbols of petals, ashes, and other iconography. For example, around the
church benches the petals symbolize the procession of mass, mourning, and loss – loss of people (family
members), loss of a period of time, loss of a former self. The metallic burgundy on the underside of the
petals has a dual meaning: the connotation of blood in the Episcopal church as well as the personal
symbolism of the blood of my family. Simultaneously, they also represent life, the celebration of life,
and the afterlife. When some people die it hurts, you mourn, but you still have a sense of yourself – and
then there are people in your life that pass and a part of your identity dies with them – your perception
of the world and self are altered permanently. I have witnessed that drastic change within family
members and as I get older, and have lost more people in my life, I have a better understanding of what
that is and how, like trauma, you never fully get over it – you learn how to cope... Sometimes.
Figure 6: Detail of flowers of Large Wooden Spoon, white maple wood, white maple ashes, 2019.
8Figure 7: Ash Flowers, burned wood, 11 in. 8 ½ in. x 3 ½ in., 2019.
9Figure 8: Detail of Throne Spoon and porcelain petals, 2019.
OMA:
“The more ears I am able to hear with, the farther I see the plurality of meaning and the less I lend myself
to the illusion of a single message.”5
– Trinh. T. Minh-ha
My Oma died when I was around 14; it was unexpected for everyone, she was a fortress – a 6-foot-tall
woman who could make anyone cry without raising her voice or displaying any particular emotion on
her face. Her house was spotless; she was always well dressed, and dinner was always at 6 pm (at least
this is how I remember it). Her high expectations also transferred to her eight grandchildren. I used to
constantly wonder why she was so strict. Why did my knees need to be scrubbed until they were red?
Why couldn’t we touch her white walls and/or flowers outside (and got hit with a wooden spoon if we
did)? And why did we have to be tucked in so tightly when we went to bed? This was the woman who
taught me “either do it right or don’t do it at all.” I now wonder if she commanded this excellence
because she understood life before the Civil Rights and Women’s Rights Movements and understood the
precariousness and siege people of color were/are under in the United States. My grandmother was fair
enough to pass for white, but did not have a single grandchild that could do the same. I would hear
5
Trinh T. Minh-ha, Woman Native Other (Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1989) 30.
10stories of her confronting people who made racist remarks at her jobs (not knowing she was a woman of
color). I always thought she was tough, but also wondered why no one initially knew she was black at
her jobs in the first place. This ability to walk in a world where she had some privilege because of her
lighter skin did not mean she was unaffected by prejudice, in fact, I believe in some ways these
situations reminded her more of her second-class citizenship and her own vulnerability in the views of
others. As an adult looking back I understand why she was a fortress, why her expectations of her
grandchildren and children were so high – why things had to be done “right.” She lived life in the 30’s
and 40’s, had moments where she was questioned both for her blackness and her whiteness, and had to
make extremely difficult decisions both within and outside the family – like battling colorism as well as
the plagues of addiction and mental health issues within our family. Were they the right decisions?
What were all the circumstances? Like many, we do our best at the time, not always knowing what the
long-term effects of our decisions will be. As an adult, listening to the stories and thinking back on
people, I realize the complexity of their choices. From these memories I created the two wooden
spoons and a wood burned image reflecting not only her, but three generations of women in my family
that taught me, for better or worse, the realities of life.
Figure 9: Oma and Wooden Spoon installation, 2019.
11Figure 10: Detail of Oma, 2019.
THE WOODEN SPOON:
Conceptually, this journey began with humor – a spoon – a symbol within my family that represents
cooking, food, and family while simultaneously carrying the meaning of discipline and expectation. The
first wooden spoon is created with poplar and hackberry. I made it 6 feet long in order to exemplify the
literal size of a woman I both feared and admired. Upon its completion I realized it was not her – it was
something she may have put in her yard, but it wasn’t her. Do it right or don’t do it at all – I had to make
it again: the petals had to be lighter and softer in color, the spoon had to be larger, and the mechanism
12that I made to create the flowers had to be invisible – which meant the petals also had to change form.
The second spoon is made of hackberry and white maple, white maple is a lighter, pinker-colored wood.
The petal’s shape went from being round, to a petal that widened before it narrowed sharply into a
pointed tip – a symbol of her coinciding softness and her sharp personality. The center of the flowers is
made of ashes – one of the recurring elements within the show. The second rendition of the spoon is 8
feet long instead of 6 feet long in order to evoke my perception of her intimidating height (to me) as a
six year-old girl. I realize, upon gazing at the spoon on the floor with ashes beneath it, I have made a
grave memorial and crucifix as a wooden flower spoon. The spoon no longer speaks of a single person
but of loss and sacrifice – beyond one death – indescribable in words. The transcendent meaning of this
spoon is still one that I have not yet fully realized.
Figure 11: Wooden Spoon, poplar wood, hackberry wood, burned ashes, 15 in. x 22 in. x 72 in., 2019.
13Figure 12: Large Wooden Spoon, white maple wood, hackberry wood, burned ashes, 16 5/8 in. x 31 in. x 108 in., 2019.
14Figure 13: Installation of Large Wooden Spoon, 2019.
