People HELPING PEOPLE - Presbyterian Support Upper South Island
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People
HELPING PEOPLE
The magazine of Presbyterian Support
Upper South Island
ISSUE 8
Autumn/Winter 2020
Staying The Hard Betrayed No Worries Tuning in
Safe, Strong, Stuff – by Elder at Harakeke to Kids –
and Connected Tackling Abuse Club in Helping the
in 2020 Family Riccarton Whole Family
Harm
Presbyterian Support (Upper South Island) A Time for Strengthening
is a non-profit social services organisation
serving the West Coast, Mid-Canterbury, Connections –
Christchurch, North Canterbury, Autumn/Winter 2020
Marlborough, and Nelson. Kia ora, Protecting Families from Themselves
And welcome to your Autumn/Winter issue of People In this issue of People Helping People you will read
Through our service groups Family Works and Enliven Helping People magazine. Very soon we can greet uplifting stories but also some that—despite the positive
we support children, young people, families, whānau Barry Helem each other with 'kia pai tou tātou Matariki', or 'Happy outcomes they tell—will leave you with a lingering
and older people to become safe, strong, and connected. Now a Matariki' (the Māori new year). This year Matariki sadness for the difficult situations our clients find
begins on July 13th. themselves in. In this issue we do not shy away from the
To learn more or to find a service centre, White Ribbon NZ family violence that Presbyterian Support staff encounter
go to www.psuppersouth.org.nz. Ambassador Matariki was traditionally a time when in the cold
the effects of every single day. You will learn how we
months of winter Māori would hunker down together
wrap ourselves around families (often in
New Zealand Police conduct more inside the pā; using the time to tell
multi-agency teams) to protect families from
than 100,000 family violence stories, share knowledge and remember
themselves, and to sow seeds of hope for the
investigations each year with loved ones. Rather than gathering
Like us on Facebook. over 3,500 convictions recorded food, our Māori ancestors enjoyed
future.
against men for assaults on harvested crops such as kūmara. Some vulnerable NZ families and older
women. Presbyterian Support Using the stars of Matariki as a people have experienced increased family/
helps people of all ages and their guide, they planted new crops in whanau harm as a result of the country's
families to address the negative the cold earth in readiness for lockdown. Now more than ever our services
impacts of family violence, spring growth. are needed to support them.
whether physical, sexual, To my mind, these Matariki
emotional, or psychological. traditions share similarities
with modern families going I’m inspired by the wisdom of the late
Barry Helem, Chief Executive of into lockdown due to the current Dame Whina Cooper. Her words remind me
Presbyterian Support Upper South coronavirus pandemic. We are in that we must always be thinking of the children
Island, is now a White Ribbon challenging and unsettling times, and protecting them from harm—whether it’s
NZ ambassador. White Ribbon but I wonder if we can be inspired from the effects of family violence or from the fear
is a social change campaign by our Māori ancestors—in the bleakest and anxiety provoked by pandemic news through
© Presbyterian Support Upper South Island, May 2020
that aims to transform attitudes of seasons they focused on restoration and the family television. She said,
People Helping People Magazine is published 2-3 times per year. around violence, specifically strengthening connections with one another, and “Take care of our children. Take care of what
To subscribe for free, go to www.psuppersouth.org.nz/php. men’s violence towards women. they lived out their hope for the future. they hear, take care of what they see, take care
White Ribbon NZ empowers
In modern times practising thankfulness as part of of what they feel. For how the children grow, so
local communities and men to
Presbyterian Support (Upper South Island) Matariki has also become an important tradition. will be the shape of Aotearoa.”
take part in conversations about
44 Bealey Ave, PO Box 13 171, Christchurch 8141, 0800 477 874 violence and work toward a Perhaps at this time we should remember
E-mail: ps@psusi.org.nz to practice gratitude for all that we do have. Te piko o te māhuri,
non-violent future by modelling
tērā te tupu o te rākau /
Editorial: Vivienne Wallace viviennew@psusi.org.nz positive behaviour. Ambassadors He aha te mea nui o te ao. The way in which a young sapling is nurtured
are chosen for their willingness He tāngata, he tāngata, determines how the tree will grow.
to challenge the behaviour of he tāngata
abusive men, and to convey key
messages directly to their own What is the most important
communities. thing in the world?
It is people, it is people,
Our services To learn more about it is people. Barry Helem
Barry’s involvement or Chief Executive Officer,
White Ribbon NZ, visit Presbyterian Support Upper South Island
whiteribbon.org.nz.
People Helping People 01
Whether a child is the victim of family
How to Make a
Glitter Jar for
Determined
harm, or merely witnesses it between
family members, the effects are the
same. The child lives in survival mode
with high levels of stress hormones
Mindfulness
in their body—their brain actually Glitter jars are a fantastic way to
to Beat Anxiety
changes as a result. help children manage big emotions.
