11 Shuffling sentences by Richard Durant
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Take Five 11 Sentences 11 Shuffling sentences by Richard Durant Richard Durant, English advisor for Devon, a widely published author on teaching and learning, also teaching in Queen Elizabeth’s Academy in Crediton I thought we’d done away with capital punishment, yet I keep seeing students being sentenced to death: subordinate clauses, co-ordinating connectives, independent main clauses, non-finite clauses etc. These seem to be the modern executioner’s preferred instruments. They may look less barbaric than guillotines and nooses but they all lead to the same result – a long, slow, painful death! I favour active and exploratory approaches to sentence writing. Richards’s five favourite all-purpose sentence shufflers 1 To help students understand the effects of a writer’s choices of sentence style and structure, take a tiny bit of a text you are reading and rewrite it in a few other ways so that it contains exactly the same information but in a different style. You could, for example, rewrite the text using only simple sentences, or one long complex sentence, or just short sentences fronted dully by the subject. (See the attached ‘Additional material’ section for an example relating to Jaws.). 2 Help students build a short simple sentence into a far more detailed one, drawing on noun and adverbial phrases, connectives etc. (e.g. ‘John sat on the chair eventually’ becomes ‘Having looked carefully to ensure that the cat was not already sitting there, John – wincing at the pain in his tired, old legs – sat down gradually and tentatively on …’.). 3 Give students two columns of simple sentences. One column should lend itself well to being used as subordinate clauses. For example, one column might contain ‘the cat blinked slowly’; the other might contain ‘he felt ill’. Ask students to make complex sentences by combining two simple sentences, choosing one option from each column and joining them together with a connective (unless, if, while, because etc.). 4 Play a version of Countdown: by making up sets of cards for individual word classes (verbs, nouns etc.). The cards in the preposition pack, for example, might include: under, against, to, from, inside. Place the sets of cards face down. Get students into groups and give each group a turn at choosing a pre-agreed number of cards. They can choose as many or as few from each set as they like, but they always get the top card in the chosen pack. Students must then construct a sentence from their chosen cards. Award points for the finished sentences, offering more points for certain word classes: perhaps one point for a noun but three for a preposition. 5 Constrain students’ normal sentence-writing habits by periodically banning particular words: and, but, so, then are excellent targets for bans! Conversely, install arbitrary rules, such as ‘you must start three sentences with an ‘-ing’ word’ (Having ..., Walking ..., Smiling ...) or with an adverb or adverb phrase: ‘With an evil chuckle …’; ‘Later that night …’; ‘High above the clouds …’. 78 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd
Take Five 11 Sentences Whizzy and web-based ideas Five sentence related tips: Weird Whiz (one of Teachit’s Word Whiz 1 family) is a great accompaniment or launcher for a number of the activities suggested here. 1. don’t encourage pompous sentences for their own sake Students simply choose word classes and the Weird Whiz translates them into actual words in weird sentences. For example, my 2. be prepared to dispel selection of determiner, adjective, noun, verb, adverb, preposition, the myth that long and determiner, noun produced: ‘The spooky paparazzi snigger sweatily complicated sentences are through the cuckoos.’ – make of that what you will! good sentences Magnet is another invaluable tool. It allows you to put 3. guide students in designing 2 different sentence elements on different ‘tiles’, scattering the tiles randomly around the screen. Students can then work together sentences for effect to correctly reassemble the sentence or to use some of its elements 4. encourage students to write to create interesting new sentences. Here is how I segmented one short, snappy sentences sentence: Having / looked carefully / to ensure / that the cat was not / already sitting there / John / wincing / at the pain / in his tired 5. good writing is about old legs / sat down / gradually / and / tentatively / on the sturdy control and knowing when to chair / that had seen better days. You will probably discover what I stop/how to be succinct. did: some students can do this almost instantaneously. It makes you realise that some students have mental skills far beyond what you might have previously expected. For a copy of The Red Room (referenced in the top five 3 resource section of this chapter), simply go to http://www. gutenberg.org/ebooks/23218. Learn English is a site aimed at those learning English as an 4 additional language but has sentence exercises that could be useful for all: http://www.ecenglish.com/learnenglish/. See the site BBC Skillswise is a website aimed at adult numeracy and 5 literacy tutors and students. It contains printable worksheets and factsheets and online games, videos and quizzes that can be Find the editable resources, links, interactive materials and special used in class or by students at home. Although aimed at adult versions of Magnet, learners, the website is clear, simple and easy to navigate. The Cruncher and Syntex at www.teachit.co.uk/ section on sentence structure is well worth a look: http://www.bbc. takefive co.uk/skillswise/topic-group/sentence-grammar. 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd 79