THE ARCHES & ASHES:
“No matter what has happened in our past, when we open our hearts to love we can live as if born again,
not forgetting the past but seeing it in a new way, letting it live inside us in a new way. We go forward
with the fresh insight that the past can no longer hurt us. Or if our past was one in which we were loved,
we know that no matter the occasional presence of suffering in our lives we will return always to
remembered calm and bliss. Mindful remembering lets us put the broken bits and pieces of our hearts
together again. This is the way healing begins.”6
– bell hooks
The arches, ashes and the Ash Painting have multi-dimensional meanings: all referencing death,
devastation, memory, and rebirth. Transcendently, the ashes represent the literal forms of ashes and
their use within my faith, and they also reverberate the feeling of devastation, and the aftermath of
events. Through this work I want the viewer to ask, “What happened here?” somehow knowing there
would not be a distinct answer. Furthermore, I want to evoke the multiple complicated emotions
around the subjects of trauma, devastation, recovery, and hope. The Ash Painting is not a piece related
to a specific event – it is a piece meant to create the perpetual psychological states that speak about
6
bell hooks, all about love (New York: Harper Perennial, 2000) 209.
15shared human emotions and experiences – experiences around trauma. The ashes are from different
trees, and are burned at varied times and temperatures. This causes the wood to have varying sheens
and shades of darkness. These varying shades of black are representative of the multiple ways one can
experience and react to traumatic events as well as how one can become lost and trapped within that
state of mind. The blackened flowers that emerge from the piece also have layered symbology: the
symbology of rising above one’s circumstances, of becoming stronger because of it – but through some
of the burned holes and residual ashes, on and around the petals, always having a reminder of those
memories and scars. Furthermore, I want this piece to represent any person’s hardship – their fight –
and to honor that many of us that walk through life walk with multiple mental and physical scars
Figure 14: Detail of an Arch, 2019.
16Figure 15: Installation of an Arch, 2019.
17Figure 16: Ash Painting, burned wood, 50 in. x 58 in. x 3 3/4 in., 2019.
18Figure 17: Detail of Ash Painting, 2019.
19Figure 18: Detail of Ash Painting, 2019.
THE SPOON THRONE:
During mass, I remember the throne-like seats the clergymen would sit in with their long white and red
robes and regal, calm demeanor. When I thought of a chair I knew I wanted to construct a spoon
throne. Not only would that concept tie into my themes, but also be reflective of my personality – I
often joke as a coping mechanism; something I learned early on in life. Like many of the art pieces in the
show, the spoon throne carries multiple meanings and identities. The repetitious sign of the arch is
represented in the chair’s back shape. The splats are in the shapes of spoons, this again, gives
recognition to the drastic polarities of my up-bringing and pictorializes the family iconography of the
wooden spoon, and it’s multi-dimensional meaning. Symbolically, the throne is a representation of
20people that have passed on. In some families, it is in someone’s death that you hear stories and learn
more about them – their habits, their behaviors, their past... This throne does not represent a single
person but a place where my ancestors sit and that despite their imperfections, they were people in my
life that made me who I am: the good, the bad and the ugly.
Figure 19: Throne Spoon, cherry wood, ash wood, 68 13/16 in. x 25 15/16 in. x 17 3/4 in., 2019.
21Figure 20: Throne Spoon detail, 2019.
22THE CONCLUSION:
“Those of Fire move about the earth with inspiration and purpose. They are creative, and can consume
and be consumed by their desires. They are looking for purposes, a place in which to create. They can be
so entranced with excitement of creation that their dreams burn up, turn to ashes.”7
– Joy Harjo
The choice to work with fire and ash speak to the story I just told. Fire has a multitude of meaning. It is
representative of burning a past and moving forward, it is representative of a rebirth of that past, and
the ashes are representative of the death of that past and of the people in my family that have greatly
influenced my life. People who were handed the traumas of the family’s past as well as the generational
traumas of this nation and, despite that, found a way to create something – family and life. These ashes
are mourning what was, what wasn’t, what could have happened, and what did happen. These
multifaceted moments of both love and pain I see now within all of my family members. So with each
flame I see my past in all its messiness, comfort, and trauma, and I also see hopefulness for rebirth,
regeneration, and a start to something new.
I release you, my beautiful and terrible
fear. I release you. You were my beloved
and hated twin, but now, I don’t know you
as myself. I release you with all the
pain I would know at the death of
my children.
You are not my blood anymore.
I give you back to the soldiers
Who burned down my home, beheaded my children,
raped and sodomized my brothers and sisters.
I give you back to those who stole the
Food from our plates when we were starving.
I release you, fear, because you hold
these scenes in front of me and I was born
with eyes that can never close.
I release you
I release you
I release you
I release you
I am not afraid to be angry.
I am not afraid to rejoice.
7
Joy Harjo, Crazy Brave (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, INC, 2012) 25.
23I am not afraid to be black.
I am not afraid to be white.
I am not afraid to be hungry.
I am not afraid to be full.
I am not afraid to be hated.
I am not afraid to be loved.
To be loved, to be loved, fear.
Oh, you have choked me, but I gave you the leash.
You have gutted me, but I gave you the knife.
You have devoured me, but I laid myself across the
fire.
I take myself back, fear.
You are not my shadow any longer.
I won’t hold you in my hands.
You can’t live in my eyes, my ears, my voice
my belly, or my heart my heart
my heart my heart
But come here, fear
I am alive and you are so afraid
Of dying.8
– Joy Harjo
8
Joy Harjo, Crazy Brave (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, INC, 2012) 162 – 163.
24Figure 21: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, 2019.
25Figure 22: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, 2019.
26Figure 23: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, & the Glorious thesis show, 2019.
27BIBLIOGRAPHY
Bolton, Linda. Art, Ethics and Justice Class, January – May, 2018.
Harjo, Joy. Crazy Brave. New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 2012.
Hooks, bell. all about love. New York: Harper Perennial, 2000.
Levinas, Emmanuel. Totality and Infinity. Pittsburgh: Duquesne University Press, 1969.
Minh-ha, Trinh T. Woman Native Other. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1989.
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