When a child shakes up the jar this
represents anger or another strong
emotion. All the glitter is swirling
everywhere like a big angry storm.
Children exposed to physical Then as they watch the glitter
When Tess* was very young she witnessed regular family violence at home become start to settle, this represents the
harm. Now age ten she lives safely with her mum and step fearful and anxious. They are calming of their own emotion. The
always on guard, watching glitter jar provides a visual anchor
family. But still she lives with the impact of what she saw... and waiting for the next for children to focus on while they
incident. Not knowing what practice calm breathing techniques.
Tess’s teacher at school began to notice Tess’s extreme anxiety, low self
will trigger the abuse, they
confidence, and worrying withdrawal from social situations. Concerned, never feel safe.
What you need:
•
he referred her to the school’s Family Works social worker, Kathy*. Tess’s
Bottle or jar, with the label removed.
•
mum suspected the little girl’s past was catching up with her.
Clear paste, e.g., wallpaper glue
“I met with Tess and we spent time talking and learning about family
•
Hot water
violence,” said Kathy. “In particular what feeling safe looks like, because
•
Glitter
when Tess was young she did not see the adults in her life modelling safe
•
Super Glue
social interactions and relationships.”
Mindfulness • Optional:
Food colouring
(1-2 drops to
Kathy taught Tess some mindfulness activities, which she practised at ensure the
home. Mindfulness helped Tess stop churning over thoughts about the contents remain
Tired of Missing Out “I Just Want to Be Me” future (worries), and to just rest in the present. It also helped her notice visible).
when anxious thoughts came tumbling in.
Tess was highly motivated to work with Kathy. She Kathy and Tess also spent a lot of time learning Method:
didn’t want her worries to hold her back anymore. about feelings and emotions, as well as what Tess liked the mindfulness activity where she lay on her back with an 1. In a jug, mix 20%
So she applied herself 100% to all the activities anxiety is and what happens in our brain and body object (for example, a soft toy) on her belly. She would breathe in deeply glue with 80%
Kathy introduced. when we are anxious. and watch the object rise and fall with each breath. She and Kathy also hot water. Add food
went for mindfulness walks around the school, where they observed all colouring if using.
Together they read a book called “I Just Want
Goal Setting to Be Me” by Timothy and Sandra Bowden. The
the sensations available to them—what they felt on their skin, what they
2. Whisk well, and then add glitter.
On the left side of a piece of paper Tess wrote down heard, what they saw, and what they smelt.
book introduces the concepts of Acceptance 3. Whisk again and pour into bottle leaving
what her life was like in the present. She wrote Commitment Therapy (ACT), which teaches young
things such as, “I can’t go to sleepovers, I can’t be 2-3 cm empty at the top of the bottle.
people and adults effective strategies for dealing
away from Mum, I don’t want to go into town, I feel with stressors. Tess Takes Over 4. F asten lid and shake bottle:
safe at home but not when I’m out.” On the right -If glitter is not moving: Pour back
side she wrote what she wanted her life to be like “Our minds can trick us into thinking Initially Kathy and Tess met weekly, then fortnightly, and then their get- into jug, add hot water and whisk,
in the future. She wrote, “I don’t want to worry so we aren’t safe even though we are,” togethers tapered off completely. At their final meeting Tess could share return to bottle.
much, I want to go on a plane.” says Kathy. that she had just won a speech competition and enjoyed an overseas
-If glitter falls too fast: Pour back
“Tess learnt to use ACT to let her worries holiday—once almost impossible experiences for her!
Kathy drew a picture of a bridge between the left into jug, add more glue to the mix,
and right sides of the page and asked Tess how she in but not allow them to control her.” “Tess still felt anxiety, but she talked confidently about the strategies she whisk well and return to bottle.
was going to get across the bridge. Then together uses to calm herself down,” said Kathy.”And when I checked in with her a 5. Leave for 5 minutes and if you’re
they developed a plan. few months after our last meeting, she was still managing herself and her happy with the consistency super
anxiety really well.” Kathy describes Tess now as “beaming and positive”— glue the lid shut.
winning in her struggle with anxiety.
02Autumn 2019 12 2020
Autumn/Winter People Helping People 03
Staying Safe... We are living in unsettling times with
the coronavirus pandemic causing
Some helpful
Kim Manahi -
Our New Cultural Advisor
Strong... and
disruption and, inevitably, some distress.