Take Five 11 Sentences Richards’s top sentence resource 1 (redr239) Figurative language and sentence structure in ghost story writing How it works Five things to try Students are offered five 1 snippets of text. One of To make this exercise more accessible for less able students, them is taken from H. G. reduce the versions to just three – the real one and two fakes. Wells’ The Red Room; the You may want to rewrite the two fakes so that they are even easier other four are rewrites of than any of the versions offered here. For example you might offer that extract giving exactly these ‘fakes’: the same information but in • The scary shadows closed in again. They stepped towards me, different styles (e.g. a series first on one side and then on the other, creeping up on me. of simple sentences fronted They kept blowing out the candles, even though I kept striking by the subject, or one long matches. complex sentence). Students • I kept striking matches. The candles kept going out. The scary, look at the differences and enemy shadows came back. They closed in on me slowly. They choose the most effective one closed in slowly on one side of me. Then they closed in slowly before exploring the effect on the other. of the extract in the story. Finally, they write their own These fake versions still offer different structures to compare with continuation of a ghost story the real version. with particular emphasis on 2 sentence design and figurative Of course if you make the fake versions simpler then you language. will need to do the same with the real one or else it will give itself away. That doesn’t matter because you might want to write a simplified version of the whole story anyway, and you can still keep the original structure of the real extract while altering its vocabulary. 3 Give students a copy of the section of the story where the extract appears, inserting one of the rewritten versions of text into the extract’s place. Ask students to identify the fake bit and then rewrite it so it is more in keeping with Wells’ style and quality. You can extend this by sowing the story with occasional fake bits and getting students to watch out for them. Tip! 4 To simplify suggestion 3 (above), give students the five To get your own alternative versions plus the story with a gap where the real free copy of The Red extract should go. Ask students to discuss which version is most Room, see the Project effective and authentic when placed in the gap. To make this process Gutenberg link on much more challenging, don’t offer any of the five alternatives – just page 79. ask students to fill the gap effectively and authentically. (First, you might want to tell them what happens in that short section.) 5 Use this ‘alternative version’ approach in other contexts: get groups to explore and choose between different versions of a poem (final and earlier draft); different adverts for the same product; different synonyms in a newspaper report (e.g. ‘mob’ vs. ‘group’ vs. ‘gang’). Don’t be afraid to ‘mock up’ your own alternative versions if no genuine ones exist. It’s a great feeling when students prefer yours! 80 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd
Take Five 11 Sentences And four more choice sentence shuffling resources 2 (1749) Main and subordinate clauses PowerPoint This resource invites students to suggest suitable subordinate clauses to add to main clauses. It builds on students’ intuitive understanding of syntax. This approach – ‘sentence combining’ – can be extended creatively. For example, how might students complete the sentence stem, ‘Because it was raining ...’? ‘I took my umbrella’ would help to reinforce the grammar and give students practice in fronting sentences with a subordinate clause. However, they could complete it with ‘... I joined the army’ or ‘... the sun crept away and sulked’ – or almost anything else that is grammatically plausible. 3 (4769) Clause analysis This offers some simple exercises to help students recognise different sorts of sentence and clause. The approach is relatively safe and systematic but you could make it more exploratory. For example, take the section on complex sentences and list all the main clauses in random order in one column, and all the subordinate clauses in random order in an adjacent column. Then get students to experiment with selecting one item from each column before splicing them together to see what sense they can make (e.g. ‘Although he knows the language well, Bob refuses to marry Bettina.’). 4 (4098) Grammar dice This activity helps students understand and use word classes (noun, verb etc.). Students roll a dice and write down an example of the class the dice chooses (e.g. noun/table). An extension to this is to make sets of word cards for each class. Students don’t roll a dice. Instead, they ask for word classes in the style of the game show Countdown. For example, if they ask for a verb, the top verb card is turned over and reveals a word. Continue revealing words in this vein and tell students they must make a sentence from these words. You can specify the number of cards to be selected and you can award different scores to different word classes to encourage more adventurous choices. 5 (15466) Tips and tricks for success in writing exams As the title suggests, this ranges from ‘Try not to use the words “and then”’ to ‘Start two sentences with “-ing” words.’ It is an emergency approach to improving writing but can be a starting point for mischievous activities: such as writing the words ‘and then’ on large sheets of paper and ritually tearing them in half. You could display the banned, ripped words as a reminder. You’ll find students listening to your every word as you try to avoid the banned ones! You could also deliberately use the recommended connectives in all sorts of unlikely contexts so that students will remember them in the future: ‘Although I realise you are peckish, please desist from secret sandwich-munching!’ 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd 81
Take Five 11 Sentences The photocopiable resource – (redr239) Figurative language and sentence structure in ghost story writing Figurative language and sentence structure in ghost story writing tweakit resource guide How it works Students explore the effect of a single sentence from H. G. Wells’ The Red Room before looking at the effect of that sentence in the story. Finally they write their own bit of a ghost story with particular emphasis on sentence design and figurative language. Try this! The starter is a very good way for students to engage with the effects of syntax (sentence design). It is important not to encourage students to guess the right (published) version; instead they should first try to observe and describe the differences between the versions and then discuss which one they like best (and least). Able students do very well with this exercise. In my experience, less able students get overwhelmed by having five options. It works better if you take two options away, leaving the right one (the fourth) and two others. I would recommend that these are number one (a single, perfunctory sentence) and number five (a series of simple sentences with the same monotonous structure). This reduction in the options helps average to less able students to focus on clear differences in style and effect. Or this! The resource suggests that this exercise should be conducted in student pairs, but I think it works better in trios so that there is plenty of room for constructive, exploratory disagreement. And on that note: any group talk task works best if the ‘rules of engagement’ are already well-known to students and they are used to working in groups. This starter facilitates group work by doing away with the need for writing and by providing a relatively limited focus. Or this! This ‘alternative version’ approach works well in a lot of contexts. Get groups to explore and choose between different versions of a poem (final and earlier draft); different adverts for the same product; different synonyms in a newspaper report (e.g. ‘mob’ vs. ‘group’ vs. ‘gang’). Don’t be afraid to ‘mock up’ your own alternative versions if no genuine ones exist. It’s a great feeling when students prefer yours! Richard Durant 82 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd
Take Five 11 Sentences Starter: • establish the first objective • hand out sets of sentence cards to pairs and ask students to rank order them by how effective they are for building tension in a ghost story. Tell them they should be prepared to justify their first and last choices • take feedback. Main: • establish the second objective, and explain that you want to explore how Wells uses the skills in both objectives • show OHT and begin to model analysing the extract (see teacher guide sheet). Discuss the effect of Wells’ sentence that was included in the starter sentences • now ask pairs to find how Wells continues the personification of the shadows after the first line • take feedback. Compile a list of language features that Wells uses to build tension. Concentrate on description, figurative language (especially personification) and sentence variety to control tempo • tell the class that you have been trying to write your own ghost story about a person shut in a dark room where someone diced recently. Tell the class you want to start the story with tension but you could do with some help • demo-write the start of your story (see suggestion), thinking aloud about using the listed features • stop and ask pairs to write the next sentence on their mini-wipeboards • hear some suggestions and continue your story, incorporating suggestions and explaining why you are accepting some but rejecting others. Development: • ask pairs to continue the story you have been writing (note: forbid anyone from copying down your work – it is copyright!). Prompt pairs to use the listed features. Review: • ask pairs to read out their writing with the rest of the class listening out for the listed features • after each reading, ask volunteers to offer constructive criticisms • keep returning the class’ attention to the objectives whenever relevant. 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd 83
Take Five 11 Sentences expand onto A3 for display We are learning to: explore the impact of a variety of sentence structures experiment with figurative language in conveying a sense of character and setting expand onto A3 for display simile – comparing two things: saying that one thing is like something else (e.g. the sea is like a hungry dog) metaphor – saying that one thing is something else (e.g. the sea is a hungry dog) personification – making a thing sound like a person or an animal (e.g. the sea is a hungry dog) Similes, metaphors and personifications are all figurative language. Literal means you describe something exactly as it is (e.g. the sea is wet and rough) 84 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd
Take Five 11 Sentences Sentence cards Cut into strips The steady process of the extinction of the candles and the steady closing in of the shadows went on alarmingly even though I had avoided the delay of striking matches. The shadows I feared and fought against returned. First they took a step towards me on one side, and then on the other. In this way they crept up. They steadily extinguished the candles, even though I had avoided the delay of striking matches. By dropping the matches on the iron-bound deedbox in the corner I had avoided the delay of striking matches, but even so, creeping up on me, first with a step towards me on one side and then a step towards me on the other, in a steady process of extinction, the shadows I feared and fought against returned. With this I avoided the delay of striking matches; but for all that the steady process of extinction went on, and the shadows I feared and fought against returned, and crept in upon me, first a step gained on this side of me and then on that. This let me avoid the delay of striking matches. The extinction of the candles went on steadily. The frightening, enemy shadows returned. They closed in on me slowly. They advanced a little on one side of me. Then they advanced a little on the other. 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd 85