At Presbyterian Support we care contacts:
Kim Manahi likes to joke, “I’m a third
about you and want to help you generation NZer on my mother’s side
Connected in 2020
and your family remain safe, • For coronavirus health
advice and information, and 97th on my father’s”. Her Scottish
strong, and connected. ancestry aside, Kim is the new Māori
phone Healthline at
Cultural Advisor at Presbyterian
0800 611 116. Support Upper South Island, coming
to us following the retirement of
The best way to avoid illness is through good hygiene (lots of hand washing!) and social distancing. • Need
to talk? If you are is her first foray back in the community
Trevor Wilson in Nelson.
But to support the wellbeing of you and your family as well as your physical health, we recommend you feeling anxious or just in nine years, so she’s excited and can’t
follow these tips: need to talk to someone, Many Māori have poor outcomes wait to get started on the journey.
free call or text 1737 any compared to their Pākehā “I’m really happy to be here,” says Kim.
time. You’ll speak or text contemporaries due to a lack of access “It’s lovely coming into an
Seek support and connection with a trained counselor. to services. We are committed to organisation that is so open
Manage stress in the ways
Stay informed via credible with friends and family by phone. advocating for Māori and ensuring that to receiving thousands of
that serve you, e.g., through
information sources such as the Use FaceTime/Skype if you have it. • If your desire for drugs the services around Māori families can
prayer, meditation, mindfulness year’s worth of knowledge.
Ministry of Health website at be adapted to a Māori world view. Kim
www.health.govt.nz. techniques, exercise, or slow or alcohol has increased, I’m looking forward to creating
call the Alcohol Drug will help us to develop partnerships new relationships while
deep breathing.
Enjoy your usual at-home with iwi, marae and Māori providers,
Helpline at 0800 787 797. maintaining old ones.”
activities, e.g., reading, watching and support staff cultural competency.
Avoid exposure to TV news movies, listening to music, playing In particular, Kim talks about the many
Support children by encouraging • If stress is increasing
or other media that might games, exercising, or engaging in Kim has had an extensive career in the Māori organisations she knows that
questions and helping them your risk for family
promote stress or panic. religious activities. corporate, social service and health have been working in isolation for years,
understand the situation, harm:
Be especially careful of sectors, including governance and caring for Māori and their whānau.
what children are seeing praising good behaviour, talking
leadership. She is currently a director of She’s eager to bring Presbyterian
and hearing. about feelings. Protect them from • If you are in Ngā Hau e Whā Marae. Kim’s new role Support alongside them.
your own feelings of anxiety. Be sure to keep a healthy diet immediate danger,
and exercise.
call 111 and ask for
Recognize that feelings of As much as possible, follow your the police.
grief, guilt, resentment,
Kaumatua Club
usual schedule for bedtimes, Modify your goals to meet the
loneliness, boredom, fear, • Call the Shine
anxiety, stress, and panic are meals, and exercise. And be
for older Maori
current reality of the situation Helpline for free
normal reactions. consistent with children’s and focus on what you can
boundaries. from any phone
accomplish.
in New Zealand
between 9am and
He waka eke noa / We are all in this together. Hakatere Marae in Ashburton and Initially Kaumātua Club will be
Think positively and maintain a 11pm, 7 days a week,
Let us all look after each other in these challenging times sense of hope. on 0508 744-633
Presbyterian Support recently joined a meeting place and contact
so that we can emerge safer, stronger, and more connected forces on an exciting new initiative for point—guests may then choose to
older Māori called Kaumātua Club. engage further through a referral
than before. to Presbyterian Support services.
Kaumātua Club takes place on the
However, the project will continue to
marae every Monday between 10am
develop over time in order to better
and 1pm. Guests enjoy a game, a laugh,
support Māori and their whānau.
a sing-along and a good time, and can
connect with each other. Kaumātua Ray’s Kaiāwhina role is fully funded
Club creates a space and time for by Presbyterian Support, while the
people to discuss their needs with a Budget Mentor and Community Family
Community Family Worker or Budget Worker are services currently funded
Mentor from Presbyterian Support, by the Ministry of Social Development,
with Kaiāwhina Ray Solomon (who is The Lions Foundation, and Advance
also vice Chair of the marae) providing Ashburton Community Foundation.
key support.
04 Autumn/Winter 2020 People Helping People 05
THE HARD
STUFF -
School and Teachers Involved
Meanwhile Camille*, a Mana Ake kaimahi at Eloise’s
school, has been helping the child manage big
emotions. Eloise was experiencing “meltdowns” in
Hope
for the Future
TACKLING
class, swearing at the teacher and other children,
and generally being non-compliant. Camille met
with Eloise every week for about a term, helping her “The Smiths have received
to identify emotions, explore how they felt in her wraparound support both in
FAMILY HARM. their home and at school,”
body, and discover ways to manage them. Eloise
learnt she could share how she felt with a safe
adult and manage big emotions using her breath. says Victoria Newcombe, Presbyterian
Mrs Smith reported that Eloise began to have fewer Support’s General Manager Social
tantrums at home. She still struggled in class, but
Services. “We have involved the parents,
her teachers noticed she was overall more settled.
teachers and the children in order to
Mr and Mrs Smith* are under enormous stress. They have three
children living at home, Mr Smith hasn’t been working, they’re
manage and mitigate their risks right
struggling financially, and they both have mental health issues. now. But also importantly we hope
Furthermore, for a long time they haven’t had the parenting this significant intervention will create
or life skills they need to run a home and raise a family. sustained positive change for the family.”
As children Mr and Mrs Smith both Growing Parenting Skills
experienced trauma and family “The family has significant
harm—their lives have revolved around When Raewyn first entered the Smiths’
risk factors,” said Raewyn,
physical and sexual violence. Now their home she noticed there was little
own relationship includes incidents of evidence that children live there. For “But both parents were really
violence—some serious—with their instance, there were no toys lying committed to getting better.” Oranga Tamariki uplifted the
children watching. around. Smith’s eldest child at just
By the time Raewyn had finished
Getting Finances in Hand one year old, but already he
“When a child witnesses family Raewyn’s role was to help Mrs Smith working with the family, Mrs Smith had
had experienced the trauma
violence the effects are exactly grow her parenting skills, which she converted the front room of their house
The Smiths are living pay cheque to pay cheque without of neglect. His grandmother
the same as if the violence was primarily did by encouraging Mrs into a playroom with toys—of her own
a budget and with no financial plan. Jane* provides home recently reached out to the
directed at them,” Smith to put her relationship with volition. “It was a really nice change,”
visits, which makes it easier for clients like the Smiths to keep school psychologist for help
her children first even in the stress said Raewyn.
says Raewyn*, a Family Works appointments. “Home visits also let me observe people in their with the boy’s high needs, and
psychologist supporting the Smiths. and chaos of their lives. Raewyn home environment,” explains Jane. “For example, if there’s food they referred him to a Family
also supported Mrs Smith to in the cupboard, or if there are incongruous items such as large Works social worker, who in
Sometimes people
The family has been referred to social implement skills she’d learnt TVs bought on credit.” turn is connecting him with
services many times—their eldest son on a parenting programme.
don’t think they have
a mentor. “We think having a
was uplifted and lives with extended Jane is helping Mrs Smith identify what benefits she’s entitled positive male figure in his life
“In order to manage her
family. Now they are being supported
daughter Eloise’s* behaviour the power to make to and how to tackle debt; as well as the basics such as how to
create a budget.
will be great for him,” his social
changes. People feel
by a team of staff from multiple worker said. “Because of the
we focused on their spending
agencies, including Family Works. trauma he has experienced,
boxed in and hopeless.
more one-on-one time
together,” he needs someone who can
said Raewyn. “Even just a visit to the Services like ours can provide stability and reliability.”
park or for a few moments each day.” help them understand
They also worked to introduce more
fun into family life, and to prioritise that they can learn to
the children’s needs, especially food do things differently.
choices, hygiene, and wearing the
right clothes to school.
And give them hope.
*Not their real name.
Photos are stock images.
06 Autumn/Winter 2020 People Helping People 07
A CROSSWORD FOR THE SEASON.
ACROSS
Betrayed by Elder Abuse
6. Simon and Garfunkel sang about
1 2 this shade of winter.
Answers on page 16. 7. Dinner where everyone brings a
3
dish. (Idea for Matariki!)
4 5 6 9. This American man is famous for
Ted* was in his mid-seventies and living in the North Island but wanted to be nearer singing Autumn Leaves.
7 8
11. The cosiest PJs and sheets are made
his daughter. So he sold up and moved south, where he moved in with her family and of this.
9
lent them money to buy a business. It cost everything he had, but the family promised 12. A steaming bowl of goodness for a
to pay him back in instalments. 10 cold day.
11
15. Using an older person's home
without paying costs and not
12 13 repaying loans are what kind of
between Ted and his elder abuse?
Well, that never happened. Instead, within a couple of 14
16. There's nothing like a crackling one
daughter. She also on a cold night.
weeks Ted’s daughter and her abusive husband banished 15
makes sure Ted 17. The sound of fallen leaves.
him to a sleep-out—complete with rats—and barred him
receives the right 18. The Māori new year.
from entering their home. They took away Ted’s car keys
allowances and
and ignored the agreed repayment schedule. 16 17 DOWN
gets his medical
1. Mr Frost's first name.
By sheer good fortune Ted had a conversation with needs met.
a person who knew someone at Age Concern. The 2. An insulated home is warm and ... .