Take Five 11 Sentences OHT As I stood undecided, an invisible hand seemed to sweep out the two candles on the table. With a cry of terror, I dashed at the alcove, then into the corner, and then into the window, relighting three, as two more vanished by the fireplace; then, perceiving a better way, I dropped the matches on the iron-bound deedbox in the corner, and caught up the bedroom candlestick. With this I avoided the delay of striking matches; but for all that the steady process of extinction went on, and the shadows I feared and fought against returned, and crept in upon me, first a step gained on this side of me and then on that. It was like a ragged storm-cloud sweeping out of the stars. Now and then one returned for a minute, and was lost again. I was now almost frantic with the horror of the coming darkness, and my self-possession deserted me. I leaped panting and dishevelled from candle to candle in a vain struggle against that remorseless advance. The Red Room by H. G. Wells 86 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd
To make the extinguishing of the candles and the darkening shadow sound menacing, Wells describes the process as though it is an invisible enemy – he personifies the process. Wells compares the process to Take Five a violent person: he is using a 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd mixture of metaphor and simile The main clause (‘I dashed at the alcove’) Keeps adding ‘then’. does not start the As I stood undecided, an invisible hand seemed to sweep out the two This is very simple sentence. Starting with but suggests the candles on the table. With a cry of terror, I dashed at the alcove, then an adverbial subordinate breathless rush of into the corner, and then into the window, relighting three, as two more what the narrator is clause emphasises how the narrator is feeling, vanished by the fireplace; then, perceiving a better way, I dropped doing rather than what he is the matches on the iron-bound deedbox in the corner, and caught doing up the bedroom candlestick. With this I avoided the delay of striking matches; but for all that the steady process of extinction went on, and This word is closely the shadows I feared and fought against returned, and crept in upon associated with death This long sentence is designed to flow with me, first a step gained on this side of me and then on that. It was like and killing bits constantly being a ragged storm-cloud sweeping out of the stars. Now and then one added on: this suggests returned for a minute, and was lost again. I was now almost frantic with the narrator’s panic, loss of control (or ‘self- the horror of the coming darkness, and my self-possession deserted possession’) me. I leaped panting and dishevelled from candle to candle in a vain ‘fought against’, struggle against that remorseless advance. ‘crept’, ‘step’, Simile: why has the The Red Room by H. G. Wells ‘remorseless 11 narrator switched from advance’ all continue personification? Is the personification of this a weakness in the the shadows writing? This is quite literal. Throughout this section Wells describes his 87 Sentences own appearance and reactions emphatically but literally.
Take Five 11 Sentences I heard the scratching sound again. This time it sounded like sharp finger-nails being scraped across the window-pane. I sat perfectly still, staring through the darkness to the murky, cracked window where a little bit of light from the streetlamp was able to wriggle in. The curtains were no more than dusty rags with great rips in them. Just beyond them the shaggy, bear-like fir tree leant again towards the house and tapped angrily on the window, trying to burst the cracked pane, trying to reach through to me. Darkness and draughts gusted around my rigid body. Ask pairs to continue the writing. Discourage them from rushing ahead with the story: their job is to build up the atmosphere. 88 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd
Take Five 11 Sentences Additional material Jaws: which is the real bit of Jaws? Extract What do you notice about each version? A Example: this is a series of short simple sentences. The shark was below the surface. It shook It sounds very factual… the body violently. It tore with its sharp teeth. The body came apart. The shark swallowed. Then it turned back for more. B Below the water, shaking its head from side to side, the shark ripped the body with its rough, serrated teeth, tearing it apart, before swallowing and then turning back for more. C Below the surface, the fish shook its head from side to side, its serrated triangular teeth sawing through what little sinew still resisted. The corpse fell apart. The fish swallowed, then turned to continue feeding. D “Now I’ve got you!” the great evil fish thought to itself as it gripped the little woman’s body in its sharp teeth and shook her violently until her internal organs burst out - livers, kidneys and lungs flying in different directions. “Yum, yum! Now let’s see what’s for afters!” E Below the surface, the fish shook its head violently from side to side, its sharp, jagged teeth tearing greedily through the few remaining sinews. The ripped and shredded corpse fell apart. With a great and hungry gulp, the fish swallowed, before thrashing back for more. 2012 Teachit (UK) Ltd 89
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