Sally is even 18
organisation and the Police were able to remove Ted— 3. Flu protection.
helping Ted
who was by now unwashed, unkempt and distressed— connect with the 4. Time in June of the lowest noon sun.
EclipseCrossword.com
from the property and set him up in safe temporary
housing. They then put him in touch with Enliven at
local community
through his passion Building a Special 5. If you didn't have your feet in these
"you would have a dose of the flu or
even pleurisy".
Presbyterian Support. Multiple agencies wrapped
around Ted as a team to get him back on his feet and
protect him from further abuse.
for gardening.
Counselling is helping Ted
Bond as a Mentor 8. Beautiful on the Southern Alps.
10. Packs a sour Vitamin C punch.
process the betrayal and distress he experienced, which Something about mentoring always resonated with 11. North American autumn.
Enliven social worker Sally*has become Ted’s first port impacted him profoundly. Ted loves his daughter and even 13. Kiwi kids wear what kind of warm
Bailey Whitnack. Even as a high school student
of call for all his needs and concerns as he gets back on still feels guilty about trying to get back the money she and jacket?
coaching netball to younger girls Bailey knew
track. Sally is making sure Ted’s living arrangements are her husband owe him. 14. Describes coffee, some herbs,
that one day, when she was old enough, she
safe and she acts as an objective witness to conversations and cold weather.
Elder abuse comes in all forms,” would donate her time and energy to one
young person. “I like the idea that you’re
says Sally. “It’s hard to say no when Bianca
building a one-on-one relationship, a real
wants to do something expensive,”
“Psychological, physical, connection,” said Bailey.
says Bailey. “But she’s learning
financial, and neglect to name When Bailey entered the University of that as a student I can’t afford
Canterbury she attended their Volunteer Expo
but a few. The majority of times and signed up with Family Works mentoring
those things and it’s good for her to
understand about money, so I just try to
there is a mixture of all of these coordinator, Sarah Taylor. Despite her hefty workload make free and low-cost activities really fun.”
with one normally being the as a student of Law and the Arts (a double degree!), Bailey
immediately made time once a week for ten-year-old Bianca*. The minimum time for mentoring is one year, but when
main culprit. Ted still has a long Bailey and Bianca’s first year was up, Bailey found she didn’t
Bianca and her siblings live with their grandparents, who
way to go, but his are doing a wonderful job as caregivers but who recognised
want to end the relationship. Instead their get-togethers
decreased to once a fortnight. “Reducing their frequency
future is looking that Bianca would benefit from one-on-one time with helped because I was really busy with study. It also made
much
If you need
brighter.” another adult. Bailey and Bianca have been together
now for two and a half years.
our time together feel more valuable.”
Bailey’s advice to someone thinking about mentoring is to not
to report elder abuse, “I love mentoring,” says Bailey. “It’s made me think more force the relationship and to “just take each day as it comes
call about other people’s circumstances and to never judge and be patient”. Bailey has built a strong bond with Bianca
0800 EA NOT OK someone before you know anything about them”. The first and positively influenced the young girl’s life in many ways.
time the pair met Bianca was very shy, but quickly she
(0800 32 668 65). opened up to reveal her bubbly self. The pair enjoys walks,
ice-creams, baking, and scrapbooking—fun activities that *Not their real name
are also inexpensive. Sometimes Bailey splurges on bowling.
*Not their real name
08 Autumn/Winter 2020 People Helping People 09
Volunteering
AT HARAKEKE
CLUB IN NELSON
After a family member
experienced dementia,
No Worries at
Francey Samson of Nelson
responded to an ad in the
local paper for Harakeke
Harakeke C lu b in Riccarto n Club volunteers.
That was almost
three years ago,
and Francey’s still If you’re interested
enjoying every in volunteering
session.
for Enliven, learn more at
When clients and Long-time staff Jacqui O’Dowd psuppersouth.org.nz/volunteer.
their carers enter and Sonya Wilkie are assisted by “It’s good for clients to join
the grand old lady volunteers, many of whom have Harakeke Club while they are “I just love
of a building that also been around a long time. Vicki still quite high functioning, before interacting
Hamilton has been volunteering out
houses Harakeke for 16 years—she lives across the they really need it,” she adds. with the members,
Club in Riccarton, getting alongside them.
they’re immediately
street and comes four days a week. “That way they get comfortably I love that contact.”
enveloped in the “I like listening to members’ settled and get to know everyone.
stories,”
relaxed warmth of she says. “And I like the activities and A later start can be more stressful. Francey is an easygoing, unflappable person with
love and caring. games, and serving morning tea.” Sometimes carers wait too long thinking they don’t need a quick and merry laugh. So as a volunteer she brings
the Club, but it’s helpful to think about the future.” a wonderfully positive energy.
Bob* joined Harakeke Club 12 years ago. Settling in and Making
Connections Francey’s tasks at the Club aren’t arduous. “I join in the
Upon arrival members are welcomed At the time people might’ve wondered
games with the members, help with refreshments, and
into the comfortable dining room what he was doing there because his When clients first join Harakeke Club then after lunch I set up the craft table for activities such
Caring for Carers
overlooking the garden. A staff dementia was only in its early stages. it can take about a month to settle in. as colouring in. It’s kind of my thing,” she says. But her
member gets busy making cups But now that his functioning isn’t Staff seat them next to others with a contribution is invaluable. She and her fellow volunteers
of tea in the open plan kitchen, what it used to be the Club is a safe point of connection such as a similar are the “secret ingredient” that makes Harakeke Club
chatting all the while. Carers exit, place where Bob feels completely hobby, work history, or birthplace. Carers are always grateful of the break they get when a fun day out and not just “day care”.
eager to enjoy a day to themselves comfortable. He knows the routine, “Then the next thing you know your their loved one is at Harakeke Club. They might get
and a rare break. Everyone is smiling. the environment and the people. new member is showing off their quick a haircut, go to the doctor, or just flop on the couch. Volunteering impacts Francey’s life
“In another environment Bob might wit and playing to the room,” says Sonja “Some carers are in their eighties and they just get in many ways too. “ When I can’t go to
Harakeke Club is an Enliven plain tired,” said Sonya. my volunteering, I miss it,” she says.
be confused and worried and not with a laugh.
day programme for people
know what’s going on,” says Sonya. Later, members might discover they Henry* cares for his wife full-time, so he uses his day “Our Enliven volunteers are vital
experiencing dementia.
Members can be relatively young— “But here he can be his went to the same school or grew up off to catch up with a friend for coffee or just take to the work we do,”
best, most functional self. in the same suburb. “Once two guys his sweet time at the shops. He also catches up on
in their 50’s—or older. The Riccarton discovered they’d both been sweet on correspondence because “he doesn’t have so many says Trish Armstrong, Enliven Day Programme Manager.
club is open each day for up to 18 He can be Bob.” “They help create an environment that is warm
the same girl!” said Sonya. “Another interruptions”. Henry values how Jacqui and Sonya
members. Bob even pops in outside his regular recognised her old bridesmaid.” skilfully manage his wife’s age-related challenges and and homely; somewhere that our members
hours—he knows he’ll be warmly her medication. “They’re absolutely lovely,” he says. look forward to coming to each week.”
welcomed and rewarded with a cuppa. “And I don’t have to worry.”
*Not their real name
10Autumn 2019 12 2020
Autumn/Winter People Helping People 11
Tuning Learning to wait for the right time was especially
helpful for Becky. When either of her boys “flips his
lid”—the phrase used on the course—she gives
Talking about
Emotions
In to Kids
them time to calm down before talking things
through. She makes sure she’s calm too! At Presbyterian Support we often refer
to the “Zones of Regulation”, a model
While Becky enrolled in the course with Billy in mind, for teaching people (including children)
once it started she quickly began to see everyone in how to identify their feelings/level
her family with new eyes, including herself. “I began to of alertness, understand how their
understand why I reacted to situations the way I did,”
Helping the
behaviour impacts those around them,
she said. “I wanted everything to be idyllic, but I learnt and learn what tools they can use to
that it’s OK if my boys feel other things. I don’t need manage their feelings and states.
to be disappointed; I just need to support them. No zones are naughty or bad—we all
Whole Family
have times in the blue, yellow, or red
Every emotion is OK.” zones—but the green zone is where
people can best learn, listen, work
hard, and behave in an expected way.
The Blue Zone
When Becky’s son Billy* started acting
out at his Christchurch school—leaving
Although she can’t put her finger
on one event that triggered Billy’s
Tuning In to Billy, low states of alertness and down
the classroom, losing his temper behaviour change, Becky noticed Tuning in to Everyone feelings, e.g., sadness, tiredness,
sickness or boredom.
and more—it came as a bolt out of that his challenges began not long Tuning In to Kids is a six-session
the blue. Becky and her ex-husband after the Mosque shooting and the course that teaches parents skills The Green Zone
enjoy an amicable relationship while Northwood gas explosion. in emotion coaching, which is to a calm state of alertness, e.g.,
sharing care of their two boys, Billy recognise, understand and respond happiness, focus, contentment or
(9) and Matthew* (11), and neither “Billy has experienced some big stuff in
to children’s emotions in an accepting readiness to learn.
parent had observed changes at home. his life,” she says. “He’s an ‘earthquake
baby’ plus at four years old he witnessed and supportive way. This approach
Furthermore, Becky always considered helps children to understand and The Yellow Zone
herself emotionally intelligent his grandmother experience an a heightened state of alertness and
aneurysm.” Becky suspects that after manage their emotions.
and aware of “all that stuff”. Yet now elevated emotions, e.g., stress,
she was hearing from her son’s the Northwood explosion Billy became Becky says the course facilitators’ frustration, anxiety, excitement,
teacher every day! overwhelmed. training and practical skills created silliness, "the wiggles" or nervousness.
“The school put me in touch with the an environment where she felt safe Like with a yellow traffic light, when
Mana Ake service and pretty soon after to share her experiences in front of Better than Back to Normal we are in the yellow zone we need to
the other parents. Together everyone exercise caution in case we lose control
“I was desperate that a Tuning In to Kids course started
at Presbyterian Support. I expressed discussed how and when to apply
With a combination of greater support at school
(through Mana Ake) and at home, Billy’s behaviour
and enter the red zone.
to work out how interest straight away,” she said. emotion coaching techniques, why
situations at home might have gone
has gradually normalised. But Becky’s home has
The Red Zone
to help him,” said Becky. awry, and how to try things differently.
become an even more peaceful place than it was before.
extremely heightened states of
In particular, Becky’s relationship with her older son,
“We talked about the importance of alertness and intense emotions, e.g.,
Matthew, has improved enormously as a result of the
timing,” she says. elation, anger, rage, devastation or
principles and skills she learnt at Tuning in to Kids.
terror. In the red zone we aren’t in
“We used to lock horns, but I understand him more
control. We can use different strategies
now,” she says. “I can appreciate his passion.”
to calm ourselves down and return to
“You can’t emotion coach “These days the most important thing for me is the yellow or green zones.
a child when they’re in that my boys leave home with the ability to feel
‘the red zone'. You have empathy, to feel comfortable talking about their
feelings, and to be able to ask for help. It’s far
to wait till they're more important to me than maths or rugby.
'in the green zone'." Ultimately, I want them to be emotionally intelligent.”
*Not their real names.
12 Autumn/Winter 2020 People Helping People 13
Around the Region WEST COAST community that will best
meet their needs. She works
Family Harm Prevention in to restore family safety and
Greymouth wellbeing, and works with
We Promote White both perpetrators and
Ribbon Workplace “Family Violence is a significant victims. It’s a challenging
issue on the West Coast” according
Accreditation ASHBURTON
to Angela Woods, our Violence
job, but after five years working
Netherby School Children’s Art with women and children at
Organisations have the MARLBOROUGH Prevention Coordinator in Women’s Refuge, Angela has the
power to help prevent Brightens Our Office Greymouth. “Towns on the West
domestic violence and A Mentoring Escape Coast are geographically spread
experience and specialised local
knowledge to know what’s available
support victims through The Trevor Wilson Centre has come alive to the Countryside out, the population is large, in her community to help people.
White Ribbon NZ workplace thanks to some very talented children from and fewer support services are
Netherby School. Our play area, hallway, Harkaway Station is a special
accreditation. So late last available compared to somewhere Angela’s work is part of the
and function room are now vibrant spaces place in Marlborough where Integrated Family Support Service
year Presbyterian Support like Christchurch or Nelson.
featuring pictures of koru and kiwi. The youth can spend time in an (IFSS) funded by the Ministry of
partnered with Alpine Often families live remotely. So
CHRISTCHURCH
artists used crayons to produce a beautiful agricultural setting. The family harm is more likely to go Social Development. IFSS is unique
Presbytery to host an
Youth Expo 2020 information session in which array of colours and detail. Harkaway Taonga Trust aims unreported, and people can’t easily to the West Coast (and Presbyterian
Rob McCann of White Ribbon to reach all young people access support.” Support) and was specifically
Youth Expo 2020, hosted by Netherby School is connected to regardless of financial
NZ described the process for designed for the region given the
the Youth Service, was held Presbyterian Support through our Social means, teaching them how Angela works with families who low number of family and social
achieving accreditation, and are affected by or at risk of family
at Tūranga, the Christchurch Workers in Schools service. to walk lightly on the land, services available. The objective of
the impact of accreditation harm. She takes referrals—usually
central library in January. lead healthy and fulfilling Angela’s role, as it was at Women’s
as a force for positive change. from other agencies—carries out
The Youth Expo gives young lives that enhance the Refuge, is to support people in living
people an opportunity to Almost 20 employers and assessments, and then connects lives that are violence free.
environment, and to connect
learn about work and career managers from a diverse them with the services in the
with nature.
opportunities, education, range of organisations NELSON
health, and more in one attended. New Defibrillators for Darlene Purdie, mentoring
friendly and accessible place. coordinator, organised a
Megan Waddington, Enliven Day Programmes trip to Harkaway Station for
This year approximately Community Relations followed by a dessert of cheesecake.
30 young people visited Advisor, who organised Late in 2019 our organisation received a Marlborough mentors and
The raffle table groaned with an
the expo, plus there were the event said, “It was an generous grant from NZ Community Trust, mentees. Everyone loved the
abundance of hampers and other
walk-ins from the library. excellent session. Rob is a which we used to purchase two HeartSine opportunity to milk cows,
prizes (including a booby prize of
Thirty-five service providers very knowledgeable and Automated External Defibrillators (AED) ride Icelandic horses, and
a bottle of Toilet Duck). One lucky
were available to provide engaging speaker, and made from Amtech NZ. move stock for the day.
lady won three times!
information, support and a compelling case. Most The defibrillators are now located at the Darlene regularly organises
chat. Providers included the attendees left the session The Northbrook Singers and two
day activity programmes in Christchurch group mentoring events. The NORTH CANTERBURY
NZ Defence Force, Family with plans to apply for groups of young people provided
and Nelson. They give staff peace of mind young people get to hang
Planning, the YMCA, Plunket, workplace accreditation.”
that should a client or guest experience
International Day the entertainment, treating the
out with their special adults
ARA, Plains FM, and (of Funding for the session was a cardiac event, the right equipment is while having fun doing of the Older Person clients to a wide variety of music
course) the Youth Service. provided by PressGo. from One Direction to Mozart.
It was also an excellent available to administer treatment. interesting, diverse activities. Every year Enliven in Rangiora
Presbyterian Support staff in
networking opportunity for Thank you, NZ Meanwhile the mentors also celebrates International Day of the
attendance were highly visible in
providers themselves. Community Trust! get support from Darlene Older Person in fine style. This time
bright lei and colourful wigs.
and one another. they hosted a delicious hot lunch at
the Returned Services Association. Staff and guests all had a wonderful
time.
Around 80 older people from
Homeshare, Tōtara Club and other
local community groups attended
a delicious two course meal of
roast pork and roast beef with all
the traditional accompaniments,
14 12 2020
Autumn/Winter People Helping People 15
The Legacy of a Life Well Lived OUR MAJOR SUPPORTERS
PS IS FUNDED BY Yes! I want to help.
When Heather Schofield died last year at 89 years of age she It also introduced
generously left Presbyterian Support a bequest. It was a gift Heather to her Please help us to support our community. Complete and return this form,
reflecting her passion for young people and future generations, future husband, or visit www.psuppersouth.org.nz/get-involved.
and already it’s being put to use supporting children, young and together they
people and families in the Upper South Island region. emigrated to NZ.
Heather was born in London on 1 November 1929, just
They settled in 1 Please tick how you would like to show your support:
Ashburton where By becoming a Guardian Angel at $30 a month
days after “Black Tuesday” when the world’s stock markets
they continued By becoming a volunteer (go to Question 4)
collapsed. The Great Depression followed and World War II
the farming By making a gift
broke out. The little girl grew up in turbulent times.
way of life for
Heather spent her teens boarding at St Swithun’s School many years. I have left a gift to Presbyterian Support USI in my will
in Winchester, Hampshire, where academic and sporting I would like information about leaving a gift in my will
Heather shared
achievement was encouraged. She graduated with an I would like information about giving by automatic payment
her passion for
independent spirit and a love of the outdoors, and the
life with young
courage to do what she thought was right—irrespective of
ther.
Thank you, Hea 2 My gift is (please circle):
people as a Girl $250 $100 $50 $25 $10
what others may think. It was a characteristic she was known
Guide leader
for in her family. Other $
for many years, and she was
Heather was thwarted in her desire to study as a vet. a long-time supporter of Presbyterian Support.
Nevertheless, she forged a path for herself as a sheep farmer
on leased land at a time when women just didn’t do those Heather's bequest last year was a wonderful
3 Please tick your preferred payment method:
things on their own. Her chosen path led her to become an and natural expression of her commitment to Internet banking 06-0801-0678233-01 (Ref. donor # if you have one.)
accomplished sheep shearer and the first woman to shear 100 helping young people live their best possible lives. Cheque (Payable to Presbyterian Support Upper South Island)
sheep in one day!
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H A Z Y
P O T L U C K S C
please e-mail meganw@psusi.org.nz or L M
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16 Autumn/Winter 2020Mentors Needed. Sometimes being there is all it takes. A regular, small amount of your time each week could make a huge difference to a young person. Become a mentor. Visit: psuppersouth.org.nz/get-involved
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